Bachelor in Paradise: Week 4, Day 2

BIP's been a bit of a bust, eh?  Maybe it's the cast, maybe it's the shutdown, but things never seemed to gel this season.  I suspect it's the latter more than the former.  In good news, at least we don't have to deal with a Corinne or DeMario interview this week.  Also, the twins arrive to liven things up a bit.

I don't think there are any additions to the intro this week because neither of last week's newcomers made it past the rose ceremony.  They are not worth naming.  There's more crab footage though.  Also, I hope Wells bring his puppets back this week because he was strangely absent in yesterday's episode.

Dom seems to think there's a lot of potential for love but I disagree.  I'm intrigued by Daniel and Lacey so I'd like to see a little more of that, especially because everyone keeps talking about what weirdos they are.  Dom foreshadows things by saying that it would take a lot to shake things up.  Jaimi arrives and gets a date card.  What is Raven's bathing suit?  Wait, Jonathan's divorced?  Jaimi plays for both teams and pulls aside Christen.  The guys are praying that Jaimi asks a woman out because they think that would be totally hot.  Jaimi sees everyone as fair game and decides to ask Diggy to with her on her date.  He enthusiastically says yes and Dom's annoyed.  Still, it's kind of payback for her since Dom went out with Fred right after she went out with Diggy.  

Jaimi and Diggy

Jaimi considers her sexuality fluid rather than labeling herself as bisexual. Spoken like a true Millennial.  And eyes rolled by a true Gen-Xer.  Diggy seems to be charming Jaimi and back at the beach Dom is concerned.

Back at the Beach

D-Lo is thrilled that Kristina is gone and thinks that hers and Dean's relationship can finally move forward.  Sigh.  Lo and behold, in walk the twins.  Haley's interested in Derek and Emily's interested in Dean.  Sorry, D-Lo, it was good while it lasted because we all know that Dean won't be able to resist a twin.  Derek, on the other hand, can hold off Haley.  Chris gives the twins one date card but it's a double-date.  Chris seems to genuinely like the twins, probably because he's disappointed by this season too.  The women seem genuinely excited to see the twins, as well as Dean.  Well, let's be honest, of course all of the guys are happy to see the twins.  

The twins pull Amanda aside to get the lay of the land.  Amanda encourages them to seek out Jonathan and Jack.  The twins do a little bit where they say they don't know what scallops are.  It's very Jessica Simpson-esque.  Ladies, the ditzy blonde schtick is overdone.  Amanda tells Haley that there's no way that Derek will go out with her.  Emily urges Haley to ask him anyway.  Emily isn't swayed by Amanda warning her off of Dean.  Haley decides to change course and ask Jack out.  Jack agrees immediately and tells Haley that Christen gave him her rose but she'll be totally fine with him going out.  Oh dumb serial killer Jack.  Emily pulls Dean aside.  Robby and I are both excited to see how this goes.  Dean gives Emily the lowdown and how he's with D-Lo.  Dean does his nervous giggle thing.  Dean goes on about how going out with Emily would be a disservice to not only D-Lo but Kristina (who is gone because he was a total d-bag).  But again, his lower brain takes over and it's not likely him and D-Lo are committed to each other.  Somehow he musters his will and turns Emily down .  

Amanda suggests that Emily talk to D-Lo and get her permission, which is a terrible idea.  Emily does talk to D-Lo and D-Lo says it's Dean's decision.  Emily pulls Dean aside AGAIN to tell him that D-Lo said it was okay with her if he went out with Emily.  Dean shares his woes of what he's been through.  Our hearts bleed for you, Dean.  Dean turns Emily down AGAIN.  If she'd shown up just a day earlier he totally would have not only gone out with her, who knows where the rest of the night would have taken them.  Next Emily approaches Tickle Fingers and asks him out and he says yes.

Derek tells Taylor that he's falling in love with her and she swoons.  Taylor, all of 23, is happy she's finally getting her happy ending.  Yes, Taylor, you're getting a little long in the tooth so thank goodness.  

As the twins wait for their dates to finish getting ready, Jack is having second thoughts about saying yes to Emily.  Haley, meanwhile, tells Jonathan to not even think about tickling her. Jack can't think for himself so he starts asking other people's opinions on whether he should go out or not.  His friends tell him to just go on the date.  Jack doesn't listen and thinks him and Christen have something real that he wants to pursue.  The twins don't react well to this.  The twins flip everyone off and walk off.  Jonathan's pissed.  Jack pulls Christen aside to win points and the twins start throwing scallops.  Oh twins, not cool.  

Jack Stone feels great about where he is with Christen and sees himself falling in love and marrying her.  Oy, Lord help us all.  D-Lo feels great about where things are with Dean.   I'm not holding my breath on this one.  We know that Robby's a tool and bails on Amanda as soon as he realizes that he doesn't want to be a step dad.  

Chris comes down and I thought he called Robby and Amanda over but it seems he called the whole gang over to tell them that today was their last day in Paradise.  

Next week looks like it might be the best week because it's the finale and the post-finale.  In the credits we're reminded again what idiots the twins are.

There's only so much I can do with this material dear readers!  I'm trying the very best I can.

Bachelor in Paradise: Week 4, Day 1

As we wait for the long description of what's happening this week, there are two bits of news to comment on.  The first is the least surprising breakup of the year--Nick and Vanessa.  Admittedly, they lasted longer than I expected, but this could be a sign of a delayed announcement.  The BIG news is who will be the next Bachelor--Arie Luyendyk.  I wasn't watching the series yet so I know nothing about him.  Based on looks alone, he seems kind of creepy.

Speaking of creepy, Jonathan's addition to the intro is as creepy as you'd expect.  Anyway, as the producers continue to desperately come up with footage, we see that BIP is winding down.  Sure, Adam and Raven are making out as are Amanda and Robby, but they don't feel like real couples.  The only true couple to emerge so far is Taylor and Derek.  Robby talks to Dean and the boys about how he had to deal with Kristina last night while Derek and D-Lo made out in the pool.  Kristina is moping.  Dean admits he's thinking with his dick and not his brain.  Raven and Jasmine give Dean a hard time.

Dean finally gets the balls to talk to Kristina.  They have a super awkward conversation and Dean asks Kristina why she wasn't speaking to him and she says far more nicely than she should, "I'd like to hear from you why you think I wasn't speaking to you."  He stammers for a bit and won't look her in the eye.  He tries to defend himself and it's pathetic.  He whines about how he can't choose.  She sort of lays into him as much as somebody with her low self-esteem can.  Kristina starts crying and Dean just sits there.  He stammers out another lame response and she walks off.

Paradise seems a bit of a bust for the most part.  The gang is hanging out by the pool.  Jasmine is talking to two bartenders that aren't Wells.  Jasmine is soon after lunging at Jonathan.

Jack Stone has his serial killer eyes on Christen.  Ugh, but before that can happen, idiot Blake arrives.  Blake gets a date card and Chris tells him he needs to make a decision quickly.  The gang is less than enthusiastic at Blake's arrival and he's sweating profusely so everyone's ambivalent and grossed out.  We're forced to view a flashback of him and Whaboom.  He asks to see "the bros from his season".  He's interested in D-Lo and Kristina.  Blake thinks he might find the love of his life.  He pulls Raven aside and she couldn't sit further away from him.  He keeps asking everyone if they know who he is and how he's the guy that hated Whaboom.  He claims he's over it.  He asks D-Lo if she'd go out with him if he asked her and she says no.  Not even Christen's interested.  Kristina wants to throw the guy a bone.  He keeps talking about Lucas and he tells Kristina that she may or may not be his first choice.  What?  Dude, Kristina might have self-esteem issues but even she knows she's WAY out of your league.  Blake doesn't just want "an easy rose" (what?) but he decides to pull Kristina aside and ask her out.  She turns him down and says she needs "to work on herself."  It's super awkward and he gives her a side hug.

Before he can get rejected again, Fred shows up.  Fred was also kind of annoying but that could partly be attributed to how the Bachelor producers chose to portray him.  Regardless of my opinion, the guys are a lot more excited to see him than they were to see Blake.  As for the women, Dom in particular seems happy to see Fred.  Fred also has a date card and it seems Fred and Blake are going on a double date.  Apparently Fred is much better looking in person, because the women are drooling.  Or compared to Blake he's amazing.  Whatever happened with Diggy and Dom?  They seemed to have an amazing date but they haven't really seemed together since.  Anyway, Fred asks Dom out and Diggy pretends not to care.

Meanwhile, Blake pulls aside Christen next.  Serial killer Jack Stone claims he isn't intimidated by Blake because Blake might be creepy, but he's no match for a serial killer.   Blake asks Christen out and she asks him why he asked her and he says she's the only one who really gave him the time of day.  Christen caves and agrees to go out, but it seems she wants to go because she's avoiding...something that isn't clear to me.  I'm assuming Jack.  Jack goes from nonchalance to Dexter in about 30 seconds.  Then he seems to knee-cap Robby?  That was weird.  Even Robby seems so taken aback that he doesn't have it in him (or is perhaps too scared to) confront Jack.

Jack obsesses and works out with his manly purple bands.  Christen's spreading rumors that Jack is a bad kisser.  The women decide to have an intervention and find out for themselves if Jack is a bad kisser.  Jack looks very uncomfortable.  Jasmine finally goes in and she, D-Lo, and Raven all make out with him and confirm that he's a good kisser, so apparently the issue is Christen.

Double-Date
Blake, Christen, Dom and Fred are on a speedboat.  Dom says it's the best date ever but Christen is about to puke.  I don't think I'd enjoy this either.  But I wouldn't wear my false eyelashes and I always wear smudge proof mascara.  Always.  But wait, the date's not over.  Next they go zip lining and then they go on the blob.  Christen's having contact issues.  Blake is annoyed that Christen's not having a good time while Dom and Fred are enjoying the blob.

Back at the House
Diggy and Jonathan are both trying to figure out who their back-up roses are because apparently Jonathan is interested in Christen.  WHY ARE SO MANY GUYS INTERESTED IN CHRISTEN?  Granted, they're all odd but still.  Chris shows up and the crew is nervous because Chris never arrives randomly without bad news.  Chris announces that the Rose Ceremony will be tonight.  Daniel grabs the date card and it's for Robby.  Robby immediately asks Amanda on the date and Jack goes to his dark place again.

Robby and Amanda
Robby claims he's good with taking baby steps with Amanda, which is a load of crap.  Robby says he's never dated a woman with kids but he's "all about family".  Robby claims he's falling in love with Amanda in a way that "blows his mind."  Insert eye roll.  He's a smooth talker and Amanda seems to be falling for it.  He's going on and on and yet based on this interview, it was all talk.  Clearly he's as much of a man-child as Dean, but much smoother.

