Let's kick things off by critiquing D-Lo and Adam's addition to the intro--a solid lame.
Matt thinks they're a good match because of their mutual f***ed up upbringings. Raven's interested in Adam and has her claws out for anyone that might want to mark her territory. And then Sarah shows up. Sarah gets a date card from Chris as she walks into the snake pit.
So during the shutdown, Adam, Raven and Sarah "spent the night together" (unclear if this was a threesome) and the next morning Raven walked in on Sarah and Adam cuddling. Unlike D-Lo, Sarah has reservations about asking Adam on a date even though she's really interested in Adam. Raven gives her blessing to Sarah to ask Adam out but Raven encourages Sarah to ask Ben out instead, who is doing his, "move rocks on the beach" routine. All of the women are pushing Ben and Sarah asks the question that I would ask, which is, "if Ben's so great, why are none of you with him?" Still, Sarah pulls Ben aside. Ben starts off with his dog immediately. Sarah's clearly not into talking about the dog. No shocker, Sarah asks Adam. Raven's pissed.
Adam and Sarah
Adam kicks things off by calling Sarah "Rachel" in his interview. Clearly there's something I'm missing with Adam. Maybe he's normal and semi-intelligent and articulate and that's the appeal? Adam says that Sarah has something that Raven doesn't. I want to like Sarah and she does seem smarter than Raven but there's something crazy about her. Adam, of all the guys, is torn between two women (well, I guess Dean too, but Dean's being way more of a DB. Anyhoo, they go out and seem to have an amazing time.
Danielle has her sights set on Wells, who she apparently knew from before.
Lacey's looking for love and has never had a date card in her Bachelor history. Lo and behold, her date card arrives. It's from Jorge. Lacey talks to several of the guys, who aren't interested in her so she ends up asking Diggy to go with her. His words say he's interested but his body language says otherwise.
Diggy and Lacey
Jorge, who just left to start his tourism venture, Jorge's Tourges, the Bachelorhood is kind enough to promote his new venture on their own show. Jorge makes people to fall in love in beautiful laces. They need to ride horses to their destination. Diggy and Lacey are blown away, or at least act blown away. Jorge sets them up with a picnic. Jorge spills a ton of champagne on the beach which is not cool. Jorge then shares that they're on the beach where he was conceived. Eww.
Jorge's just hanging out with them on their date until they kick him out. Lacey is psyched about how well things are going with Diggy, which is a premonition that things will fall apart for her shortly.
Back at the house, Danielle goes on and on about Wells and how it's time for her to leave. Wells tells Jack Stone how great Danielle is. Geez, guys, just tell each other how you feel.
Diggy and Lacey come back from their date and they're holding hands. Lacey's excited about getting Diggy's rose, which is a sign she won't be getting his rose.
Dominique comes down and while she was on Nick's season, I don't remember her at all, but the other women are very happy to see her. I think it's the hair that's throwing me off because when I Googled her she looked more familiar. Dominique is into Diggy and Lacey feels threatened. Apparently Taylor and Dominique are great friends, which perhaps I would know if I followed these people on the Instagram or the Twitter? Lacey's freaking out.
No surprise, Dominique asks Diggy. Lacey continues to freak out, and there's dramatic music in the background so you know it's serious.
Diggy feels like the man (as he should) for going out on his second date in a day;. Diggy tells Dom that he's not attracted to Lacey (which is convenient). Lacey's mad that Diggy didn't check in with her before he took off with Dom. They waste little time hitting the hot tub.
Danielle is packed up and ready to go. She has arm bands for her dress, which is odd. It's not an off the shoulder dress--the arm bands are totally separate from the dress. I'd lose those arm bands so fast if they weren't attached to the dress. But then in other shots it looks like it's attached to the dress. Wells and Danielle have a quick makeup sesh before she leaves.
Ugh, DeMario
We have to talk about this AGAIN? We know, Chris, this is the BIP that almost didn't happen. Apparently they're going to share what "really" happened that night. The discussion starts with Robby (in a bizarre jacket), Diggy, Derek(?), Raven and Jasmyn (admittedly I never know how to spell her name). The cast didn't see anything so this is a boring conversation. And if anything did happen, it seems like it was consensual.
OMG, now they're showing the best of Jade and Tanner and Carly and Evan. I think we already saw this during Carly and Evan's wedding. And no shocker, Carly's pregnant. And of course they're going to do an ultrasound. Again, they are desperate for filler.
DeMario claims that even he thought he could fall in love in Paradise, which I don't believe for a minute, but whatever. If Corinne got some kind of payout from this I certainly hope that DeMario did too. It's unclear what him and Corinne did in the pool but Corinne didn't seem phased. This is the longest conversation about nothing I've seen on this show and that's saying a lot. So DeMario didn't wonder why he was getting kicked off? I find that strange. Then they force DeMario to watch the media reports about him. What's ludicrous about the audience is they're acting supportive when I'm sure they were just as skeptical as I was when this story came out.
Whatever happened, DeMario is still a db but I don't think he raped Corrine. Thankfully the episode is over. Unfortunately, we hear Corinne's side of the story next week.
Thursday, August 31, 2017
Saturday, August 26, 2017
Bachelor in Paradise: Week 2, Day 1
Hello BIP lovers! Last week was awkward, we'll see how this week goes. We pick up where we left off last week with Kristina pissed at Dean. The women are pissed that the guys are hanging out with each other and not trying to woo the women. Adam, he who made it much farther than he should have on Rachel's season, is the next arrival. Adam didn't seem to bring AJ with him. Adam has his pick of the ladies at this point. The women swarm over Adam. Adam's interested in Kristina and Raven. Ben's annoyed that yet another guy is interested in Raven.
Ring Ceremony
Wells gives us the lowdown on who the couples are. It's obvious that Raven will be the last one to give out a rose. I think Alex, Diggy, Iggy, Nick, and Vinny are on the chopping block. Wow, that's a lot of guys. I'll be sad to see Vinny go. I'm not sure how I feel about Ben. He talks about his dog non-stop which is annoying. Oh wait, like I did with the Bachelorette, I forgot that Adam was there and still had a date. No shocker, he asks Raven.
Kristina goes to confront Dean, who's sleeping. Dean's a tool and Kristina needs to talk to someone else. She shouldn't have to try to hard to get his attention. It's like watching the 20-something version of myself. Oh to have more self-confidence in those days.
It must be hard to be Raven, what with going on her second date. Is Adam better looking in person? Raven--why do you wear so much makeup? Is it because you have bad skin? Did you think that maybe you have bad skin because you wear so much makeup? I get it--I have problem skin too. You're such a pretty girl, there's no need to wear so much makeup.
The date is boring and is overlayed with Ben's insecurity who is hoping the date sucked.
Cocktail Party
Will there finally be a Rose Ceremony? Hallelujah! Apparently Robby is in the running for Raven, but I'm not sure he's gotten that memo yet. This cocktail party is going to be difficult to watch. Somehow Vinny was going to get Corinne's rose, which suggests to me that the Corinne/DeMario thing was totally overblown. It's anyone's guess who is getting what roses. Jack Stone woos Alexis. Again, I don't see the attraction of Alexis but maybe I'd like her better without the huge earrings and the eyelashes. Oh, and the talking.
How long until Ben Facetimes with his dog and starts crying harder than Kenny used to when he spoke to his daughter? I hate what Robby's wearing. And he's a buddy of Josh so he's a douche. But that doesn't stop him from resetting his sights on Amanda. He asks for a kiss and gets shot down. hahahahahaha. Nick is throwing Hail Marys left and right. Taylor and Derek are the only solid couple at this point.
I don't see Matt and Jazmin (I think I'm spelling her name wrong) being a long-term couple. I guess she's not mad at him anymore? Iggy's finally trying with Lacey again. Iggy reads Lacey some sort of nonsense. Next Diggy makes a play for Lacey. They have a very awkward looking kiss. Alex is still wooing Amanda. Amanda tells him again that she doesn't have a shot. Alex then makes a play for Alexis, Lacey, Danielle and Raven. We'll see if anyone is persuraded. My guess is no.
