Show review: The Bachelorette, Week 8

Hi all!  Have we recovered from poor Dean's departure?  He's heading to BIP so I think he'll be just fine.  After last week's Hometowns, it looks like they're going to Spain where she'll finally get some action (if she wants and no slut shaming if she bangs all three) and the guys will meet Rachel's family.  It's implied that Bryan's in particular doesn't go well, but we know how the producers can toy with us at times.  I still don't know what I missed when Peter was going to make Rachel cry a week or two ago.  Anyhoo, you'd think I'd know the drill by now, but I don't.  It appears they're starting with the family meet and greets so let's get to it.

Okay, I thought fantasy suites happened before the final two guys met her family.  It turns out that Rachel's sister is going to give birth imminently so Rachel's mixing things up.

Peter Meets Rachel's Family
Peter's up first.  They go shopping for Rachel's nephew and nephew-to-be.  Peter's sweating a bit that not only did he not declare his love for Rachel, he told her he might not even propose to her.  Peter tells her he's falling in love with her.  Rachel is psyched and says she's falling in love with him too, but we all know this doesn't guarantee anything.  Damn, Rachel's family lives in a mansion.  We are introduced to Rachel's creepy brother-in-law again. This time Rachel just says that her dad won't meet any of these guys and doesn't use the "he's working" excuse.

Peter's rambling and Rachel's family is staring at him like they have to appear to be interested in him and the dinner but they can't wait for it to be over.  Constance likes him enough but is skeptical.  Constance and Rachel go off and talk about Peter.  As the token white guy in the group, the creepy brother-in-law talks to Peter and points out that Rachel is not perfect and asks Peter what his concerns are.  The two that come to mind for me are "1) How often do I have to interact with you and 2) Can you stop having children so I can stop thinking about the fact that you have had sex at least twice with Rachel's sister because the thought of you having sex grosses me out?"  But that's just me.  Peter answers very smoothly that he's worried that he hasn't seen any red flags yet, which is close to the interview question of "My greatest weakness is I work too much and I'm a perfectionist."

Rachel next meets with her mom (Kathy) and Kathy asks Rachel what HER red flags are about Peter.  Rach states the obvious about Peter not knowing if he'll propose.

Next Peter meets with Rachel's mom.  WhenKathy asks what it is he likes about Rachel, he doesn't answer the question, just goes on about his feelings again and how he can't ask her and Rachel's dad for their permission and he doesn't know if he'll propose in two weeks.  Hey, at least he's honest.  Rachel's mom really likes this about Peter and tells him that's fine as long as he's serious about Rachel and isn't going to dump her right after the show. Kathy gives the thumbs up for Peter.

Eric Meets the Fam
The guys appear to have to sit in the lounge area of their suite making forced chit chat.  It's Eric's turn next.  Eric and Rachel have come a long way.  Bryan gets catty about the fact that Eric has never been in love and pumps Peter for information.  Bryan's clearly feeling cocky and Peter perfectly articulates that in his interview.  Peter then tells Bryan that he doesn't want to hang out with him.  Hahahaha.

Oh wait, there's a date happening.  Eric's really nervous.  While Eric's never introduced a girl to his family, two of his exes thought he was worthy enough to meet their families. so he's not a total novice.

Am I the only one that is creeped out by the BIL?  Eric gives his speech about his upbringing.  Constance immediately takes him aside and begins grilling him.  Eric, to his credit, is very straightforward with her sis.  He seems to win her over despite the love (or lack thereof) thing.  Next Eric talks to Rachel's mom.  He makes her pitch to her.  Eric asks Kathy for Rachel's hand in marriage.  She gives a vague answer that says she'll go along with whatever Rachel wants.  Thankfully we're not forced to see an interaction with Eric and the BIL, probably because the BIL is white and Eric isn't.  Did that come out racist?  It wasn't meant to be.

Guys--we still need to get through Fantasy Suites!  I'm exhausted already and we still have to get through Bryan's s*** show of a family meet and greet.

Bryan Meets the Fam
Bryan's feeling cocky.   Bryan and Rachel are both wearing their watches, which disappoints Peter and Eric.  Peter and Eric are ready for Bryan to get taken down a few pegs.  Bryan gets to meet Rachel's girlfriends. Please let them be her real girlfriends and not Bachelorette girlfriends.  They're her real girlfriends.  This is huge for Bryan though because neither Peter nor Eric did this and despite Peter, Eric and my reservations about Bryan, I think it's his final rose to lose at this point.