Cocktail Party
The guys are sweating.  Even Adam's impressed with Christen's ability to attract guys right now.  Chris gives the gang his lecture about being here for the right reasons.  Ben takes a shot (it looks girly) and decides to leave Paradise.  What is wrong with Ben that he didn't connect with anyone?  Was it the constant dog talk?  He seems normal, he's good looking, I don't get it.  It must be the dog.  I mean, he obviously wasn't very bright, but most of the women aren't very bright either, so that seems like it would be a good match.

Diggy wants to be here and Fred's cock blocking him from Dom.  He steals Dom away from Fred.  He plays a game with Dom that involves a series of questions and for the last one he asks her "hug or kiss" and she says "hug".  He's disappointed.  But then she says she wants to ask him questions and things seem to go better.  Diggy hopes that he's getting her rose.  Apparently she just wanted a little attention.

Raven and Christen are hanging out with Wells and Raven calls Christen "Scallops" and the record stops.  Christen never knew that was her nickname and Wells explains the whole story and Christen is more confused than anything else and thinks it's sexual but it's not.  And then she proceeds to tell everyone that she just found out.  Daniel has a field day with her asking her about seafood and giving her nicknames.

Amanda and Robby get back from their date and are excited to watch the guys begging for roses.  Christen keeps consulting Daniel.  Blake brings Christen scallops but they're not very good.  Blake's ready to go full psycho and they start making out.  Ew.  Jonathan sees what's happening and swoops in.  Jonathan pleads his case to Christen.  Then Jack steals Christen away.  Let's be honest, Blake doesn't have a chance, so it's down to Jack and Jonathan.  Christen seems more into Jack than Jonathan but who can figure out what this woman's going to do?

Kristina and Diggy look miserable at the bar.  D-Lo's fed up with Dean too and asks him if he would accept Kristina's rose tonight.  Turns out he's avoiding D-Lo and gives her the same apology that he's already given to Kristina several times.  Dean claims he's interested in pursing D-Lo and she falls for his teeth and eyes.  Dean then pulls Kristina aside and Kristina *still* has hope(?!).  He finally mans up and tells Kristina he wants to pursue D-Lo.  Kristina lets him have it in her quiet, low-self-esteem Russian way.  Kristina brings up being disrespected again.  Kristina then is talking to Raven and Kristina blames D-Lo and Raven (rightly) tells her this isn't D-Lo's fault.  Raven calls Kristina out on everything that we've all witnessed this entire season but Kristina doesn't want to hear it and lashes out at Raven.

Wells tells Kristina she deserves better than Dean and Kristina's eyes brim with tears.  Finally the Rose Ceremony starts.  Diggy's worried but if only one guy is going home, I think a woman will give her rose to Diggy over Blake.   Lacey gives her rose to Daniel, no surprise.  I don't think Lacey and Daniel have what it takes to have a real relationship.  Is it possible for Daniel to have a relationship? Taylor's next and gives her rose to Derek, again, no shocker.  Amanda gives her rose to Robby.  Robby over talks his connection with Amanda.  Raven gives her rose to Adam.  Again, not a couple I see going long-term.  Dom's up next and she gives her rose to...Diggy.  Jasmine's up next and I think she'll give her rose to Jonathan.  And she does, and wants to "tickle his pickle" soon.  Ahem.  Jack Stone should feel comfortable to put his knives away at this point.  Christen's up next and gives her rose to Jack.  Christen's guard is down and doesn't think Jack's a serial killer but she hasn't been alone with him yet.  Wait until Paradise is over and he has you over to his house.  Kristina's up next and gives a speech about what she wants in her next relationship and she gives her rose to herself and decides to leave.  Dean asks to walk out Kristina.  Tell him to f*** off!  Dean "hates himself".  D-Lo shouldn't give Dean her rose after this.  He comes back and is he crying?  D-Lo is next and because she also has self-esteem issues, gives her rose to Dean.  Sigh.  D-Lo reminds me of someone I used to work with a few jobs ago.  Two of my readers worked with her too and I'd love to hear if she also reminds them of our former co-worker.  She's just kind of...blah.  Does she have a personality?  D-Lo also reminds me of the chick that was third in Ben's season.  Caila?  Kayla?  Thankfully Blake is gone as is Fred.  Jaime and the twins show up tomorrow.

At the end, we see a scene with Daniel and Blake discussing ketogenesis, which sounds like a strange religion.  Daniel asks Blake how that affects his sex life and then asks to see Blake's penis.  Blake is so uncomfortable.  Blake asks Daniel about his penis and Daniel of course offers to show him.  Oh Daniel.  You are so pale and you have an odd face but I do adore you and at this point you are the only interesting thing about Paradise.  This is almost over dear readers and it can't be soon enough.

Bachelor in Paradise, Week 3, Day 2

This week's new additions to the intro are Christen, who is eating shrimp (of course).  It's super weird and then she winks at the camera.  Sigh.  Daniel's intro couldn't be bad if he tried but I liked last year's better.

When we left things just a few minutes ago, we discover that Daniel is the latest addition right before the rose ceremony.  Lacey immediately runs over and jumps on him.  Daniel is totally right in that Paradise isn't the same without him.  He even makes a joke about the border wall.  The cocktail party continues.  Lacey is convinced she will now fall in love now that Daniel is here.  Daniel makes a snide comment about being left with the scraps, which Lacey doesn't appreciate.  Lacey catches on that he's making fun of her.  Daniel then pulls Christen aside next (who I thought had Jack's rose but maybe he's still giving it to Alexis?  Who's getting Ben's rose?  Alexis' name is never mentioned and yet she is still here, although that's also because it's been two weeks(?) since the first rose ceremony.  Please let Daniel make fun of Christen too.  Don't disappoint me, Daniel.  Jasmine interrupts Daniel and Christen and I think Jasmine has the best shot at getting this rose.  Jasmine doesn't think that Daniel gets her but I think the feeling's mutual.  So who knows.  Chris comes back again.  It's finally rose ceremony time.  Jasmine is crying again.

Finally...A Rose Ceremony
We finally have a rose ceremony.  Who knows what's going to happen.  Jasmine goes on about getting screwed, Lacey is despondent and her self-esteem plummets even lower.  D-Lo looks blank as always.

Daniel kicks things off and chooses...Lacey.  Huh, didn't see that one coming.  Jack chooses Christen.  Jasmine can't stop talking about what a little bitch Matt is when in walks...Matt.  The women swoon but Jasmine still looks pissed, as she should.  But she shouldn't be that pissed because she gets to stay because of him.  Derek chooses Taylor (no surprise).  Robby chooses Amanda.  Robby's title is "Social Media Influencer."  Diggy chooses Dominique.  It's nice to finally see an African-American couple.  Adam is next and he chooses Raven.  Raven is so much prettier when she doesn't wear a pound of makeup.  D-Lo, having more self-esteem than Kristina, thinks that Dean needs to deal with his Kristina baggage.  Kristina says she feels great about where her and Dean are but her face says something else.   Dean is next and he chooses Kristina.  Ben gives his rose to D-Lo, assuring us ongoing drama.  Sarah and Alexis are rose less and need to  leave paradise.  Kristina is looking forward to starting fresh with Dean.  Sigh.

There's a bizarre scene with Dean and Kristina that isn't worth repeating.

The next day begins with screaming on the beach.  Crazy Mexican wrestlers are here to wake everyone up and present a date card to Daniel.  Lacey has her sights set on Daniel taking her on his date.  Daniel crushes Lacey by saying he needs to talk to other women before he can make a decision because he's already spoken to Lacey.  Oh Lace.  Daniel pulls aside Jasmine next.  He's not interested in friends, he wants to get laid.  If that's what he's looking for, he probably shouldn't waste his time on Christen.  Daniel's interested in Kristina but she says she's with Dean.  Kristina please give Dean what he deserves and go out with Daniel.  Daniel ends up asking Lacey.  She is thrilled.

Tickle Monster is the next arrival to Paradise.  I wish I could like TM but he's...annoying.  Let's see who he connects with (if anyone). Even Chris tells TM he's creepy.  The ladies don't care--they're drooling.  They're more fixated on his doctor title than the tickle monster title.   Christen doesn't waste any time and her and TM end up kissing.  Jack Stone is in psycho killer mode.  TM asks Christen if she wants to go out on a date.  Jack is hurt.

Daniel and Lacey's date
Based on how Daniel received his date card, the two find out they're wrestling for their date.  There aren't too many people in the audience but Jorge is there.  Daniel and Lacey win.  The whole thing is odd and I've already written too much about it because it's pretty boring.

Back at the House
Dean is acting distant again with Kristina.  Kristina is upset.  Again.  Dean asks Kristina to be patient as he tries to decide who he wants to be with him.  Kristina's pissed again even though Dean's been saying this for some time now, so this shouldn't be a surprise.  Kristina says she's checking out.  It's unclear if that means she's leaving or deciding to keep her options open.

TM and Christen's date
Jack is annoyed that Christen is going out with TM.  I'm disappointed that TM is interested in Christen.  Jack continues to obsess.  It's sad when the women obsess and creepy when the men obsess.  Fortunately, Wells has puppets to talk this through with us.  Christen is such a phony bitch.  Are they feeding each other scallops?

Back at the House
Lacey is on cloud nine even though it doesn't appear that her and Daniel can hold a non-stilted conversation.  I think he just wants to make out with someone.  As they're making out, Jasmine walks in to pull Daniel aside and have a conversation.  Lacey freaks out.  It's pretty rude of Daniel to walk away from this conversation rather than tell Jasmine to hold up and ask if they can talk later.  But he's Daniel, so what else would you expect?

TM and Christen come back from their date and rather than just join the group like everyone else is, Christen thanks him for a lovely date like he's dropping her off at home.  Jack immediately pulls Christen aside to get the lowdown and tries his hardest to not act like a serial killer.  Christen talks down the date with Jack.  TM doesn't seem worried or threatened at all but does get pissed when Christen and Jack start making out.  Jack and Christen deserve each other more than Christen and TM deserve each other.  What is the appeal with Christen?  TM is pissed but it's unclear if he's pissed at Christen or Jack or both.  Move on, TM.  I really want to like you.

Dean is back to frolicking in the pool with D-Lo.  Kristine still doesn't get it and is (rightly) annoyed that she slept with Dean last night and now he's canoodling with D-Lo.  However, this is not surprising based on how the last few weeks have gone.  Robby tries to get Kristina away from her watching Dean and D-Lo but because she has no self-esteem she can't stop watching.  Ugh, this is painful to watch.

Alas, we'll have to wait to see what happens next because now there's yet another special hour, this time with Corinne.

Special Studio Edition
Wells, Raven, Amanda, and Alexis join Chris and because they are again looking for filler, we see a montage of moments thus far this season.  We revisit Wells and Danielle's kiss.  Raven talks about choosing bros over hos.  Even though Sarah's one of her best friends and liked Adam too, Raven liked Adam too.