Dean pulls his head out of his ass to talk to Kristina. To his credit he tells her pre-rose that he wants to slow down. Since she has self-esteem issues my guess is she'll give him the rose anyway. Alex swoops in right after to plead his case.
Rose Ceremony
FINALLY we have a Rose Ceremony. No shocker, Taylor is first and picks Derek. Jazmin is next and chooses Matt. Raven is next (I would have thought she'd have gone last) and she chooses...Adam. Wow, good for Adam. Alexis chooses Jack Stone. Lacey chooses Diggy. Danielle chooses Ben, which is an unexpected surprise. Kristina chooses Dean (oh, Kristina, mistake). Amanda gives out the last rose and chooses Robby. Alex, Nick, Iggy, and Vinny say goodbye. I'll miss you, Vinny. Everyone else, see ya later. Nick's 35? Maybe Vinny could be the next Bachelor? Poor Vinny, trying to buckle up and he can't.
This episode has exhausted me already and I'm not sure how much more I can take.
Post-Ceremony
Danielle L. shows up (D-Lo). Despite getting the rose from the other Danielle, I guess there's not relationship potential for Ben and Danielle? The ladies pull D-Lo aside. Kristina doesn't stake her territory with Dean. Ben gives D-Lo the low-down. Why is Ben wearing that shirt? D-Lo pulls Dean aside. How is D-Lo keeping her boobs from falling out of her dress? It doesn't appear she has tape to keep those girls in. This is where I lose sympathy for Kristina because Dean told her he wanted to slow down, which means, "he wants to see other people." Move on, sweetheart. Ben's disappointed that D-Lo asks Dean out instead of him.
Alexis and Jazmin have a bizarre montage. What's the woman version of a bromance? They're besties and I'm glad they're having fun. Anyway, clearly another sign that they're struggling for material here.
Before heading out on his date, Dean pulls his head out his ass and talks to Kristina. He's trying to make sure his eggs are in multiple baskets. Kristina talks a good game about moving on but I'm not convinced. D-Lo is wearing ridiculous holey jeans. Are they pants or bizarre cutoffs?
D-Lo and Dean have a super awkward conversation. She also has an annoying nervous laugh. Yes, Dean, as a matter of fact, you do sound that stupid.
Kristina is moping on the beach while D-Lo and Dean make out. Dean might be a db but from my vantage point he's been very clear with Kristina about what he does (or doesn't) want. Oh Kristina, you need to move on sweetie.
If everyone thinks that Dean and Kristine's relationship are super strong, it doesn't say a lot about the BIP relationships at this point. Dean goes up to her room to try and "steal" Kristina but doesn't have the balls to actually talk to her in front of her friends. She leaves the room with him and he admits that him and D-Lo kissed but it didn't mean anything. I don't know what Dean wants but he's clearly stringing Kristina along.
S'mores
The gang's making s'mores by the fire. Kristina's still in denial and Dean brings out a cake for D-Lo's half birthday. The other women are understandably annoyed by Dean. While I might not like her earrings or eyelashes, Alexis' spunkiness is growing on me. As Dean rubs up against D-Lo, Kristina runs off in tears.
Finally this episode is over. Tomorrow's episode is looking better, although it appears they haven't completely beaten the dead horse that is the BIP shut down--Chris interviews DeMario. Oh DeMario, at this point I'm
Ring Ceremony
Wells gives us the lowdown on who the couples are. It's obvious that Raven will be the last one to give out a rose. I think Alex, Diggy, Iggy, Nick, and Vinny are on the chopping block. Wow, that's a lot of guys. I'll be sad to see Vinny go. I'm not sure how I feel about Ben. He talks about his dog non-stop which is annoying. Oh wait, like I did with the Bachelorette, I forgot that Adam was there and still had a date. No shocker, he asks Raven.
Kristina goes to confront Dean, who's sleeping. Dean's a tool and Kristina needs to talk to someone else. She shouldn't have to try to hard to get his attention. It's like watching the 20-something version of myself. Oh to have more self-confidence in those days.
It must be hard to be Raven, what with going on her second date. Is Adam better looking in person? Raven--why do you wear so much makeup? Is it because you have bad skin? Did you think that maybe you have bad skin because you wear so much makeup? I get it--I have problem skin too. You're such a pretty girl, there's no need to wear so much makeup.
The date is boring and is overlayed with Ben's insecurity who is hoping the date sucked.
Cocktail Party
Will there finally be a Rose Ceremony? Hallelujah! Apparently Robby is in the running for Raven, but I'm not sure he's gotten that memo yet. This cocktail party is going to be difficult to watch. Somehow Vinny was going to get Corinne's rose, which suggests to me that the Corinne/DeMario thing was totally overblown. It's anyone's guess who is getting what roses. Jack Stone woos Alexis. Again, I don't see the attraction of Alexis but maybe I'd like her better without the huge earrings and the eyelashes. Oh, and the talking.
How long until Ben Facetimes with his dog and starts crying harder than Kenny used to when he spoke to his daughter? I hate what Robby's wearing. And he's a buddy of Josh so he's a douche. But that doesn't stop him from resetting his sights on Amanda. He asks for a kiss and gets shot down. hahahahahaha. Nick is throwing Hail Marys left and right. Taylor and Derek are the only solid couple at this point.
I don't see Matt and Jazmin (I think I'm spelling her name wrong) being a long-term couple. I guess she's not mad at him anymore? Iggy's finally trying with Lacey again. Iggy reads Lacey some sort of nonsense. Next Diggy makes a play for Lacey. They have a very awkward looking kiss. Alex is still wooing Amanda. Amanda tells him again that she doesn't have a shot. Alex then makes a play for Alexis, Lacey, Danielle and Raven. We'll see if anyone is persuraded. My guess is no.
Dean pulls his head out of his ass to talk to Kristina. To his credit he tells her pre-rose that he wants to slow down. Since she has self-esteem issues my guess is she'll give him the rose anyway. Alex swoops in right after to plead his case.
Rose Ceremony
FINALLY we have a Rose Ceremony. No shocker, Taylor is first and picks Derek. Jazmin is next and chooses Matt. Raven is next (I would have thought she'd have gone last) and she chooses...Adam. Wow, good for Adam. Alexis chooses Jack Stone. Lacey chooses Diggy. Danielle chooses Ben, which is an unexpected surprise. Kristina chooses Dean (oh, Kristina, mistake). Amanda gives out the last rose and chooses Robby. Alex, Nick, Iggy, and Vinny say goodbye. I'll miss you, Vinny. Everyone else, see ya later. Nick's 35? Maybe Vinny could be the next Bachelor? Poor Vinny, trying to buckle up and he can't.
This episode has exhausted me already and I'm not sure how much more I can take.
Post-Ceremony
Danielle L. shows up (D-Lo). Despite getting the rose from the other Danielle, I guess there's not relationship potential for Ben and Danielle? The ladies pull D-Lo aside. Kristina doesn't stake her territory with Dean. Ben gives D-Lo the low-down. Why is Ben wearing that shirt? D-Lo pulls Dean aside. How is D-Lo keeping her boobs from falling out of her dress? It doesn't appear she has tape to keep those girls in. This is where I lose sympathy for Kristina because Dean told her he wanted to slow down, which means, "he wants to see other people." Move on, sweetheart. Ben's disappointed that D-Lo asks Dean out instead of him.
Alexis and Jazmin have a bizarre montage. What's the woman version of a bromance? They're besties and I'm glad they're having fun. Anyway, clearly another sign that they're struggling for material here.
Before heading out on his date, Dean pulls his head out his ass and talks to Kristina. He's trying to make sure his eggs are in multiple baskets. Kristina talks a good game about moving on but I'm not convinced. D-Lo is wearing ridiculous holey jeans. Are they pants or bizarre cutoffs?
D-Lo and Dean have a super awkward conversation. She also has an annoying nervous laugh. Yes, Dean, as a matter of fact, you do sound that stupid.
Kristina is moping on the beach while D-Lo and Dean make out. Dean might be a db but from my vantage point he's been very clear with Kristina about what he does (or doesn't) want. Oh Kristina, you need to move on sweetie.