Rachel admits that she thought Bryan was going to end up being a d-bag but I think there's still time.  Remember, he's hidden his rage about the disrespect he feels about being a chiropractor and not a real doctor.  Bryan charms the girlfriends and then they head over to Rachel's mansion.  It cracks me up that her family seems well coached on being excited even though this is the third date.  Bryan's still feeling cocky.

Side note:  Okay, I thought that Bryan had said last week that he was his mom's only child and then a sister(?) was there although she was never introduced (that I saw).  I had started to write a whole thing about it in last week's blog, but then I took it all out because I thought I'd misunderstood Bryan and Rachel's conversation before he brought her home. So I guess it was his step sister?  Or maybe him and his mom don't count the sister as a real sister because she's a sister and not a brother and therefore inferior?

Yikes, Bryan talks about how his mom is always the number-one woman in his life.  RUN AWAY RACHEL, VERY VERY QUICKLY.  Kathy asks Bryan whose side he'll pick if Rachel and his mom bump heads and he starts to say his loyalty will be with his wife but then he gets super vague and Kathy presses again on whose side he'd choose and he doesn't immediately say Rachel, which implies he'll pick his mom.  Rachel chimes in and points out he already said his loyalty would be with his wife but Rach's family isn't buying it.  Kathy knew that Rach didn't like the questions but she didn't care.  Go Kathy!  Bryan is the most exuberant about his love and it's backfiring on him big time.  I can't wait to see how things go down with Bryan and Constance.  Creepy BIL gives his creepy stare.  The body language of Rachel's family is pretty epic.  I love the group interview feel of this dinner.  "Describe a decision you made that wasn't popular and how you handled implementing it." The uncle asks a question and rather than answering the question, Bryan excuses himself.

Rachel knows this isn't going well and tells her mom she's annoyed.  Kathy doesn't care.  BIL tells Rachel her reaction is "very emotional right now" and if I was Rachel I would throttle him.  It's unclear if Bryan ever came back to the table because after the commercial break Rachel is talking to the BIL.  For some reason Rachel and him seem to have a good relationship and she doesn't seem creeped out by him.

Now it's time for Constance and Bryan to chat.  She tells him she's not convinced by his love.  He tries to persuade her and she's still not convinced.  Kathy's not convinced either in her conversation with Rachel.  Rachel defends the Bachelorette process.  Next up is Bryan and Kathy talking.  Bryan asks for Kathy's blessing and she gives it because she trusts Rachel's judgment, not because she likes Bryan.

Spain
Now it's Fantasy Suite time as we head to Spain.  We have thirty minutes to get through three dates and that's an aggressive timeline.  Also, I'm trying to get this banged out before I pack for vacation and I'm feeling the time crunch.  They are in Rioja and it looks gorgeous.  Rachel reviews all of the guys as a time filler.

Eric
Eric is up first and Rachel's concerned about Eric's capacity for being in love.  Eric has suddenly become in touch with his feelings, which is convenient and could put him in second place if Peter can't get out of his head.  The first part of the date is going well enough and I'm bored.

Rach looks so much better when she doesn't have a ton of makeup on, like she does now.  Eric takes us through the journey of their relationship and Rachel keeps interrupting him with questions.  No surprise, Eric declares his love because he knows he needs to if he wants to get any tonight.  No shocker, they're both into the Fantasy Suite.

Peter
Peter's up next.  They're at a winery and the wine guy only speaks Spanish and they clearly have no idea what he's talking about.  Rachel picks up words based on her high school Spanish.  Oh boy now he starts singing.  Peter looks pissed for some reason but maybe he's just uncomfortable.  Dude, let them start drinking wine.  The great news is they get a wine locker of sorts.  I'd take what I could if I were them because it's unclear if this locker is permanent or not.  My guess is not.

Peter tells Rachel that he asked her mom for permission to keep dating Rachel.  They don't get a chance to discuss this because they're interrupted by an adorable little girl. Rachel has every intention of going back to the conversation.

It's nightime and Rachel's ready to get back to their previous conversation.  Peter shares his family tradition of saving a wine cork and I like the premise but then it gets very complicated and there's no way I could write all that stuff on a tiny little cork.  Rachel reiterates that she didn't do this experience to get a boyfriend.  She wants to get engaged but that doesn't mean she has a timeline on getting married. Peter disagrees and doesn't want to propose unless he knows he wants to marry someone.  Oh Peter, haven't you watched this show?

This takes their relationship to a screeching halt.  This doesn't seem to bode well for the fantasy suite though.  But alas, we need to wait two weeks to find out what happens because next week is The Men Tell All.  I had forgotten about most of these guys.  What will happen?  Will Peter say goodbye?  I'll be counting down the days...