Jasmine makes an appearance next to confront Matt.  We see a montage and are reminded of Matt and Jasmine's date as well as Wells' puppet recreation.  Jasmine claims that Matt never gave her any signs that he wasn't interested in her.  Matt clearly has issues with confrontation.  It's less awkward than Rachel and Peter's conversation at her finale but what isn't?

The moment we've been waiting for--Corinne.  Can someone just say what exactly happened?   I can be dense, but I haven't seen anything (through a reliable source) that says what happened.  Did they have sex?  Was it just a drunk hook up?  I'm so confused.   Corinne over drank the first day (no judgment there) and claims she was on medication that she wasn't supposed to drink on (sure you were. Lame, just own the over drinking).  She gives a PSA on understanding your medications.

Here's where Corinne's story doesn't add up.  Does she remember or not?  Because if I didn't remember anything, I'd be at the very least wondering how I got into bed and what had happened.  She's very vague about the next day and interacting with DeMario and everyone else.  She doesn't blame DeMario for whatever he did to her because he would have had no idea she was blacked out at that point.  Fine.

They show Corinne another montage of the media's response.  Corinne's not impressed with DeMario's tears because she wants the attention on her.  Chris doesn't ask her why she said she was a victim.

We sneak peek at the last two weeks.  Dean is still stringing Kristina along.  Jack Stone is making out with everyone.  The twins show up.

Bachelor in Paradise: Week 3, Day 1

Hello.  I don't know about you guys but I'm having a hard time getting into this season.  Perhaps it's because they won't stop talking about the shutdown (yet not clearly referencing what really happened.  They show people having sex but they can't talk about it?), or maybe it's just taking a while to build some momentum.  Maybe this week will be different.  Let's begin.

Dominique is the new addition to the intro, and again, like almost everyone else, it's lame.  She shimmies and smiles.  Yawn.  At this point Robby is the only funny one.  Oh wait, Sarah's is new too.  A little more interesting but still pretty blah.

Perhaps it's boring because we have only seen one rose ceremony.  It's still the guys' week.  Jasmine and Jack Stone might be having a connection.  Jack and Alexis play a game where he's blindfolded and he has to guess what she's feeding him.  She tries to feed him a dead crab.  That's really gross.

Jasmin mounts Matt and Wells observes on how she's kind of scary.  In walks the newest addition to the crew, Christen.  She is apparently a virgin, I don't remember that about her.  I don't really remember anything about her.  The only thing I remember about her was she became buddies with the one that had the one night stand with Nick at Jade's wedding.  Jack Stone's really into her immediately.  Jasmin tries to stake her territory.  Jack Stone tries to make his pitch to Christen.  Then Matt interrupts and she is very transparent with her head flipping and posing.  Matt implies he's not with Jasmin and is "keeping things open".  No surprise, she asks Matt out.

Matt tells Jasmin that Christen asks her out to get permission.  Jasmin is pissed and Matt declines to mention that he told Christen he'd be open to keeping his options open.  Oh Matt.  I realize you're scared of Jasmin but get a pair, okay?  Don't put that on Christen.  Before they can leave on their date, Jasmin goes to confront Christen.  Christen tells Jasmin that Matt was the one that told her he was open to a date.  Christen starts crying and playing the victim (lame) and Jasmin isn't blaming Matt at all (also lame).

Christen and Matt
Christen has confirmed that Matt is better looking in person.  Bachelor producers are going all in on this date and have given them just enough money to get chocolate bananas.  Jasmine continues to whine.  Wells is the funniest thing about this show right now with his various impressions.

Alexis is worried about the consequences of Christen and Matt making out on the date.  Wells is excited for the atomic bomb of Jasmin, as am I.  FINALLY something interesting is about to happen.  Jasmin can't stop talking about anything else.  Danielle and Dean look uncomfortable as she rants on while eating her lettuce.

Christen and Matt come back from their date and Jasmin immediately mounts him.  Christen seems pretty drunk.  Christen obviously loves fish based on the scallop story and her ordering shrimp.  She gets her shrimpy fingers all over Amanda.  Amanda and Sarah are the mean girls laughing at her.

Wells now has puppets.  This is only getting better.  Christen invites herself into Matt's room.  Jasmine visits Matt too (is Christen hiding?).  No, it seems she's eating more fish.

Game night
The gang gets together for a game night.  Robby has planned a romantic interlude with Amanda with some glow sticks and a hot tub.  Robby tries to kiss her again and AGAIN she denies him.  Sarah doesn't know where Adam stands with respect to her and Raven.  Sarah pulls Adam aside to confront him.  Adam looks perplexed.   She has an odd smile.   Adam hems and haws.

Because she has low self-esteem, Kristina tries to talk to Dean again.  Dean continues to be non-committal.  Dean doesn't want to give D-Lo his rose but he wants to keep her around and keep his options open.

Derek and Taylor
These two are the only solid couple here.  Taylor psychoanalyzes Derek and he says, "f*** you" to her.  He says he was being sarcastic.  They have a fight but it's more of a discussion.

The Next Day
Taylor talks about last night's fight with Dom.  Derek talks to his boys about how she's pissed at him.  The guys don't seem very interested.  Taylor is more annoyed by his reaction to her reaction than the actual words, which I can appreciate.

Pre-Rose Ceremony
Lord almighty, it's finally time for a rose ceremony.  Well, the part before the rose ceremony where those without a rose make their hard pitches to anyone that will listen. Chris gives his spiel.  It feels like this show has been on for weeks now but yet we're only at our second rose ceremony.  Chris gets cryptic about upcoming changes.  It's time to shake things up a bit.

Adam/Raven/Sarah Triangle
Raven and Sarah try to stake their territory with Adam, who like Matt, has an inexplicable appeal that isn't coming through on the screen.  Raven pulls Adam aside first.  Adam doesn't want Raven to worry about Sarah, but it's unclear if he's going to say the same thing to Sarah.  For now he appeases Raven.  They frolic on the beach.  Robby urges Sarah to stake her claim.  Sarah makes her pitch.  Adam tells similar things to Sarah but it feels a little different.

Lacey/Diggy/Dom Triangle
Diggy also has to choose between two women.  My money's on Dom here but let's see how the Diggy/Lacey conversation goes.  Diggy pulls Lacey aside.  Lacey goes off on Diggy on how he ran off on a date with Dom less than an hour after they got back from their date.  She wanted him to check in with her and he didn't and he says he didn't think he needed to.  Ah, the differences between men and women.  Her rant isn't going to earn her a rose and he says that the reason he pulled her aside was to tell her he's giving his rose to Dom.  Not a shocker.  Oh Lacey.  You got played by Diggy last week.  He was desperate for a rose and convinced you and you thought it would be reciprocated this week.  Is there any woman on this show that has a moderate level of self-esteem?

Dean/Kristina/D-Lo Triangle
Low self-esteem Kristina is still talking to Dean.  Dean thinks D-Lo is a "very interesting woman who deserves to stay."  From what I can tell, D-Lo is pretty bland.  However, Dean doesn't have a responsibility to keep D-Lo there.  Kristina is justifiably pissed at Dean.  Dean says he considers her emotions before his "pretty much every single time", which is a total load of crap but Kristina swoons.  Sigh.  Dean says that Kristina is the most fascinating person he's ever met in his life and seems to imply that he's going to keep Kristina around a little while longer.

Dean then pulls D-Lo away and she seems to have a lower BS meter and calls Dean out.  Poor Dean, so very confused.  I like Dean less and less the more he speaks and I've never been a huge fan of his, what with the teeth and his dimness.  What did we see in you Dean?  I'm sympathetic to your effed up family, I knew I shouldn't have trusted your blinding teeth. Like Adam, he's vague and seems to make both women think they're safe.

Robby and Amanda
Robby is going all in on Amanda.  Kristina, Derek  and Diggy are watching the Robby/Amanda show.  Robby finally wears her down and she gives him a pity make out session for his efforts.

The Rest
Christen can't leave until we have an understanding of the other puppets Wells has with him.  Once that's established, she can go.  Christen is into Matt and apparently Christen got some implants recently.  Good for her.  Taylor pulls Derek aside and I don't know what she says?  Because I get distracted by the way she talks?  Derek seems to get it and apologizes appropriately.  Love is restored and Derek is relieved he'll be getting some tonight.

Matt/Christen/Jasmine
Hahahaha, Christen is now referred to as Scallop Fingers.  I only want Christen to stay because of Wells' puppets.  Matt pulls Christen aside and they talk about how they're both scared of Jasmine.  Christen says some nonsense asking Matt if he's doing the nice guy thing and putting other people's needs first and he looks at her quizzically and says he doesn't like conflict.  Christen starts crying again and whining about how hard her time her has been and she's only been there one day.  Matt says he's not giving Christen his rose because Jasmine deserves to stay in Paradise.  Matt then pulls Jasmine aside and says he's not into anybody including her.  Hanging out with these crazy women isn't worth it and he needs to start making money again and he can meet plenty of women back home.  Jasmine is upset and knows that Matt doesn't deserve her tears.  Christen is upset to hear that Matt is leaving even though he already told her that he wasn't giving her his rose.  Taylor counsels Christen.  Wells thinks that Matt should have given his rose out and then left.  Wells says that Jack Stone is the only one left but what about Ben?

Jack and Jasmine chat and Jack tells Jasmine how special she is.  Then Christen goes and talks to Jack and the first words out of her mouth are, "being a virgin has been a smart move for me."  She says the guys she's met either haven't been worth giving it up for or were sociopaths.  Jack laughs nervously and tries to convince her he's not a sociopath.  And then she rams her tongue down his throat.  Oh Jack Stone.  Christen immediately says that Jack is way better than Matt.  Jasmine is pissed she wasted her time on Matt.

Chris comes back and has a surprise.  DANIEL'S HERE!!!!!   Maybe this is what we've been waiting for to make this interesting.  But that's the end of the episode so I'll see you on the next post.

Bachelor in Paradise, Week 2, Day 2

Let's kick things off by critiquing D-Lo and Adam's addition to the intro--a solid lame.

Matt thinks they're a good match because of their mutual f***ed up upbringings.  Raven's interested in Adam and has her claws out for anyone that might want to mark her territory.  And then Sarah shows up.  Sarah gets a date card from Chris as she walks into the snake pit.

So during the shutdown, Adam, Raven and Sarah "spent the night together" (unclear if this was a threesome) and the next morning Raven walked in on Sarah and Adam cuddling.  Unlike D-Lo, Sarah has reservations about asking Adam on a date even though she's really interested in Adam.  Raven gives her blessing to Sarah to ask Adam out but Raven encourages Sarah to ask Ben out instead, who is doing his, "move rocks on the beach" routine. All of the women are pushing Ben and Sarah asks the question that I would ask, which is, "if Ben's so great, why are none of you with him?"  Still, Sarah pulls Ben aside.  Ben starts off with his dog immediately.  Sarah's clearly not into talking about the dog.  No shocker, Sarah asks Adam.  Raven's pissed.