If everyone thinks that Dean and Kristine's relationship are super strong, it doesn't say a lot about the BIP relationships at this point. Dean goes up to her room to try and "steal" Kristina but doesn't have the balls to actually talk to her in front of her friends. She leaves the room with him and he admits that him and D-Lo kissed but it didn't mean anything. I don't know what Dean wants but he's clearly stringing Kristina along.
S'mores
The gang's making s'mores by the fire. Kristina's still in denial and Dean brings out a cake for D-Lo's half birthday. The other women are understandably annoyed by Dean. While I might not like her earrings or eyelashes, Alexis' spunkiness is growing on me. As Dean rubs up against D-Lo, Kristina runs off in tears.
Finally this episode is over. Tomorrow's episode is looking better, although it appears they haven't completely beaten the dead horse that is the BIP shut down--Chris interviews DeMario. Oh DeMario, at this point I'm
Monday, August 21, 2017
Bachelor in Paradise: Week 1, Day 2
It's clear based on the end of last night's episode that the weird Corinne/DeMario thing will be the forefront. Chris talks about the controversy again. Chris assures us it's all going to be okay and Carly and Evan will be getting married.
Carly and Evan's Wedding
They're clearly looking for filler because Chris reminds us about about Carly's history with the Bachelor and BIP series, then Evan's history, then the development of their love story. It's nothing we haven't seen before, folks.
Pre-wedding we see Whitney, who's probably counting her blessings that things ended with Chris Soules. And THEN we see a flashback of all of the other couples that have gotten married. There's Trish and Ryan, Jason and Molly, Ashley and JP (who, while I didn't watch their season, I have always really, really liked), Sean and Catherine, Jade and Tanner (I hope you got a glimpse of the weirdo that ended up on Nick's season there as the Maid of Honor! Also, they just became parents! What can I say, I love babies.). They conveniently skip Marcus and Lacy, since that was a sham. Wow, this takes filler to a whole new level.
The twins are at the wedding, Ashley's there, Jared's there, Tanner, Nick and Vanessa, Kaitlin and Shawn (when are they getting married?)--they're all there!
Again, more filler as we see Carly and Evan prepping for the wedding. Wells is in Evan's wedding party. Julia and Jade (quite pregnant) from Bachelor past are in the wedding. I'd write more but it's not that interesting. I will say that unlike Carly's mom, I don't think I'd ever tell either one of my daughters that I prayed for them to find a guy. If I were to pray for them, that wouldn't be one of the topics.
As the ceremony finally begins, someone plays some sort of instrument topless. Wells looks annoyed that his bridesmaid isn't very pretty. He also looks like a stroke victim whose left side was paralyzed and he's holding his hand up. The audience benches are a little sparse because the wedding went on without the BIP attendees. Evan's already bawling. Evan's always been a bit of a dork, but those two are pretty cute. Vanessa fake smiles throughout the ceremony. There's some sort of Mexican shaman aspect to the ceremony. There was a lot of conch blowing. Who's the guy sitting between Jared and Tanner? He looks familiar, in a random Bachelor contestant kind of way.
The Shutdown
Chris is back and tells us that production is back up but they don't have a cast. Who is he kidding? It's clear that all of these post-commercial segments were all filmed in the same day. Fortunately this is only a tease because (of course) everyone came back. Their entrance is recreated but the mood seems off (appropriately so). Raven's hoping for a fresh reset on love.
Chris asks the crew how it feels to be back. Chris has a serious talk about what happened, what didn't happen and what needs to be done to start the show together. It's like watching a high school sex ed class or a workplace sexual harassment meeting. Chris reminds everyone that Warner Bros. sought an outside firm to go through everything. They concluded there was no evidence of misconduct by the cast or crew. Chris asks the cast if they trust that finding. Not shockingly, they do. They blame the media for blowing things out of proportion, which to be honest, isn't out of the realm of possibilities. Raven knew that everything was going to be okay. And, like, Taylor?, she was really glad that the cast and producers came together? You need to read it like a question? Because that's how she talks?
Alex and the others talk about how they're not "controlled" and they have "free will." They're not pawns. They're individuals!
Taylor: "People think that reality TV is scripted? And people come up to me and ask that? And everything we do and say we decide to do it? And there are times where we have to do multiple takes? But that really helps the realness?
Taylor claims she doesn't drink. And nobody has ever forced her to drink?
Even Chris looks uncomfortable at this charade and that's saying a lot. Raven feels bad for how DeMario was demonized but no specific mention of Corinne. Iggy, the gossip queen, also feels bad for DeMario and the unfair representation. Iggy brings up the race card, which makes everyone uncomfortable. No, sorry. Chris bringing up whether race played a part in this makes things uncomfortable. As the only other person of color there besides Diggy, Jasmine reluctantly speaks up.
As snide as I am, this is a very tenuous situation. While I am sympathetic to DeMario being blamed, I think the issue is more whether Corinne was in a position to consent, not that DeMario did anything wrong. In these situations it's generally the women who have to defend themselves, not the man, although I'd say the cases that make the news are white men as the rapists.
Nick finally says yes that race played a part and the others are relieved that he spoke up that they all nod their heads vigorously. They seem to take DeMario's side more than Corinne. Chris brings up Corinne claiming she was a victim and the crew dismisses that and blames the lawyers for that statement. Oy, the "slut shaming" discussion is even more awkward than the race discussion. Raven brings up her own sexual assault and basically says she hopes Corinne's lying doesn't deter other women from speaking up. Awkward silence follows. Sooooo....in the Bachelor world, men still reign and it's the woman's fault.
Oh, it's getting better. Now Chris is talking about how to know when someone is giving consent. Taylor chimes in and says, "Verbal consent is the best?" Ben points out the importance of consent throughout making out with someone. THEN Chris asks the group if someone is passed out can they give consent. The gang seems relieved by that easy question.
Chris reiterates that they're all in paradise to fall in love and reminds them all to be aware of consent while they're in paradise. Oh, for after the show too. Chris THEN asks if they all want to continue the show and he needs a majority vote. He gently reminds them to be "honest" (as they all discussed with the producers prior to filming this segment). He goes person by person and they all say they want to be there. They didn't leave their "jobs" for nothing, so there are sighs of relief all around. Chris reminds us that Jorge has left but Wells will still be replacing him. Luckily for those that were on the chopping block at the original rose ceremony have bought themselves another day.
Paradise is Reopened
The "bros" get together and talk about the women. Oh and remember how Lacey left because of her grandfather? The timing of that worked out well. People need to make connections all over again. Rob and Ben are fighting over Raven. Raven needed a break from both Ben and Robby so she ghosted both of them. That's mature. The ladies aren't vibing on Alex, who could probably get away with his arrogance if he was several inches taller. Anyway, not many of the women know who they're giving their roses to because of the break. Dean lets if slip that him and Kristina hung out and Dean says he told Kristina to date anyone that asks him out. Taylor and Derek seem to be the closest thing to boyfriend girlfriend. The women gush and swoon.
There's a montage of everyone drinking and having fun. It's! So! Much! Fun! Forgettable Nick really wants to stay. At first I thought Taylor and Derek were talking about the rose ceremony but eventually I realize I think they were talking about going "all the way". I'd wait until the next rose ceremony myself. You want to make sure you're not giving it up for nothing, you know?
By some miracle Matt's made a connection with Jasmine. And yet, he feels a little pinned down and wants to keep his options open. Alex calls Amanda "wifey", which I'm sure she loved. Amanda talks about getting a dog and Alex brags about the dog breeds he likes and nobody knows what he's talking about. Again, if Alex was taller than the women his db behavior might be tolerated, but it certainly won't be tolerated when it's coming from someone of his stature. Amanda seems (rightly) annoyed by Alex and is hopefully thinking of ways to talk to other guys. By saying she doesn't think she'll get a date card foreshadows that she will get a date card. Please pick someone other than Alex! He'll be so pissed. Amanda is being too nice to Alex. For example, she doesn't Ave to sit and talk to him.
Danielle tries to talk to Alex and he doesn't want to hear what she said, so he asks others for advice and they all tell him to talk to other women. He still isn't hearing it and thinks he just needs to turn the charm on more. Please let Amanda get a date card. Alex pulls Amanda aside. Vinny and Alexis make fun of their conversation. Alex now thinks it's wrong to be a nice guy so he's going back to being a db.