Show review: The Bachelorette, Week 7

After seeing the coming attractions, I could hardly wait to watch last night's episode.  The more I thought about Dean's dad, the more I felt like this was going to be an episode of Intervention.  And Bryan's mom is clearly a piece of work, so let's get right to it. 

Eric's Hometown

We kick things off in Baltimore.  Eric has never brought a woman home, which at first would seem like a red flag, but when he discussed his upbringing, didn't necessarily concern me.  His cousin makes an appearance at the basketball court and gives a lovely speech about Eric.  Once the cousin is awkwardly dismissed, Eric talks again about his upbringing.  They head over to Aunt Renee's house.  Despite his tough upbringing, Aunt Renee lives in a really nice building.  Maybe it was Aunt Verna, not Renee.  My apologies Auntie, no disrespect intended.  Verna and Rachel talk about her being the first Black Bachelorette and Rach says love doesn't have a color, implying she's going to pick a white guy.

Eric uses this time to explore his issues with his mom.  Conveniently they've worked everything out though.  Neither of Eric's parents seem to know what to do in this situation. Despite Eric's attempts to tell both of his parents that neither of them were there for him growing up, they both say "you turned out pretty well so I guess it worked, huh?".  I think Eric wants to love Rachel but I don't think he luuuuvvvvvssss Rachel.  Either way, this is a boring hometown date.  That being said, Eric's family overall was lovely.  No real issues around race or poverty level were discussed.  Dean's family is obviously going to be last.  My guess is Peter is next.

Bryan's Hometown

I was wrong, we get to meet Bryan's family in Miami next.  Bryan and Rachel spend the day making out and wandering around Miami.  Bryan's the only son, which makes this whole mamma's boy thing even more of a red flag.  And Bryan blames his ex for not getting along with his mom, not the other way around.  Awesome. AND (another and), Bryan won't tell Rachel he loves her until he meets his mom (although I thought he'd already told her he loved her but there are so many guys, who can keep them all straight)?  So the red flags are abundant.

They get to the house and his mom looks miserable and quickly downs her first glass of wine.  Who's the chick in the blue dress?  His sister?  His mom pulls Bryan aside to ask him what Rachel has that she doesn't have.  Mom's clearly not thrilled with this whole thing.  Rachel's talking to the woman that might be his sister but isn't identified about Bryan's last girlfriend and how this poor ex didn't get along with the mom.  

Finally it's time for Rachel and Bryan's mom to talk.  Rachel gushes about Bryan.  Despite the grilling and threatening to kill Rachel if Bryan isn't happy, Rachel seems to pass her inspection.  Mom keeps calling Bryan the "love of her life", which is super creepy.  Despite the build-up, the whole interaction is pretty benign.  As a result, Bryan declares his love for Rachel and she swoons.

Peter's Hometown

Next we head to Madison, WI for Rachel's date with Peter.  Rachel is of course nervous about the walls that Peter has built up.  Rachel and Peter meet up with his friends first.  At one point Peter bragged that most of his good friends are black.  O-kay.  Peter seems oddly detached with this whole thing. Peter pulls his guy friends aside and the three of them have what I'd guess is the most open conversation about his feelings for Rachel and being terrified about proposing to her.  His friends struggle to find words of wisdom since they don't usually talk about this stuff but they do tell him not to "f*** it up."

Unlike Bryan's date, we're introduced all of the people at Peter's parents' house.  Peter's mom reminds me of Nick's mom for some reason.  When Peter's mom and Rachel talk about Peter, his mom doesn't necessarily see Peter proposing.  At the end of the day Peter and Rachel both talk bout how happy they are.  It's all happy happy happy.  He of course doesn't declare his love for her and I think Rachel's disappointed about that.

Dean's Hometown

And now the moment we've all been waiting for.  And I say that in a, "let's watch this trainwreck in action and feel bad yet not be able to take our eyes off of it" kind of way.  Dean meets Rachel in a random field in Colorado.  He's clearly nervous.  Dean hasn't seen his dad in two years.  Dean's taking a page from Raven's hometown and gets the ATVs out. Let's see if they make out in the mud.  Dean's immediate family hasn't been together in a room in eight years.  ABC must have paid the family a nice chunk of change to do this.  Dean has two brothers and a sister.  His dad has changed his name to Parumrup and is a sikh.  His stepmom's name is Sintartar.  Dean's only met her twice.  

