The Bachelor: Week 5

We know by the coming attractions that Krystal continues her downward spiral, which was entertaining at first and is now starting to become concerning.  Like an episode of Unreal.

Chelsea's One-on-One
The gang has inexplicably moved from Lake Tahoe to Fort Lauderdale.  They're in a sweet penthouse suite at the W.  The stakes are getting higher.  Arie joins the women in their suite and Chelsea is chosen for this week's first one-on-one.  They are in a huge yacht.

Lauren is disappointed she didn't get the one-on-one, probably because Arie told her last week she was due for a one-one-one.  Maquel, who really hasn't gotten a lot of screen time, comes back.  The ladies spy on Arie and Chelsea on their date, including making out on the jet ski.  That gets old pretty fast.

Chelsea and Arie's date seems to be going well as they transition into the evening part of the date.  Because of the wonders of editing, the producers don't seem to be as focused as making Chelsea the new Amanda. Obviously Krystal is crazy and delusional enough that perhaps they want to hold back on additional drama for now.  Anyway, Arie cuts to the chase and asks about her baby daddy and what happened and what his deal is.  They've had a range of single moms on this show and Chelsea does seem to have her act together more than some.

Back at the house, the group date card arrives. The other women pretend to be happy when their names are called. It appears that Lauren still isn't getting her one-on-one because Tia gets it.  Back at the date, Chelsea gets the rose, no surprise.  Arie feeds her a load of crap that isn't really worth repeating.

Of course, there is the musical portion of the date.  Tenille Arts is playing, whoever that is.  While I always feel bad for the musicians that have to watch the couples make out, at least it was just the band and not a huge crowd.

Group Date
It's time for the group date and Arie and the gang are going bowling.  There's an opening that I assume is an homage to a movie that goes over my head.  All of the women are flirting and again Krystal is pretending she's not insecure and saying the rest of the women are trying too hard.  She's changing tactics this week and isn't vying for his attention, for those trying to keep track at home.

There's a competition and it gets weird fast. The blue team (something about roses) are pretty loud and cocky.  The pink team is a little more subdued.  The blue team is kicking butt and ultimately wins.  I can't figure if Krystal is drunk or just being herself.  The pink team are super annoyed at Krystal.  Arie feels bad for the Pink Team so he lets them hang out at the after party after all.  Krystal is pissed.

Apparently on the bus home Krystal lost her mind and went off on Arie. The women are all ready for the after party and Krystal announces she's not going.  She's packed her bags, but isn't exactly leaving.  She explains why she's pissed with her weird frozen smile.  Chelsea's impression of Krystal is better than Bekah's.  The women and me are interested to see Arie's reaction.

Arie joins them and doesn't seem to notice Krystal's absence until the women tell him what happened.  He doesn't seem terribly upset about it but does tell the women he thinks he should go talk to her briefly before they kick things off.  I'd be pissed if I was part of the group.  Eff Krystal!  Talk to the women who aren't having temper tantrums.

The women nod in agreement but they seem to do this to appease Arie.  Or maybe they hope that it will move along Krystal's departure sooner.  Alas, this is  probably what Krystal wanted all along.  Once he leaves it's clear the women are pretty frustrated.  The women agree that this is probably what she wanted. As Arie heads up to her room, the women are dying to be a fly on a wall to hear how Krystal spins this to her advantage.

To Arie's credit, he doesn't fall for her sad act.  She ultimately doesn't really take any responsibility for her behavior and instead blames him.  He's pretty pissed but doesn't send her home. He tells her to stay in her room and think about what she's done.  Clearly Arie knows that he has more beautiful women downstairs that are smart enough to hold it together and pretend to be his perfect dream girl until after the final rose.  If your crazy is coming through now, it's not going to be to your advantage.

Arie rejoins the women and takes them aside one by one for their individual make out sessions.  He brings the not-22 YO Bekah up to his room for some extra private time.  Interesting.

Meanwhile, Krazy Krystal (you like what I did there?) is...putting her makeup on and is now dressed.  And is still feeling disrespected and is going down to tell Arie her feelings.  Again.  To no one's surprise, the women aren't happy to see her.  You can watch the air deflate in the room as she walks in.

Krystal announces to the women that she has something to say, and the women respectfully try to ask her questions, which she refuses to answer because she doesn't want to be attacked.  Oh Krystal.  The conversation with the women doesn't go anywhere.  Lauren leaves in frustration.  Krystal eventually leaves when it's clear none of the women are interested in speaking to her.  It's unclear where she's going but I have a feeling we haven't seen the last of her.  She didn't get dressed up for nothing.

