Bachelor Winter Games: Episode 3

Sadly, this is the last week of this awesome show.  The opening scene is Ben and Yuki playing in the snow.  Luke talks about the existing couples in the house, like him and Stassi, Bibi and Jordan, Dean and Lesley, Lili and Courtney, and Kevin and Ashley.  Then we transition to the others:

1. Clare and Christian:  these two seem like a terrible match but Clare is desperate for love so they're "coupled up" but not really.

O-kay, I thought more couples would be discussed, but I guess not.  We transition to today's event, which is downhill skiing.  This really isn't a crew that's winter sports inclined, is it?  Lesley seems to be the only woman that can ski at all.

Hannah and Chris provide the play-by-play again. Lily is a snowboard instructor., though that doesn't mean she can ski. Apparently Claire has skiing skills too.  Claire actually does really well. Ashley is next and is certainly not threatening Claire's top spot and she is disqualified. Bibi is next and none of the women are particularly strong.  Chris asks Hannah if this race is the highlight of her career. This is obviously a rhetorical question.  

Most of the women have DQ'd but finally Lily is up. She makes it but doesn't come close to Claire.  Lindsey is up last and thankfully beats Claire.

The men are next and Luke is up first and flies through the course.  Jordan does pretty good but not enough to beat Luke.  Courtney is adorable. Why is Michael on this show?  AND WHOSE SEASON WAS HE ON?  Dean crosses the finish line backwards (intentionally) and still beats Luke.  So the established couple, Lindsey and Dean, both get date cards.  Let's see what happens from here.  Oh wait, Kevin still needs to go.  Now, before when Lily went and they said she was a snowboarder, it was implied she'd be fine skiing. Now with Kevin, they're saying the opposite. Kevin isn't even close so see my previous sentence.  No doubt multiple couples will try to woo Dean and Lesley for that extra date card.

Back at the house

It turns out there isn't much wooing and Dean and Lesley decide to give the card to Kevin and Ashley.  I think I would have given it to Lily and Courtney myself.  Certainly not Clare and Christian.  The rest of the couples are fake happy for Kevin and Ashley.

Ashley and Kevin's Date
What is Ashley wearing? It looks so uncomfortable.  Ashley's still claiming that she's a virgin and this has been a deal breaker for some guys.  Certainly seems like a good way to weed the assholes out, I'll give you that.  Ashley is telling Kevin about how guys get turned off by this and he pauses just slightly and then nods.  Kevin seems slightly panicky and starts rambling about how he couldn't wait for marriage to have sex and Ashley clarifies she isn't waiting for marriage, she's just waiting for a nice guy.  Ashley is hugely happy that Kevin seems to get it.  It doesn't mean he's going to stick around, but he's intelligent enough to articulate the issue.  Which isn't very complicated, by the way.  After dinner, Ashley and Kevin recreate the pottery scene from Ghost.  The producers even play a weird version of Unchained Melody.  

The House
Clare and Christian are going to have a re-do on their jacuzzi appointment.  Lesley is not convinced Christian is the guy for Clare.  C and C's jacuzzi appointment is tedious and painful.  Clare isn't having it.

Dean and Lesley's Date
While Dean and Lesley are out at their date, Josiah and Clare talk about how Dean doesn't do this Bachelor stuff very well and his tendency to screw over women.  Christian looks on and pretends to be interested in the conversation.  At the date itself, Lesley says she thinks Dean is a player and he does his nervous smile thing and says it hurts him to hear her say that.  <Insert eye roll.>.  For crying out loud, Dean.  Lesley reminds him of his behavior on BIP.  Dean is wishy washy and doesn't own up to his behavior except to say he was conflicted between the two women.  Lesley seems to buy it.  Or maybe she wants him to stop talking.

The House
Tiffany the Australian decides it's time to leave because many people are coupled up and the guys that aren't in a couple are "emotionally unavailable".  Tiffany says goodbye to her Aussie and Kiwi friends.  Ben seems ready to leave too.

Ashley and Ben are buddies and it's clear that Ben's head isn't into this.  Ben wants to be in a relationship but he's not ready to start dating.  Ben's going to talk things through with his buddy Chris Harrison.  Ben starts crying because that's what he does.  That came out bitchier than it was intended.

The gang gathers as Chris leaves the house so Ben can say his goodbyes.  He starts crying again.  Everyone hugs Ben because Ben is so lovable.  Yuki starts crying.  No wait, sobbing.  If there's ever going to be a repeat Bachelor again it's going to be Ben.  I give it another year.  Maybe next year?  Because after Nick and Arie, they need a good guy.

Michael and Yuki are the last single people in the house and Michael decides to leave.  Which is fine, since I still don't know who the hell he is and whose season he was on.  Plus he had maybe one five-second interview clip.  I think Yuki would continue to hang out even if she's not in a couple.  However, Chris pulls her aside and encourages her to leave.  Chris "speaks" Japanese but it's hard to tell if he's even close to speaking it correctly.  They all say goodbye to their pet Yuki.  Aaron (my husband and NOT an avid fan) stopped in while I'm washing and asked who the girl pretending not to know how to speak English.  I had to explain that was her shtick.

Rose Ceremony?
There are seven couples but there's still a rose ceremony, which is a little confusing, though I guess they still have to go through the formalities.  Clare has no idea if Christian likes her because he hasn't tried to ram his tongue down her throat.  Which is fine in real life, but is unacceptable in the house.  Courtney for some inexplicable reason thinks this will be the most dramatic rose ceremony yet.  He clearly has a more active imagination than me.  Maybe Chris will say you need to give a rose to somebody you're NOT dating.

Everybody's nervous and finally Chris shows up.  Tonight the relationships will be tested via a kissing contest.  And they will be judged by none other than Jo Jo, Rachel, and Beady Eyes Arie.  The crew doesn't know this yet but we do because they've already shown it several times. Chris reminds them that this is serious and should take the competition seriously.  To prove how serious he is, two couples will be going home tonight.  Chris sternly tells them to have serious discussions with each other to determine if they're ready to continue on the show.

Ashley and Kevin and Dean and Lesley start making out to "practice".  Apparently Stassi doesn't like public displays of affection so Luke pulls her aside and tries to allay her fears.  Ally and Josiah are...I don't know what they are.  Thankfully it doesn't appear that Ally is serious about Josiah.

Dean and Lesley take a break from making out to gossip about everyone else.  They are in agreement that Ally and Josiah will be awkward as will Clare and Christian, especially since the latter pair hasn't even kissed yet.  Clare and Christian settle on the couch to have a super awkward conversation about kissing.  Christian tells Clare he's waiting for the right time--and it's clear there will be no right time.  Clare finally nips this thing in the bud and they say goodbye.  Wow, Christian starts CRYING.  Dude, why are you crying?  Clare is of course regretting choosing Christian over Benoit and makes many proclamations about not settling.

Competition/Rose Ceremony
Stassi looks legit worried.  Everybody looks very serious.  Chris comes out and tells them how serious it indeed is but since Clare and Christian have already left, only one additional couple will be going home.  Dean feels good about how much him and Lesley have been practicing for this moment.  The judges will evaluate them on technique, body language and chemistry.  This is so creepy.  Why would you want to judge a kissing contest?  Does that say more about me?  I don't enjoy watching people make out.  Does that make me a prude?

Luke feels good about his kissing ability and he's also confident that Stassi will bring her A-game as well.  Chris introduces the judges and first up is Jo Jo.  Even though Luke claimed he was totally over Jo Jo, he looks uncomfortable.  The second judge is Rachel.  Josiah wants us to think that the last person he kissed before Ally was Rachel but that's a load of crap I'm sure.  Next up is beady eyes himself, Arie. 

Dean and Lesley are the first two to kick things off.  Oh, and it seems they have a routine.  O-kay.  I wouldn't have thought to do this.  It's....weird.  Rachel's not impressed at all and said the dance thing was a distraction.  Of course, now people think they will go home but I don't think they're going home.  Kevin and Ashley are MUCH better.  Jo Jo wishes that Kevin had been on HER season because it doesn't see like Jordan kisses her like that (at least not anymore).  They get a standing ovation with a slow clap. 

Courtney and Lily are up next.  Ally looks like she's going to lose her dinner.  Courtney and Lily are more playful and it seems to suit them.  Jo Jo also likes their "routine".  Ally continues to look green.  She tells Josiah that she's going to throw up and he doesn't seem that interested or concerned.  Jordan and Bibi are next and the camera is more focused on Ally than on J and B.  Ally looks terrible.  Chris calls them up and Ally runs off to the bathroom.  The cameras run after her, which I'm sure she appreciated.  Bibi says maybe it's a sign that she should get rid of Josiah and I think Bibi might be onto something. 

Josiah finally comes by to check on Ally.  Josiah seems to see the writing on the wall.  He asks her if she wants a soda and unfortunately for Josiah, she declines.  No, sweetie, you need to get that taste out of your mouth.  Unless you decide you're not doing this contest, not even Josiah deserves to kiss somebody that just threw up.  Ally's appreciative of Josiah showing up and feels bad about him having to kiss her and he claims that he doesn't care.  Ally does tell us that she brushed her teeth.  See?  The things that they don't show. 

The show has stood still while this has happened so Josiah and Ally are still next.  The judges don't have much to say because there clearly wasn't a lot there between the two of them but Josiah gets points for kissing Ally anyway.

Luke and Stassi are up next.  Stassi's not into public displays of affection.  I think I already said that.  It's a very sweet kiss, but Stassi still looks uncomfortable.

The Judges Deliberate
Rachel's not into Dean and Lesley's routine at all.  The judges also didn't seem to like Jordan, and Arie implied that Bibi isn't herself around Jordan.  Based on 30 seconds he witnessed. I don't think anybody needs explanation on who Jo Jo and Arie put in last place except Rachel really, really didn't like Dean and Lesley's.  I'm sure Rachel doesn't regret letting Head Case Dean go, but perhaps she doesn't want to see him with anyone else?  It's unclear how this ranking happens--do they all have to agree? 

And The Winners Are...
This has got to be a record in how long it has taken me to get through this show.  Has this been a four-hour episode?  Because it feels like it to me.  Lesley's starting to feel like their routine didn't come off well.  I think it was more of a representation of what a doofus Dean is rather than Lesley.  Josiah doesn't want to go home because he wants to continue to ride out his 15 minutes of non-fame. 

Chris talks.  The couples will be called in order of how the judges placed them.  I'm betting that Dean and Lesley will be down to the final two with Josiah and Ally but ultimately Dean and Lesley will stay.  The order is:

1. Kevin and Ashley--I can't get a feel for these two.  Is he legit into Ashley? I think Kevin talks a good game but I don't think he wants to de-flower anyone.
2. Luke and Stassi--Stassi's grown on me.  Perhaps I shouldn't have judged her by her appearance.  Perhaps.  
3. Courtney and Lilly--I think these two have the best long-term potential.  They're very cute.  Lilly's beady eyes have grown on me too.
4. Jordan and Bibi--I don't think these two have long-term potential. I think Jordan will dump Bibi.
5. Dean and Lesley--told you!  I still can't believe these two may last.

