Bachelor Winter Games: Episode 3

Sadly, this is the last week of this awesome show.  The opening scene is Ben and Yuki playing in the snow.  Luke talks about the existing couples in the house, like him and Stassi, Bibi and Jordan, Dean and Lesley, Lili and Courtney, and Kevin and Ashley.  Then we transition to the others:

1. Clare and Christian:  these two seem like a terrible match but Clare is desperate for love so they're "coupled up" but not really.

O-kay, I thought more couples would be discussed, but I guess not.  We transition to today's event, which is downhill skiing.  This really isn't a crew that's winter sports inclined, is it?  Lesley seems to be the only woman that can ski at all.

Hannah and Chris provide the play-by-play again. Lily is a snowboard instructor., though that doesn't mean she can ski. Apparently Claire has skiing skills too.  Claire actually does really well. Ashley is next and is certainly not threatening Claire's top spot and she is disqualified. Bibi is next and none of the women are particularly strong.  Chris asks Hannah if this race is the highlight of her career. This is obviously a rhetorical question.  

Most of the women have DQ'd but finally Lily is up. She makes it but doesn't come close to Claire.  Lindsey is up last and thankfully beats Claire.

The men are next and Luke is up first and flies through the course.  Jordan does pretty good but not enough to beat Luke.  Courtney is adorable. Why is Michael on this show?  AND WHOSE SEASON WAS HE ON?  Dean crosses the finish line backwards (intentionally) and still beats Luke.  So the established couple, Lindsey and Dean, both get date cards.  Let's see what happens from here.  Oh wait, Kevin still needs to go.  Now, before when Lily went and they said she was a snowboarder, it was implied she'd be fine skiing. Now with Kevin, they're saying the opposite. Kevin isn't even close so see my previous sentence.  No doubt multiple couples will try to woo Dean and Lesley for that extra date card.

Back at the house

It turns out there isn't much wooing and Dean and Lesley decide to give the card to Kevin and Ashley.  I think I would have given it to Lily and Courtney myself.  Certainly not Clare and Christian.  The rest of the couples are fake happy for Kevin and Ashley.

Ashley and Kevin's Date
What is Ashley wearing? It looks so uncomfortable.  Ashley's still claiming that she's a virgin and this has been a deal breaker for some guys.  Certainly seems like a good way to weed the assholes out, I'll give you that.  Ashley is telling Kevin about how guys get turned off by this and he pauses just slightly and then nods.  Kevin seems slightly panicky and starts rambling about how he couldn't wait for marriage to have sex and Ashley clarifies she isn't waiting for marriage, she's just waiting for a nice guy.  Ashley is hugely happy that Kevin seems to get it.  It doesn't mean he's going to stick around, but he's intelligent enough to articulate the issue.  Which isn't very complicated, by the way.  After dinner, Ashley and Kevin recreate the pottery scene from Ghost.  The producers even play a weird version of Unchained Melody.  

The House
Clare and Christian are going to have a re-do on their jacuzzi appointment.  Lesley is not convinced Christian is the guy for Clare.  C and C's jacuzzi appointment is tedious and painful.  Clare isn't having it.

Dean and Lesley's Date
While Dean and Lesley are out at their date, Josiah and Clare talk about how Dean doesn't do this Bachelor stuff very well and his tendency to screw over women.  Christian looks on and pretends to be interested in the conversation.  At the date itself, Lesley says she thinks Dean is a player and he does his nervous smile thing and says it hurts him to hear her say that.  <Insert eye roll.>.  For crying out loud, Dean.  Lesley reminds him of his behavior on BIP.  Dean is wishy washy and doesn't own up to his behavior except to say he was conflicted between the two women.  Lesley seems to buy it.  Or maybe she wants him to stop talking.

The House
Tiffany the Australian decides it's time to leave because many people are coupled up and the guys that aren't in a couple are "emotionally unavailable".  Tiffany says goodbye to her Aussie and Kiwi friends.  Ben seems ready to leave too.