Dean and Rachel talk through his dad issues.  The big moment finally arrives and I feel bad for how Dean is clearly dreading this.  Parumrup kicks things off by banging the gong to cleanse everyone.  Parum, as Rachel now calls him, gets a little misty-eyed when talking about Dean's mom.  He serves some sort of vegan/vegetarian dish for dinner, which Dean doesn't eat, claiming "he already ate".  Parum is told by the producers that he needs to pull Dean aside and speak to him.  Rachel gets pulled aside by his sister and she's also a hot mess (I didn't say that very nicely and I shouldn't be snide because it's sad, but I'm going to be snide anyway).  Things go back to Dean and his dad and poor Dean tries to confront his dad but it doesn't go very well.  Parum's dad admits he wasn't there for any of them after Dean's mom dies because he didn't know how to do that.  

After the break, Rachel tries to talk to Parum, who isn't very interested in talking more.  They talk for about thirty seconds and he walks off.  The whole thing is beyond awkward but Rachel handles it as well as she can.  Rachel comes back in to talk to Dean.  Dean and Rachel are talking inside the house and Parum is peeking inside wanting to go back inside but not wanting to deal with the cameras.  Rachel tells Dean she's falling in love with him.  Which she might have done to make him feel better?  Rachel drives off and leaves Dean in front of his dad's house.  Where is Dean going now?  Because he can't possibly be staying at his dad's house, which seems to be in the middle of nowhere.

Rose Ceremony

Rachel talks about how hard it is to say goodbye blah blah blah.  Chris comes in with his usual iciness and asks what's so hard about this week.  Is it me or does he seem extra pissy this season?  In the interest of a montage and having a voiceover to play while the guys are shown getting ready, Chris asks Rachel to go through each guy.  I'm not a huge fan of bow ties unless it's with a tux but Dean looks cute.  Chris doesn't really comfort crying Rachel because he doesn't seem to care.

Rachel gives the usual speech about not wanting to make the wrong decisions yadda yadda yadda.  I think Eric's getting the heave ho this week.  Or Peter.

No shocker, Bryan gets the first rose.  My guess is Dean is next.  Ohhhhh Eric gets the second rose.  She told Dean she was falling in love with him so it's Peter, right?  WHOA!!!!!  I guess not.  Poor Dean, getting kicked while he's down.  Making him confront his dad when he was perfectly comfortable keeping those feelings bottled up.  

Dean calls her out on telling him she's falling in love with her.  But he's only 20 so he'll recover.  However, despite the bow tie I think he's wearing skinny pants, which isn't a good look.  Dean's pissed.  As he probably should be because I'm shocked too.  Like Adam, he thinks Rach made a mistake.  You know full well that's going to come up in the After the Rose special.

Next week

I thought it was Fantasy Suite week but I always mix up "Fantasy Suite" week and "Meet the Bachelor/Bachelorette family" week.   Whatever week it is, Rachel's family grills the guys.  Looks like fun!  Will Rachel's dad be "working" again?

Bracket Update

I haven't mentioned the bracket in AGES.  After a strong start, Amanda seems to have dropped out.  Shannon's in the lead and I think she's won.  Alyssa's in second and may or may not overcome Shannon.  Alyssa is proof that you don't need to watch to do well!  I'd be open to a BIP bracket but not using the same site.  If you have recommendations on a different bracket site, send them my way!

Show review: The Bachelorette, Week 6

This is only week 6?  That can't be right.  It's not cool when they take a week off and I don't get the memo.  Or maybe I got the memo and didn't read it, but I didn't remember Chris saying, "In two weeks..." instead of "next week on the most dramatic episode of the Bachelorette EVAH...".  Anyhoo, we start off in the Arctic or perhaps the Alps.  I can't remember where they left off but apparently they're now in Geneva.

This is the week before hometowns so stuff's getting real.  I have this song in my head as I watch the guys pallin' around:

Matt the genius talks about the importance of this week's one-on-one date.  Then Rachel walks in and blows their mind with this week's setup:  Three one-on-ones and one group date that is a three-on-one.  There will be no rose ceremony this week.  Duh duh duh.  Matt is freaked out, as he should be.  Bryan gets the first one-on-one which is boring because I think he's going to win this thing.  Bryan is told to get ready and he interprets that to mean to put on a suit.  No tie, though.  How did he know what to change into?  Oooh, Adam doesn't like Bryan.  

Bryan's date

Rachel and Bryan start the date off in a Bentley.  Apparently she's going to get him a watch.  And he pulls a Corinne and practically mounts her on the bench.  The poor sales guys avert their eyes and look at the bizarre art on the wall, which is probably very expensive and shows my lack of taste in art.  Bry--she could potentially buy this watch with her money but I'm sure that the Bachelor is covering the expense or it's free advertising for Breitling watches (which aren't cheap by the way).  No surprise, Bryan shoves his tongue down Rachel's throat.