Lacey's damaged past is revealing itself. She's been in bad relationships but she's astute enough to know that Iggy is full of s*** and just wants to hang out with his bros and use her to get rose. A date card does show up but it's for Derek, which is kind of lame since him and Taylor are already together. Lacey is the crier of the season, at least for now. It turns out that this is really about Lacey's love for Daniel. And we're blessed with a Daniel montage. Oh Daniel, you can't get on this island soon enough, although I know Lacey wouldn't be your jam. Maybe Alexis?
Taylor and Derek's date
Daylor (that's my new name for them) have their date and it's totally boring because they're already a couple. However, Kristina is starting to seem insecure about her relationship with Dean. Back on the Daylor date, it looks like they're going to do the deed. Thankfully, despite the cameras in the boom-boom room, they don't show too much. Jasmine gets frustrated with Matt because he decided to go to bed instead of hanging out with her Now she's the one crying. Dean tries to have a conversation with Kristina but he has no idea how to talk to women. Nick tells Kristina he's sorry but is probably psyched that he might have a chance now. All in all, lots of tears in paradise tonight. And this is the BIP that I know and love.
In the coming attractions, I'm really looking forward to Wells and his crazy puppets and crazy faces. Oh and Daniel's back so that's awesome too.
Carly and Evan's Wedding
They're clearly looking for filler because Chris reminds us about about Carly's history with the Bachelor and BIP series, then Evan's history, then the development of their love story. It's nothing we haven't seen before, folks.
Pre-wedding we see Whitney, who's probably counting her blessings that things ended with Chris Soules. And THEN we see a flashback of all of the other couples that have gotten married. There's Trish and Ryan, Jason and Molly, Ashley and JP (who, while I didn't watch their season, I have always really, really liked), Sean and Catherine, Jade and Tanner (I hope you got a glimpse of the weirdo that ended up on Nick's season there as the Maid of Honor! Also, they just became parents! What can I say, I love babies.). They conveniently skip Marcus and Lacy, since that was a sham. Wow, this takes filler to a whole new level.
The twins are at the wedding, Ashley's there, Jared's there, Tanner, Nick and Vanessa, Kaitlin and Shawn (when are they getting married?)--they're all there!
Again, more filler as we see Carly and Evan prepping for the wedding. Wells is in Evan's wedding party. Julia and Jade (quite pregnant) from Bachelor past are in the wedding. I'd write more but it's not that interesting. I will say that unlike Carly's mom, I don't think I'd ever tell either one of my daughters that I prayed for them to find a guy. If I were to pray for them, that wouldn't be one of the topics.
As the ceremony finally begins, someone plays some sort of instrument topless. Wells looks annoyed that his bridesmaid isn't very pretty. He also looks like a stroke victim whose left side was paralyzed and he's holding his hand up. The audience benches are a little sparse because the wedding went on without the BIP attendees. Evan's already bawling. Evan's always been a bit of a dork, but those two are pretty cute. Vanessa fake smiles throughout the ceremony. There's some sort of Mexican shaman aspect to the ceremony. There was a lot of conch blowing. Who's the guy sitting between Jared and Tanner? He looks familiar, in a random Bachelor contestant kind of way.
The Shutdown
Chris is back and tells us that production is back up but they don't have a cast. Who is he kidding? It's clear that all of these post-commercial segments were all filmed in the same day. Fortunately this is only a tease because (of course) everyone came back. Their entrance is recreated but the mood seems off (appropriately so). Raven's hoping for a fresh reset on love.
Chris asks the crew how it feels to be back. Chris has a serious talk about what happened, what didn't happen and what needs to be done to start the show together. It's like watching a high school sex ed class or a workplace sexual harassment meeting. Chris reminds everyone that Warner Bros. sought an outside firm to go through everything. They concluded there was no evidence of misconduct by the cast or crew. Chris asks the cast if they trust that finding. Not shockingly, they do. They blame the media for blowing things out of proportion, which to be honest, isn't out of the realm of possibilities. Raven knew that everything was going to be okay. And, like, Taylor?, she was really glad that the cast and producers came together? You need to read it like a question? Because that's how she talks?
Alex and the others talk about how they're not "controlled" and they have "free will." They're not pawns. They're individuals!
Taylor: "People think that reality TV is scripted? And people come up to me and ask that? And everything we do and say we decide to do it? And there are times where we have to do multiple takes? But that really helps the realness?
Taylor claims she doesn't drink. And nobody has ever forced her to drink?
Even Chris looks uncomfortable at this charade and that's saying a lot. Raven feels bad for how DeMario was demonized but no specific mention of Corinne. Iggy, the gossip queen, also feels bad for DeMario and the unfair representation. Iggy brings up the race card, which makes everyone uncomfortable. No, sorry. Chris bringing up whether race played a part in this makes things uncomfortable. As the only other person of color there besides Diggy, Jasmine reluctantly speaks up.
As snide as I am, this is a very tenuous situation. While I am sympathetic to DeMario being blamed, I think the issue is more whether Corinne was in a position to consent, not that DeMario did anything wrong. In these situations it's generally the women who have to defend themselves, not the man, although I'd say the cases that make the news are white men as the rapists.
Nick finally says yes that race played a part and the others are relieved that he spoke up that they all nod their heads vigorously. They seem to take DeMario's side more than Corinne. Chris brings up Corinne claiming she was a victim and the crew dismisses that and blames the lawyers for that statement. Oy, the "slut shaming" discussion is even more awkward than the race discussion. Raven brings up her own sexual assault and basically says she hopes Corinne's lying doesn't deter other women from speaking up. Awkward silence follows. Sooooo....in the Bachelor world, men still reign and it's the woman's fault.
Oh, it's getting better. Now Chris is talking about how to know when someone is giving consent. Taylor chimes in and says, "Verbal consent is the best?" Ben points out the importance of consent throughout making out with someone. THEN Chris asks the group if someone is passed out can they give consent. The gang seems relieved by that easy question.
Chris reiterates that they're all in paradise to fall in love and reminds them all to be aware of consent while they're in paradise. Oh, for after the show too. Chris THEN asks if they all want to continue the show and he needs a majority vote. He gently reminds them to be "honest" (as they all discussed with the producers prior to filming this segment). He goes person by person and they all say they want to be there. They didn't leave their "jobs" for nothing, so there are sighs of relief all around. Chris reminds us that Jorge has left but Wells will still be replacing him. Luckily for those that were on the chopping block at the original rose ceremony have bought themselves another day.
Paradise is Reopened
The "bros" get together and talk about the women. Oh and remember how Lacey left because of her grandfather? The timing of that worked out well. People need to make connections all over again. Rob and Ben are fighting over Raven. Raven needed a break from both Ben and Robby so she ghosted both of them. That's mature. The ladies aren't vibing on Alex, who could probably get away with his arrogance if he was several inches taller. Anyway, not many of the women know who they're giving their roses to because of the break. Dean lets if slip that him and Kristina hung out and Dean says he told Kristina to date anyone that asks him out. Taylor and Derek seem to be the closest thing to boyfriend girlfriend. The women gush and swoon.
There's a montage of everyone drinking and having fun. It's! So! Much! Fun! Forgettable Nick really wants to stay. At first I thought Taylor and Derek were talking about the rose ceremony but eventually I realize I think they were talking about going "all the way". I'd wait until the next rose ceremony myself. You want to make sure you're not giving it up for nothing, you know?
By some miracle Matt's made a connection with Jasmine. And yet, he feels a little pinned down and wants to keep his options open. Alex calls Amanda "wifey", which I'm sure she loved. Amanda talks about getting a dog and Alex brags about the dog breeds he likes and nobody knows what he's talking about. Again, if Alex was taller than the women his db behavior might be tolerated, but it certainly won't be tolerated when it's coming from someone of his stature. Amanda seems (rightly) annoyed by Alex and is hopefully thinking of ways to talk to other guys. By saying she doesn't think she'll get a date card foreshadows that she will get a date card. Please pick someone other than Alex! He'll be so pissed. Amanda is being too nice to Alex. For example, she doesn't Ave to sit and talk to him.
