Becca's Season: Episode 4

As I wait for Hulu to run through its many commercials, I admittedly  haven't been that excited to watch this week's episode.  Do you remember a simpler time, when Lincoln's worst offense was that he was a rumored floor pooper?   (A rumor, by the way, that is not a rumor but apparently true based on my sources.  Yes, dear readers, I have SOURCES now.  Well, source. Alas it's only a Lincoln source.)  Remember when he wasn't a convicted sexual assualter?  Remember when Garrett's f***ed-up Instagram likes was the worst offense?  Let's be clear, Jordan's strip down was creepy, but it gets creepier over time as I mull it over more.

So admittedly, I've lost a little enthusiasm this week.  The episode begins right where things left off last week--at the Cocktail Party.  Blake and Becca begin planning how many children they want and their names, so it appears that Blake pretty much has this in the bag at this point. Can we just move on to BIP and pray that this season isn't also ruined by sexual assault?  Is that too much to ask?

Cocktail Party (Still)
The guys are talking about David and Lincoln wants him gone, but not as a result of an injury.  Jordan takes credit for David's injury because seemingly Jordan thinks that God does things for him. David has left the hospital (possibly AMA but probably not) and he doesn't look THAT bad.  Jordan's pissed because he comes back right when Jordan was talking to Becca.  To make matters worse, Becca's happy to see David and pulls him aside immediately to talk to him.

Rose Ceremony
I'm over Jordan's self-absorption.  Becca gives David a rose so he can go to bed. Finally the Rose Ceremony starts.  Obviously Jordan will get a rose because him and David need to be on the two-on-one together. Nick shows up in a track suit and he looks super sleazy.  Bizarrely, he gets a rose. Thankfully Leo is sticking around for another week.  The last rose goes to Jean Blanc.  Ryan/Banjo guy and Mike/ESPN guy, we hardly knew thee.   Seriously, neither one of you got any screen time.

Becca tells the guys it's time to pack up because they're heading to Utah.

Garret's One-on-One
Garrett gets this week's first date and Becca still seems rather smitten with him.  I always wonder if the producers give them spending money on these dates or if they're expected to bring their own money.

Back at the house, Lincoln gets more unwarranted screen time because he thinks the earth is flat.  Please stop talking.  After the break, John is forced to awkwardly listen to Jean Blanc discuss what a great connection he has with Becca.  John, who by some miracle hasn't been sent home yet, thinks Jean needs to chill the f*** out.

Back at the date, Becca continues to gush about Garrett.  They go up a ski lift without wearing skis.  I was nervous about how they would dismount the lift, but since there's nobody at the mountain, somebody seems to stop the lift.  As it turns out, they're going bobsledding.  Of course they're being taught by two former Olympians.  Silver medalists, as a matter of fact.  Admittedly, the professional bobsledders don't seem very enthusiastic about being on the show, but since they won their medals 12+ years ago, they're women, and bobsledding doesn't seem to result in lucrative endorsements, here they are.  As it turns out, the two women are married. Garrett pretends to be cool with this but there's a split second where his face is a little grossed out.  You saw it, right?

It's the evening part of the date and Garrett would need to do something epicly terrible to not get the rose.  Becca tells Garrett that he reminds her of her dad.  Whoa, Garrett drops the bombshell that he was previously married.  I didn't see that coming.  He was married for two whole months!  Of course, Becca internally freaks out about this.  What if he feels like he's forced to propose before he's ready and then changes his mind?  Because I'm not sure if you're aware, but that's happened to her before.

Back at the house, the group date card arrives and Wills, who has gotten pretty minimal screen time, gets the other one-on-one for the week.

Back at the date, Becca asks Garrett why his marriage broke up.  He says she was emotionally abusive and he ignored the red flags. He says nobody in his "bloodline" had ever been divorced before. Bloodline?  Anyway, he assures her he's all in. Becca thanks him for sharing his dirty laundry on national TV.  Obviously he gets the rose and they transition to the awkward unknown country musical act. 

Group Date
Becca's on a massive group date with 13 guys. John's in it to get the rose and prove his manliness in other ways since he's obviously going to suck at a lumberjack competition (which sounded more judgey than it came out).  As is the theme this week, they're being taught some lumberjack skills by some professional lumberjacks that are also together IRL.  This is a hetero relationship.  I would have loved two guys but I'm not sure the Bachelor producers are ready for that. 

Most of the guys are doing really well.  Even Jordan and John are able to split a piece of wood.  However, Jean Blanc, Lincoln and Chris struggle. I was a little surprised that Chris struggled.

Next up is ax throwing, log throwing.  The log throwing is pretty tough but again John prevails.  The guys are split into teams.  Leo is ready for the boys and men to separated. As am I, Leo, as am I. Flannel shirts are involved.  It's a race to the finish in a pole climbing race between Jon and Blake.  John wins and Becca gives him a Golden Axe.  It's not a rose, but it might give him an edge.

For the evening portion, most of the guys ignored her request that they keep their flannel on. Becca is again in red.  Jason pulls her aside first.  I might like this guy more if his hair wasn't so greasy.  He plays the "I'm embracing my emotions" card which Becca eats up.

Becca asks Colton if he's ever been in love.  He says yes--once.   And you know her--it's Tia.  Colton quickly changes the subject and feeds her some random garbage.  Ugh, Jordan's up next and he's wearing his gold lame shorts.  It's super creepy.  Colton and Chris are ready to confront Jordan. Dude, why do you care what Jordan does?  Let him wear his gold lame (it's not lame, I can't get the accent over the "e", although they are lame).  If Becca wants to keep him, that's her choice.  No doubt Colton will mansplain to her that Jordan's not there for the right reasons.