Back at the House

Adam and Matt discuss their strategies for how they've made it this far.  Adam hits the nail on the 

head when he points out they haven't had one-on-ones.  I'm doubtful they would have made it past a one-on-one.  Meanwhile, Peter's annoyed that he's getting Bryan's sloppy seconds and Dean says that Bryan has had 18 years to sweet talk women.  Dean, on the other hand, has had about two.

Bryan's date

Bryan and Rachel talk about how amazing their relationship is in a "no, you're great," "No, YOU'RE great!", "You're even greater!" kind of way.  They make out more.

Back at the House

Dean gets the second one-on-one date.  Adam is befuddled.  Oooh, I forgot that Dean's family fell apart after his mom died and he's worried about bringing her into that.  Sounds like good TV to me! Dean looks uncomfortable at Adam's awkward comments.  

Bryan's date

I continue to be fascinated by the outfit changes.  Bryan changes his shirt.  Where has he been hiding this shirt?  I don't know who poured Rachel's glass of wine but I like him or her because that is a healthy pour.  Bryan assures Rach that his family will love her.  Bryan shares a bizarre story of taking his last girlfriend to a wedding in Columbia and how she wouldn't compromise with his mom about something.  And then his girlfriend broke up with him because of his mom.  Which reveals that his mom is a piece of work and Bryan is clearly a momma's boy.  This is a huge red flag (for me).  No shocker, he gets the rose.  Then musicians appear out of nowhere and are probably thankful they can focus on their instruments and not have to watch them make out.

Dean's Date

They start the day off by going to...church.  Dean seems nervous. They're at mass but it doesn't seem like a real mass because the mass is about a quarter full.  Then they attend a random post-mass gathering where they again force locals to interact with them.  Dean is a million miles away worrying about his effed-up family.

Back at the House

Peter and Eric psychoanalyze young Dean.

Dean's Date

This date isn't going well.   Rachel's getting annoyed with his inability to have a serious conversation.

Back at the House Again

Because the date is so boring, they keep sharing footage of the guys sitting around.  Now all of the guys are psychoanalyzing Dean.  Then there's a knock at the door and another date card. Despite Adam insisting it has to be him getting the final one-on-one date, it's Peter, obviously.  She clearly chose the top three guys.  Eric isn't enthusiastic about being on the group date but he has the best chance out of the remaining three since it's a miracle that Matt and Adam are even still on the show.

Back at Dean's Date

Rachel's disappointed at how her date with Dean as gone.  Dean MUST make it to hometowns so we can see just how dysfunctional his family is.  In usual Rachel fashion, she calls Dean out on his behavior at dinner.  He giggles, which is super annoying.  Dean talks about being crushed if he doesn't make it to the end.  Dean, get ready to be crushed because I'll be shocked if you make it to the end.  Finally Dean comes clean about why he was acting so weird throughout the day.  Ooh, Dean's dad is "eccentric", whatever that means.  Dean gets the rose and it better be the train wreck that he's claiming it will be.  Sadly I doubt it's going to be that bad.  But he's still way too young.

Peter's Date

We know this one ends in tears so let's see how we get there.  Oh Peter.  No one else seems to agree with me, but I think you're still hurt about not getting the rose during the group date when the two of you were making out in the hot tub for hours.  The dog sled doesn't look terribly comfortable.  Back at the house Eric and Matt have a stilted but seemingly scripted conversation about Peter backing out.  Peter talks about having doubts about staying these past few weeks.  If Peter does leave, then Bryan has this in the bag, despite being a momma's boy.  Peter and Rachel seem to be lost in the Alps with the camera crew but it's okay since it's soooo romantic.  Somehow they make it off the mountain.  Rachel gets another healthy pour.  Peter is drinking rum and coke in a wine glass.  Or maybe just Coke.  

Unlike Dean, Peter's not afraid to bring Rachel home.  Peter talks about breaking up with his last girlfriend and I'm a little afraid he's going to start crying.  Holy crap he IS crying.  Peter can't go all in, which is ironic since that was Rachel's issue too.  

Back at the House

Oh my gosh, enough with going back to the house.  Please let Adam go so we don't have to listen to him talking anymore.  Adam's going to win this whole thing, isn't he?  The producers have been leading us on this whole time and he's going to sweep in and she's going to choose him.  The date card arrives with a foreboding message.

Peter's Date

Thankfully Peter claims that he's over his ex despite the tears.  Despite an awkward buildup all appears okay as Peter says he's "going in the direction of love" and accepts the rose.  But we know that this somehow still goes awry.  No, Rachel, your hometown will stay your hometown.