Danielle tries to talk to Alex and he doesn't want to hear what she said, so he asks others for advice and they all tell him to talk to other women. He still isn't hearing it and thinks he just needs to turn the charm on more. Please let Amanda get a date card. Alex pulls Amanda aside. Vinny and Alexis make fun of their conversation. Alex now thinks it's wrong to be a nice guy so he's going back to being a db.
Lacey's damaged past is revealing itself. She's been in bad relationships but she's astute enough to know that Iggy is full of s*** and just wants to hang out with his bros and use her to get rose. A date card does show up but it's for Derek, which is kind of lame since him and Taylor are already together. Lacey is the crier of the season, at least for now. It turns out that this is really about Lacey's love for Daniel. And we're blessed with a Daniel montage. Oh Daniel, you can't get on this island soon enough, although I know Lacey wouldn't be your jam. Maybe Alexis?
Taylor and Derek's date
Daylor (that's my new name for them) have their date and it's totally boring because they're already a couple. However, Kristina is starting to seem insecure about her relationship with Dean. Back on the Daylor date, it looks like they're going to do the deed. Thankfully, despite the cameras in the boom-boom room, they don't show too much. Jasmine gets frustrated with Matt because he decided to go to bed instead of hanging out with her Now she's the one crying. Dean tries to have a conversation with Kristina but he has no idea how to talk to women. Nick tells Kristina he's sorry but is probably psyched that he might have a chance now. All in all, lots of tears in paradise tonight. And this is the BIP that I know and love.
In the coming attractions, I'm really looking forward to Wells and his crazy puppets and crazy faces. Oh and Daniel's back so that's awesome too.
Saturday, August 19, 2017
Bachelor in Paradise: Week 1, Day 1
Ahhh...my favorite show of the Bachelor/Bachelorette franchise. I hardly have time for an intro because there is no 5-10 minute buildup from Chris. They start off with the murmurings of the shutdown. Oh wait, nope. There's Chris. Is it just me or does his intro remind you of Troy McClure? Troy would have been an awesome host.
Chris talks about how icky and stressful the production shut down was and how BIP is about fun...and love...and mahwage. But the ickiness tainted that. Darn you, ickiness! Thankfully, the BIP cast and crew were able to sweep things under the rug with no clear discussion of what happened and moved on. Because it's good television and no "misconduct" was found, Chris and ABC are taking us back to the start of production.
Intro
The intro is one of the best things about this show. My guess (hope?) is the producers give the cast freedom to do what they want here, so I love seeing who takes it seriously and who is goofy. In the past, it has seemed that most of the women do something cutesy but not funny and many of the guys are more goofy than serious. Here is my ranking of this week's cast:
Iggy's excited to see Corinne because Corinne's the life of the party and Iggy seems to think that he's the life of the party too. If DeMario says he's looking for the next Mrs. Jackson again I'll scream.
Dean pulls Kristina aside and bonds with her over their effed up families. How sweet. I forgot that Kristina is a dental hygienist so she's very impressed by his teeth. Next to arrive is Lacey, who we're reminded is camel girl. Thankfully Vinny shows up. Then Diggy. Wow, Corinne is really short, isn't she?
Corinne's from New Jersey??? ...and then she leaps into DeMario's arms. She might already be wasted though. Ohhh...Matt showed up in a penguin suit during Rachel's season, which I don't remember at all. Alex turns his nose up at the penguin costume and Matt disses Nick at his half-assed Santa. Nick goes straight for Jasmine.
Amanda's back...again. Amanda fell for the Josh Murray craziness despite warnings from her friends. Luckily for her we know that DeMario is gone soon so she won't be wooed by him. Corinne's BFF Taylor shows up next. Does Taylor have a long scar down her back?
Taylor's hesitant to run into Corinne. While Taylor was pretty insufferable in her own right, I wouldn't want to run into Corine again either.
It's super creepy how Chris keeps talking about the shut down production. We know, Chris--you told us. Derek's not into a bromance, he wants a romance.
So apparently there's a celebrity version of Tinder? And shockingly, despite applying, Amanda didn't get in.
Alexis: "Amanda is so pretty, she deserves love and happiness whereas, like, I don't."
Raven: "You don't think you deserve love and happiness?"
Alexis: "I do, but like, she deserves it more."
This, dear readers, is why I love BIP. For these amazing conversations.
You're right, Alexis--if you base how much someone deserves love and happiness on how beautiful someone is, Amanda ranks higher than you. Maybe it's the large hoop earrings and the rest of her New Jersey vibe, but I don't get the appeal of Alexis.
Of course they focus on Corinne and DeMario. Alex is such a db. Corinne jumps into the pool with her clothes. Alex provides the play-by-play.
Chris pulls the gang together but I don't think that Corinne and DeMario are there. Chris gives his welcome speech. Jorge comes out to make an announcement and he wants to pursue his dreams. He wants to start a tour business called "Jorges Tour-ges". Dean clearly doesn't get the play on words. Oh Dean, I love it when we're reminded of how dumb you are. Oh, DeMario is there. Maybe Corinne is napping or I just didn't see her. It's hard at times to get a sense of timing during these all day drinking fests. I digress. Jorge announces that he's found his replacement and it's Wells. It's unclear to me why Wells is doing this besides an insatiable appetite to stay on BIP longer than anyone else. Perhaps we need no other reason? Maybe he gets sloppy seconds? For the first time ever in BIP, women get to hand out the roses first. Hooray for women's empowerment!
Taylor and Derek are hitting it off pretty well. Danielle has her eyes on Dean. The first date card arrives and it goes to Kristina. No surprise, she chooses Dean.
Danielle's already depressed and apparently her and Wells go way back so it seems she's going to whine to him all season at the bar. Everyone is mingling. Lacey and Iggy seem to be making an early connection. As usual, Iggy seems to have no self-awareness so it remains unclear if Lacey is into him too or just wants to be pursued right now.
Kristina and Dean's date
Dean's laying it on thick and his teeth are blindingly white. The date is boring but a love connection seems to have been made.
Jasmine
Nick is hammered and Jasmine is annoyed. Matt takes this opportunity to swoop in and make a move on her. First night in Paradise and Matt's getting way more action than he ever got on Rachel's season.
The Next Day
Lacey has to unexpectedly leave because her grandfather passed away. Iggy's sweating it because he was hoping that he'd get her rose. Robby arrives next and gets a date card. As he interviews the ladies, Corinne's not very impressed and Danielle can't get beyond his hair. Robby offers the date card to Raven and she accepts, to Ben's disappointment. Ben's annoyed because he didn't leave his dog at home for nothing. As Robby gets ready for his date we find out that he's brought a swimsuit for every day. Alrighty then.
Danielle and Jack Stone have a conversation but she can't tell what's going on with him. Robby's totally into Raven. Ben's cooking up a plan to swoop in on Raven when they come back from their date. Raven and Robby have what might be the most elaborate tropical drinks I've ever seen. Has Robby had work done on his face? Because he looks a little weird. DeMario's into Alexis so maybe she looks better in person (it's unclear yet why he abandoned Corinne). Robby and Raven come back from their date. The bros go off to do shots. Robby thought it went really well but thankfully Raven wasn't as impressed. She (appropriately, I might add) doesn't want to date someone prettier than her. And those abs could be annoying. You can't have abs like that and not have an eating disorder/be completely anal about what you eat. I love how Raven is dissing him. I hope Ben feels relieved because despite being a little clueless and talking about his dog too much, I like Ben more than Robby.
Nick seems to think he still has a shot at Jasmine. He pulls her aside but then Iggy hollers about the arrival of a date card. Matt gets the card and no shocker, he chooses Jasmine. It looks like Nick's days are numbered. They head to a drag bar. Matt, to his credit, rolls with it, which I don't think all of the guys would do. THEN they choose him from the audience and make him up to be part of the show. Matt comes out as Virginia and while he can't walk well in the shoes, Jasmine loves it. His dress is beautiful and he's kind of a hot mess but he wins major points for having fun.
Cocktail Party
Diggy hasn't had any air time yet and is making the hard sell to anyone that will listen to him. So is Izzy. Taylor's "feeling feelings" for Derek so he's safe. Robby's still trying to woo Raven and doesn't seem threatened by Ben. Raven tells Ben he's a better kisser than Robby.