Ally and Josiah are, of course, last.  Ally seems to think this means they can't continue their relationship, but they could if they want to.  But Ally doesn't want to.  We don't see them saying goodbye and they are driven off in what appears to be a snowstorm.  Hopefully they're just getting driven to another hotel.  

I'm so sad the next episode is the last one.  This show has been everything I was hoping for and now I don't feel so bad about what a s*** show BIP was.

The Bachelor: Week 8

It's finally time for Hometowns!  The time when the contestants are taken out of their bubbles and back into the real world.  And the real world (and the families) are either polite or laugh in their faces.  This week's previews suggest that this is going to be the latter.

Kendall
Kendall's up first.  Kendall's from LA.  Kendall first takes Arie to her taxidermy collection, which is in some sort of storage area.  Arie comments that they look so real.  I guess he's not aware that they are REAL animals?  They're not alive, but they were at one point.  Arie's a little freaked out.  It is quite a collection.  But Kendall isn't just showing off her collection, they're going to be mounting/creating/whatever some new stuff.  Arie's face is pretty priceless.  I was right with the term--it's mounting.  They're going to mount rants.  This is super creepy.  They are stuffing rats. Once mounted they make a diorama of sorts.  There's a cat that's hanging out that isn't phased by any of this.

Arie's going to be meeting Kendall's parents, her identical twin and her brother.  Kendall warns Arie that her sister will be tough.  But it will be okay because the sister will pick up on the energy between the two of them.  If Arie is the most compassionate guy she's ever dated, then she's dated borderline sociopaths because "compassionate" has never been one of the words that comes to mind when I think of Arie.  Beady eyes...yes.  Compassionate?  Not so much.

Arie tells Kendall he's falling in love with her but she hasn't reciprocated these words.  It's unclear what else they do during the day because all of a sudden it's evening and they're approaching Kendall's house.  Kendall's mom Michelle thinks Kendall looks happy but she's still concerned.  Kendall and her mom go off to talk.  Michelle has crazy eyes and goes on about open hearts blah blah blah.

Next we find Arie talking to Kendall's twin and true to what Kendall says, she starts talking about energy.  The twin's concerned about the space she saw between the two of them.  My guess it's because there are three other women, but what do I know?  Arie's not very interested in this conversation and gets a little defensive.  The twin asks Arie if the plan is to propose at the end and he says yes but he's not sure where Kendall's head is at.  The twin says she doesn't know because while they're twins, Kendall's her own person.  Overall, Arie seems disappointed by the conversation.  Perhaps he's wondering why the twin is wearing a kimono over regular clothes.

Next up Kendall and her twin chat.  Essentially she doesn't think Arie's good enough for Kendall.  Twin tells Kendall that Kendall should be concerned about her reaction to Arie telling her he was falling for her and the Twin doesn't see this as "undeniable love,"  Ah yes, the undeniable love.

Next up is Kendall's dad and he gets right to the point to assess Arie's intentions.  As many dads have said before, her dad says he's not going to give his permission for Kendall to marry Arie.  They're obviously hippies, so I'm a little surprised that he considers his daughters as property.  If I were Arie, I'd ask about the dowry, just to gauge the reaction.  But unfortunately that's not Arie's sense of humor.  However, then the dad says if this is what Kendall wants, then he'd support her.  So there you go.

Back at twin talk, Kendall admits that she isn't ready for a proposal.  I have no doubt she will change her mind at the end of this.  What room are they sitting in and what are in the bowls?  It's clear that Kylie (I finally caught her name) is the dominant and bossy twin.

As Arie and Kendall say their goodbyes, Kendall says she could see herself falling for Arie.  Wow, way to put yourself out there, Kendall.  Kendall chooses making out over sharing emotions.  This is a red flag.  Arie seems ambivalent and their ending seems lukewarm.

Tia's Hometown
Tia comes from a town of busy bodies small-town community.  They go to a race track.  These two seem to have more of a connection than him and Kendall.  Tia of course thinks it's totally hot to watch Arie drive.  If I recall correctly, Raven's dad seemed barely interested in Nick's intentions and Tia implies that her brother will probably be the one that's vaguely interested into whether Arie has good intentions.  The only reason I bring up Raven is because they're "best friends" in a "Raven's from Arkansas, Tia's from Arkansas, they'll totally get along and be besties!" 

Tia's dad is going to judge Arie by his handshake, as he should.  The aunt and the cousin are a little standoffish.  They have pigs in a blanket and I suspect Budweiser?  But at last they're drinking the Bud from glasses.  The brother pulls Arie aside first and Arie seems nervous.  For reasons he doesn't go into, the brother says he wasn't always there for Tia but now he is.  He's concerned about Arie's "playboy" rep.  I'm not sure if "playboy" or "I hear you like the ladies" would have been worse.  Arie looks petrified that this guy is going to kick his ass.  Arie's looking around to make sure that there are witnesses.  Arie--I'm pretty sure the camera guy would come to your rescue eventually.

Arie stammers out some answer and it turns out the brother is all talk and really likes Arie.  Translation: he's hoping Arie can introduce him to some women.

When Tia's talking to her dad, he also asks her about Arie being a ladies man.  I think he asks Arie too, but in reading this post back before I posted, this part was a little fuzzy.  Anyway, Arie seems more relaxed with her dad.  Arie assures the dad that IF he picked Tia, he'd be good to her and asks her dad if he'd give permission, again, IF he picks her.  The dad waits about half a second before saying he trusts Tia's judgment.  When do we meet the really tough dads?  The dad threatens to find Arie on Google and Arie laughs nervously.

Tia's mom seems the most concerned, but not that concerned.  Overall, it's a cake walk.  As they head out, Tia tells Arie she's in love with him and he says he wishes he could say more.

Becca's Hometown
Arie visits Becca in Minnesota.  They go apple picking but it looks like they're pretty near the end of the apple season.  Arie is confident that Becca is wife and mom material.  Becca's dad died when she was 19, so obviously he won't be there.  But her mom and Uncle Gary (he's a pastor!) will be there.  Arie asks Becca for advice on how to handle Uncle Gary.

As the family waits for Becca and Arie, it looks like Uncle Gary's already in rare form.  Who are the rest of these people?  I think Uncle Gary thinks this is HIS show.  Oh Unkie Gary...

This family is great.  Becca's mom asks him how this experience is different from when he was on the Bachelorette and he gives her some BS answer and how it's so beautiful and the rest of the family visibly give each other funny looks.  Uncle Gary looks like he's about to explode.

Becca gives a lame toast and Arie might already be drunk.  Gary follows up with another toast to Steve, which apparently was the name of Becca's dad.  Again, Gary, WTF?  Gary pulls aside Arie for a talkin' to.  Arie should not be scared of this guy.  Gary talks about what a great guy Steve was.  Because he was kind?  A family man?  No, because he was a good hunter and carved ducks out of wood.  Gary makes sure Arie knows that Pastor Gary did Steve's funeral.  And despite the ugliness, the family is still together.  He sternly asks Arie if Becca's the real deal for Arie and he says yes (of course) and that seems to appease ol' Gary.

Meanwhile, Becca's talking to her mom.   Mom was super skeptical when Becca started this ridiculous show and likes Arie enough but won't give her blessing.  Perhaps one of them should tell Arie and Gare that it's mom's call, not Uncle Gary's call on this whole, "who makes the call on whether Becca can marry" topic.  Becca's disappointed that her mom's not into this whole "let's get engaged after six weeks" thing.

Back to Uncle Gary and his hard hitting questions, he next asks Arie if he thinks Becca's in love with him?  He answers that he thinks so?  Followed up quickly by, "what if Becca wants to go to church, what do you do?"  Arie thinks quickly on his feet and says, "I'll go with her...".  Gary seems appeased by this answer.  Did you know Gary's a pastor? 

Thankfully we switch back to the real conversation between Becca and her mom, who continues to not be impressed but you and I both know she's going to come around.  Becca plays the "when you met dad" card and how she feels the same way.  Mom says she'd miss Becca if she ended up with Arie because she would likely not live in Minnesota anymore because obviously the man makes such decisions and Arie's probably not leaving Arizona.  Not for Minnesota, at least.  Mom assures Becca that she wants the best for Becca and that she loves her.  Perhaps Mom knows that she probably shouldn't protest too much because then she'll drive Becca away even more.  Remember, Mom, this is Arie's decision and I think he's going to pick Lauren, so don't get too worried.

After the grilling from Pastor Gary, it's time for Arie to talk to Becca's mom.  Arie says she can ask him as many hard questions as she wants and comes out with a softball--when you think of good relationships, why do you think it works?"  Oh Mom.  Is this a Minnesota thing?  She doesn't want to seem rude?  If Arie were to answer, "she has to be beautiful and the sex has to be amazing", he'd go up so many spots in my book.  But of course he doesn't.  He says his parents come to mind (snore) and that they choose each other every day.  LAME.  Many men have affairs for years but won't leave their wives.  Arguably they choose their wives every day by not leaving their wives for the mistress.  Wow, Rachele, that was a weird analogy.  Don't read too much into that folks.  I swear.  Let's go back to Arie and Mom, shall we?

Mom eats up this lame answer but asks if he thinks Becca is ready for this commitment.  Because, again, Becca's the woman, so of course she can't make these decisions for herself.  This whole episode makes me want to see a crazy family like Dean's.  It turns out that Arie is smart enough to ask Mom for her blessing.  Mom, to her credit, says that Becca is her own person so it's not up to Mom to give the blessing but goes with the standard, "I trust my daughter and if she chooses you, as long as she's happy, I'm fine."  Arie is super phony back.  The mom thanks Arie for putting up with Uncle Gary and the two of them have an awkward hand squeeze.  Blissfully we're three down and one to go.  Arie's thrilled at how things went.  Becca's swooning. 

Lauren's Hometown
This better be as good as they're making it out to be in the coming attractions.  Lauren's dad drops an f-bomb and Mom is not very enthusiastic either.  Let's find out.  Lauren's from Virginia Beach and Arie feels the two of them are in a really good place since they've been on two dates in two weeks.  He seems to gush a lot around Lauren.  He genuinely seems more animated around her than the others.  She seems nice enough but not terribly interesting.  They go horseback riding on the beach and make out. 