Adam and Sarah
Adam kicks things off by calling Sarah "Rachel" in his interview.  Clearly there's something I'm missing with Adam.  Maybe he's normal and semi-intelligent and articulate and that's the appeal?  Adam says that Sarah has something that Raven doesn't.  I want to like Sarah and she does seem smarter than Raven but there's something crazy about her.  Adam, of all the guys, is torn between two women (well, I guess Dean too, but Dean's being way more of a DB.  Anyhoo, they go out and seem to have an amazing time.

Danielle has her sights set on Wells, who she apparently knew from before.

Lacey's looking for love and has never had a date card in her Bachelor history.  Lo and behold, her date card arrives.  It's from Jorge.  Lacey talks to several of the guys, who aren't interested in her so she ends up asking Diggy to go with her.  His words say he's interested but his body language says otherwise.

Diggy and Lacey
Jorge, who just left to start his tourism venture, Jorge's Tourges, the Bachelorhood is kind enough to promote his new venture on their own show.  Jorge makes people to fall in love in beautiful laces.  They need to ride horses to their destination.  Diggy and Lacey are blown away, or at least act blown away.  Jorge sets them up with a picnic.  Jorge spills a ton of champagne on the beach which is not cool.  Jorge then shares that they're on the beach where he was conceived.  Eww.

Jorge's just hanging out with them on their date until they kick him out.  Lacey is psyched about how well things are going with Diggy, which is a premonition that things will fall apart for her shortly.

Back at the house, Danielle goes on and on about Wells and how it's time for her to leave.  Wells tells Jack Stone how great Danielle is.  Geez, guys, just tell each other how you feel.

Diggy and Lacey come back from their date and they're holding hands.  Lacey's excited about getting Diggy's rose, which is a sign she won't be getting his rose.

Dominique comes down and while she was on Nick's season, I don't remember her at all, but the other women are very happy to see her.  I think it's the hair that's throwing me off because when I Googled her she looked more familiar.  Dominique is into Diggy and Lacey feels threatened.  Apparently Taylor and Dominique are great friends, which perhaps I would know if I followed these people on the Instagram or the Twitter?  Lacey's freaking out.

No surprise, Dominique asks Diggy.  Lacey continues to freak out, and there's dramatic music in the background so you know it's serious.

Diggy feels like the man (as he should) for going out on his second date in a day;.  Diggy tells Dom that he's not attracted to Lacey (which is convenient).  Lacey's mad that Diggy didn't check in with her before he took off with Dom.  They waste little time hitting the hot tub.

Danielle is packed up and ready to go.  She has arm bands for her dress, which is odd.  It's not an off the shoulder dress--the arm bands are totally separate from the dress. I'd lose those arm bands so fast if they weren't attached to the dress.  But then in other shots it looks like it's attached to the dress.  Wells and Danielle have a quick makeup sesh before she leaves.

Ugh, DeMario
We have to talk about this AGAIN?  We know, Chris, this is the BIP that almost didn't happen.  Apparently they're going to share what "really" happened that night.  The discussion starts with Robby (in a bizarre jacket), Diggy, Derek(?), Raven and Jasmyn (admittedly I never know how to spell her name).  The cast didn't see anything so this is a boring conversation.  And if anything did happen, it seems like it was consensual.

OMG, now they're showing the best of Jade and Tanner and Carly and Evan.  I think we already saw this during Carly and Evan's wedding.  And no shocker, Carly's pregnant.  And of course they're going to do an ultrasound.  Again, they are desperate for filler.

DeMario claims that even he thought he could fall in love in Paradise, which I don't believe for a minute, but whatever.  If Corinne got some kind of payout from this I certainly hope that DeMario did too.  It's unclear what him and Corinne did in the pool but Corinne didn't seem phased.  This is the longest conversation about nothing I've seen on this show and that's saying a lot.  So DeMario didn't wonder why he was getting kicked off?  I find that strange.  Then they force DeMario to watch the media reports about him.  What's ludicrous about the audience is they're acting supportive when I'm sure they were just as skeptical as I was when this story came out.

Whatever happened, DeMario is still a db but I don't think he raped Corrine.  Thankfully the episode is over.  Unfortunately, we hear Corinne's side of the story next week.

Bachelor in Paradise: Week 2, Day 1

Hello BIP lovers!  Last week was awkward, we'll see how this week goes.  We pick up where we left off last week with Kristina pissed at Dean.  The women are pissed that the guys are hanging out with each other and not trying to woo the women.  Adam, he who made it much farther than he should have on Rachel's season, is the next arrival.  Adam didn't seem to bring AJ with him.  Adam has his pick of the ladies at this point.  The women swarm over Adam. Adam's interested in Kristina and Raven.  Ben's annoyed that yet another guy is interested in Raven.

Ring Ceremony
Wells gives us the lowdown on who the couples are.  It's obvious that Raven will be the last one to give out a rose.  I think Alex, Diggy, Iggy, Nick, and Vinny are on the chopping block.  Wow, that's a lot of guys.  I'll be sad to see Vinny go. I'm not sure how I feel about Ben.  He talks about his dog non-stop which is annoying.  Oh wait, like I did with the Bachelorette, I forgot that Adam was there and still had a date.  No shocker, he asks Raven.

Kristina goes to confront Dean, who's sleeping.  Dean's a tool and Kristina needs to talk to someone else.  She shouldn't have to try to hard to get his attention.  It's like watching the 20-something version of myself.  Oh to have more self-confidence in those days.

It must be hard to be Raven, what with going on her second date.  Is Adam better looking in person?  Raven--why do you wear so much makeup?  Is it because you have bad skin?  Did you think that maybe you have bad skin because you wear so much makeup?  I get it--I have problem skin too.  You're such a pretty girl, there's no need to wear so much makeup.

The date is boring and is overlayed with Ben's insecurity who is hoping the date sucked.

Cocktail Party
Will there finally be a Rose Ceremony?  Hallelujah!  Apparently Robby is in the running for Raven, but I'm not sure he's gotten that memo yet.  This cocktail party is going to be difficult to watch.  Somehow Vinny was going to get Corinne's rose, which suggests to me that the Corinne/DeMario thing was totally overblown.  It's anyone's guess who is getting what roses.  Jack Stone woos Alexis.  Again, I don't see the attraction of Alexis but maybe I'd like her better without the huge earrings and the eyelashes.  Oh, and the talking.

How long until Ben Facetimes with his dog and starts crying harder than Kenny used to when he spoke to his daughter?  I hate what Robby's wearing.  And he's a buddy of Josh so he's a douche.  But that doesn't stop him from resetting his sights on Amanda.  He asks for a kiss and gets shot down.  hahahahahaha.  Nick is throwing Hail Marys left and right.  Taylor and Derek are the only solid couple at this point.

I don't see Matt and Jazmin (I think I'm spelling her name wrong) being a long-term couple.  I guess she's not mad at him anymore?  Iggy's finally trying with Lacey again.  Iggy reads Lacey some sort of nonsense.  Next Diggy makes a play for Lacey.  They have a very awkward looking kiss.  Alex is still wooing Amanda.  Amanda tells him again that she doesn't have a shot.  Alex then makes a play for Alexis, Lacey, Danielle and Raven.  We'll see if anyone is persuraded.  My guess is no.

Dean pulls his head out of his ass to talk to Kristina.  To his credit he tells her pre-rose that he wants to slow down.  Since she has self-esteem issues my guess is she'll give him the rose anyway.  Alex swoops in right after to plead his case.  

Rose Ceremony
FINALLY we have a Rose Ceremony.  No shocker, Taylor is first and picks Derek.  Jazmin is next and chooses Matt.  Raven is next (I would have thought she'd have gone last) and she chooses...Adam.  Wow, good for Adam.  Alexis chooses Jack Stone.  Lacey chooses Diggy.  Danielle chooses Ben, which is an unexpected surprise.  Kristina chooses Dean (oh, Kristina, mistake).  Amanda gives out the last rose and chooses Robby.  Alex, Nick, Iggy, and Vinny say goodbye.  I'll miss you, Vinny.  Everyone else, see ya later.  Nick's 35?  Maybe Vinny could be the next Bachelor?  Poor Vinny, trying to buckle up and he can't.

This episode has exhausted me already and I'm not sure how much more I can take.

Post-Ceremony
Danielle L. shows up (D-Lo). Despite getting the rose from the other Danielle, I guess there's not relationship potential for Ben and Danielle?  The ladies pull D-Lo aside.  Kristina doesn't stake her territory with Dean.  Ben gives D-Lo the low-down.  Why is Ben wearing that shirt?  D-Lo pulls Dean aside.  How is D-Lo keeping her boobs from falling out of her dress?  It doesn't appear she has tape to keep those girls in.  This is where I lose sympathy for Kristina because Dean told her he wanted to slow down, which means, "he wants to see other people."  Move on, sweetheart.  Ben's disappointed that D-Lo asks Dean out instead of him.  

Alexis and Jazmin have a bizarre montage.   What's the woman version of a bromance?  They're besties and I'm glad they're having fun.  Anyway, clearly another sign that they're struggling for material here.

Before heading out on his date, Dean pulls his head out his ass and talks to Kristina.  He's trying to make sure his eggs are in multiple baskets.  Kristina talks a good game about moving on but I'm not convinced.  D-Lo is wearing ridiculous holey jeans.  Are they pants or bizarre cutoffs?

D-Lo and Dean have a super awkward conversation.  She also has an annoying nervous laugh.  Yes, Dean, as a matter of fact, you do sound that stupid.

Kristina is moping on the beach while D-Lo and Dean make out.  Dean might be a db but from my vantage point he's been very clear with Kristina about what he does (or doesn't) want.  Oh Kristina, you need to move on sweetie.

If everyone thinks that Dean and Kristine's relationship are super strong, it doesn't say a lot about the BIP relationships at this point.  Dean goes up to her room to try and "steal" Kristina but doesn't have the balls to actually talk to her in front of her friends.  She leaves the room with him and he admits that him and D-Lo kissed but it didn't mean anything.  I don't know what Dean wants but he's clearly stringing Kristina along.

S'mores
The gang's making s'mores by the fire.  Kristina's still in denial and Dean brings out a cake for D-Lo's half birthday.  The other women are understandably annoyed by Dean.  While I might not like her earrings or eyelashes, Alexis' spunkiness is growing on me.  As Dean rubs up against D-Lo, Kristina runs off in tears.

Finally this episode is over.  Tomorrow's episode is looking better, although it appears they haven't completely beaten the dead horse that is the BIP shut down--Chris interviews DeMario.  Oh DeMario, at this point I'm

Bachelor in Paradise: Week 1, Day 2

It's clear based on the end of last night's episode that the weird Corinne/DeMario thing will be the forefront.  Chris talks about the controversy again.  Chris assures us it's all going to be okay and Carly and Evan will be getting married.