All of a sudden, DeMario and Corinne are pulled aside and the remaining cast is confused. Then all of a sudden the cameras are off and the crew disappears. The cameras aren't really off though because the cast is still getting interviewed.
And that's the end. We all know what happens next but I have no doubt they'll have some weird and awkward explanation. It goes without saying it will be super-dramatic.
These first few episodes are a little painful until the couples settle in and the drama starts. Everyone is still on good behavior. I can't wait to see where things are at in a few weeks!
Chris talks about how icky and stressful the production shut down was and how BIP is about fun...and love...and mahwage. But the ickiness tainted that. Darn you, ickiness! Thankfully, the BIP cast and crew were able to sweep things under the rug with no clear discussion of what happened and moved on. Because it's good television and no "misconduct" was found, Chris and ABC are taking us back to the start of production.
Intro
The intro is one of the best things about this show. My guess (hope?) is the producers give the cast freedom to do what they want here, so I love seeing who takes it seriously and who is goofy. In the past, it has seemed that most of the women do something cutesy but not funny and many of the guys are more goofy than serious. Here is my ranking of this week's cast:
- Dean: lame
- Raven: lame
- Vinny: chuckle. As an aside, I'm really glad that Vinny's back and I hope he doesn't get screwed over this year.
- Amanda: Oh Amanda. You're getting chased by a giant slide of pizza, a reference to your psycho ex Josh. My guess is you didn't think of this on your own and the producers suggested this to you.
- Robby: awesome
- Diggy: weird and lame
- Matt: ?
- Kristina: "All-American" with her American Flag bikini and hamburger. Get it? Because she's Russian? And she wants to suggest that she eats and doesn't have an eating disorder? We're in agreement that most of these woman have eating disorders, right?
- Ben Z: another ?
- Iggy: taking it way too seriously with his dance and wink. LAME.
- Jasmine: sort of a chuckle choking the cameraman but I think she could have done better.
- Danielle M: giving CPR. Lame
- Derek: Clearly copying someone from a previous season but I can't remember who. Or he's trying to be sexy and instead coming off as a total douche.
- Taylor: cleverish with the Emotional Intelligence book.
- DeMario: Lame
- Nick: Funny...because he showed up as St. Nick on JoJo's (Kaitlin's?) season.
- Jack Stone: Jack Stone may have a sense of humor.
- Alexis: We know. You love dolphins even though that is clearly a shark costume.
- Corinne: Totally weird because clearly DeMario had completed his intro before leaving but you hadn't.
- Alex: OMG you're a douche.
- Lacey: More creepy than funny but good effort.
- Chris: Awesome, of course.
Raven's up first. She's excited but nervous. Raven wants to leave the island as an engaged woman. She looks like she's wearing slippers but I think they're Birkenstocks? Whatever the shoes are, they look weird with her outfit. Dean arrives, then Kristina, then Danielle M, then Ben. Ben's into Raven but she doesn't seem to be into it. He's going on and on about his dogs. Oh god, Iggy. Iggy runs across the beach to pick up Dean. Jasmine shows up next. Jack Stone clarifies that he's not a serial killer. Alexis shows up in her Shark costume. Of course. Jack Stone redeems himself a bit with a pun about Alexis' porpoise for being on the show. There is already talk of DeMario and the women already there aren't looking forward to his arrival. Chris talks to DeMario a bit and asks him if that woman who showed up was his girlfriend. He said no but said it was likely he lead her on and let her think she was his girlfriend. Perhaps by telling her that she was his girlfriend? DeMario's ready for the hostility but thinks he's going to charm them.
DeMario shows up and his bros are happy to see him but the women notsomuch. Raven is especially not impressed. Neither is Jasmine, mainly because of his whistle though. DeMario pulls Raven aside and thinks he won her over. To her credit, Raven still called him out and wasn't impressed. Derek shows up next to minimal fanfare and Alex the short Marine shows up next. I don't recall that Derek and Alex had any issues. Alex is a little awkward. Finally Corinne shows up. Corinne's changed and says someone's going to need to work for her.
Iggy's excited to see Corinne because Corinne's the life of the party and Iggy seems to think that he's the life of the party too. If DeMario says he's looking for the next Mrs. Jackson again I'll scream.
Dean pulls Kristina aside and bonds with her over their effed up families. How sweet. I forgot that Kristina is a dental hygienist so she's very impressed by his teeth. Next to arrive is Lacey, who we're reminded is camel girl. Thankfully Vinny shows up. Then Diggy. Wow, Corinne is really short, isn't she?
Corinne's from New Jersey??? ...and then she leaps into DeMario's arms. She might already be wasted though. Ohhh...Matt showed up in a penguin suit during Rachel's season, which I don't remember at all. Alex turns his nose up at the penguin costume and Matt disses Nick at his half-assed Santa. Nick goes straight for Jasmine.
Amanda's back...again. Amanda fell for the Josh Murray craziness despite warnings from her friends. Luckily for her we know that DeMario is gone soon so she won't be wooed by him. Corinne's BFF Taylor shows up next. Does Taylor have a long scar down her back?
Taylor's hesitant to run into Corinne. While Taylor was pretty insufferable in her own right, I wouldn't want to run into Corine again either.
It's super creepy how Chris keeps talking about the shut down production. We know, Chris--you told us. Derek's not into a bromance, he wants a romance.
So apparently there's a celebrity version of Tinder? And shockingly, despite applying, Amanda didn't get in.
Alexis: "Amanda is so pretty, she deserves love and happiness whereas, like, I don't."
Raven: "You don't think you deserve love and happiness?"
Alexis: "I do, but like, she deserves it more."
This, dear readers, is why I love BIP. For these amazing conversations.
You're right, Alexis--if you base how much someone deserves love and happiness on how beautiful someone is, Amanda ranks higher than you. Maybe it's the large hoop earrings and the rest of her New Jersey vibe, but I don't get the appeal of Alexis.
Of course they focus on Corinne and DeMario. Alex is such a db. Corinne jumps into the pool with her clothes. Alex provides the play-by-play.
Chris pulls the gang together but I don't think that Corinne and DeMario are there. Chris gives his welcome speech. Jorge comes out to make an announcement and he wants to pursue his dreams. He wants to start a tour business called "Jorges Tour-ges". Dean clearly doesn't get the play on words. Oh Dean, I love it when we're reminded of how dumb you are. Oh, DeMario is there. Maybe Corinne is napping or I just didn't see her. It's hard at times to get a sense of timing during these all day drinking fests. I digress. Jorge announces that he's found his replacement and it's Wells. It's unclear to me why Wells is doing this besides an insatiable appetite to stay on BIP longer than anyone else. Perhaps we need no other reason? Maybe he gets sloppy seconds? For the first time ever in BIP, women get to hand out the roses first. Hooray for women's empowerment!
Taylor and Derek are hitting it off pretty well. Danielle has her eyes on Dean. The first date card arrives and it goes to Kristina. No surprise, she chooses Dean.
Danielle's already depressed and apparently her and Wells go way back so it seems she's going to whine to him all season at the bar. Everyone is mingling. Lacey and Iggy seem to be making an early connection. As usual, Iggy seems to have no self-awareness so it remains unclear if Lacey is into him too or just wants to be pursued right now.
Kristina and Dean's date
Dean's laying it on thick and his teeth are blindingly white. The date is boring but a love connection seems to have been made.
Jasmine
Nick is hammered and Jasmine is annoyed. Matt takes this opportunity to swoop in and make a move on her. First night in Paradise and Matt's getting way more action than he ever got on Rachel's season.
The Next Day
Lacey has to unexpectedly leave because her grandfather passed away. Iggy's sweating it because he was hoping that he'd get her rose. Robby arrives next and gets a date card. As he interviews the ladies, Corinne's not very impressed and Danielle can't get beyond his hair. Robby offers the date card to Raven and she accepts, to Ben's disappointment. Ben's annoyed because he didn't leave his dog at home for nothing. As Robby gets ready for his date we find out that he's brought a swimsuit for every day. Alrighty then.