Lauren gives Arie the heads up that this family meet and greet may not go well.  Arie seems very nervous.  As they walk into Lauren's brick mansion, Arie immediately feels that the vibe in the room is tense.  They don't introduce anyone so it's unclear who these people are.  There are definitely some awkward silences but they eventually head to the dinner table.  The dad asks if Arie's ever known any military families.  Nope.  Does Arie play golf?  Nope.  Mom asks what makes Lauren different from the other women?  Some don't ask this in front of everyone, but this family is obviously more forward.  Arie's answer: "She's the blond one that isn't into taxidermy.  And she looks a lot like my ex, Emily." "I'm drawn to her."  Arie again, leaves the table.  He's apparently having a panic attack.   

When we come back, Lauren's speaking to her aunt, who is surprised that Lauren likes Arie so much. Apparently she didn't think Arie would like Lauren that much either.  Thanks, Auntie!  Lauren asks Aunt No Name if she'd give her blessing and Auntie gives the standard, "I trust your judgment" response.

Finally, Arie and Lauren's dad have some alone time.  Arie walks outside first and I'm pretty sure the dad wishes the stairs were a little longer so he could push Arie down them.  Sadly, though, it wouldn't have done much damage and they sit down for their man-to-man chat.  Arie nervously asks if it's normally this warm this time of year (as they sit by a fire).  He then kicks things off into high gear by thanking the dad for his service.  Unfortunately, Dad doesn't visibly roll his eyes.

Arie tells a story of flying some plane and the dad seems super skeptical but then is wildly impressed that Arie went over with some other drivers to Iraq to hang out with soldiers.  Seriously, Dad?  And Dad says he trusts Lauren blah blah blah and Arie's surprised that went so well and I'm disappointed that the producers led us on yet again. Maybe Mom won't pussy out.

Next up is Arie and Mom.  Arie tells his mom some BS that when he's having a bad day (because, don't forget, being the Bachelor is stressful), he just looks at Lauren and sees what a babe she is and it cheers him up. Thankfully, his mom doesn't buy this.  She asks him about the other women and he gives some other BS and she says "so, you're not compartmentalizing?" and he responds, "Oh, no, I am."  Mom continues to be annoyed.  She sits there in silence and Arie starts to get nervous and asks Mom if she's scared.  Her response should have been, "No, I'm not scared, I can't believe my daughter's on this ridiculous show.  And you have very beady eyes and everyone knows you can't trust people with beady eyes."  Mom's not buying anything Arie's putting down.  He's excited to see where his relationship with Lauren goes, but there are only three weeks left tops.  Probably more like two.  So you have two weeks left.  But he says it's far in the future(?) and since they won't see each other before the finale, does Mom give her blessing?  Thankfully Mom remains stone faced and says, all together now, she trusts Lauren's judgment.  SO....NO.  They shake hands and it's hard to tell if Arie has a fish handshake or Mom, but let's blame Arie, shall we?

Finally Mom and Lauren chat.  Lauren tries to tell her mom she's falling in love.  Mom's skeptical through all of Lauren's lust-blind ramblings but eventually softens enough to tell her daughter she loves her and it's nice to see her happy, even if she's not sure how long it will last. 

Overall, Lauren thinks the night went amazingly well. 

Rose Ceremony
It's Rose Ceremony and Chris welcomes the women with a phony smile.  Becca's the first one to arrive and says she's finally in love with Arie.  Then Kendall, then Tia.  They all proclaim their love and talk about their deep connections with Arie.  Lauren claims they have the best connection of all. 

Arie emerges from the car looking unhappy.  Arie sees his life working with any of these women.  I'm sure the winner will be psyched to hear that when she watches this.  Perhaps he'll take a page out of Jordan's book and flip a coin?  Or roll dice since he still has four women.  Arie tells Chris how difficult the whole thing is and Chris barely pretends to be interested.  Chris seems disgusted that Arie has no idea who he's going to pick and says, "good luck!" as Arie confronts the women.

Arie gives his speech.  Becca appears to be the only one with any semblance of empathy on her face.  The rest look at him stone faced.  Arie: I don't think they care how difficult this decision is for you.  Arie walks out.  The women look exasperated.  If Krystal were here, she'd run after him. 

Arie dramatically walks back in and apologizes.  He again reiterates how difficult this decision is and asks to talk to Kendall.  He sure does like to pull her aside.  The rest of the women close ranks and whisper about what's going on.  I agree with Tia that out of the four of them, Kendall makes the least sense.  I said last week that I think Kendall would be the one getting eliminated this week, but the last time Arie took Kendall off-camera, she came back and got the rose on the two-on-one with Krystal. 

Arie's still in his timeout with Kendall and is asking her if she could get engaged at the end of this.  She says she doesn't want this to end and he says that wasn't his question.  He wants to know if he asks her to marry him in front of America, will she say yes?  Arie reminds her that if she stays, he's going to have to say goodbye to someone that IS willing to be married.  What a db. 

Kendall, to her credit, won't commit to saying she'll be ready to getting engaged.  Back inside, Tia's the only one talking and Lauren and Becca are ignoring her.  Kendall and Arie come back in and Tia and Becca clam up.  They start over. 

The first rose goes to Becca and then Lauren, no surprise there.  It's down to Tia and Kendall.  I think after all of that drama it's going to Kendall.  And...it's Kendall.  Tia is seeing red.  She's obviously stunned but seems to give genuine hugs goodbye to the other women.  She walks up to Arie and starts crying.  It's hard to watch the ugly crying.  She's not an ugly crier, her eyes aren't puffy, none of her makeup is running, but it's real "can't catch your breath" sobbing.  She asks Arie for an explanation and he has no explanation, which pisses her off as she starts to transition to angry crying.  He has no explanation, there's just something missing.  I vote for Tia for Bachelorette and then she can be in control. 

So Tia has a DPT, and I thought she had a PhD.  A DPT is fine, it's just not what I expected her to have.  I researched this while Tia was going on and on about putting herself out there and getting screwed yadda yadda yadda. 

Next week there's two back-to-back episodes.  Women Tell All is Sunday I'm going to protect my heart from this being a great episode because Chris never really gets the answers we want out of the cast.  Then on Monday it's down to the final three.  Somebody is left sobbing in her room while Arie walks out.  Who will it beeeee????   

Bachelor Winter Games: Episode 2

I'm not sure I captured the awesomeness of this show in the first episode.  I gushed for sure but I don't know if the essence of the awesomeness came through.  I'll try again.

We find the gang hanging out and continuing to explore love.  Claire is trying to balance Benoit and Christian. Luke had a great date with Rebecca but wants to keep his options open.  Stassi and Luke bond over surgeries.  Stassi says she has heart issues and Luke said he had heart issues too and almost died but when he describes it, it doesn't sound like a heart issue but an infection.  Is Stassi's coat real fur?

Speed Skating
The crew heads to a skating rink for their next event.  Lesley is understandably concerned about Dean.  They will be speed skating.  Not many of them have ice skated before but Yuki announces she'll win but she wouldn't choose Dean on her date.  For somebody that doesn't speak English, she speaks English pretty well.  Certainly better than I'd speak Japanese.  As with last time, there will be heats and the top two of each heat will go to the final.  Kevin is the only one that seems to be a good skater.  Benoit continues to woo Claire.

Hannah Storm is back and assures us these people aren't skilled.  It looks like Rebecca, Lesley, Claire and Lily will be competing in the women's final.  Lily rivals Arie in who has beadier eyes.  Not nice, I know, but sometimes the truth hurts.  She also reminds me of Terri Irwin, the Crocodile Hunter's widow.  Kevin blows away the guys but the twist this week is the two WORST skaters from each race will be competing in the final, not the winners.  This leaves us with Michael (who has yet to appear in a single interview), Ben, Luke, and Dean for the men and Stassi, Bibi, Ashley and Ally for the women. Ashley's super annoyed but now really wants to win.  Rebecca's annoyed that she doesn't get to go to the final.  Claire invites Christian to hang out in the hot tub with her later.  Dean and Luke unzip their outfits in the hopes it will help them win.  Dean and Luke have a photo finish and Chris has to go to the tape to see who wins.  Dean is the official winner of the race.  Dean won't say if he'll give his date card to Lesley.

Next up are the women and Bibiana is in it to win it.  This is anyone's game.  Luke is hoping that Stassi wins and asks him out.  Stassi takes an early lead.  Josiah is starting to get creepy with his constant attention on Ally.  Stassi wins the date card for the women.

Pre-Date Card Preening
The gang gets back to the house and find a new person waiting for them.  Kevin in particular immediately thinks the guy is a db.  This fellow, who's name I still haven't caught, was on the second season of the New Zealand Bachelor and it didn't end well.  Supposedly he flipped a coin to hand out his final rose. His name is Jordan.  Courtney doesn't like him either.  Ashley isn't impressed either.  Luke is sure that Stassi will ask him on the date card but Stassi pulls Jordan aside.  Jordan says he knew early on he wasn't going to find anyone on his season and it was hard to see things through.  Stassi isn't smitten but seems to like him enough.  The Americans seem to know all about this guy.  Ben of course can't imagine somebody doing that.  Luke is threatened because he thought he was going to get Stassi's date card and now this new guy is talking to his lady.

Ben interrupts the Stassi/Jordan discussion and tells Jordan he's going to get grilled.  Jordan's fine with this.  Ben is still in his speed skating outfit for some reason.  The Americans are very eager to get to the bottom of this.  Stassi's lips are growing before our very eyes.  Apparently Ben and Jordan seem to be the only two actual former Bachelors.  Jordan's pretty upfront about what he did but was annoyed that the woman he chose went on TV and cried over getting dumped without telling him she was going to do it.  Well, dude, what does she owe you if you dumped her?  Stassi asks him why he's here and he assures them that he's here for the ever important right reasons.  He seems to appease the wolves.

Stassi's lips and Luke are cuddling on the couch and Luke is trying as hard as he can to get the date card.  Stassi finally gives Luke the date card.  Luke is now two for two on the dates.  Kevin and Ashley are talking and apparently Kevin is interested in Ashley because he was going to ask her on his date if he had won.  He is fascinated by her multiple appearances on BIP.  Kevin's not ready to tie himself down to Bibi just yet but claims he's not one to date multiple people at once.  He's looking for confirmation from Ashley that this is okay and he shouldn't feel guilty, which she doesn't quite do.  He asks her if she's vibin' on anyone else in the house and she says no, just him.  Kevin says he has to go talk to somebody.  Bibiana I presume?

Ashley of course starts planning her future with Kevin and bringing him home to meet her family.  We know this is going to end in tears, right?  Ashley fills in Dean, who doesn't seem convinced and Ashley acknowledges she's getting ahead of herself a little bit but claims to not care.  Thanks to the wonders of editing, Ashley and Kevin are talking again.  They didn't show the Kevin/Bibi talk for some reason, but Kevin tells Ashley that the first chapter in his Winter Games story is closed and he's free to proceed with Ashley.  Hmmm.  Ashley says she's in...wait for it..."Seventh Kevin".