Group Date

By some miracle of higher powers, Adam and Matt are still on this show instead of Alex.  While in some ways this is Eric's rose to lose, anything can go.  Adam thinks he's still here because he was something to offer.  And perhaps he does, but the show producers haven't let us into that.  Eric's feeling insecure again.  I don't think the irony would be lost on anyone if the first Black Bachelorette lets go of the final Black contestant.  

The guys find out they're getting on a boat to France.  The water doesn't look pedagogically tranquil.  Rachel has very nice things to say about all three guys.  Adam gets into the use of her word difficult and how he doesn't like that word and if I were Rachel I would have him leave right ten because he's so annoying.  Both Matt and Eric roll their eyes at him.  Apparently this is part of a toast he's doing.  

Rachel pulls Eric aside first and they have an uplifting talk about life is hard but worth it.  I am not uplifted by this conversation.  I'm on the fence about Eric but I'm rooting for him over Adam.  Matt's turn is next.  He gives it his all and then Rachel starts crying about how he reminds her the most of herself and if they had met under different circumstances things would be different blah blah blah and just like that she lets him go.  Admittedly I didn't see that coming in that way.  Rachel's super torn up.  How Adam can get chosen over Eric is beyond me but let's see.

After the break it looks like they're going to have a super awkward dinner together.  Eric's dressed way nicer than Adam, no shock.  For some reason Rachel sees something in Adam that hasn't come through to me.  Let's not forget that even though everyone makes fun of Dean because of his age, Adam is only a year older than him.  Yet he seems older than that.  Anyway, he goes on and on and Rachel nods like she's listening but she's not really listening, but she doesn't have that look in her face that she's about to dump him so they make out and Adam's still safe.

Back at the House

Even though they're obviously not in a house anymore, I still think they're back at the house.  The three guys that have roses talk about how awkward the date must be.  Peter's money is on Adam.  

Back at the Date

It's Eric's turn now and this will be the first time he's ever brought a girl home in his 29 years.  Eric's from Baltimore.  Like The Wire Baltimore.  If this had been previously revealed I'd forgotten it.  Damn. Rachel is understandably concerned that he's never brought a girl home but when he talks about his upbringing I'm less surprised.  He obviously didn't have a great or similar upbringing to Rachel, who has clearly grown up in a more comfortable lifestyle so I don't think she should hold that against him.  However, I question how comfortable she'd be visiting Baltimore with Eric.  

The two guys awkwardly sit at the table not making conversation.  At this point I'm guessing Adam gets the rose because he's made it this far, why wouldn't he continue.  Rachel gives a long speech and finally gives the rose to Eric.  Finally Adam and Matt are gone.  Adam continues to think that if she'd kept him for hometowns he would been the last one standing.  

Wait--what happened to the Peter drama?  Was it "drama"?  What about the scene where she's sobbing and he says it's because of him?  Did I miss something?  

Next week...

Holy crap, Dean wasn't kidding about his dad.  And Eric wasn't kidding about growing up in the projects.  Bryan makes it through next week (no surprise) and there seems to be drama with him and Rachel's family.  Just a few more weeks and it will be BIP time!

Show review: The Bachelorette, Week 5, Part 2

When we last left Rach she was on a two-on-one with Lee the Snake and Kenny the Wrestler.  Which one will survive?  My vote is neither.

After getting pulled aside AGAIN, Kenny goes back to confront Lee about his lies.  Kenny is wasting his breath because Lee is enjoying the attack.  Rachel finally comes back and starts a long speech about trust.  Lee gets the heave ho and Kenny can stay for now but hasn't earned the rose quite yet.  Kenny nods and pretends to accept this but you know full well he's pissed that he didn't get the rose in front of Lee.  Lee tells Rachel that it's okay but she should know that when Kenny came back over he threatened Lee again.  Rachel's having none of it and Lee is super fake saying goodbye to Rachel.  If Kenny does get the rose tonight his days are still numbered.  Kenny can't leave well enough alone and has to go talk to Lee AGAIN.  Dude, leave it alone.  You're not helping your situation and if I was Rachel I'd tell you to go home once you made it back to the helicopter.  Or even better, I'd tell the pilot to take off without you.  Rachel is rightly annoyed.

The guys at the house are of course psyched when Lee's bag is taken away.  I don't know where Rachel and Kenny are now (her hotel room?) but she gets right into it with him on why he had to go back to talk to Lee.  Goodness I love this woman.  Kenny says he'll act differently with Rachel but she's not having it.  I really want to like Kenny but boy can he be clueless.  By some miracle he gets the rose.  Count your blessings sir.  And just like that the date is over, which seems a little sudden to me.  And then Kenny is Face Timing with his daughter and starts crying again.  How old is his daughter again?  She's either an old soul or she's older than I thought.  Maybe 8?  Obviously Kenny doesn't get punched by Lee as the previews implied so we have yet to see who clocks Kenny.