Carly and Evan's Wedding
They're clearly looking for filler because Chris reminds us about about Carly's history with the Bachelor and BIP series, then Evan's history, then the development of their love story.  It's nothing we haven't seen before, folks.

Pre-wedding we see Whitney, who's probably counting her blessings that things ended with Chris Soules.  And THEN we see a flashback of all of the other couples that have gotten married.  There's Trish and Ryan, Jason and Molly, Ashley and JP (who, while I didn't watch their season, I have always really, really liked), Sean and Catherine, Jade and Tanner (I hope you got a glimpse of the weirdo that ended up on Nick's season there as the Maid of Honor!  Also, they just became parents!  What can I say, I love babies.).  They conveniently skip Marcus and Lacy, since that was a sham.  Wow, this takes filler to a whole new level.

The twins are at the wedding, Ashley's there, Jared's there, Tanner, Nick and Vanessa, Kaitlin and Shawn (when are they getting married?)--they're all there!

Again, more filler as we see Carly and Evan prepping for the wedding.  Wells is in Evan's wedding party.  Julia and Jade (quite pregnant) from Bachelor past are in the wedding.  I'd write more but it's not that interesting.  I will say that unlike Carly's mom, I don't think I'd ever tell either one of my daughters that I prayed for them to find a guy.  If I were to pray for them, that wouldn't be one of the topics.

As the ceremony finally begins, someone plays some sort of instrument topless.  Wells looks annoyed that his bridesmaid isn't very pretty.  He also looks like a stroke victim whose left side was paralyzed and he's holding his hand up.  The audience benches are a little sparse because the wedding went on without the BIP attendees.  Evan's already bawling.  Evan's always been a bit of a dork, but those two are pretty cute.  Vanessa fake smiles throughout the ceremony.  There's some sort of Mexican shaman aspect to the ceremony.  There was a lot of conch blowing.  Who's the guy sitting between Jared and Tanner?  He looks familiar, in a random Bachelor contestant kind of way.

The Shutdown
Chris is back and tells us that production is back up but they don't have a cast.  Who is he kidding?  It's clear that all of these post-commercial segments were all filmed in the same day.  Fortunately this is only a tease because (of course) everyone came back.  Their entrance is recreated but the mood seems off (appropriately so).  Raven's hoping for a fresh reset on love.

Chris asks the crew how it feels to be back.  Chris has a serious talk about what happened, what didn't happen and what needs to be done to start the show together.  It's like watching a high school sex ed class or a workplace sexual harassment meeting.  Chris reminds everyone that Warner Bros. sought an outside firm to go through everything.  They concluded there was no evidence of misconduct by the cast or crew.  Chris asks the cast if they trust that finding.  Not shockingly, they do. They blame the media for blowing things out of proportion, which to be honest, isn't out of the realm of possibilities.  Raven knew that everything was going to be okay.  And, like, Taylor?, she was really glad that the cast and producers came together?  You need to read it like a question?  Because that's how she talks?

Alex and the others talk about how they're not "controlled" and they have "free will."  They're not pawns.  They're individuals!

Taylor:  "People think that reality TV is scripted?  And people come up to me and ask that?  And everything we do and say we decide to do it?  And there are times where we have to do multiple takes?  But that really helps the realness?

Taylor claims she doesn't drink.  And nobody has ever forced her to drink?

Even Chris looks uncomfortable at this charade and that's saying a lot.  Raven feels bad for how DeMario was demonized but no specific mention of Corinne.  Iggy, the gossip queen, also feels bad for DeMario and the unfair representation.  Iggy brings up the race card, which makes everyone uncomfortable. No, sorry.  Chris bringing up whether race played a part in this makes things uncomfortable.  As the only other person of color there besides Diggy, Jasmine reluctantly speaks up.
As snide as I am, this is a very tenuous situation.  While I am sympathetic to DeMario being blamed, I think the issue is more whether Corinne was in a position to consent, not that DeMario did anything wrong.  In these situations it's generally the women who have to defend themselves, not the man, although I'd say the cases that make the news are white men as the rapists.

Nick finally says yes that race played a part and the others are relieved that he spoke up that they all nod their heads vigorously.  They seem to take DeMario's side more than Corinne.  Chris brings up Corinne claiming she was a victim and the crew dismisses that and blames the lawyers for that statement.  Oy, the "slut shaming" discussion is even more awkward than the race discussion.  Raven brings up her own sexual assault and basically says she hopes Corinne's lying doesn't deter other women from speaking up.  Awkward silence follows.  Sooooo....in the Bachelor world, men still reign and it's the woman's fault.

Oh, it's getting better.  Now Chris is talking about how to know when someone is giving consent.  Taylor chimes in and says, "Verbal consent is the best?"  Ben points out the importance of consent throughout making out with someone.  THEN Chris asks the group if someone is passed out can they give consent.  The gang seems relieved by that easy question.

Chris reiterates that they're all in paradise to fall in love and reminds them all to be aware of consent while they're in paradise.  Oh, for after the show too.  Chris THEN asks if they all want to continue the show and he needs a majority vote.  He gently reminds them to be "honest" (as they all discussed with the producers prior to filming this segment).  He goes person by person and they all say they want to be there.  They didn't leave their "jobs" for nothing, so there are sighs of relief all around.  Chris reminds us that Jorge has left but Wells will still be replacing him.  Luckily for those that were on the chopping block at the original rose ceremony have bought themselves another day.

Paradise is Reopened
The "bros" get together and talk about the women.  Oh and remember how Lacey left because of her grandfather? The timing of that worked out well.  People need to make connections all over again.  Rob and Ben are fighting over Raven. Raven needed a break from both Ben and Robby so she ghosted both of them.  That's mature.  The ladies aren't vibing on Alex, who could probably get away with his arrogance if he was several inches taller.  Anyway, not many of the women know who they're giving their roses to because of the break.  Dean lets if slip that him and Kristina hung out and Dean says he told Kristina to date anyone that asks him out.  Taylor and Derek seem to be the closest thing to boyfriend girlfriend.  The women gush and swoon.

There's a montage of everyone drinking and having fun.  It's! So! Much!  Fun!  Forgettable Nick really wants to stay.  At first I thought Taylor and Derek were talking about the rose ceremony but eventually I realize I think they were talking about going "all the way".  I'd wait until the next rose ceremony myself.  You want to make sure you're not giving it up for nothing, you know?

By some miracle Matt's made a connection with Jasmine.  And yet, he feels a little pinned down and wants to keep his options open.  Alex calls Amanda "wifey", which I'm sure she loved.  Amanda talks about getting a dog and Alex brags about the dog breeds he likes and nobody knows what he's talking about.  Again, if Alex was taller than the women his db behavior might be tolerated, but it certainly won't be tolerated when it's coming from someone of his stature.  Amanda seems (rightly) annoyed by Alex and is hopefully thinking of ways to talk to other guys.  By saying she doesn't think she'll get a date card foreshadows that she will get a date card.  Please pick someone other than Alex!  He'll be so pissed.  Amanda is being too nice to Alex.  For example, she doesn't Ave to sit and talk to him.

Danielle tries to talk to Alex and he doesn't want to hear what she said, so he asks others for advice and they all tell him to talk to other women.  He still isn't hearing it and thinks he just needs to turn the charm on more.  Please let Amanda get a date card. Alex pulls Amanda aside.  Vinny and Alexis make fun of their conversation.  Alex now thinks it's wrong to be a nice guy so he's going back to being a db.

Lacey's damaged past is revealing itself.   She's been in bad relationships but she's astute enough to know that Iggy is full of s*** and just wants to hang out with his bros and use her to get  rose.  A date card does show up but it's for Derek, which is kind of lame since him and Taylor are already together.  Lacey is the crier of the season, at least for now.  It turns out that this is really about Lacey's love for Daniel.  And we're blessed with a Daniel montage.  Oh Daniel, you can't get on this island soon enough, although I know Lacey wouldn't be your jam.  Maybe Alexis?

Taylor and Derek's date
Daylor (that's my new name for them) have their date and it's totally boring because they're already a couple.  However, Kristina is starting to seem insecure about her relationship with Dean.  Back on the Daylor date, it looks like they're going to do the deed.  Thankfully, despite the cameras in the boom-boom room, they don't show too much.  Jasmine gets frustrated with Matt because he decided to go to bed instead of hanging out with her  Now she's the one crying.  Dean tries to have a conversation with Kristina but he has no idea how to talk to women.  Nick tells Kristina he's sorry but is probably psyched that he might have a chance now.  All in all, lots of tears in paradise tonight.  And this is the BIP that I know and love.

In the coming attractions, I'm really looking forward to Wells and his crazy puppets and crazy faces.  Oh and Daniel's back so that's awesome too.




  

Bachelor in Paradise: Week 1, Day 1

Ahhh...my favorite show of the Bachelor/Bachelorette franchise.  I hardly have time for an intro because there is no 5-10 minute buildup from Chris.  They start off with the murmurings of the shutdown.  Oh wait, nope.  There's Chris.  Is it just me or does his intro remind you of Troy McClure?  Troy would have been an awesome host.

Chris talks about how icky and stressful the production shut down was and how BIP is about fun...and love...and mahwage.  But the ickiness tainted that.  Darn you, ickiness!  Thankfully, the BIP cast and crew were able to sweep things under the rug with no clear discussion of what happened and moved on.  Because it's good television and no "misconduct" was found, Chris and ABC are taking us back to the start of production.

Intro
The intro is one of the best things about this show.  My guess (hope?) is the producers give the cast freedom to do what they want here, so I love seeing who takes it seriously and who is goofy.  In the past, it has seemed that most of the women do something cutesy but not funny and many of the guys are more goofy than serious.  Here is my ranking of this week's cast:

• Dean: lame
• Raven: lame
• Vinny:  chuckle.  As an aside, I'm really glad that Vinny's back and I hope he doesn't get screwed over this year.
• Amanda:  Oh Amanda.  You're getting chased by a giant slide of pizza, a reference to your psycho ex Josh.  My guess is you didn't think of this on your own and the producers suggested this to you.
• Robby: awesome
• Diggy:  weird and lame
• Matt: ?
• Kristina: "All-American" with her American Flag bikini and hamburger.  Get it?  Because she's Russian?  And she wants to suggest that she eats and doesn't have an eating disorder?  We're in agreement that most of these woman have eating disorders, right?
• Ben Z: another ?
• Iggy:  taking it way too seriously with his dance and wink.  LAME.
• Jasmine:  sort of a chuckle choking the cameraman but I think she could have done better.
• Danielle M: giving CPR.  Lame
• Derek: Clearly copying someone from a previous season but I can't remember who.  Or he's trying to be sexy and instead coming off as a total douche.
• Taylor:  cleverish with the Emotional Intelligence book.
• DeMario:  Lame
• Nick:  Funny...because he showed up as St. Nick on JoJo's (Kaitlin's?) season.
• Jack Stone: Jack Stone may have a sense of humor.  
• Alexis:  We know.  You love dolphins even though that is clearly a shark costume.
• Corinne: Totally weird because clearly DeMario had completed his intro before leaving but you hadn't.
• Alex:  OMG you're a douche.
• Lacey:  More creepy than funny but good effort.
• Chris:  Awesome, of course.