Post Break (this is a long hang out session, I need to break this up somehow)
Post break, Christian and some of the others are talking about getting into the Jacuzzi. Christian is waiting for Claire to get into the Jacuzzi.

Dean and Lesley are on the couch and Dean is starting his thing where he becomes standoffish.  Lesley calls him out on it and he does his nervous laugh thing.  Dean has a date card and isn't sure what he's going to do with it.  Unlike Kristina and what's her face from BIP, Lesley seems to have her act together/a semblance of self-respect and doesn't seem to have the patience for Dean's BS.  We'll see if she stands by that though, since there are rumors that these two are still hanging out.  After all of that, Den still asks Lesley on the date.

I don't know if Christian's still waiting for Claire to get in the jacuzzi, but in the next scene, we see Lesley and Claire hanging out in a bathtub.  Claire continues to feel conflicted about Christian and Benoit.  Poor Christian keeps waiting for Claire and she's nowhere to be found.  Christian goes into the Jacuzzi alone.  He hopes that Claire will come out and apologize.

While we didn't see Bibi and Kevin's chat, Bibi seems to have recovered well enough and now has her sights set on Mr. Coin Flipper.  Jordan claims that he's more excited about Winter Games than he ever was while on the Bachelor.

The Dates
Stassi and Luke and Lesley and Dean head out on their mutual dates.  Lesley wants Dean to man up.  Dean and Lesley go tubing.  Stassi and Luke are on a horse-drawn carriage.  While Lesley's having fun, she wants to get down to business.  Luke and Stassi come upon a wood burning hot tub.  Luke reminds us this isn't his first experience with wood burning hot tubs.  Luke claims that his and Stassi's relationship is deeper than his and JoJo's was.  Luke and Stassi share their feeeeelllings.   Dean and Lesley are in some sort of cabin.  Lesley says she knows what she wants.  Dean asks her what she wants.  Dude, she already said this when you guys were on the couch last night.  LISTEN.  Dean claims that Lesley is the only woman he's interested in the house, but he doesn't want to move too quickly.  Which is normal but not for the Bachelor series.

Bibi and Jordan continue with their connection.  Jordan can't believe he's made a connection with Bibi already.  Bibi has clearly moved on from Kevin.

Benoit is sulking in his room when Dean comes back from the date.    Dean wants to hear the scoop.   The gang is playing Cards Against Humanity and Benoit pulls Claire aside so they can chat.  He asks Claire if she's avoiding him and what her problem is.  Benoit is crying (I think).  He asks Claire if she sees a possibility for them.  Claire hems and haws.  Benoit took their kiss more seriously than Claire, who called it a "friendly kiss".  Claire and Benoit can't agree on how many times they've kissed so this stalls their conversation a bit.  Semantics, guys.  Claire finally tells him they aren't on the same page.  They've been there for what two days?  Benoit should go hang out with Ben.  Claire and Benoit are both crying and hugging each other.  Good god, people.  Benoit decides that if he can't have Claire there's nobody else in the house that he's interested in, so he's going to pack his bags and balls and go home.  Benoit wanted Claire to tell him to stay and she didn't.  To make matters worse, tomorrow is his birthday and now he'll be sad.  Can we make Benoit the next American Bachelor?  I can't decide if I adore him or if I'll ultimately find him annoying.

Clare sobs in the bathroom.  Benoit sobs as he packs.  Benoit announces to the gang that he's leaving.  Christian is glad his competition is leaving.  Claire walks him out and defends her choice in letting Benoit go.  Back at the house, Josiah starts stirring the pot and tells Clare that Christian was annoyed with her.  Claire pulls Christian aside to ask him what the hell his problem is.  She asks him why he didn't come find her if they were supposed to hang out and he says he doesn't do that kind of thing.  Also, they had an appointment, so it's up to her to show up to the appointment (how romantic of him, to call a date an "appointment").  Clare lays into him and tells him he needs to say something to her and not the guys and Clare starts to have flashbacks to Juan Pablo because Christian's doing the "it's okay, it's okay" thing.   The conversation continues to go downhill from there and Clare goes off to the same bathroom and starts crying again, this time about what a jerk Christan is.  Elly comforts her.

Rose Ceremony
It's finally time for a real Rose Ceremony (maybe).  Claire's still pissed.  Chris is happy that there are so many couples already forming.  Chris assures the gang that tonight is a real rose ceremony, with the men giving out the roses.  There are nine roses and eleven women, so two women will be going home.  Tiffany, who we haven't see a lot of, is worried because she hasn't connected with many of the men.  Chris tells the men that they should only give roses to women that they see long-term potential with (no pressure, guys).  And to the women he says they should turn down the rose if they don't see a future with the fella.  Oh Chris.  We finally see a quick clip of Michael G.  Did you blink?  You probably missed it.

Kevin pulls aside Ashley aside and I'm worried her boob's going to fall out in that dress.  While Stassi's lips are so big, she's growing on me.  Just lay off the lip injections, hon.  Luke says they have a "soul connection".  Whoa dude, you're falling hard.

It seems Tiffany is also interested in Kevin. Why is this guy so popular?  Ashley has her claws out to keep Tiffany away from her man.  Tiffany talks to Kevin and starts crying.  Kevin tells Tiffany to be patient and that if things with Ashley don't work out, she could be #3.  But now she needs to find someone else to give her a rose so she can stay.  In the meantime, Claire and Lesley are hanging out again and Clare continues to talk about what a jerk Christian is.  The unraveled Claire that we know and love is finally starting to emerge.  Christian approaches her on the couch.  Claire and Christian have it out again.  Claire for her part does a great job articulating the issues.  Christian stares at her blankly.  Even though she won't admit it, Claire wants Christian to give her his rose so she can throw it in his face.

Rose Ceremony (no really)
Tiffany looks like she's having a rough night.  Yuki's future is uncertain too.  As is someone else's, whose name I don't remember.   Jenny maybe? They go through the easy ones first:  Courtney gives his rose to Lili.  I don't get their connection, but I appreciate that she's not the prettiest one (it's the beady eyes), or at the very least, doesn't slather on the makeup. I'm sure if she put some mascara on she'd look better.  I hate that I wrote any of those sentences.   Obviously Luke gives his rose to Stassi.  Jordan gives his rose to Bibi.  Josiah's up next and gives his rose to Allie.  Dean gives his rose to Lesley.  Kevin gives his rose to Ashley.  Tiffany looks terrible.  Seriously, she looks like she's had a rough night and it's the next morning.

Next are the wild cards.  First up is Ben.  He gives his rose to Yuki.  Does anybody take Yuki seriously?  Next up is Mr. Mystery Michael and he gives his rose to Tiffany.  Tiffany is relieved.  Christian is the last one to hand out the rose and he gives it to Clare.  Which is surprising.  Clare walks up and....accepts the rose. Oh Claire, you talk a big game but you have no substance.  She rationalizes her decision.  Rebecca and Jenny head home.  It turns out that the tears in the van heading away are universal.  Rebecca might be crying because she lost her pants somewhere.  Is that her real hair or does she have extensions?

The coming attractions promise us continued drama and I can't wait.  But first we have to get through Hometowns on Arie's season.  I'm watching as quickly as I can people!  Not quickly enough, I know.

Bachelor Winter Games: Episode 1

It's finally here!  We get what feels like 20 minutes of previews for this show and it looks amazing already.  The scene kicks off with a parade.  The games are being held in Vermont.  Chris has his winter beard.  It's not a good look for him.  Chris--stop talking so we can get to it.

Meeting the Cast

• Ben Higgins:  We all know who Ben is.  We relive Ben and Lauren's relationship.  Despite still licking his breakup wounds, Ben's ready to move on.  I wish we could watch other countries' Bachelors.
• Bibiana: Bibiana, as we remember, was on Arie's season.  I'm excited to see more of Bibiana on this show.
• Dean.  Oh Dean.  Dean claims that he's done a lot of self-reflection.  We see Dean tackle tough decisions such as "Ramen or spaghetti" to prove he's changed.  
• Claire:  Claire swore she wouldn't be back.  And yet here she's back.  She's using the technicality that Winter Games didn't exist when she retired, so she's coming out of retirement.
• Josiah: Josiah was of course on Rachel's season.  He knew Rachel when they were kids.  Josiah also says he's changed.  He hasn't changed.
• Lesley: Lesley was on Sean's season and I wasn't watching the Bachelor yet, so I'm not familiar with her.  What I have seen I like though, because she's a BRCA2 gene carrier and had a preventive mastectomy.  Us BRCA2 chicks need to stick together.  
• Ashley:  They say Ashley I. but is there really any other Ashley? I don't believe that Ashley is a virgin but that's just me.  We see Ashley skiing on sand.  I'm sure those skis are ruined.

I'm disappointed that we don't meet any of the international contestants.  Chris is joined by Hannah Storm.  The parade begins and it's led off by Team USA.  If this isn't filler I don't know what is.  We begin to see some of the other contestants, including Luke and Eric.  Was Luke on Rachel or JoJo's season? Sometimes they blur together.

Next is Yuki from the Japanese Bachelor (Japan Bachelor?).  I LOVE that they have people from the other Bachelors and I know I already said it but how can I watch these other Bachelor series?  Somebody research this for me!  Please.

Yuki watched the American Bachelor on YouTube so perhaps that is where I'll start. She is adorable in a "I am here to get my fifteen minutes of fame" way.  Also, if you pause her interviews, it looks like she has cat eyes.  She doesn't speak English.

Next up are the Canadians.  Kevin was heartbroken after his season.  I don't catch the other Canadian's name but he's way cuter than Kevin.  Next up is Zoe from China.  There's a Bachelor in China??  In China they're more conservative and apparently the furthest they go is kissing.  So no Fantasy Suite?  As Chris says, "that's just the first night on the Bachelor in America".

UK is next and represented by Laura.  Next is Australia and they have a pretty good contingency.  Or not, I guess there's just two.  I could definitely get into this country's Bachelor series if only to hear them speak.  The woman hooked up with another woman on her season.  Team Sweden has two representatives. Stassi is a little plastic looking, which is disappointing.

The parade continues and Finland is next up.  They seem to film the series with a different kind of film.  The other Bachelors look like they're movies or something, not TV shows with bright lights.  The Kiwis are up, followed by one fellow representing  both Germany and Switzerland.  They show clips in their native languages but no translations.  I think the point is, the language of getting dumped or "you're hot" is doesn't need translation.

