I'm not sure I captured the awesomeness of this show in the first episode. I gushed for sure but I don't know if the essence of the awesomeness came through. I'll try again.
We find the gang hanging out and continuing to explore love. Claire is trying to balance Benoit and Christian. Luke had a great date with Rebecca but wants to keep his options open. Stassi and Luke bond over surgeries. Stassi says she has heart issues and Luke said he had heart issues too and almost died but when he describes it, it doesn't sound like a heart issue but an infection. Is Stassi's coat real fur?
Speed Skating
The crew heads to a skating rink for their next event. Lesley is understandably concerned about Dean. They will be speed skating. Not many of them have ice skated before but Yuki announces she'll win but she wouldn't choose Dean on her date. For somebody that doesn't speak English, she speaks English pretty well. Certainly better than I'd speak Japanese. As with last time, there will be heats and the top two of each heat will go to the final. Kevin is the only one that seems to be a good skater. Benoit continues to woo Claire.
Hannah Storm is back and assures us these people aren't skilled. It looks like Rebecca, Lesley, Claire and Lily will be competing in the women's final. Lily rivals Arie in who has beadier eyes. Not nice, I know, but sometimes the truth hurts. She also reminds me of Terri Irwin, the Crocodile Hunter's widow. Kevin blows away the guys but the twist this week is the two WORST skaters from each race will be competing in the final, not the winners. This leaves us with Michael (who has yet to appear in a single interview), Ben, Luke, and Dean for the men and Stassi, Bibi, Ashley and Ally for the women. Ashley's super annoyed but now really wants to win. Rebecca's annoyed that she doesn't get to go to the final. Claire invites Christian to hang out in the hot tub with her later. Dean and Luke unzip their outfits in the hopes it will help them win. Dean and Luke have a photo finish and Chris has to go to the tape to see who wins. Dean is the official winner of the race. Dean won't say if he'll give his date card to Lesley.
Next up are the women and Bibiana is in it to win it. This is anyone's game. Luke is hoping that Stassi wins and asks him out. Stassi takes an early lead. Josiah is starting to get creepy with his constant attention on Ally. Stassi wins the date card for the women.
Pre-Date Card Preening
The gang gets back to the house and find a new person waiting for them. Kevin in particular immediately thinks the guy is a db. This fellow, who's name I still haven't caught, was on the second season of the New Zealand Bachelor and it didn't end well. Supposedly he flipped a coin to hand out his final rose. His name is Jordan. Courtney doesn't like him either. Ashley isn't impressed either. Luke is sure that Stassi will ask him on the date card but Stassi pulls Jordan aside. Jordan says he knew early on he wasn't going to find anyone on his season and it was hard to see things through. Stassi isn't smitten but seems to like him enough. The Americans seem to know all about this guy. Ben of course can't imagine somebody doing that. Luke is threatened because he thought he was going to get Stassi's date card and now this new guy is talking to his lady.
Ben interrupts the Stassi/Jordan discussion and tells Jordan he's going to get grilled. Jordan's fine with this. Ben is still in his speed skating outfit for some reason. The Americans are very eager to get to the bottom of this. Stassi's lips are growing before our very eyes. Apparently Ben and Jordan seem to be the only two actual former Bachelors. Jordan's pretty upfront about what he did but was annoyed that the woman he chose went on TV and cried over getting dumped without telling him she was going to do it. Well, dude, what does she owe you if you dumped her? Stassi asks him why he's here and he assures them that he's here for the ever important right reasons. He seems to appease the wolves.
Stassi's lips and Luke are cuddling on the couch and Luke is trying as hard as he can to get the date card. Stassi finally gives Luke the date card. Luke is now two for two on the dates. Kevin and Ashley are talking and apparently Kevin is interested in Ashley because he was going to ask her on his date if he had won. He is fascinated by her multiple appearances on BIP. Kevin's not ready to tie himself down to Bibi just yet but claims he's not one to date multiple people at once. He's looking for confirmation from Ashley that this is okay and he shouldn't feel guilty, which she doesn't quite do. He asks her if she's vibin' on anyone else in the house and she says no, just him. Kevin says he has to go talk to somebody. Bibiana I presume?