Raven's up first.  She's excited but nervous.  Raven wants to leave the island as an engaged woman.  She looks like she's wearing slippers but I think they're Birkenstocks?  Whatever the shoes are, they look weird with her outfit.  Dean arrives, then Kristina, then Danielle M, then Ben.  Ben's into Raven but she doesn't seem to be into it.  He's going on and on about his dogs.  Oh god, Iggy.  Iggy runs across the beach to pick up Dean.   Jasmine shows up next.  Jack Stone clarifies that he's not a serial killer.  Alexis shows up in her Shark costume.  Of course.  Jack Stone redeems himself a bit with a pun about Alexis' porpoise for being on the show.  There is already talk of DeMario and the women already there aren't looking forward to his arrival.  Chris talks to DeMario a bit and asks him if that woman who showed up was his girlfriend.  He said no but said it was likely he lead her on and let her think she was his girlfriend.  Perhaps by telling her that she was his girlfriend?  DeMario's ready for the hostility but thinks he's going to charm them.

DeMario shows up and his bros are happy to see him but the women notsomuch.  Raven is especially not impressed.  Neither is Jasmine, mainly because of his whistle though.  DeMario pulls Raven aside and thinks he won her over.  To her credit, Raven still called him out and wasn't impressed.  Derek shows up next to minimal fanfare and Alex the short Marine shows up next.  I don't recall that Derek and Alex had any issues.  Alex is a little awkward.  Finally Corinne shows up.  Corinne's changed and says someone's going to need to work for her.  

Iggy's excited to see Corinne because Corinne's the life of the party and Iggy seems to think that he's the life of the party too.  If DeMario says he's looking for the next Mrs. Jackson again I'll scream.

Dean pulls Kristina aside and bonds with her over their effed up families.  How sweet.  I forgot that Kristina is a dental hygienist so she's very impressed by his teeth.  Next to arrive is Lacey, who we're reminded is camel girl.  Thankfully Vinny shows up.  Then Diggy.  Wow, Corinne is really short, isn't she?

Corinne's from New Jersey??? ...and then she leaps into DeMario's arms.  She might already be wasted though.  Ohhh...Matt showed up in a penguin suit during Rachel's season, which I don't remember at all.  Alex turns his nose up at the penguin costume and Matt disses Nick at his half-assed Santa.  Nick goes straight for Jasmine.

Amanda's back...again.  Amanda fell for the Josh Murray craziness despite warnings from her friends.  Luckily for her we know that DeMario is gone soon so she won't be wooed by him.  Corinne's BFF Taylor shows up next.  Does Taylor have a long scar down her back?  

Taylor's hesitant to run into Corinne.  While Taylor was pretty insufferable in her own right, I wouldn't want to run into Corine again either.

 It's super creepy how Chris keeps talking about the shut down production.  We know, Chris--you told us.  Derek's not into a bromance, he wants a romance.

So apparently there's a celebrity version of Tinder?  And shockingly, despite applying, Amanda didn't get in.

Alexis:  "Amanda is so pretty, she deserves love and happiness whereas, like, I don't."
Raven: "You don't think you deserve love and happiness?"
Alexis:  "I do, but like, she deserves it more."

This, dear readers, is why I love BIP.  For these amazing conversations.

You're right, Alexis--if you base how much someone deserves love and happiness on how beautiful someone is, Amanda ranks higher than you.  Maybe it's the large hoop earrings and the rest of her New Jersey vibe, but I don't get the appeal of Alexis.

Of course they focus on Corinne and DeMario.  Alex is such a db.  Corinne jumps into the pool with her clothes.  Alex provides the play-by-play.

Chris pulls the gang together but I don't think that Corinne and DeMario are there.  Chris gives his welcome speech.  Jorge comes out to make an announcement and he wants to pursue his dreams.  He wants to start a tour business called "Jorges Tour-ges".  Dean clearly doesn't get the play on words.  Oh Dean, I love it when we're reminded of how dumb you are.  Oh, DeMario is there.  Maybe Corinne is napping or I just didn't see her. It's hard at times to get a sense of timing during these all day drinking fests.  I digress.  Jorge announces that he's found his replacement and it's Wells.  It's unclear to me why Wells is doing this besides an insatiable appetite to stay on BIP longer than anyone else.  Perhaps we need no other reason?  Maybe he gets sloppy seconds?  For the first time ever in BIP, women get to hand out the roses first.  Hooray for women's empowerment!

Taylor and Derek are hitting it off pretty well.  Danielle has her eyes on Dean.  The first date card arrives and it goes to Kristina.  No surprise, she chooses Dean.

Danielle's already depressed and apparently her and Wells go way back so it seems she's going to whine to him all season at the bar.  Everyone is mingling.  Lacey and Iggy seem to be making an early connection.  As usual, Iggy seems to have no self-awareness so it remains unclear if Lacey is into him too or just wants to be pursued right now.

Kristina and Dean's date
Dean's laying it on thick and his teeth are blindingly white.  The date is boring but a love connection seems to have been made.

Jasmine
Nick is hammered and Jasmine is annoyed.  Matt takes this opportunity to swoop in and make a move on her.  First night in Paradise and Matt's getting way more action than he ever got on Rachel's season.

The Next Day
Lacey has to unexpectedly leave because her grandfather passed away.  Iggy's sweating it because he was hoping that he'd get her rose.  Robby arrives next and gets a date card.  As he interviews the ladies, Corinne's not very impressed and Danielle can't get beyond his hair.  Robby offers the date card to Raven and she accepts, to Ben's disappointment.  Ben's annoyed because he didn't leave his dog at home for nothing.  As Robby gets ready for his date we find out that he's brought a swimsuit for every day.  Alrighty then.

Danielle and Jack Stone have a conversation but she can't tell what's going on with him.  Robby's totally into Raven.  Ben's cooking up a plan to swoop in on Raven when they come back from their date.  Raven and Robby have what might be the most elaborate tropical drinks I've ever seen. Has Robby had work done on his face?  Because he looks a little weird.  DeMario's into Alexis so maybe she looks better in person (it's unclear yet why he abandoned Corinne).  Robby and Raven come back from their date.  The bros go off to do shots.  Robby thought it went really well but thankfully Raven wasn't as impressed.  She (appropriately, I might add) doesn't want to date someone prettier than her.  And those abs could be annoying.  You can't have abs like that and not have an eating disorder/be completely anal about what you eat.  I love how Raven is dissing him.  I hope Ben feels relieved because despite being a little clueless and talking about his dog too much, I like Ben more than Robby.

Nick seems to think he still has a shot at Jasmine.  He pulls her aside but then Iggy hollers about the arrival of a date card.  Matt gets the card and no shocker, he chooses Jasmine.  It looks like Nick's days are numbered.  They head to a drag bar.  Matt, to his credit, rolls with it, which I don't think all of the guys would do.  THEN they choose him from the audience and make him up to be part of the show.  Matt comes out as Virginia and while he can't walk well in the shoes, Jasmine loves it.  His dress is beautiful and he's kind of a hot mess but he wins major points for having fun.

Cocktail Party
Diggy hasn't had any air time yet and is making the hard sell to anyone that will listen to him. So is Izzy.  Taylor's "feeling feelings" for Derek so he's safe.  Robby's still trying to woo Raven and doesn't seem threatened by Ben.  Raven tells Ben he's a better kisser than Robby.

All of a sudden, DeMario and Corinne are pulled aside and the remaining cast is confused.  Then all of a sudden the cameras are off and the crew disappears.  The cameras aren't really off though because the cast is still getting interviewed.

And that's the end.  We all know what happens next but I have no doubt they'll have some weird and awkward explanation.  It goes without saying it will be super-dramatic.

These first few episodes are a little painful until the couples settle in and the drama starts.  Everyone is still on good behavior.  I can't wait to see where things are at in a few weeks!

The Bachelorette: It's Time for the Final Rose

I'm sure there will quite a bit of filler as we build up the momentum so I'll start typing while that happens.  When we left things, Peter and Rachel were seemingly at an impasse.  While I'm Team Peter out of the three remaining guys, I think she's going to end up with Bryan.  A friend of mine thinks that the drama is manufactured and Rachel will be okay with Peter not promising a proposal and then he'll end up proposing.  Or maybe we're both wrong and Eric will win the whole thing.

This season's "twist" is Rachel will be live watching the episode with Chris, which should be interesting.  And all three guys are in the studio and she'll have to face them as well.  The shot they showed of them was too quick to tell who looked the happiest.

In other random news, apparently Juan Pablo is married.  No word on who the unlucky lady is.

Finally we get to the episode and we start back with Peter.  Despite how the drama ended at the last episode, they seem to be talking things through.  I had forgotten that it's still Fantasy Suite time so they need to decide if they're going to "forgo their individual rooms."  Peter may not be prepared to propose but he's not an idiot so of course they decide to continue their time together.

The Next Day...
The night went well but it doesn't seem they have resolved their issues.

Bryan's Day
Ugh, Bryan just doesn't do it for me.  Please pick Peter.  Puh-lease.  We have to watch them make-out all day, listen to his smugness and watch them drink delicious wine.  Rachel is clearly distracted and to Bryan's credit he notices this and at dinner he confronts her about it.  She doesn't really own up to the distraction but says that it's not him or anything he did and she apologizes for acting that way.  No shocker, he's down for the fantasy suite.  All of those candles would make me nervous.  I'd be convinced I'd trip or knock into them and burn the whole place down.

I love Rachel without all of the makeup and I wish the show would let her wear no makeup more often.

Rose Ceremony
There's a long unnecessary build-up to the rose ceremony.  Bryan's outfit looks ridiculous without a tie.  Eric looks better, but his t-shirt is too casual for the jacket.  Peter of course looks best but I'm not a fan of tie clips.  No shocker, Bryan gets the first rose, cutting it down to Peter and Eric.  I almost can't watch.  Thankfully (and despite the drama, not unsurprisingly), Peter gets the rose.

Eric keeps things classy and has nothing but love for Rach.  I don't think he was actually in love with her so feelings aren't hurt too badly.  Since we've already had Rachel's hometowns, I wonder what this week holds in store date-wise.

Back at the Live Show
Rachel meets up with Eric for the first time since she let him go.  It was boring.