Finally the parade is over and Chris kicks things off with the Winter Games anthem.  It's unclear why people have their hands over their hearts.  Whoever wrote this was clearly high or drunk.  Trista and Ryan make an appearance and Chris says they truly represent the series whcih probably pisses off Sean, since he's on every season.   Neither Trish or Ryan speak.  Did there used to be an actual Bachelor lantern?  Ruthie Collins is the up-and-coming artist that gets her appearance as if this were one giant date.  I can't look up Ruthie on social media because I just decided to give it up for Lent.  Except for posting.  Catholic guilt has been engrained in me but I'm just enough of a narcissist that I tell myself I have to do this for my adoring public handful of friends that like the Bachelor and are kind enough to read this blog.

We're about a third of the way through the episode and finally the gang heads to the house to mingle.  The hot Canadian speaks French and the women begin drooling.  Then the German/Swiss has to show off too.  Chris walks in and the guys give Chris a hard time about the beard.  Chris explains the premise--they'll be competing in winter events.  The men will compete against the men and the women will compete against the women.  The man and woman that wins his/her event will get a date card.  There will also be rose ceremonies.  And at the end there will be champions.  The first event will be tomorrow, but now it's time to party.

Ashely is wearing lingerie for some reason.  Josiah and Ally hit it off quickly. and start making out.  Well that didn't take long.  Despite her interest in Josiah, I like Ally because she's "curvy" which means she's not stick thin.  And we all know that "curvy" on the Bachelor means "normal weight." It's probably in Josiah's best interest that Ally may not have seen Rachel's season.

The First Challenge
Nobody seems overly hungover as they kick off the first event.  The first event is a biathlon.  There are heats and everything.  This will be fun.  I think it you're a mildly athletic to dominate the women's team.  Ashley has her eye on Kevin (the non-cute Canadian), who's been hanging out with Bibiana.  Ashley's wearing way too much makeup as always.  Ally wipes out and maybe drops out of the race.  How much is Hannah Storm getting paid for this gig?  I'm hoping a lot.

The men go first.  Who the hell is Michael G.?  He's gotten zero screen time.  This doesn't bode well for him.  Benoit is the hot Canadian.  Josiah is out early.  Luke is in the lead and looks like he's hardly making any effort.  He'll be a good marksman obviously.  Benoit has his eyes on Clare.  Again, obviously never saw her on the series.  Somehow Benoit takes the lead.  Benoit, Ben and Luke win the first heat and will be heading to the finals.  Why does it feel like this competition will take the entire rest of the episode?  They really need to move this along faster.

Post-break, thankfully they move things along more quickly.  None of us really want to see the competitions.  Even though the guys went first, somehow the women's final is first.  That's sexist, Chris.  I hope they don't spend too much time on this.  Rebecca from Finland wins by a ton.

The Men's final kicks off.  Dean goes down quickly as does Christian.  Luke again takes a strong lead but we know he lost it before.  And Luke falls behind again.  Christian broke his pole but Clare gives him her pole.  That would have been dirty if Christian had given Clare his pole.  Kevin wins.  Ashley of course hopes that Kevin will ask her out on the date.  We can guess from the copious tears that are coming that Kevin asks Bibiana.  Also, is it me or does Kevin look like Kris Humphries?

Back at the house, those with the roses find themselves very popular.  Ashley thinks Kevin looks like Mark Wahlberg.  Kevin and Bibiana are very cute.  I liked Bibiana when she was on Arie's season.  Bibi (as the gang calls her) and Kevin talk but he doesn't seem to give her the date card just yet.  It seems he does need to talk to Ashley and asks for her advice and of course Ashley thinks that he's interested in her.  Maybe he is, maybe he isn't, but he's being kind of a tool.  Just ask Bibi, dude.  Finally he asks Bibi.  And...there Ashley starts crying.  Wait who's the black girl?  And there are others.  Who are these new people that were never introduced to us and aren't interviewed?

Bibi and Kevin head out for their date.  Ashely continues to sob.

They didn't show it, but apparently Rebecca asked Luke to go on her date.  We don't see much of the dates but both seem to go well, based on the amount of making out they showed.  Back at the house, Dean and Lesley are hitting it off.  She mentions her mastectomy (sort of).  Dean does his nervous laugh thing.  I am super sympathetic to what Lesley is going through and couldn't imagine having to date again after a mastectomy and reconstruction.  They might look good under clothes, but it can be a different story without the clothes.  I assume she got implants, so they probably look fine but did she get to keep her nipples or does she have tattooed nipples?  Things you never think about unless you have to.  Sorry to take things down this path, guys.

Is it wrong that I don't want Claire to find love?  Because she's clearly starting to look botoxed up.  She's not Krystal crazy but there's something about her I've never liked.  But Benoit is smitten with her.  Maybe I just think Benoit is super hot although I'm a little worried he's going to get annoying the more we get to know him.  In which case, him and Claire will deserve each other.  Christian is disappointed to see Benoit and Claire making out but he shouldn't be. He needs to ask Yuki about the Bachelor YouTube videos.  Before you know it, a ton of couples are making out.  Christian is feeling very insecure.  But there are at least two people there that haven't even introduced, which I'm still confused about.  Am I missing something?

Rose Ceremony
It's time for the first Rose Ceremony.  There are still about 26 minutes left so we have a ways to go.  I suspect there will be filler.  Yuki asks Dean for his rose and everyone laughs.  Chris shows up and the mood changes. Chris tells them that five people are going home tonight--three women and two men.  Instead of the traditional rose ceremony, the gang is going to vote off who will leave.  Everyone will write down the name of the person they want to leave.  It's suddenly become Survivor.  Honestly they keep showing people that I don't recognize at all.  Who is that African-American woman?  If you can't find her on the cast list (which I couldn't), that's not a good sign.  Lesley is the first to vote and she votes for Jamey and I have no idea who that is but he looks like Jack Stone.  Am I stroking out?  Did I miss introductions?  I'm so confused.

Bibi's worried that Ben still isn't over Lauren.  It's not that Ben's not there for the right reasons, but the women don't want to be his rebound.  Or to listen to him go on and on about Lauren.  Laura is ready to keep the men and eliminate the boys and the first boy she's eliminating is Josiah.  At least Laura isn't impressed by him.  Ally is starting to get confused.  Many of the women seem to want to send Josiah home.  Josiah and Yuki make a "deal".  I love this "twist" and I wonder who Yuki voted for.

Ashley is starting to panic about getting voted off, but I don't see Ashley getting voted out.  But then the non-American guys start hinting about women who "aren't here for the right reasons."  In this case the wrong reason isn't hook up with as many men as they can, but for the self-involved "self-promotion, fame and other stuff".  Ashley has her own "brand", I'm sure this is a strategic boost for that, but somebody should tell the non-Americans that this is what the Americans do after their on the Bachelor the first time. It's the consolation prize you get when you don't win--the ability to promote products on Instagram.  Silly non-Americans and their lack of awareness of "the good old American dream."  Wow, that was quite a soapbox I need to climb down off of.  Hang on...

Benoit assures Clare that she has his rose and she seems happy?  I think?  Although it's unclear if there's a rose ceremony after the vote-off.  My guess is no but clearly French-Canadians live in their own little world.  Next Clair confronts Christian because the rumor mill is buzzing that Christian is voting off Claire.  He assures her he isn't and thinks she's the most beautiful woman in the house.  Claire of course eats this up and starts to distance herself from Benoit and tell Christian she was just kissing Benoit sweetly, not passionately.  When Christian doesn't understand that explanation she says she's just kissing for fun.  And would he like to kiss for real?  They don't actually kiss because these Swiss-Germans aren't as loose as the Americans are, as we're finding out.

Elimination Ceremony/Rose Ceremony
I don't think the producers would allow Ashley to go home in the first night.  Come on, we're here to watch her tears.  As suspected, there ARE roses, but not in the way we're used to.  Chris is the one handing out the roses.  The poor Chinese woman, didn't get the memo that she's supposed to wear her tightest, laciest, most cleavage revealing dress.  Why won't they show interviews with the Americans that they never introduced?  This is driving me nuts.  Are they fillers?

Anyway, Rebecca and Kevin are Chris' assistants and hand out the roses as Chris calls names.  It's odd.  The men and women hug Rebecca and Chris like they're the ones giving out the actual rose.  Yuki gets a rose and all the guys smile.  Claire is excited that two men are interested in her for the first time she's ever been on this show.  Michael isn't voted off even though I have no idea who he is.  The final rose for the women goes out and of course Ashley gets it.  The English lass, the Chinese woman and the African-American woman that was never introduced to us are dismissed.  I don't think the Chinese woman had a chance.  She's not playing the cutesy angle that Yuki is.  Ashley will no doubt interpret this rose to mean that Kevin chose it for her personally.  As for the men, Josiah is safe for another week.  Unfortunately Eric is gone.  And one of the other guys that we were never introduced to that looks like Jack Stone.

The British girl of course internalizes it and thinks that none of the guys liked her.  Maybe they wanted to send her home so she could eat something because she's painfully thin.  The men, on the other, are like Eric and say it's not the right time.  They show the coming attractions and I hope they're not showing only the good stuff, but so far this is the what BIP started out to be in its first few seasons, but it fizzled out a bit last summer.

During the credits we see a deep conversation between Yuki and Benoit about how Yuki is only judging the men on their face and Benoit tries to explain she needs to look for more.  She's not convinced.

The Bachelor: Week 7

Now that Krystal is gone and the Bachelor Winter Games have started, I'm not going to lie, I'm forcing myself to watch Arie's season.  But dear readers, I am nothing if not a giver, so I'm making myself watch this before I watch the Winter Games.

The gang is in Tuscany and the women film right near the Leaning Tower of Pisa, which is smaller than I expected.  Arie says he's eager to drink wine.  Perhaps he didn't realize that there is good wine in France too?  Even Fort Lauderdale!  Chris joins them and reminds them that Hometown Dates are next week.  Chris tells the women that there's no rose ceremony this week.  It's three one-on-ones and a group date.

The ladies head to their hotel and Becca K gets the first date.  This is Becca's first date since getting the first one-on-one. I think she has a pretty good chance of getting the rose but we'll see what happens.  A few of you have said to me that you think she has a good chance of winning this whole thing and if she can gain ground during this date, I think she has a chance too.

Back at the house, Jacqueline is having doubts.  Jacqueline is being rational and isn't sure of the process and realizes it's going to be super weird for him to meet her family.

Back at Becca's date, Arie asks her who he would meet next week IF he gives her the rose.  He'd meet her mom and her boyfriend.  The boyfriend is very observant.  Uncle Gary will be there too.  Even though she dated a guy for seven years, this ex didn't seem to spend a lot of time with her family, or there was no official "meet the boyfriend" ceremony.  That's kind of odd.  Anyway, I lose interest and no shocker she gets the rose.