Danielle and Jack Stone have a conversation but she can't tell what's going on with him. Robby's totally into Raven. Ben's cooking up a plan to swoop in on Raven when they come back from their date. Raven and Robby have what might be the most elaborate tropical drinks I've ever seen. Has Robby had work done on his face? Because he looks a little weird. DeMario's into Alexis so maybe she looks better in person (it's unclear yet why he abandoned Corinne). Robby and Raven come back from their date. The bros go off to do shots. Robby thought it went really well but thankfully Raven wasn't as impressed. She (appropriately, I might add) doesn't want to date someone prettier than her. And those abs could be annoying. You can't have abs like that and not have an eating disorder/be completely anal about what you eat. I love how Raven is dissing him. I hope Ben feels relieved because despite being a little clueless and talking about his dog too much, I like Ben more than Robby.
Nick seems to think he still has a shot at Jasmine. He pulls her aside but then Iggy hollers about the arrival of a date card. Matt gets the card and no shocker, he chooses Jasmine. It looks like Nick's days are numbered. They head to a drag bar. Matt, to his credit, rolls with it, which I don't think all of the guys would do. THEN they choose him from the audience and make him up to be part of the show. Matt comes out as Virginia and while he can't walk well in the shoes, Jasmine loves it. His dress is beautiful and he's kind of a hot mess but he wins major points for having fun.
Cocktail Party
Diggy hasn't had any air time yet and is making the hard sell to anyone that will listen to him. So is Izzy. Taylor's "feeling feelings" for Derek so he's safe. Robby's still trying to woo Raven and doesn't seem threatened by Ben. Raven tells Ben he's a better kisser than Robby.
All of a sudden, DeMario and Corinne are pulled aside and the remaining cast is confused. Then all of a sudden the cameras are off and the crew disappears. The cameras aren't really off though because the cast is still getting interviewed.
And that's the end. We all know what happens next but I have no doubt they'll have some weird and awkward explanation. It goes without saying it will be super-dramatic.
These first few episodes are a little painful until the couples settle in and the drama starts. Everyone is still on good behavior. I can't wait to see where things are at in a few weeks!
Tuesday, August 8, 2017
The Bachelorette: It's Time for the Final Rose
I'm sure there will quite a bit of filler as we build up the momentum so I'll start typing while that happens. When we left things, Peter and Rachel were seemingly at an impasse. While I'm Team Peter out of the three remaining guys, I think she's going to end up with Bryan. A friend of mine thinks that the drama is manufactured and Rachel will be okay with Peter not promising a proposal and then he'll end up proposing. Or maybe we're both wrong and Eric will win the whole thing.
This season's "twist" is Rachel will be live watching the episode with Chris, which should be interesting. And all three guys are in the studio and she'll have to face them as well. The shot they showed of them was too quick to tell who looked the happiest.
In other random news, apparently Juan Pablo is married. No word on who theunlucky lady is.
Finally we get to the episode and we start back with Peter. Despite how the drama ended at the last episode, they seem to be talking things through. I had forgotten that it's still Fantasy Suite time so they need to decide if they're going to "forgo their individual rooms." Peter may not be prepared to propose but he's not an idiot so of course they decide to continue their time together.
The Next Day...
The night went well but it doesn't seem they have resolved their issues.
Bryan's Day
Ugh, Bryan just doesn't do it for me. Please pick Peter. Puh-lease. We have to watch them make-out all day, listen to his smugness and watch them drink delicious wine. Rachel is clearly distracted and to Bryan's credit he notices this and at dinner he confronts her about it. She doesn't really own up to the distraction but says that it's not him or anything he did and she apologizes for acting that way. No shocker, he's down for the fantasy suite. All of those candles would make me nervous. I'd be convinced I'd trip or knock into them and burn the whole place down.
I love Rachel without all of the makeup and I wish the show would let her wear no makeup more often.
Rose Ceremony
There's a long unnecessary build-up to the rose ceremony. Bryan's outfit looks ridiculous without a tie. Eric looks better, but his t-shirt is too casual for the jacket. Peter of course looks best but I'm not a fan of tie clips. No shocker, Bryan gets the first rose, cutting it down to Peter and Eric. I almost can't watch. Thankfully (and despite the drama, not unsurprisingly), Peter gets the rose.
Eric keeps things classy and has nothing but love for Rach. I don't think he was actually in love with her so feelings aren't hurt too badly. Since we've already had Rachel's hometowns, I wonder what this week holds in store date-wise.
Back at the Live Show
Rachel meets up with Eric for the first time since she let him go. It was boring.
One Last Date with Bryan
Rachel gets one last date with Bryan. It goes fine, he gives her a Spanish English dictionary. We have to watch him ram his tongue down her throat, it's gross.
One Last Date with Peter
Rach is a nervous wreck about this date. They explore a beautiful monastery and get pre-marriage counseling from a monk, who is far nicer than I would have expected for someone that was probably forced to allow cameras into his monastery. And by "forced" I mean "ABC gave a generous donation to allow for the ongoing upkeep of the monastery but as part of the deal I have to act interested in these people."
Peter and Rachel continue to go around and around about proposing vs marriage. Honestly at this point in the season, I just want to find out who the Bachelor/Bachelorette picks. Similar to Bryan calling out Rachel about not being present during their Fantasy Suite dates, I give Peter credit for not giving in to proposing to someone that he's only known a few weeks. It makes you wonder if he understood what he had signed up for, but whatevs. He's not as naive as Vanessa was, I'll give him that.
Rachel mopes down the street and shows up at Peter's room. My guess is she's going to do to him what Andi did to Nick and break things off now. They talk things out. Again. Peter apologizes that he's not ready to propose after only knowing her a month. Despite the ickiness of ending up with Bryan, she needs to go with her gut on this and cut Peter loose. Peter asks her if SHE knows without a doubt that HE'S the one she wants to spend the rest of her life with. Rachel refuses to answer because she'll owe ABC money if she reveals that.
I'm tickled that they've seemingly gone through a bottle of wine and someone was considerate enough to bring them dessert but they haven't touched it.
I will say that this is probably the most realistic relationship conversation I ever recall witnessing on this show, so much so that it's becoming uncomfortable to watch (but not that uncomfortable that I'm not watching). Or maybe you never dated someone with commitment issues so this doesn't resonate with you. I was starting to think that the false eyelashes are probably getting awkward at this point and as Peter awkwardly walks Rachel out, it's clear she's taken them off. Thank goodness.
Pleasechangeyourmindpleasechangeyourmindpleasechangeyourmind.
To quote Chris, this is by far one of the most dramatic and emotional good-byes I've ever seen. It's going to be awkward as f*** when they cut away to Rachel and Chris watching this. It's indeed awkward and to make things more awkward, Peter and Rachel speak for the first time since that night. The awkwardness continues. The Nick/Andi reunion was awkward and this was right up there with that. I'm trying to think of a better word than awkward but I can't come up with one. In talking to Peter, Rachel claims there were other red flags that she saw, which I would have been interested in hearing more about, but she doesn't get into it. And as they go to the break, Rachel gets one last dig in about how great her life is now. Oh Rach, did you have to go there? Sigh. Turns out her eyelashes fell off from the crying.
Oy, Peter's still on stage. He is clearly so uncomfortable, I feel terrible for him. Chris will not let this end. Finally he puts Peter out of his misery and lets him go. I think I need a little break after that.
Last One Standing
Is it safe to say that Bryan's been completely overshadowed here? They pretty much fast forward through the whole ring selection, final getting ready, etc. Rachel appropriately feels weird about moving on so quickly from last night.
Bryan proclaims his love but the intense wind is very distracting. Rachel looks uncomfortable getting her hair blown about. When she starts talking I'm starting to wonder if she's going to send Bryan away too and he's starting to seem a little less cocky. But of course she's just playing him and she proclaims her love and it's clear that all she wants is the proposal.
Live Show
Bryan re-proposes. I throw up in my mouth a little. They gush and there's another commercial break. They were clearly making out the entire time and Chris' face is priceless. Chris asks Bryan about his mom and he claims her and Rachel get along really well. Sure. Rachel's family still doesn't like Bryan but they trust Rachel. Rach's mom is relieved that while she's waiting for Bryan's chiropractor rage to emerge, he's not as creepy as her other son-in-law.