Ashley of course starts planning her future with Kevin and bringing him home to meet her family. We know this is going to end in tears, right? Ashley fills in Dean, who doesn't seem convinced and Ashley acknowledges she's getting ahead of herself a little bit but claims to not care. Thanks to the wonders of editing, Ashley and Kevin are talking again. They didn't show the Kevin/Bibi talk for some reason, but Kevin tells Ashley that the first chapter in his Winter Games story is closed and he's free to proceed with Ashley. Hmmm. Ashley says she's in...wait for it..."Seventh Kevin".
Post Break (this is a long hang out session, I need to break this up somehow)
Post break, Christian and some of the others are talking about getting into the Jacuzzi. Christian is waiting for Claire to get into the Jacuzzi.
Dean and Lesley are on the couch and Dean is starting his thing where he becomes standoffish. Lesley calls him out on it and he does his nervous laugh thing. Dean has a date card and isn't sure what he's going to do with it. Unlike Kristina and what's her face from BIP, Lesley seems to have her act together/a semblance of self-respect and doesn't seem to have the patience for Dean's BS. We'll see if she stands by that though, since there are rumors that these two are still hanging out. After all of that, Den still asks Lesley on the date.
I don't know if Christian's still waiting for Claire to get in the jacuzzi, but in the next scene, we see Lesley and Claire hanging out in a bathtub. Claire continues to feel conflicted about Christian and Benoit. Poor Christian keeps waiting for Claire and she's nowhere to be found. Christian goes into the Jacuzzi alone. He hopes that Claire will come out and apologize.
While we didn't see Bibi and Kevin's chat, Bibi seems to have recovered well enough and now has her sights set on Mr. Coin Flipper. Jordan claims that he's more excited about Winter Games than he ever was while on the Bachelor.
The Dates
Stassi and Luke and Lesley and Dean head out on their mutual dates. Lesley wants Dean to man up. Dean and Lesley go tubing. Stassi and Luke are on a horse-drawn carriage. While Lesley's having fun, she wants to get down to business. Luke and Stassi come upon a wood burning hot tub. Luke reminds us this isn't his first experience with wood burning hot tubs. Luke claims that his and Stassi's relationship is deeper than his and JoJo's was. Luke and Stassi share their feeeeelllings. Dean and Lesley are in some sort of cabin. Lesley says she knows what she wants. Dean asks her what she wants. Dude, she already said this when you guys were on the couch last night. LISTEN. Dean claims that Lesley is the only woman he's interested in the house, but he doesn't want to move too quickly. Which is normal but not for the Bachelor series.
Bibi and Jordan continue with their connection. Jordan can't believe he's made a connection with Bibi already. Bibi has clearly moved on from Kevin.
Benoit is sulking in his room when Dean comes back from the date. Dean wants to hear the scoop. The gang is playing Cards Against Humanity and Benoit pulls Claire aside so they can chat. He asks Claire if she's avoiding him and what her problem is. Benoit is crying (I think). He asks Claire if she sees a possibility for them. Claire hems and haws. Benoit took their kiss more seriously than Claire, who called it a "friendly kiss". Claire and Benoit can't agree on how many times they've kissed so this stalls their conversation a bit. Semantics, guys. Claire finally tells him they aren't on the same page. They've been there for what two days? Benoit should go hang out with Ben. Claire and Benoit are both crying and hugging each other. Good god, people. Benoit decides that if he can't have Claire there's nobody else in the house that he's interested in, so he's going to pack his bags and balls and go home. Benoit wanted Claire to tell him to stay and she didn't. To make matters worse, tomorrow is his birthday and now he'll be sad. Can we make Benoit the next American Bachelor? I can't decide if I adore him or if I'll ultimately find him annoying.