Lauren's One-on-One
Lauren is the next one to get a one-on-one, which surprises the women since she just had a one-on-one.  Bekah (nanny) is super irked.  The women go around giving their opinion and Jacqueline isn't that interested.  Becca comes back from her date and Jacqueline continues her downward spiral.  She knocks on what I assume is Arie's door.  After the break we find out it is indeed Arie's door.  Jacqueline talks about her confusion.  Arie gets a scared and defensive look in his beady eyes when any of these women want to talk to him about something serious.  Jacqueline is nervous about taking Arie home and before she knows it she's married and living in Scottsdale and doesn't know how her life ended up this way.  Arie, to his credit, tells her that they wouldn't need to get married right away.  They don't have to get married.  In fact, statistically, they're going to break up (he doesn't say that part).  Jacqueline is clearly too rational for this show.  She's also probably concerned her family will laugh her out of the room next week, which is a valid fear.

It's not clear what Jacqueline is doing.  Is she staying?  I'm very confused.  I had forgotten she still has six years of school left.  She's interested and really likes him.  She tells the women that she's leaving.  Was this obvious to everyone but me?  Because it was unclear to me if she was staying or not.  The women are "sad" to see her go but really happy because it's one less person to compete with.  Kendall starts bawling when Jacqueline leaves.  Maybe Jacqueline will make a last minute appearance later.  She has said a few times she isn't good at being happy.  Bekah the Nanny, not one to let Jacqueline get all of the attention, is also having doubts.

Finally, Lauren's date starts.  We all know that Lauren was holding back last week and the two of them had a super awkward date.  Lauren seems a little more animated this week.  Arie shows off some of his bike riding skills.  I'm waiting for him to totally wipe out but sadly he doesn't.  Arie's ready to grill Lauren and/or cut her.  Lauren is honest about being nervous about Arie meeting her family.  Instead of having a conversation about this, they decide to play soccer.  I don't see these two together.  At all.  If he keeps her I think it will be because he has a thing for blondes.  The fact that there are only two blondes left says more about how boring/crazy the blondes were than how great the brunettes are.

Back at the house, the women have a very deep conversation about how they have a role in their feelings as well, it's not just about Arie.  The next date card arrives and while Kendall is hoping she'll get it, it goes to Seinne. The women aren't happy.  I didn't see Seinne lasting this long, if only because she's way smarter and could do so much better.  But to Arie's credit, he's kept her around.

Back at Lauren's date, Arie continues to be worried about Lauren and her walls.  This is her last chance.  Lauren toasts to breaking down walls.  Lauren does a great job opening up and Arie decides to walk off.  Awk-ward.  He leaves her there all by herself and she starts crying.  What is he doing?  Understandably, Lauren regrets opening up.  Arie finally comes back.  He insists that nothing is wrong and he was really happy and that he's falling in love with her, which I don't think he's said to anyone else yet.  Lauren is relieved.  Obviously she gets the rose.  Two down, two to go.

Seinne's One-on-One
It's Seinne's date and I am skeptical she'll get the rose.  They are going truffle hunting.  The truffle hunter invites Seinne and Arie to have lunch with them.  There is nothing worth commenting about this date.  They transition into the evening portion of the date and Arie doesn't want to compare Seinne to Becca and Lauren, but he compares her to Becca and Lauren.  Seinne and Arie talk about how open the truffle hunter and his family were talking about love and Seinne shares that isn't the standard for her.  Arie asks Seinne if she's nervous about hometowns and she says yes.  Seinne basically tells Arie that she doesn't think about him when she's away from him.  The whole conversation is pretty awkward.

Back at the house, the women speculate about how Arie and Seinne's date is going.  The women agree that they don't want Seinne to come back.  The final date card arrives and obviously it's Kendall, Tina and Bekah.

Back at the date, Seinne goes all in and talks about how she doesn't want this to be the end but the look on Arie's face suggests this is the end.  Arie picks up the rose, giving Seinne false hope.   Sure enough, he doesn't give her the rose.  Seinne says she's surprised and it's pretty awkward.  They have an awkward goodbye (I need to start using the thesaurus and find synonyms to awkward) and the women see Seinne's bag taken out of the suite.  Bekah the nanny is psyched that there are now two roses.  Tia's getting fed up with Bekah.

Group Date
Nanny Bekah, Tia and Kendall have an awkward group date with Arie.  With any luck Bekah will get sent home, although after her mom reported her missing, I'm a little curious to see her family.  Kendall and Arie talk about what her hometown will be like.  Arie acknowledges that she should be nervous that their relationships started a little later than the others but she says she'd move to him.  Try to hold a little something back, Kendall.

Tia and Bekah make awkward conversation and Tia asks Bekah again if she's still feeling insecure.   Bekah says she's homesick.  Tia's annoyed that Bekah's so young and not there for the wrong reasons per se, but not as desperate to settle down as Tia is.  Tia shares her feelings with Arie about Bekah's lack of experience.  Keep in mind that Tia is the ripe old age of 26. 

Prediction: I think Kendall will get eliminated next week and the final two will be Lauren and Becca, with Tia in third.  And then Tia can be the next Bachelorette and their marketing campaign can be "The Love Doctor is in".   Get it?  Because she's apparently a doctor?  I'm just brainstorming here, people.  NO. BAD. IDEAS.

Tia tells Becca what she said to Arie about her.  Becca starts crying.  She doesn't like to not be seen for who she really is.  It's unclear what that is.  Bekah runs to Arie crying about what Tia said and she's blubbering in Arie's shirt and he clearly has no idea what she's talking about.  Remember, people in Bekah's family marry early.  In fact, her family probably already views her as an Old Maid.  I'm sure that the Bachelor Producers are already making a note to have Bekah be the Bachelorette in 3-4 years or so.  And she can insist that maybe she wasn't ready when she was 22 but she's ready now in 2021.  Watch my words.  Oh and she's getting gray hair already.  That does kind of suck.  She's so fucking annoying.  I do like her outfit though.  I think this is the most clothes she's worn on this show yet.  That's not slut-shaming, just an observation.

Arie comes back and he's ready to give out a rose.  I think he'll give the first rose to Kendall so we can continue to watch Tia squirm.  He won't give the second rose out quite yet.  And...wow this show is so predictable.  I mean, except for last week when I was pleasantly surprised that Arie chose Kendall over Krystal.  I guess Kendall getting the rose means she gets to leave the date so it's down to Bekah and Tia.  Tia doesn't look happy.

The date is now a two-on-one.  Tia needs a Xanax, stat.  Bekah and Tia don't seem to be compadres any more.  The claws are out and Tia gives a passive aggressive toast.  Arie pulls Tia aside first.  Tia continues to tell Arie how strong her feelings are blah blah blah.

Next it's Bekah's turn and she continues to say age is just a number.  Arie says he's "trying to be logic".  Oh, Arie.  Why do you say especially idiotic things around Bekah?  Bekah continues to assure us she's ready for mawage.

Finally it's time for Arie to pick one of the women.  Arie gives a speech about how difficult a decision this was but he's confident in it and Tia gets the rose.  Tia is of course elated.  Arie walks Bekah out and she starts sobbing in the car.  Her eyeliner(I think?) is smudged all over her face.  Even Arie sheds a tear but he could tell their lives wouldn't fit together.  Arie, you should be commended for your brave choices.

Next week
Kendall has fun with her taxidermy collection and that's only the start of the drama.  None of the dads seem that enthused with Arie.  It's going to be awesome.

The Bachelor, Week 6

Hello dear readers!  This season is flying by. Arie and the ladies are heading to Paris.  Nope, they're in Paris.  Like magic.  The women are staying on a house/hotel ship.  Chris and Arie are having one of their talks and Chris' makeup looks terrible.

The women are on their houseboat and talking about how their relationships have progressed with Arie.  Krystal of course speaks up?  And she talks like this? Chris shows up to let the women know that in case they didn't know, things are getting serious.  This week there are four dates--two one-on-ones, a group date, and the fan favorite, the two-on-one.  Please let Krystal be on the two-on-one.  Krystal is in agreement she's the perfect choice for the two-on-one.

Lauren's One-on-one
Lauren finally gets her one-on-one with Arie.  Arie shows up to whisk Lauren and her romper away. The women get to watch them get on their gondola.  Krystal thinks Arie needs a wo-man, not a girl. Arie rationalizes that it's taken so long for Lauren to get her date because he's been saving this Paris date for her.  Sure you have, buddy.

Back at the boat, the women are hoping that Lauren is doing okay on the date.  The date seems awkward.  Lauren isn't talking at all. Even Arie's wondering if Lauren is into him.  Eventually she starts asking him questions so he can talk about himself.  This is short-lived though.  We're not seeing Lauren's interviews so it's hard to know what's going through her mind.  But Arie tells us if she doesn't up her game he'll be forced to send her home.  I hope Lauren considers herself warned.

Back at the boat another date card shows up.  It's the for the group date.  Kendall, Krystal and Jacqueline are left.  Krystal talks about how confident she is going into a two-on-one.

Back at the date, Arie and Lauren have changed for dinner. Arie tries to get Lauren to talk more but she's pretty monosyllabic. Lauren says she doesn't really start opening up until she trusts someone but there's a difference between opening up and holding a conversation.  Also, she clearly doesn't get the hang of the game.  Statistically she won't get the final rose but she needs to open herself up so Arie can hold her fragile heart in her hands and crush it.  Wow, did I take that to a dark place?

Arie's talking about himself again and how is girlfriend was pregnant and Lauren and I both say, "what?" and he ignores her and keeps on talking about how they were fighting about his racing and she miscarried and told him she was leaving that.  Lauren isn't sure what this has to do with her, but Arie somehow brings it back to trust.  Lauren finally opens up a little about her dad issues and men issues in general.  Arie tells her she worries too much which I doubt is the response she wanted.  Well, it wouldn't be the response I wanted.  However, it seems she's shared enough because he gives her the rose.  Lauren reads way more into receiving the rose than he meant.

Group Date
It's group date time and the women ind out they're going to the Moulin Rouge. Jenna is beyond excited. Tia is nervous. The women get in their costumes and find out that whoever gets the rose will get to come back with Arie and go onstage.  But first the women are forced to parade out in their costumes.  At drinks, Arie tells the women that whoever gets the rose will do so based on his connection with her, not her dance abilities.  He pulls each woman aside and Caitlin is nervous about competing with the other women.  Finally it's time for Arie to give the rose out and it goes to Bekah M., who acts cutesy and annoying.  Arie and Bekah are in the show and the rest of the women have to watch. They're less than thrilled to watch this.

Two-on-One
Jacqueline, Lauren and Kendall talk about the upcoming two-on-one and who will be on it and how Krystal is bragging about how she'll do well if she's on it.  Krystal finds a date card and is wearing one of the strangest outfits I've seen in awhile.  Krystal reads the card very dramatically and announces it's her and Kendall.  Krystal is like an animated cat licking her chops with glee and sneering with pity at Kendall.