Rose Ceremony
Josiah is delusional and thinks he's making it to the end.  Stop overcompensating again.  I hope Alex doesn't go because while I'm not sure he's the brightest bulb, he's hot and has the best outfits.  I don't know how many guys aren't getting roses tonight but my money's on Adam and the other guy whose name I don't know.  One of the white guys.  Is it me or do Bryan and Alex look a lot alike?  Alex is sweating profusely.  Eric seems like a guy that will get pissy when he finally doesn't get a rose.  Matt!  That's it.  You can tell Peter's still a little annoyed at how Rachel used him the other day so he takes the rose grudgingly.  Wouldn't it be weird if the remaining black guys without a rose prior to the ceremony went home?  HOW IS ADAM STILL ON THIS SHOW?????  DITTO FOR MATT????   Wow, I was kidding about sending the black guys home.  Josiah is pissed and Anthony doesn't really seem..anything.  Josiah--maybe nobody said it to you face but you are a legend in your own mind only.  I'm not disagreeing with his opinion of the other guys but she said you never asked her about herself.  And that didn't resonate with you.  Why am I even wasting my time with this?  Yes, J, Alex definitely has many things over you, all previously cited.  That doll is so creepy and yet so funny.  Everybody looks awkward and subdued post ceremony.

The gang moves from Oslo to Copenhagen
Rach is ready to get serious with these guys.  All of the guys are drinking some sort of swill-looking beer except for Alex who is either drinking coffee grounds or a stout.  Could go either way.  I'm sure the hotel is nicer when it doesn't look so freaking cold out.

Eric gets the one-on-one and Matt of all people looks annoyed.  He should just be counting his blessings he's still around at this point.  Talk about flying under the radar.

One-on-One
We'll see how Eric does.  We know he's a little insecure but now that Josiah's gone somebody needs to fill the "I'm insecure but I'm going to overcompensate by acting overconfident" role.  How many false eyelashes do you think Rachel has gone through at this point?  It must be exhausting to wear them all the time and not just at night.  They do seem to be having a good time.  Despite the fact that "stumble" across a hot tub and Rachel "didn't know you could do this in Copenhagen", they both just happen to either be already wearing their bathing suits or have them packed in their jackets.  Do you think it's a requirement to wear your bathing suit at all times because you never know when a hot tub is going to be put in your path and the contracts require you to sample each hot tub you come across?  And of course there's a drunk naked guy.

Back at the House
Both Matt and Adam are yearning for a one-on-one date card when again, they should just be thankful they haven't been sent home.  Because as they say in Pat the Bunny, "hear the tick-tick bunny?"

Time is running out for Adam and Matt.

Your days are numbered, boys.  Peter is sly and lets Dean think he's getting a one-on-one and then starts reading more names.

One-on-one
Eric starts sharing his back story and the skeletons come out.  Similar to a woman who has no relationship with her dad and develops a daddy complex, he has a mommy complex.  He blames his mom for his commitment issues because she never loved him.  But he claims his feelings for Rachel are different.  Of course they are.  These are red flags, Rachel.  Sorry Eric, it doesn't top Dean's story of his dead mom.  If the Bachelorette is the best experience of your life then you need to get out more.  Rachel doesn't seem alarmed by any of this.  When he's not acting insecure I do like Eric.  Copenhagen doesn't have country bands looking for publicity at the disposal so instead of taking the date in that direction they go back to the amusement park.

Group Date
I am very skeptical about this Viking date because Iceland has the best Viking museum there ever was.  And I realize that they're not going to a museum but it drove home the point that Denmark can't beat Iceland's Viking history.  But I guess it's not really about history, is it?   And yet Tom and Morton, the Viking Fighting Instructors, further prove that they were either randomly pulled aside and paid to pretend to be Viking "Instructors", or they've been hitting something prior to this whole charade.

Kenny is taking this very seriously but the other guys look confused.  Oh wait, Alex is into it too.  You can tell Peter is still pissed by not getting the rose last week despite his make-out session.  He still feels used.  Could he be the Claire of this season?  These games are ridiculous.  I'm pretty sure of two things:

1. None of these games were played in Viking times.  
2. These two guys are making this up as they go along.

Wow, Dean has clearly had time to sneak in a whitening treatment in the last few days because his teeth are glowing again.  Alex is going all in because he has nothing to lose at this point.  Alex and Kenny have some final showdown and while my money's on Alex, Kenny prevails as he probably should since he's a professional wrestler.