Clare sobs in the bathroom. Benoit sobs as he packs. Benoit announces to the gang that he's leaving. Christian is glad his competition is leaving. Claire walks him out and defends her choice in letting Benoit go. Back at the house, Josiah starts stirring the pot and tells Clare that Christian was annoyed with her. Claire pulls Christian aside to ask him what the hell his problem is. She asks him why he didn't come find her if they were supposed to hang out and he says he doesn't do that kind of thing. Also, they had an appointment, so it's up to her to show up to the appointment (how romantic of him, to call a date an "appointment"). Clare lays into him and tells him he needs to say something to her and not the guys and Clare starts to have flashbacks to Juan Pablo because Christian's doing the "it's okay, it's okay" thing. The conversation continues to go downhill from there and Clare goes off to the same bathroom and starts crying again, this time about what a jerk Christan is. Elly comforts her.
Rose Ceremony
It's finally time for a real Rose Ceremony (maybe). Claire's still pissed. Chris is happy that there are so many couples already forming. Chris assures the gang that tonight is a real rose ceremony, with the men giving out the roses. There are nine roses and eleven women, so two women will be going home. Tiffany, who we haven't see a lot of, is worried because she hasn't connected with many of the men. Chris tells the men that they should only give roses to women that they see long-term potential with (no pressure, guys). And to the women he says they should turn down the rose if they don't see a future with the fella. Oh Chris. We finally see a quick clip of Michael G. Did you blink? You probably missed it.
Kevin pulls aside Ashley aside and I'm worried her boob's going to fall out in that dress. While Stassi's lips are so big, she's growing on me. Just lay off the lip injections, hon. Luke says they have a "soul connection". Whoa dude, you're falling hard.
It seems Tiffany is also interested in Kevin. Why is this guy so popular? Ashley has her claws out to keep Tiffany away from her man. Tiffany talks to Kevin and starts crying. Kevin tells Tiffany to be patient and that if things with Ashley don't work out, she could be #3. But now she needs to find someone else to give her a rose so she can stay. In the meantime, Claire and Lesley are hanging out again and Clare continues to talk about what a jerk Christian is. The unraveled Claire that we know and love is finally starting to emerge. Christian approaches her on the couch. Claire and Christian have it out again. Claire for her part does a great job articulating the issues. Christian stares at her blankly. Even though she won't admit it, Claire wants Christian to give her his rose so she can throw it in his face.
Rose Ceremony (no really)
Tiffany looks like she's having a rough night. Yuki's future is uncertain too. As is someone else's, whose name I don't remember. Jenny maybe? They go through the easy ones first: Courtney gives his rose to Lili. I don't get their connection, but I appreciate that she's not the prettiest one (it's the beady eyes), or at the very least, doesn't slather on the makeup. I'm sure if she put some mascara on she'd look better. I hate that I wrote any of those sentences. Obviously Luke gives his rose to Stassi. Jordan gives his rose to Bibi. Josiah's up next and gives his rose to Allie. Dean gives his rose to Lesley. Kevin gives his rose to Ashley. Tiffany looks terrible. Seriously, she looks like she's had a rough night and it's the next morning.
Next are the wild cards. First up is Ben. He gives his rose to Yuki. Does anybody take Yuki seriously? Next up is Mr. Mystery Michael and he gives his rose to Tiffany. Tiffany is relieved. Christian is the last one to hand out the rose and he gives it to Clare. Which is surprising. Clare walks up and....accepts the rose. Oh Claire, you talk a big game but you have no substance. She rationalizes her decision. Rebecca and Jenny head home. It turns out that the tears in the van heading away are universal. Rebecca might be crying because she lost her pants somewhere. Is that her real hair or does she have extensions?
The coming attractions promise us continued drama and I can't wait. But first we have to get through Hometowns on Arie's season. I'm watching as quickly as I can people! Not quickly enough, I know.
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