As they head into the date, Kendall is nervous and Krystal is strutting.  Arie's anxious too and prepared for awkwardness.  Arie abandons the women in a maze and encourages them to find him.  Back at the boat, Lauren and Tia are concerned that Kendall won't get the rose.  Krystal finds Arie but Kendall is still lost.

The three of them have an awkward champagne toast and Krystal pulls Arie aside.  Arie says in this interview that Krystal is on thin ice.  Krystal plays the doe-eyed act and murmurs a lot.  Krystal tries to change the story about last week's events, but Arie sticks to his guns and tells her that she should have spoken to him first. She nods and rubs his shoulder.  It's clear that Krystal is staying. Still, Arie doesn't seem totally interested in whatever Krystal has to say.  It seems he just wants to make out with her.

Then Krystal asks why Kendall was chosen to be on the date with them and how Kendall's never been in love? And isn't emotionally ready?  This seems to resonate with Arie and his beady eyes.  Krystal re-joins Kendall and gloats.  Arie finally goes off with Kendall and parrots Krystal's question and Kendall provides a rational answer because she's a rational person.  Arie doesn't seem convinced.

Kendall rejoins Krystal and confronts Krystal, which is a waste of her time.  Kendall tries to get through Krystal's phoniness and Krystal smirks at her.  Arie joins them and picks up the rose.  He decides to not give the rose to either of them and says he'll see them at dinner.  Bitchy Krystal re-emerges, no surprise.  This should be a great dinner!

Krystal arrives at dinner and Kendall is awaiting.  Krystal fakely says it's too bad that they aren't friends because they're, like, really similar people?  Kendall observes that it seems like she has trouble connecting with people, which Krystal denies?  Then Kendall adds the disclaimer, "in this situation", which Krystal denies again?  Kendall gives up and says she'd rather focus on her relationship with Arie than her relationship with Krystal.

Arie arrives and Krystal turns on the phoniness.  Kendall grits her teeth.  Arie pulls Kendall aside and this can't end well.  The women on the boat continue to debate who is going to come back and most think that Krystal is coming back.  Kendall and Arie come back to the table without the producers showing anything that happened.  Arie picks up the rose again.  He gives his rambling speech.  Holy crap!  He gives the rose to Kendall!  Arie dismisses Krystal, who I thought would have clawed Arie's eyes out and Arie and Kendall walk off hand-in-hand.

Krystal stares off in the distance posing for the camera.  Despite her posing, she's furious.  The women are ecstatic when they see Krystal's suitcase being taken away.  It's so much weirder that Krystal is sitting at the table posing instead of sobbing as usually happens on this date.  Now Krystal is saying she yearns for love and cries crocodile tears of how she doesn't know if she'll find love.  I thought she'd go out with a bang but it's more of a whimper.

Jacqueline's Date
Arie picks up Jacqueline for her date and their car breaks down before they can get away from the boat.  Arie looks very serious when he's pretending to know what he's looking at when he plays "mechanic".  Who knows, maybe he knew what he was talking about.

Arie takes Jacqueline shopping because it seems her dress isn't good enough, he's looking to kill time, or this is a thing he has--picking out clothes for women and having them parade around. Jacqueline gets a boring black dress.  They go to a restaurant and get the best seat in the (empty) restaurant.  Overall the date seems to be going well.  Arie tells Jacqueline he was intimidated by her.  She's starting a PhD and has six years of school ahead of her.  He says he would support that but then he doesn't seem interested in dealing with that.  But then he gives her the rose.

Rose Ceremony
There's no cocktail reception so it's straight to the rose ceremony.  There aren't many roses to give out tonight.  The final rose goes to Becca K.  Caitlin and Jenna's time is cut short. Caitlin doesn't seem that surprised.  Jenna is disappointed but not ugly crying.  Arie pulls Caitlin aside for a special hug goodbye and Caitlin does the "when is it going to be my time?"  Next Arie and the women are heading to Tuscany.  Lauren isn't that excited and is talking to someone we can't see about how she's having a hard time watching him with other women.

Next week we see Arie and seemingly everyone else cry.  I know you didn't think you'd miss Krystal, but don't you miss her a teensy bit?

The Bachelor: Week 5

We know by the coming attractions that Krystal continues her downward spiral, which was entertaining at first and is now starting to become concerning.  Like an episode of Unreal.

Chelsea's One-on-One
The gang has inexplicably moved from Lake Tahoe to Fort Lauderdale.  They're in a sweet penthouse suite at the W.  The stakes are getting higher.  Arie joins the women in their suite and Chelsea is chosen for this week's first one-on-one.  They are in a huge yacht.

Lauren is disappointed she didn't get the one-on-one, probably because Arie told her last week she was due for a one-one-one.  Maquel, who really hasn't gotten a lot of screen time, comes back.  The ladies spy on Arie and Chelsea on their date, including making out on the jet ski.  That gets old pretty fast.

Chelsea and Arie's date seems to be going well as they transition into the evening part of the date.  Because of the wonders of editing, the producers don't seem to be as focused as making Chelsea the new Amanda. Obviously Krystal is crazy and delusional enough that perhaps they want to hold back on additional drama for now.  Anyway, Arie cuts to the chase and asks about her baby daddy and what happened and what his deal is.  They've had a range of single moms on this show and Chelsea does seem to have her act together more than some.

Back at the house, the group date card arrives. The other women pretend to be happy when their names are called. It appears that Lauren still isn't getting her one-on-one because Tia gets it.  Back at the date, Chelsea gets the rose, no surprise.  Arie feeds her a load of crap that isn't really worth repeating.

Of course, there is the musical portion of the date.  Tenille Arts is playing, whoever that is.  While I always feel bad for the musicians that have to watch the couples make out, at least it was just the band and not a huge crowd.

Group Date
It's time for the group date and Arie and the gang are going bowling.  There's an opening that I assume is an homage to a movie that goes over my head.  All of the women are flirting and again Krystal is pretending she's not insecure and saying the rest of the women are trying too hard.  She's changing tactics this week and isn't vying for his attention, for those trying to keep track at home.

There's a competition and it gets weird fast. The blue team (something about roses) are pretty loud and cocky.  The pink team is a little more subdued.  The blue team is kicking butt and ultimately wins.  I can't figure if Krystal is drunk or just being herself.  The pink team are super annoyed at Krystal.  Arie feels bad for the Pink Team so he lets them hang out at the after party after all.  Krystal is pissed.

Apparently on the bus home Krystal lost her mind and went off on Arie. The women are all ready for the after party and Krystal announces she's not going.  She's packed her bags, but isn't exactly leaving.  She explains why she's pissed with her weird frozen smile.  Chelsea's impression of Krystal is better than Bekah's.  The women and me are interested to see Arie's reaction.

Arie joins them and doesn't seem to notice Krystal's absence until the women tell him what happened.  He doesn't seem terribly upset about it but does tell the women he thinks he should go talk to her briefly before they kick things off.  I'd be pissed if I was part of the group.  Eff Krystal!  Talk to the women who aren't having temper tantrums.

The women nod in agreement but they seem to do this to appease Arie.  Or maybe they hope that it will move along Krystal's departure sooner.  Alas, this is  probably what Krystal wanted all along.  Once he leaves it's clear the women are pretty frustrated.  The women agree that this is probably what she wanted. As Arie heads up to her room, the women are dying to be a fly on a wall to hear how Krystal spins this to her advantage.

To Arie's credit, he doesn't fall for her sad act.  She ultimately doesn't really take any responsibility for her behavior and instead blames him.  He's pretty pissed but doesn't send her home. He tells her to stay in her room and think about what she's done.  Clearly Arie knows that he has more beautiful women downstairs that are smart enough to hold it together and pretend to be his perfect dream girl until after the final rose.  If your crazy is coming through now, it's not going to be to your advantage.

Arie rejoins the women and takes them aside one by one for their individual make out sessions.  He brings the not-22 YO Bekah up to his room for some extra private time.  Interesting.

Meanwhile, Krazy Krystal (you like what I did there?) is...putting her makeup on and is now dressed.  And is still feeling disrespected and is going down to tell Arie her feelings.  Again.  To no one's surprise, the women aren't happy to see her.  You can watch the air deflate in the room as she walks in.

Krystal announces to the women that she has something to say, and the women respectfully try to ask her questions, which she refuses to answer because she doesn't want to be attacked.  Oh Krystal.  The conversation with the women doesn't go anywhere.  Lauren leaves in frustration.  Krystal eventually leaves when it's clear none of the women are interested in speaking to her.  It's unclear where she's going but I have a feeling we haven't seen the last of her.  She didn't get dressed up for nothing.

Lauren pulls herself together and her and Arie play 21 questions.  It's perhaps cuter than I should give it credit for but it's flirty and fun.  Then Arie takes it to a dark place and asks Lauren what she's afraid of in this Bachelor situation.  I'm not entirely sure what he expects her to say, but she says exactly what you'd think.  I'm not even going to write it because you, dear readers, know.  Is Arie that dumb or is he contractually forced to remind everyone that he has the power to break these women's hearts?  The conversation gets awkward so Lauren decides that it's best if they start making out instead of talking more.

There's still no sign of Krystal as Arie begins his speech to hand out the date rose.  Lauren gets the rose.  Becca K. is pissed because Arie brought her up to his room and she thought she was special.  Apparently Krystal did just go up to her room.

Tia's One-on-one
It's time for Tia's one-on-one date.  They have a date on the Everglades and end up at a random house in the middle of the Everglades.  It's Gerald's house.  I don't know how much they paid Gerald to do this.  Perhaps they paid him in frogs.  The rest of the women get lovely picnics and Tia gets Gerald's deep fried frog legs, catfish and his own invention, fried corn-on-the-cob.

They're sitting out on Gerald's porch swing and talking.  Arie says he can't look into Tia's eyes and Tia says the same, but in this case it's because Arie's eyes are so beady and small, she really can't see them.  Tia's feelings are "growing and growing" for Arie and has an amazing time on the date.

They finally get out of Gerald's house and head to dinner.  They're in some sort of place with a lot of antique nautical stuff.  Tia talks about it taking her seven years to finish school and I think snarkily, "it took her seven years to finish school?" but it turns out she has a PhD(?).  In physical therapy?  Holy crap!  My opinion of Tia just went through the roof  (sorry, Tia).  Tia is of course talking about how she thought she'd be barefoot and pregnant by now, which is too bad because she's a freaking doctor.  Tia takes the conversation to a religious place with a reference to a "higher power".  Turns out that Tia's faith is important to her.  Tia's had her share of bad relationships blah blah blah.  Tia's kind of my choice to be the next Bachelorette right now.  She tells him she's falling in love with him.  She gets the rose.  We are either spared the musical act or there isn't one.  My guess is the latter.