One Last Date with Bryan
Rachel gets one last date with Bryan.  It goes fine, he gives her a Spanish English dictionary.  We have to watch him ram his tongue down her throat, it's gross.

One Last Date with Peter
Rach is a nervous wreck about this date.  They explore a beautiful monastery and get pre-marriage counseling from a monk, who is far nicer than I would have expected for someone that was probably forced to allow cameras into his monastery.  And by "forced" I mean "ABC gave a generous donation to allow for the ongoing upkeep of the monastery but as part of the deal I have to act interested in these people."

Peter and Rachel continue to go around and around about proposing vs marriage.  Honestly at this point in the season, I just want to find out who the Bachelor/Bachelorette picks. Similar to Bryan calling out Rachel about not being present during their Fantasy Suite dates, I give Peter credit for not giving in to proposing to someone that he's only known a few weeks.  It makes you wonder if he understood what he had signed up for, but whatevs.  He's not as naive as Vanessa was, I'll give him that.

Rachel mopes down the street and shows up at Peter's room.  My guess is she's going to do to him what Andi did to Nick and break things off now.  They talk things out.  Again.  Peter apologizes that he's not ready to propose after only knowing her a month.  Despite the ickiness of ending up with Bryan, she needs to go with her gut on this and cut Peter loose.  Peter asks her if SHE knows without a doubt that HE'S the one she wants to spend the rest of her life with.  Rachel refuses to answer because she'll owe ABC money if she reveals that.

I'm tickled that they've seemingly gone through a bottle of wine and someone was considerate enough to bring them dessert but they haven't touched it.

I will say that this is probably the most realistic relationship conversation I ever recall witnessing on this show, so much so that it's becoming uncomfortable to watch (but not that uncomfortable that I'm not watching).  Or maybe you never dated someone with commitment issues so this doesn't resonate with you.  I was starting to think that the false eyelashes are probably getting awkward at this point and as Peter awkwardly walks Rachel out, it's clear she's taken them off.  Thank goodness.

Pleasechangeyourmindpleasechangeyourmindpleasechangeyourmind.

To quote Chris, this is by far one of the most dramatic and emotional good-byes I've ever seen.  It's going to be awkward as f*** when they cut away to Rachel and Chris watching this.  It's indeed awkward and to make things more awkward, Peter and Rachel speak for the first time since that night.  The awkwardness continues.  The Nick/Andi reunion was awkward and this was right up there with that.  I'm trying to think of a better word than awkward but I can't come up with one.  In talking to Peter, Rachel claims there were other red flags that she saw, which I would have been interested in hearing more about, but she doesn't get into it.  And as they go to the break, Rachel gets one last dig in about how great her life is now.  Oh Rach, did you have to go there?  Sigh.  Turns out her eyelashes fell off from the crying.

Oy, Peter's still on stage.  He is clearly so uncomfortable, I feel terrible for him.  Chris will not let this end.  Finally he puts Peter out of his misery and lets him go.  I think I need a little break after that.

Last One Standing
Is it safe to say that Bryan's been completely overshadowed here?  They pretty much fast forward through the whole ring selection, final getting ready, etc.  Rachel appropriately feels weird about moving on so quickly from last night.

Bryan proclaims his love but the intense wind is very distracting.  Rachel looks uncomfortable getting her hair blown about. When she starts talking I'm starting to wonder if she's going to send Bryan away too and he's starting to seem a little less cocky.  But of course she's just playing him and she proclaims her love and it's clear that all she wants is the proposal.

Live Show
Bryan re-proposes.  I throw up in my mouth a little.  They gush and there's another commercial break.  They were clearly making out the entire time and Chris' face is priceless.  Chris asks Bryan about his mom and he claims her and Rachel get along really well.  Sure.  Rachel's family still doesn't like Bryan but they trust Rachel.  Rach's mom is relieved that while she's waiting for Bryan's chiropractor rage to emerge, he's not as creepy as her other son-in-law.

BIP Preview
Finally, the moment I've been waiting for--Bachelor in Paradise.  Despite the fact that "nothing" came of the Corinne/Demario "incident" (translation: Corinne was possibly paid off but as part of the pay-out her attorneys found "nothing"), it's interesting that ABC decided to confront the issue head on by leading with that.  We'll see if they address it anymore next week.  The best news is that DANIEL'S BACK.  Oh Daniel, I can't wait to see you.  A lot of the other people blur together so it's hard to see who hooks up with whom, but there are a lot of tears, including Dean, who is torn between Kristina (now a blond) and one of the twins (bleh).  What's-his-face is the crazy bartender and plays with puppets.  The hipser DJ guy.  Is the other bartender gone?  Will the DJ be allowed to find love or will he be limited to random drunk hook-ups?  Jasmine seems to mount several men (came out way snarkier than intended, I already love her).  I'm so excited!!!

Chris is trying to wrap up the show and Bryan and Rachele aren't even paying attention.  Another season over.  We'll see if Rachel and Bryan last.  Maybe she'll go back to Peter.  It's anybody's guess who the next Bachelor will be.  Is America ready for an African-American Bachelor?  Peter seems like an unlikely candidate at this time but you never know.  Thanks for reading everyone!  See you next week for BIP!

Show review: The Bachelorette, Week 8

Hi all!  Have we recovered from poor Dean's departure?  He's heading to BIP so I think he'll be just fine.  After last week's Hometowns, it looks like they're going to Spain where she'll finally get some action (if she wants and no slut shaming if she bangs all three) and the guys will meet Rachel's family.  It's implied that Bryan's in particular doesn't go well, but we know how the producers can toy with us at times.  I still don't know what I missed when Peter was going to make Rachel cry a week or two ago.  Anyhoo, you'd think I'd know the drill by now, but I don't.  It appears they're starting with the family meet and greets so let's get to it.

Okay, I thought fantasy suites happened before the final two guys met her family.  It turns out that Rachel's sister is going to give birth imminently so Rachel's mixing things up.

Peter Meets Rachel's Family
Peter's up first.  They go shopping for Rachel's nephew and nephew-to-be.  Peter's sweating a bit that not only did he not declare his love for Rachel, he told her he might not even propose to her.  Peter tells her he's falling in love with her.  Rachel is psyched and says she's falling in love with him too, but we all know this doesn't guarantee anything.  Damn, Rachel's family lives in a mansion.  We are introduced to Rachel's creepy brother-in-law again. This time Rachel just says that her dad won't meet any of these guys and doesn't use the "he's working" excuse.

Peter's rambling and Rachel's family is staring at him like they have to appear to be interested in him and the dinner but they can't wait for it to be over.  Constance likes him enough but is skeptical.  Constance and Rachel go off and talk about Peter.  As the token white guy in the group, the creepy brother-in-law talks to Peter and points out that Rachel is not perfect and asks Peter what his concerns are.  The two that come to mind for me are "1) How often do I have to interact with you and 2) Can you stop having children so I can stop thinking about the fact that you have had sex at least twice with Rachel's sister because the thought of you having sex grosses me out?"  But that's just me.  Peter answers very smoothly that he's worried that he hasn't seen any red flags yet, which is close to the interview question of "My greatest weakness is I work too much and I'm a perfectionist."

Rachel next meets with her mom (Kathy) and Kathy asks Rachel what HER red flags are about Peter.  Rach states the obvious about Peter not knowing if he'll propose.

Next Peter meets with Rachel's mom.  WhenKathy asks what it is he likes about Rachel, he doesn't answer the question, just goes on about his feelings again and how he can't ask her and Rachel's dad for their permission and he doesn't know if he'll propose in two weeks.  Hey, at least he's honest.  Rachel's mom really likes this about Peter and tells him that's fine as long as he's serious about Rachel and isn't going to dump her right after the show. Kathy gives the thumbs up for Peter.

Eric Meets the Fam
The guys appear to have to sit in the lounge area of their suite making forced chit chat.  It's Eric's turn next.  Eric and Rachel have come a long way.  Bryan gets catty about the fact that Eric has never been in love and pumps Peter for information.  Bryan's clearly feeling cocky and Peter perfectly articulates that in his interview.  Peter then tells Bryan that he doesn't want to hang out with him.  Hahahaha.

Oh wait, there's a date happening.  Eric's really nervous.  While Eric's never introduced a girl to his family, two of his exes thought he was worthy enough to meet their families. so he's not a total novice.

Am I the only one that is creeped out by the BIL?  Eric gives his speech about his upbringing.  Constance immediately takes him aside and begins grilling him.  Eric, to his credit, is very straightforward with her sis.  He seems to win her over despite the love (or lack thereof) thing.  Next Eric talks to Rachel's mom.  He makes her pitch to her.  Eric asks Kathy for Rachel's hand in marriage.  She gives a vague answer that says she'll go along with whatever Rachel wants.  Thankfully we're not forced to see an interaction with Eric and the BIL, probably because the BIL is white and Eric isn't.  Did that come out racist?  It wasn't meant to be.

Guys--we still need to get through Fantasy Suites!  I'm exhausted already and we still have to get through Bryan's s*** show of a family meet and greet.

Bryan Meets the Fam
Bryan's feeling cocky.   Bryan and Rachel are both wearing their watches, which disappoints Peter and Eric.  Peter and Eric are ready for Bryan to get taken down a few pegs.  Bryan gets to meet Rachel's girlfriends. Please let them be her real girlfriends and not Bachelorette girlfriends.  They're her real girlfriends.  This is huge for Bryan though because neither Peter nor Eric did this and despite Peter, Eric and my reservations about Bryan, I think it's his final rose to lose at this point.

Rachel admits that she thought Bryan was going to end up being a d-bag but I think there's still time.  Remember, he's hidden his rage about the disrespect he feels about being a chiropractor and not a real doctor.  Bryan charms the girlfriends and then they head over to Rachel's mansion.  It cracks me up that her family seems well coached on being excited even though this is the third date.  Bryan's still feeling cocky.

Side note:  Okay, I thought that Bryan had said last week that he was his mom's only child and then a sister(?) was there although she was never introduced (that I saw).  I had started to write a whole thing about it in last week's blog, but then I took it all out because I thought I'd misunderstood Bryan and Rachel's conversation before he brought her home. So I guess it was his step sister?  Or maybe him and his mom don't count the sister as a real sister because she's a sister and not a brother and therefore inferior?

Yikes, Bryan talks about how his mom is always the number-one woman in his life.  RUN AWAY RACHEL, VERY VERY QUICKLY.  Kathy asks Bryan whose side he'll pick if Rachel and his mom bump heads and he starts to say his loyalty will be with his wife but then he gets super vague and Kathy presses again on whose side he'd choose and he doesn't immediately say Rachel, which implies he'll pick his mom.  Rachel chimes in and points out he already said his loyalty would be with his wife but Rach's family isn't buying it.  Kathy knew that Rach didn't like the questions but she didn't care.  Go Kathy!  Bryan is the most exuberant about his love and it's backfiring on him big time.  I can't wait to see how things go down with Bryan and Constance.  Creepy BIL gives his creepy stare.  The body language of Rachel's family is pretty epic.  I love the group interview feel of this dinner.  "Describe a decision you made that wasn't popular and how you handled implementing it." The uncle asks a question and rather than answering the question, Bryan excuses himself.