While I think Bryan is the front-runner in this competition, I am tiring of their conversations.  In theory, she'll have the issue of moving with any of the guys, yet she doesn't seem to bring up the topic of moving with anybody else.  Which may be the point because she's starting to think it through with him but not with the other guys. While I'm not a fan of their noisy kissing, we have no reason to think that Bryan isn't anything but what he says he is, except, of course, for the hidden rage around chiropractors not being real doctors.

We find out back at the house that Will doesn't typically date black girls, which brings up the obvious question of how a hometown date would go.

Peter and Rach have their first conversation since their make out session.  She tries to make up for using him last week by making out with him more.    Kenny and Matt talk about Kenny being away from his daughter and Matt nods and pretends to understand what he's talking about even though he has no idea.

Matt throws Kenny under the bus and tells Rachel that Kenny's struggling.  Kenny might be the first parent on this series in recent history that actually seems to miss his child.  There have been other guys on this show that mention their kids in passing but clearly seem indifferent to their existence.  And "devoted mom" Amanda seems to do fine when she shows up on BIP every summer.  MEOW!  And yes, I think I just mommy shamed her.  But you know what?  I own it.

Kenny shares his ongoing struggles with Rachel.  They seem to be on the same page where their relationship is at and Rachel finally does the right thing and tells Kenny he should go home.  And Rachel acknowledges exactly what I said above and said it would be super-weird if he was never talking about Mackenzie.  They part ways amicably.

The guys are of course excited that one more guy was sent home.  I have no idea who Rach is giving the rose to, mainly because its taken me three days to get through this episode.  Maybe she'll throw a bone to Adam and Matt?  Maybe she'll make up for using Peter last week?  It IS Peter!  He's sooooo happy and Bryan is pissed.

One-on-One with Will
I had completely forgotten there was still another date happening.  I'm not sure Will's going to get the rose tonight but let's see how things go.  They seem to be on a ferry all by themselves.  They're eating their way through Sweden (which sounds way more judgy (judgey?) than intended because those pastries look delicious) and a random couple sits with them in a cafe.  The producers must have been polling people in the cafe asking who is married and for how long.  They found this couple who've been together 35 years and told them to go sit with Rachel and Will.  I'm not entirely convinced they're a real couple.

If anything, Rachel needs to send Will home rose based on his incorrect and constant use of the word literally.  She's disappointed that he's not trying to jump her bones.  It does look super awkward.  In his defense, we know he prefers white girls.

Will, of course, seems to think the day has been going well.  Rachel and Will talk about growing up with money and not having a lot of black people around.  Rachel seemed to address this by making an effort to meet and hang out with other black people and Will didn't.

Back at the house
Back at the house the guys talk about Will and how he hasn't typically dated black women.  Eric said he told Will that he should tell Rachel that.  Dean is confused and isn't sure why that's relevant because he's never really dated a black woman before either.  Eric spells it slowly for Dean that the difference is Will is black.  Dean seems confused by this.  Peter wonders if Will's even attracted to black women.  If only Will acted more "black"!

Back at the Date
Wow, this getting painful to watch.  Will claims to be a very passionate and affectionate person but is trying to change that.  I guess that means he's attempting to be interested in women as people and not just objects?  He talks about falling in love last year and how nice it was and he wants that again.  Rachel asks what it was about her.  Will doesn't say it but obviously it was because the girl was white.

There must be a clause in the contract that the Bachelor/Bachelorette has to pick up the rose even if s/he isn't going to give it out.  Of course Will doesn't get the rose.  He takes the news well and wonders to himself if he'll be able to go on BIP so he can finally meet a white girl.

Rose Ceremony
Adam is sufficiently concerned that he's going home.  Alex is in black with a lavender tie.  Or maybe it's more pink.  Chris greets Rachel and makes the astute observation that Rachel seems solemn.  Oh Chris, I think you're getting colder.  He's not particularly interested in Rachel's response and wishes her luck.  Perhaps he's pissed that they've spent quite a bit of time between Nick and Rachel's seasons in much colder locales?

Rachel starts quoting Hamlet and the guys look lost.  Is she actually going to keep Alex and Matt? Because they've had zero screen time, yet she's super emotional at the idea of someone getting cut.  Could she be cutting Dean or Alex?  Please don't cut Alex yet.  Matt gets the second rose?  I'm so confused.  WHAT?????????????????  Alex is going home?  Alex is sooooo hot.  Now there are no more snappy dressers.  Please let Alex end up on BIP?  Rachel has stronger feelings for Matt and Adam than Alex?  I didn't see this coming.  Did you?

Credits
We see a montage of how Dean is apparently the worst Viking ever.  Alex: If we were playing "pretty little princess?  Yeah, he would kill the game."  How could Rachel let that man go?