Cocktail party
The women are of course still talking about Krystal and how she had spent the previous day hiding in her room.  She counters and says she wasn't hiding, she was "improving herself" and some other nonsense comes out of her month.  She gives another speech to the women and they look at her stone-faced.

Arie walks in and breaks the tension.  Kendall pulls him aside and is determined to lighten the mood.  She has written down 100 questions.  The first one asks him if he'd eat human meat.  He says no.  She says "yes" and he seems horrified.  He clearly wants to stop talking.

The women keep talking about Krystal behind her back, who is outside and posing thoughtfully.  She can hear them talking about her and goes inside to confront them.  She offers to speak to the women individually.  Kendall volunteers to speak to her first.  The conversation isn't terribly productive.  Kendall's pretty calm and Krystal makes no sense and gets worked up.  Overall Kendall's pretty articulate and Krystal isn't.  Bekah is out next but it's unclear why she is because she doesn't have anything to say but she asks Krystal why she's still here.

We don't get to hear the answer yet because Arie's hanging out with Jacqueline, who hasn't gotten a lot of screen time.  Apparently she's a psychologist?  Things go back to Bekah and Krystal and, as with the others, the conversation goes nowhere.  Krystal continues to feel attacked.  This is getting old.

Arie and Krystal finally get some time alone.  Arie says Krystal knows him better than a lot of the women and that their relationship is further than the others but her outburst took them a few steps back.  Krystal said she was having flashbacks at the date because she grew up in a bowling alley.  Arie is puzzled by this and doesn't buy her explanation.  He's legit annoyed and she tries to get cutesy and say this is their first fight and he says it could be their last fight.  She doesn't like that.  Krystal isn't so delusional that she doesn't miss Arie's coldness and that concerns her.  However, she forgives him.  For what, I'm not sure.  Including the others in the date, I think?  It's hard to tell anymore.  She definitely seems concerned about being sent home.  If you can't hold your crazy act together until the end, there's no way you're going to last.

Arie and Chris have their awkward conversation.  Arie's sending three women home tonight.  Krystal continues in her interview that she has shared so many sides of her to Arie.  My favorite is the futuristic side.  I'm not sure when we saw that one.

Rose Ceremony
I think it's going to come down to the following four: Marquel, Marikh, Krystal and Ashley.  Out of those, I think Krystal will be the one that lasts another week.  It is down to those four (not a shocker, really).  And of course, I'm right.  The women are pissed.  Marikh is sad but more worried that he'll end up with Krystal.  Krystal is smug and promising more crazy.

The Bachelor: Week 4

It's only Week 4, people.  We have a ways to go but some of the chaff is getting separated from the wheat(?).  We open with Bekah frolicking in the pool and the women talking behind her back about how young she is and if she's ready to get married.  We see a Krystal interview clip and I have to quote this because it's awesome in how delusional it is: ..."they're living in like, such a false reality and I want Arie to be able to see that.  And so I'll be that voice of reason."

Chris comes in and tells the women very dramatically that they're packing up and heading to Tahoe.  The producers kill time with dramatic music and shots of Tahoe.  We find Arie enjoying the view.  Apparently Hard Rock Hotel has paid to sponsor this stay. Well, Arie's staying at the Hard Rock.  The ladies get a sweet ski chalet.  As the women settle in, there's a knock at the door.  Bekah the nanny answers the door to get the date card and Seinne gets the one-on-one.  Arie shows up right after to whisk Seinne away.  Krystal thinks that Seinne is going home.

Seinne and Arie go parasailing and of course draw comparisons between parasailing and falling in love.  Seinne isn't ready to pronounce her love yet, so clearly she's here for the wrong reasons.  You need to be prepared to announce your'e in love very quickly.  Seinne expresses her concerns about why she was picked for the one-on-one and he assures her it was because he's interested in her.  She clearly has too much going for her so it's unclear what led her to come on the show.

Back at the house, Maquel calls her mom and finds out that her grandpa passed away. She leaves to deal with that and it's uncertain if she's coming back to the show.  Guess we'll have to wait and see.

The next card shows u[p and it's a group date.  Bekah M. is giddy when her name isn't called and she finds out she's getting the other one-on-one.  It is super annoying.  Back at Seinne's date, they head into the dinner portion.  Seinne tells him she wants to learn how to wink like he does.  Seinne, it's easier to wink when you have beady little eyes like Arie.  Yours are normal sized and lovely.  Just practice.

It's Seinne's turn to ask Arie for the umpteenth time why he hasn't fallen in love since Emily and he gives the same answer that he's given to everyone else.  Seinne talks about her parents' difficult relationship but she hasn't revealed any major trauma or "story".  Oh wait, her story is there weren't any black Disney princesses growing up.  That perhaps came out more snarky than intended.  It was more targeted at Disney's whiteness than Seinne.  She really does seem lovely. But kind of a weak angle.  But, if you're too normal for this show, you're too normal.  Obviously Arie gives her the rose because sometimes even total morons get it right.  Still, I'm skeptical that she'll make it to the end.  But you never know.  I don't think she'll get cut for a few more weeks at a minimum.

The musical act for their date is Lanco.  I have no idea who he/they are.  There are a ton of other people there and they're on a stage dancing and everyone is watching them.  It's creepy.

Group Date
It's group date time and it should be interesting.  Krystal's ready to give Arie the low-down on why all of these women except her are wrong for him.  Kendall's positive that she's going to shine on this date.  They are greeted by some survivalists and their first task is peeing in a thermos.  And then they're told to drink it.  Arie goes first and some of the women are ready to try and he stops them just in time and tells them he was drinking apple juice.

Next, some of the women eat worms.  It's okay for Krystal to be aggressive with Arie, but when other women do it, it's desperate.  Kendall steals Arie away.  Krystal watches them make-out.  Next the women pick up backpacks and have to navigate out of the woods.  Good luck with that one.  They're on three different teams.  The women who aren't on Arie's team are understandably frustrated.  No surprise, a few of the women don't enjoy the outdoorsy stuff.  The women seem to be struggling to navigate.  Of course, the women with Arie are having a lovely time.  They get to finish line, which is at a hot springs/hot tub and fortunately they all have their bathing suits on.  Is that required?  To wear your bikini at all times because you never know when you'll stumble upon a hot tub or hot springs?

Krystal's cuddling with Arie and the other women make fun of them.  Krystal is of course irked.  Eventually the rest of the women show up.  No, Krystal, it's not real life.  It's the Bachelor.

The evening portion of the date is soon upon us and Krystal again talks about how exhausting it was to watch the other women act so desperate.  Arie steals Lauren away first.  Arie is apparently looking for someone with a flexible schedule.  Hmm.  Being selfless, he also doesn't want it to be all about him.  He's willing to be supportive of his partner as well.  How modern of him.  Thankfully, Lauren is also looking for something similar.  Phew.  It looks like Lauren might get a one-on-one date next.  Next up is Kendall.  Apparently Kendall brought her stuffed duckling, Ping, on the date.  Arie hides the awkwardness of this conversation by ramming his tongue down Kendall's throat.

Krystal speaks nonsense and the women collectivley roll their eyes/ignore her.  I know the producers painted Chelsea as this competitive single mom, but her impersonation of Kyrstal in her interview is awesome and she's totally gone up in my book. For now.  Still, for now, Krystal's fakeness, self-absorbtion and delusions are the only intresting thing about this season.  My money is she'll be on the two-on-one, whenever that is.

Krystal finally gets her time with Arie and plays her fake act and tells Arie that she has a target on her back.  Arie doesn't seem that interested in dealing with the drama.  Krystal joins the crowd again and pulls Tia and Caroline aside.  She tells them she felt attacked today by them and they aren't buying it.  Needless to say, it goes about as well as you'd expect.  Tia leaves and goes to find Arie.  Tia plays it better with Arie than Krystal does.  Arie gives her the "you're sepcial and you just need to trust me" speech.

It's rose time and Krystal prepares herself to get the rose but Arie gives it to Tia.  Krystal is understandably confused and continues to talk about how she's better than everyone.

Bekah M's Date
As Bekah leaves for the date, the talk at the house is, of course, about Bekah's age.  They ride horses and of course end up in a hot tub.  Arie talks about himself and they make out.  Chelsea and Caroline continue to talk about her age and how that's a deal breaker.  Because the 23 and 24 YOs are so much more mature.

Arie talks about how he tends to think with his penis and Bekah's such a babe and he's trying to think with his penis a little bit less.  He asks her if she's ready for a commitment.  Because at 36, he's old.  And he's different than he was in his 20s.  He wants to make sure that she'll do the same things as him.  She finally tells him that she's 22 and he's clearly concerned.    But she gets up early to go rock climbing, so she gets up early on Saturdays like old people in their 30s.  She perhaps Mormon or part of a weird religion where people get married super early because people in her family get married really early.

Arie has perhaps the most honest conversation that we've seen him have this entire season thus far.  Despite what the other women think, I don't see Bekah's age as a deal breaker quite yet.  Arie gives a long speech about their age and obviously still gives her the rose.

Cocktail Party...or not
It's Cocktail Party time and tensions are running high this week.  Krystal, while constantly calling out everyone else's insecurities, is of course insecure.  The women continue to discuss how fake Krystal is.  Instead of Arie, Chris shows up.  Arie has made up his mind and wants to go straight to the Rose Ceremony.  Whee!

Krystal is in panic mode.  Chris asks Arie what led him to cancel the Cocktail Party and to his credit he knows who he wants to cut.

Rose Ceremony
Arie gives his speech about love, blah blah blah and Krystal is clearly anxious.  Before he can give the first rose away, Krystal speaks up and asks if she can speak to Arie.  The women sit down because they're not going anywhere.  The women collectively don't think this is a good move for Krystal but let's see how this plays out.

Krystal lays it on thick.  It's hard to get a read on whether Arie's buying any of it but his body language seems off.  The Rose Ceremony commences...again.  I would have been surprised if Krystal had gotten cut this week.  There seem to be other women that he's "not making connections with", so I think she would have been safe.  One rose remains and there are three women left.  My guess is it's going to Krystal.  And sure enough, it goes to Krystal.  She is visibly relieved.  Caroline and Brittany go home.  Brittany hasn't gotten much screen time so it wasn't a huge surprise.  More than anything, Caroline is pissed that she lost to Krystal. 

Krystal continues with her craziness next week.

Closing credits
With Annaliese's departure, we're missing out on key traumas.  The closing credits educated us on "glam shaming".  This is shaming others (in this case, Marikh) from checking themselves out.  Caitlin assures us she's very pro-glam.  She's not a glamist.