Ashley and Ben are buddies and it's clear that Ben's head isn't into this.  Ben wants to be in a relationship but he's not ready to start dating.  Ben's going to talk things through with his buddy Chris Harrison.  Ben starts crying because that's what he does.  That came out bitchier than it was intended.

The gang gathers as Chris leaves the house so Ben can say his goodbyes.  He starts crying again.  Everyone hugs Ben because Ben is so lovable.  Yuki starts crying.  No wait, sobbing.  If there's ever going to be a repeat Bachelor again it's going to be Ben.  I give it another year.  Maybe next year?  Because after Nick and Arie, they need a good guy.

Michael and Yuki are the last single people in the house and Michael decides to leave.  Which is fine, since I still don't know who the hell he is and whose season he was on.  Plus he had maybe one five-second interview clip.  I think Yuki would continue to hang out even if she's not in a couple.  However, Chris pulls her aside and encourages her to leave.  Chris "speaks" Japanese but it's hard to tell if he's even close to speaking it correctly.  They all say goodbye to their pet Yuki.  Aaron (my husband and NOT an avid fan) stopped in while I'm washing and asked who the girl pretending not to know how to speak English.  I had to explain that was her shtick.

Rose Ceremony?
There are seven couples but there's still a rose ceremony, which is a little confusing, though I guess they still have to go through the formalities.  Clare has no idea if Christian likes her because he hasn't tried to ram his tongue down her throat.  Which is fine in real life, but is unacceptable in the house.  Courtney for some inexplicable reason thinks this will be the most dramatic rose ceremony yet.  He clearly has a more active imagination than me.  Maybe Chris will say you need to give a rose to somebody you're NOT dating.

Everybody's nervous and finally Chris shows up.  Tonight the relationships will be tested via a kissing contest.  And they will be judged by none other than Jo Jo, Rachel, and Beady Eyes Arie.  The crew doesn't know this yet but we do because they've already shown it several times. Chris reminds them that this is serious and should take the competition seriously.  To prove how serious he is, two couples will be going home tonight.  Chris sternly tells them to have serious discussions with each other to determine if they're ready to continue on the show.

Ashley and Kevin and Dean and Lesley start making out to "practice".  Apparently Stassi doesn't like public displays of affection so Luke pulls her aside and tries to allay her fears.  Ally and Josiah are...I don't know what they are.  Thankfully it doesn't appear that Ally is serious about Josiah.

Dean and Lesley take a break from making out to gossip about everyone else.  They are in agreement that Ally and Josiah will be awkward as will Clare and Christian, especially since the latter pair hasn't even kissed yet.  Clare and Christian settle on the couch to have a super awkward conversation about kissing.  Christian tells Clare he's waiting for the right time--and it's clear there will be no right time.  Clare finally nips this thing in the bud and they say goodbye.  Wow, Christian starts CRYING.  Dude, why are you crying?  Clare is of course regretting choosing Christian over Benoit and makes many proclamations about not settling.

Competition/Rose Ceremony
Stassi looks legit worried.  Everybody looks very serious.  Chris comes out and tells them how serious it indeed is but since Clare and Christian have already left, only one additional couple will be going home.  Dean feels good about how much him and Lesley have been practicing for this moment.  The judges will evaluate them on technique, body language and chemistry.  This is so creepy.  Why would you want to judge a kissing contest?  Does that say more about me?  I don't enjoy watching people make out.  Does that make me a prude?

Luke feels good about his kissing ability and he's also confident that Stassi will bring her A-game as well.  Chris introduces the judges and first up is Jo Jo.  Even though Luke claimed he was totally over Jo Jo, he looks uncomfortable.  The second judge is Rachel.  Josiah wants us to think that the last person he kissed before Ally was Rachel but that's a load of crap I'm sure.  Next up is beady eyes himself, Arie. 