Rachel knows this isn't going well and tells her mom she's annoyed.  Kathy doesn't care.  BIL tells Rachel her reaction is "very emotional right now" and if I was Rachel I would throttle him.  It's unclear if Bryan ever came back to the table because after the commercial break Rachel is talking to the BIL.  For some reason Rachel and him seem to have a good relationship and she doesn't seem creeped out by him.

Now it's time for Constance and Bryan to chat.  She tells him she's not convinced by his love.  He tries to persuade her and she's still not convinced.  Kathy's not convinced either in her conversation with Rachel.  Rachel defends the Bachelorette process.  Next up is Bryan and Kathy talking.  Bryan asks for Kathy's blessing and she gives it because she trusts Rachel's judgment, not because she likes Bryan.

Spain
Now it's Fantasy Suite time as we head to Spain.  We have thirty minutes to get through three dates and that's an aggressive timeline.  Also, I'm trying to get this banged out before I pack for vacation and I'm feeling the time crunch.  They are in Rioja and it looks gorgeous.  Rachel reviews all of the guys as a time filler.

Eric
Eric is up first and Rachel's concerned about Eric's capacity for being in love.  Eric has suddenly become in touch with his feelings, which is convenient and could put him in second place if Peter can't get out of his head.  The first part of the date is going well enough and I'm bored.

Rach looks so much better when she doesn't have a ton of makeup on, like she does now.  Eric takes us through the journey of their relationship and Rachel keeps interrupting him with questions.  No surprise, Eric declares his love because he knows he needs to if he wants to get any tonight.  No shocker, they're both into the Fantasy Suite.

Peter
Peter's up next.  They're at a winery and the wine guy only speaks Spanish and they clearly have no idea what he's talking about.  Rachel picks up words based on her high school Spanish.  Oh boy now he starts singing.  Peter looks pissed for some reason but maybe he's just uncomfortable.  Dude, let them start drinking wine.  The great news is they get a wine locker of sorts.  I'd take what I could if I were them because it's unclear if this locker is permanent or not.  My guess is not.

Peter tells Rachel that he asked her mom for permission to keep dating Rachel.  They don't get a chance to discuss this because they're interrupted by an adorable little girl. Rachel has every intention of going back to the conversation.

It's nightime and Rachel's ready to get back to their previous conversation.  Peter shares his family tradition of saving a wine cork and I like the premise but then it gets very complicated and there's no way I could write all that stuff on a tiny little cork.  Rachel reiterates that she didn't do this experience to get a boyfriend.  She wants to get engaged but that doesn't mean she has a timeline on getting married. Peter disagrees and doesn't want to propose unless he knows he wants to marry someone.  Oh Peter, haven't you watched this show?

This takes their relationship to a screeching halt.  This doesn't seem to bode well for the fantasy suite though.  But alas, we need to wait two weeks to find out what happens because next week is The Men Tell All.  I had forgotten about most of these guys.  What will happen?  Will Peter say goodbye?  I'll be counting down the days...

Show review: The Bachelorette, Week 7

After seeing the coming attractions, I could hardly wait to watch last night's episode.  The more I thought about Dean's dad, the more I felt like this was going to be an episode of Intervention.  And Bryan's mom is clearly a piece of work, so let's get right to it. 

Eric's Hometown

We kick things off in Baltimore.  Eric has never brought a woman home, which at first would seem like a red flag, but when he discussed his upbringing, didn't necessarily concern me.  His cousin makes an appearance at the basketball court and gives a lovely speech about Eric.  Once the cousin is awkwardly dismissed, Eric talks again about his upbringing.  They head over to Aunt Renee's house.  Despite his tough upbringing, Aunt Renee lives in a really nice building.  Maybe it was Aunt Verna, not Renee.  My apologies Auntie, no disrespect intended.  Verna and Rachel talk about her being the first Black Bachelorette and Rach says love doesn't have a color, implying she's going to pick a white guy.

Eric uses this time to explore his issues with his mom.  Conveniently they've worked everything out though.  Neither of Eric's parents seem to know what to do in this situation. Despite Eric's attempts to tell both of his parents that neither of them were there for him growing up, they both say "you turned out pretty well so I guess it worked, huh?".  I think Eric wants to love Rachel but I don't think he luuuuvvvvvssss Rachel.  Either way, this is a boring hometown date.  That being said, Eric's family overall was lovely.  No real issues around race or poverty level were discussed.  Dean's family is obviously going to be last.  My guess is Peter is next.

Bryan's Hometown

I was wrong, we get to meet Bryan's family in Miami next.  Bryan and Rachel spend the day making out and wandering around Miami.  Bryan's the only son, which makes this whole mamma's boy thing even more of a red flag.  And Bryan blames his ex for not getting along with his mom, not the other way around.  Awesome. AND (another and), Bryan won't tell Rachel he loves her until he meets his mom (although I thought he'd already told her he loved her but there are so many guys, who can keep them all straight)?  So the red flags are abundant.

They get to the house and his mom looks miserable and quickly downs her first glass of wine.  Who's the chick in the blue dress?  His sister?  His mom pulls Bryan aside to ask him what Rachel has that she doesn't have.  Mom's clearly not thrilled with this whole thing.  Rachel's talking to the woman that might be his sister but isn't identified about Bryan's last girlfriend and how this poor ex didn't get along with the mom.  

Finally it's time for Rachel and Bryan's mom to talk.  Rachel gushes about Bryan.  Despite the grilling and threatening to kill Rachel if Bryan isn't happy, Rachel seems to pass her inspection.  Mom keeps calling Bryan the "love of her life", which is super creepy.  Despite the build-up, the whole interaction is pretty benign.  As a result, Bryan declares his love for Rachel and she swoons.

Peter's Hometown

Next we head to Madison, WI for Rachel's date with Peter.  Rachel is of course nervous about the walls that Peter has built up.  Rachel and Peter meet up with his friends first.  At one point Peter bragged that most of his good friends are black.  O-kay.  Peter seems oddly detached with this whole thing. Peter pulls his guy friends aside and the three of them have what I'd guess is the most open conversation about his feelings for Rachel and being terrified about proposing to her.  His friends struggle to find words of wisdom since they don't usually talk about this stuff but they do tell him not to "f*** it up."

Unlike Bryan's date, we're introduced all of the people at Peter's parents' house.  Peter's mom reminds me of Nick's mom for some reason.  When Peter's mom and Rachel talk about Peter, his mom doesn't necessarily see Peter proposing.  At the end of the day Peter and Rachel both talk bout how happy they are.  It's all happy happy happy.  He of course doesn't declare his love for her and I think Rachel's disappointed about that.

Dean's Hometown

And now the moment we've all been waiting for.  And I say that in a, "let's watch this trainwreck in action and feel bad yet not be able to take our eyes off of it" kind of way.  Dean meets Rachel in a random field in Colorado.  He's clearly nervous.  Dean hasn't seen his dad in two years.  Dean's taking a page from Raven's hometown and gets the ATVs out. Let's see if they make out in the mud.  Dean's immediate family hasn't been together in a room in eight years.  ABC must have paid the family a nice chunk of change to do this.  Dean has two brothers and a sister.  His dad has changed his name to Parumrup and is a sikh.  His stepmom's name is Sintartar.  Dean's only met her twice.  

Dean and Rachel talk through his dad issues.  The big moment finally arrives and I feel bad for how Dean is clearly dreading this.  Parumrup kicks things off by banging the gong to cleanse everyone.  Parum, as Rachel now calls him, gets a little misty-eyed when talking about Dean's mom.  He serves some sort of vegan/vegetarian dish for dinner, which Dean doesn't eat, claiming "he already ate".  Parum is told by the producers that he needs to pull Dean aside and speak to him.  Rachel gets pulled aside by his sister and she's also a hot mess (I didn't say that very nicely and I shouldn't be snide because it's sad, but I'm going to be snide anyway).  Things go back to Dean and his dad and poor Dean tries to confront his dad but it doesn't go very well.  Parum's dad admits he wasn't there for any of them after Dean's mom dies because he didn't know how to do that.  

After the break, Rachel tries to talk to Parum, who isn't very interested in talking more.  They talk for about thirty seconds and he walks off.  The whole thing is beyond awkward but Rachel handles it as well as she can.  Rachel comes back in to talk to Dean.  Dean and Rachel are talking inside the house and Parum is peeking inside wanting to go back inside but not wanting to deal with the cameras.  Rachel tells Dean she's falling in love with him.  Which she might have done to make him feel better?  Rachel drives off and leaves Dean in front of his dad's house.  Where is Dean going now?  Because he can't possibly be staying at his dad's house, which seems to be in the middle of nowhere.

Rose Ceremony

Rachel talks about how hard it is to say goodbye blah blah blah.  Chris comes in with his usual iciness and asks what's so hard about this week.  Is it me or does he seem extra pissy this season?  In the interest of a montage and having a voiceover to play while the guys are shown getting ready, Chris asks Rachel to go through each guy.  I'm not a huge fan of bow ties unless it's with a tux but Dean looks cute.  Chris doesn't really comfort crying Rachel because he doesn't seem to care.

Rachel gives the usual speech about not wanting to make the wrong decisions yadda yadda yadda.  I think Eric's getting the heave ho this week.  Or Peter.

No shocker, Bryan gets the first rose.  My guess is Dean is next.  Ohhhhh Eric gets the second rose.  She told Dean she was falling in love with him so it's Peter, right?  WHOA!!!!!  I guess not.  Poor Dean, getting kicked while he's down.  Making him confront his dad when he was perfectly comfortable keeping those feelings bottled up.  

Dean calls her out on telling him she's falling in love with her.  But he's only 20 so he'll recover.  However, despite the bow tie I think he's wearing skinny pants, which isn't a good look.  Dean's pissed.  As he probably should be because I'm shocked too.  Like Adam, he thinks Rach made a mistake.  You know full well that's going to come up in the After the Rose special.

Next week

I thought it was Fantasy Suite week but I always mix up "Fantasy Suite" week and "Meet the Bachelor/Bachelorette family" week.   Whatever week it is, Rachel's family grills the guys.  Looks like fun!  Will Rachel's dad be "working" again?

Bracket Update

I haven't mentioned the bracket in AGES.  After a strong start, Amanda seems to have dropped out.  Shannon's in the lead and I think she's won.  Alyssa's in second and may or may not overcome Shannon.  Alyssa is proof that you don't need to watch to do well!  I'd be open to a BIP bracket but not using the same site.  If you have recommendations on a different bracket site, send them my way!