Lauren pulls herself together and her and Arie play 21 questions.  It's perhaps cuter than I should give it credit for but it's flirty and fun.  Then Arie takes it to a dark place and asks Lauren what she's afraid of in this Bachelor situation.  I'm not entirely sure what he expects her to say, but she says exactly what you'd think.  I'm not even going to write it because you, dear readers, know.  Is Arie that dumb or is he contractually forced to remind everyone that he has the power to break these women's hearts?  The conversation gets awkward so Lauren decides that it's best if they start making out instead of talking more.

There's still no sign of Krystal as Arie begins his speech to hand out the date rose.  Lauren gets the rose.  Becca K. is pissed because Arie brought her up to his room and she thought she was special.  Apparently Krystal did just go up to her room.

Tia's One-on-one
It's time for Tia's one-on-one date.  They have a date on the Everglades and end up at a random house in the middle of the Everglades.  It's Gerald's house.  I don't know how much they paid Gerald to do this.  Perhaps they paid him in frogs.  The rest of the women get lovely picnics and Tia gets Gerald's deep fried frog legs, catfish and his own invention, fried corn-on-the-cob.

They're sitting out on Gerald's porch swing and talking.  Arie says he can't look into Tia's eyes and Tia says the same, but in this case it's because Arie's eyes are so beady and small, she really can't see them.  Tia's feelings are "growing and growing" for Arie and has an amazing time on the date.

They finally get out of Gerald's house and head to dinner.  They're in some sort of place with a lot of antique nautical stuff.  Tia talks about it taking her seven years to finish school and I think snarkily, "it took her seven years to finish school?" but it turns out she has a PhD(?).  In physical therapy?  Holy crap!  My opinion of Tia just went through the roof  (sorry, Tia).  Tia is of course talking about how she thought she'd be barefoot and pregnant by now, which is too bad because she's a freaking doctor.  Tia takes the conversation to a religious place with a reference to a "higher power".  Turns out that Tia's faith is important to her.  Tia's had her share of bad relationships blah blah blah.  Tia's kind of my choice to be the next Bachelorette right now.  She tells him she's falling in love with him.  She gets the rose.  We are either spared the musical act or there isn't one.  My guess is the latter.

Cocktail party
The women are of course still talking about Krystal and how she had spent the previous day hiding in her room.  She counters and says she wasn't hiding, she was "improving herself" and some other nonsense comes out of her month.  She gives another speech to the women and they look at her stone-faced.

Arie walks in and breaks the tension.  Kendall pulls him aside and is determined to lighten the mood.  She has written down 100 questions.  The first one asks him if he'd eat human meat.  He says no.  She says "yes" and he seems horrified.  He clearly wants to stop talking.

The women keep talking about Krystal behind her back, who is outside and posing thoughtfully.  She can hear them talking about her and goes inside to confront them.  She offers to speak to the women individually.  Kendall volunteers to speak to her first.  The conversation isn't terribly productive.  Kendall's pretty calm and Krystal makes no sense and gets worked up.  Overall Kendall's pretty articulate and Krystal isn't.  Bekah is out next but it's unclear why she is because she doesn't have anything to say but she asks Krystal why she's still here.

We don't get to hear the answer yet because Arie's hanging out with Jacqueline, who hasn't gotten a lot of screen time.  Apparently she's a psychologist?  Things go back to Bekah and Krystal and, as with the others, the conversation goes nowhere.  Krystal continues to feel attacked.  This is getting old.

Arie and Krystal finally get some time alone.  Arie says Krystal knows him better than a lot of the women and that their relationship is further than the others but her outburst took them a few steps back.  Krystal said she was having flashbacks at the date because she grew up in a bowling alley.  Arie is puzzled by this and doesn't buy her explanation.  He's legit annoyed and she tries to get cutesy and say this is their first fight and he says it could be their last fight.  She doesn't like that.  Krystal isn't so delusional that she doesn't miss Arie's coldness and that concerns her.  However, she forgives him.  For what, I'm not sure.  Including the others in the date, I think?  It's hard to tell anymore.  She definitely seems concerned about being sent home.  If you can't hold your crazy act together until the end, there's no way you're going to last.

Arie and Chris have their awkward conversation.  Arie's sending three women home tonight.  Krystal continues in her interview that she has shared so many sides of her to Arie.  My favorite is the futuristic side.  I'm not sure when we saw that one.

Rose Ceremony
I think it's going to come down to the following four: Marquel, Marikh, Krystal and Ashley.  Out of those, I think Krystal will be the one that lasts another week.  It is down to those four (not a shocker, really).  And of course, I'm right.  The women are pissed.  Marikh is sad but more worried that he'll end up with Krystal.  Krystal is smug and promising more crazy.