Dean and Lesley are the first two to kick things off.  Oh, and it seems they have a routine.  O-kay.  I wouldn't have thought to do this.  It's....weird.  Rachel's not impressed at all and said the dance thing was a distraction.  Of course, now people think they will go home but I don't think they're going home.  Kevin and Ashley are MUCH better.  Jo Jo wishes that Kevin had been on HER season because it doesn't see like Jordan kisses her like that (at least not anymore).  They get a standing ovation with a slow clap. 

Courtney and Lily are up next.  Ally looks like she's going to lose her dinner.  Courtney and Lily are more playful and it seems to suit them.  Jo Jo also likes their "routine".  Ally continues to look green.  She tells Josiah that she's going to throw up and he doesn't seem that interested or concerned.  Jordan and Bibi are next and the camera is more focused on Ally than on J and B.  Ally looks terrible.  Chris calls them up and Ally runs off to the bathroom.  The cameras run after her, which I'm sure she appreciated.  Bibi says maybe it's a sign that she should get rid of Josiah and I think Bibi might be onto something. 

Josiah finally comes by to check on Ally.  Josiah seems to see the writing on the wall.  He asks her if she wants a soda and unfortunately for Josiah, she declines.  No, sweetie, you need to get that taste out of your mouth.  Unless you decide you're not doing this contest, not even Josiah deserves to kiss somebody that just threw up.  Ally's appreciative of Josiah showing up and feels bad about him having to kiss her and he claims that he doesn't care.  Ally does tell us that she brushed her teeth.  See?  The things that they don't show. 

The show has stood still while this has happened so Josiah and Ally are still next.  The judges don't have much to say because there clearly wasn't a lot there between the two of them but Josiah gets points for kissing Ally anyway.

Luke and Stassi are up next.  Stassi's not into public displays of affection.  I think I already said that.  It's a very sweet kiss, but Stassi still looks uncomfortable.

The Judges Deliberate
Rachel's not into Dean and Lesley's routine at all.  The judges also didn't seem to like Jordan, and Arie implied that Bibi isn't herself around Jordan.  Based on 30 seconds he witnessed. I don't think anybody needs explanation on who Jo Jo and Arie put in last place except Rachel really, really didn't like Dean and Lesley's.  I'm sure Rachel doesn't regret letting Head Case Dean go, but perhaps she doesn't want to see him with anyone else?  It's unclear how this ranking happens--do they all have to agree? 

And The Winners Are...
This has got to be a record in how long it has taken me to get through this show.  Has this been a four-hour episode?  Because it feels like it to me.  Lesley's starting to feel like their routine didn't come off well.  I think it was more of a representation of what a doofus Dean is rather than Lesley.  Josiah doesn't want to go home because he wants to continue to ride out his 15 minutes of non-fame. 

Chris talks.  The couples will be called in order of how the judges placed them.  I'm betting that Dean and Lesley will be down to the final two with Josiah and Ally but ultimately Dean and Lesley will stay.  The order is:

1. Kevin and Ashley--I can't get a feel for these two.  Is he legit into Ashley? I think Kevin talks a good game but I don't think he wants to de-flower anyone.
2. Luke and Stassi--Stassi's grown on me.  Perhaps I shouldn't have judged her by her appearance.  Perhaps.  
3. Courtney and Lilly--I think these two have the best long-term potential.  They're very cute.  Lilly's beady eyes have grown on me too.
4. Jordan and Bibi--I don't think these two have long-term potential. I think Jordan will dump Bibi.
5. Dean and Lesley--told you!  I still can't believe these two may last.

Ally and Josiah are, of course, last.  Ally seems to think this means they can't continue their relationship, but they could if they want to.  But Ally doesn't want to.  We don't see them saying goodbye and they are driven off in what appears to be a snowstorm.  Hopefully they're just getting driven to another hotel.  

I'm so sad the next episode is the last one.  This show has been everything I was hoping for and now I don't feel so bad about what a s*** show BIP was.