BIP Preview
Finally, the moment I've been waiting for--Bachelor in Paradise. Despite the fact that "nothing" came of the Corinne/Demario "incident" (translation: Corinne was possibly paid off but as part of the pay-out her attorneys found "nothing"), it's interesting that ABC decided to confront the issue head on by leading with that. We'll see if they address it anymore next week. The best news is that DANIEL'S BACK. Oh Daniel, I can't wait to see you. A lot of the other people blur together so it's hard to see who hooks up with whom, but there are a lot of tears, including Dean, who is torn between Kristina (now a blond) and one of the twins (bleh). What's-his-face is the crazy bartender and plays with puppets. The hipser DJ guy. Is the other bartender gone? Will the DJ be allowed to find love or will he be limited to random drunk hook-ups? Jasmine seems to mount several men (came out way snarkier than intended, I already love her). I'm so excited!!!
Chris is trying to wrap up the show and Bryan and Rachele aren't even paying attention. Another season over. We'll see if Rachel and Bryan last. Maybe she'll go back to Peter. It's anybody's guess who the next Bachelor will be. Is America ready for an African-American Bachelor? Peter seems like an unlikely candidate at this time but you never know. Thanks for reading everyone! See you next week for BIP!
This season's "twist" is Rachel will be live watching the episode with Chris, which should be interesting. And all three guys are in the studio and she'll have to face them as well. The shot they showed of them was too quick to tell who looked the happiest.
In other random news, apparently Juan Pablo is married. No word on who the
Finally we get to the episode and we start back with Peter. Despite how the drama ended at the last episode, they seem to be talking things through. I had forgotten that it's still Fantasy Suite time so they need to decide if they're going to "forgo their individual rooms." Peter may not be prepared to propose but he's not an idiot so of course they decide to continue their time together.
The Next Day...
The night went well but it doesn't seem they have resolved their issues.
Bryan's Day
Ugh, Bryan just doesn't do it for me. Please pick Peter. Puh-lease. We have to watch them make-out all day, listen to his smugness and watch them drink delicious wine. Rachel is clearly distracted and to Bryan's credit he notices this and at dinner he confronts her about it. She doesn't really own up to the distraction but says that it's not him or anything he did and she apologizes for acting that way. No shocker, he's down for the fantasy suite. All of those candles would make me nervous. I'd be convinced I'd trip or knock into them and burn the whole place down.
I love Rachel without all of the makeup and I wish the show would let her wear no makeup more often.
Rose Ceremony
There's a long unnecessary build-up to the rose ceremony. Bryan's outfit looks ridiculous without a tie. Eric looks better, but his t-shirt is too casual for the jacket. Peter of course looks best but I'm not a fan of tie clips. No shocker, Bryan gets the first rose, cutting it down to Peter and Eric. I almost can't watch. Thankfully (and despite the drama, not unsurprisingly), Peter gets the rose.
Eric keeps things classy and has nothing but love for Rach. I don't think he was actually in love with her so feelings aren't hurt too badly. Since we've already had Rachel's hometowns, I wonder what this week holds in store date-wise.
Back at the Live Show
Rachel meets up with Eric for the first time since she let him go. It was boring.
One Last Date with Bryan
Rachel gets one last date with Bryan. It goes fine, he gives her a Spanish English dictionary. We have to watch him ram his tongue down her throat, it's gross.
One Last Date with Peter
Rach is a nervous wreck about this date. They explore a beautiful monastery and get pre-marriage counseling from a monk, who is far nicer than I would have expected for someone that was probably forced to allow cameras into his monastery. And by "forced" I mean "ABC gave a generous donation to allow for the ongoing upkeep of the monastery but as part of the deal I have to act interested in these people."
Peter and Rachel continue to go around and around about proposing vs marriage. Honestly at this point in the season, I just want to find out who the Bachelor/Bachelorette picks. Similar to Bryan calling out Rachel about not being present during their Fantasy Suite dates, I give Peter credit for not giving in to proposing to someone that he's only known a few weeks. It makes you wonder if he understood what he had signed up for, but whatevs. He's not as naive as Vanessa was, I'll give him that.
Rachel mopes down the street and shows up at Peter's room. My guess is she's going to do to him what Andi did to Nick and break things off now. They talk things out. Again. Peter apologizes that he's not ready to propose after only knowing her a month. Despite the ickiness of ending up with Bryan, she needs to go with her gut on this and cut Peter loose. Peter asks her if SHE knows without a doubt that HE'S the one she wants to spend the rest of her life with. Rachel refuses to answer because she'll owe ABC money if she reveals that.
I'm tickled that they've seemingly gone through a bottle of wine and someone was considerate enough to bring them dessert but they haven't touched it.
I will say that this is probably the most realistic relationship conversation I ever recall witnessing on this show, so much so that it's becoming uncomfortable to watch (but not that uncomfortable that I'm not watching). Or maybe you never dated someone with commitment issues so this doesn't resonate with you. I was starting to think that the false eyelashes are probably getting awkward at this point and as Peter awkwardly walks Rachel out, it's clear she's taken them off. Thank goodness.
Pleasechangeyourmindpleasechangeyourmindpleasechangeyourmind.
To quote Chris, this is by far one of the most dramatic and emotional good-byes I've ever seen. It's going to be awkward as f*** when they cut away to Rachel and Chris watching this. It's indeed awkward and to make things more awkward, Peter and Rachel speak for the first time since that night. The awkwardness continues. The Nick/Andi reunion was awkward and this was right up there with that. I'm trying to think of a better word than awkward but I can't come up with one. In talking to Peter, Rachel claims there were other red flags that she saw, which I would have been interested in hearing more about, but she doesn't get into it. And as they go to the break, Rachel gets one last dig in about how great her life is now. Oh Rach, did you have to go there? Sigh. Turns out her eyelashes fell off from the crying.
Oy, Peter's still on stage. He is clearly so uncomfortable, I feel terrible for him. Chris will not let this end. Finally he puts Peter out of his misery and lets him go. I think I need a little break after that.
Last One Standing
Is it safe to say that Bryan's been completely overshadowed here? They pretty much fast forward through the whole ring selection, final getting ready, etc. Rachel appropriately feels weird about moving on so quickly from last night.
Bryan proclaims his love but the intense wind is very distracting. Rachel looks uncomfortable getting her hair blown about. When she starts talking I'm starting to wonder if she's going to send Bryan away too and he's starting to seem a little less cocky. But of course she's just playing him and she proclaims her love and it's clear that all she wants is the proposal.
Live Show
Bryan re-proposes. I throw up in my mouth a little. They gush and there's another commercial break. They were clearly making out the entire time and Chris' face is priceless. Chris asks Bryan about his mom and he claims her and Rachel get along really well. Sure. Rachel's family still doesn't like Bryan but they trust Rachel. Rach's mom is relieved that while she's waiting for Bryan's chiropractor rage to emerge, he's not as creepy as her other son-in-law.
BIP Preview
Finally, the moment I've been waiting for--Bachelor in Paradise. Despite the fact that "nothing" came of the Corinne/Demario "incident" (translation: Corinne was possibly paid off but as part of the pay-out her attorneys found "nothing"), it's interesting that ABC decided to confront the issue head on by leading with that. We'll see if they address it anymore next week. The best news is that DANIEL'S BACK. Oh Daniel, I can't wait to see you. A lot of the other people blur together so it's hard to see who hooks up with whom, but there are a lot of tears, including Dean, who is torn between Kristina (now a blond) and one of the twins (bleh). What's-his-face is the crazy bartender and plays with puppets. The hipser DJ guy. Is the other bartender gone? Will the DJ be allowed to find love or will he be limited to random drunk hook-ups? Jasmine seems to mount several men (came out way snarkier than intended, I already love her). I'm so excited!!!
Chris is trying to wrap up the show and Bryan and Rachele aren't even paying attention. Another season over. We'll see if Rachel and Bryan last. Maybe she'll go back to Peter. It's anybody's guess who the next Bachelor will be. Is America ready for an African-American Bachelor? Peter seems like an unlikely candidate at this time but you never know. Thanks for reading everyone! See you next week for BIP!
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