Jean Blanc is up next.   Jean "created" a perfume for her.  I assume this isn't a real perfume he created.  Their conversation gets super weird.  Becca's not feeling JB (as I've now decided to refer to him).  Leo interrupts them and he's wearing an awesome jacket but we don't see their interaction.  JB feels unfulfilled by how his time with Becca went and goes in for round two.  Jean Blanc puts himself out there and says he's falling for Becca.  Becca calls him out on his BS and says that it's too early for him to be saying stuff like that.  She also says she doesn't feel the same way.  He backtracks and asks if they should take a step back but she passes on that too and kicks him out. 

Because he doesn't think he's made enough of an ass of himself, as they're walking out, he asks about the perfume, which Becca's confused about (as am I).  He continues to try and persuade Becca and then tells her that he told her that he doesn't feel that strongly about her, he just told her what she wanted to hear.  It's super awkward and I'm disappointed she didn't lay into him more for saying what she wanted to hear, but perhaps she really didn't care that much anyway.

But as Becca joins the remaining guys, she's clearly pissed and shares what JB said and tells them that if anyone else wants to pull the same shit they can just go home.  She says she's not giving out a rose tonight and syas she'll see them at the rose ceremony. 

Brand New Day/Wells' Date
Becca shares that she's emotionally exhausted.  The guys discuss how wrong what JB did was.  Wills is scared to death about facing Becca for his date.  He says he's ready for the challenge but I don't think he is.  Becca's clearly off today.  This should be a fantastic date.  Becca tells Wills that she's not going to focus on last night meaning she's really going to focus on last night.

They go snowmobiling and what's the over/under that they'll run into a hot tub?  Not literally, although that would be entertaining.  Sadly, no hot tub is involved, but there is a fire and champagne. Shockingly, Becca talks about last night but Wills does seem to get Becca out of her head.  According to her he lifts her spirits. But he's not off the hook yet. For the evening portion, she's ready to ask Wills the tough questions.   Wills shares that he's been in Becca's situation. He was ready to go all in with somebody who wanted a hall pass.  Hahahaha, I'm sorry, I had to laugh that somebody actually attempted to cash in on that, especially when a hall pass is typically reserved for a CELEBRITY.  Or so I thought.

Wills seems to touch on all of Becca's insecurities in the sense that he has the same ones as her.  Whether it's genuine or not is hard to tell, but he seems genuine. While I'm not sensing a strong attraction between the two, but Wills gets the rose.  Wills looks stoned to me all the time.  His eyes are always half open.  I like it when I see the whites of his eyes (that sounded racist but it's not meant that way) and he's growing on me.  More so than the likes of Blake, Colton and Garrett.  Thankfully there is not an awkward musical act.

Cocktail Party?
Going into the cocktail party, Nick, who I can't believe has lasted this long, is bitter that JB's antics cut off his potential time with Becca the other night.  The guys are all sitting on the couch either being forced to reiterate things they've already said off camera (best case) or just having to make small talk with all 15 guys smooshed together on couches  (worst case).  Chris walks in and tells the guys there's no cocktail party tonight.   Instead, they're heading straight to the rose ceremony. 

Rose Ceremony
Colton seems to feel good but knows other guys feel nervous.  Becca looks extra decked out tonight.  Becca gets into her speech and I'm impressed by the amount of pocket squares so many of the guys have.  The rose ceremony begins and Leo gets the first rose this week.  Didn't see that coming.  We're forced to listen to Lincoln go on.  His accent seems to evolve.  Connor's nervous but gets a rose.  Sadly Lincoln makes it through another week.  The scene continues to be set for the Jordan/David two-on-one.  Jordan squeaks by with the final rose, eliminating Nick (again, I can't believe he lasted as long as he did) and Christon. Christon was adorable but was possibly there for self-promotion.  He's not overly upset.  Nick is more disappointed and blames himself for not putting himself out there more. 

Becca tells the remaining guys that they're going from Mormon country to the City of Sin.  Jordan compares himself to a sponge but it doesn't make any sense, but he's ready to move on from his status of Captain Underpants.  Until next week, all.  And by next week, I mean the episode that aired yesterday.

Do I need a new guilty pleasure? I'm not sure.  I'm not loving any of the guys (except maybe Leo).   But who are we kidding?  I'll suck it up for yet another week.

Becca's season: Episode 3

As this week's episode opens, David tells us what a great time him and the other guys are having and how they all get along except for Jordan.  David's confident that once Becca spends more time with Jordan, she'll be allowed to cut him once the producers give her the okay.  Colton's starting to worry about whether his time is running short in the house since it seems he was hoping that Tia was going to be the next Bachelorette and he's not sure he can convince Becca that he's happy it's her.

Chris strolls into the house and gives his weekly lecture to the guys. There will be three dates this week--two group dates and one one-on-one.  Colton claims to be excited to go on this group date but that will likely fade as soon as he finds out he's going to run into Tia.

We see Becca puttering around her suite/tiny apartment and what do you know?  Some of her "friends" from Arie's season show up.  Out of the five women, I have to give Carolyn serious props for continuing to hang on to Becca's coattails for as long as she has.  How early did she go out on Arie's season?  And she's managed to hang on for dear life since.  If she doesn't show up in Paradise, I'll be shocked.  Bekah still has her ridiculous earrings.  Becca brings up Colton to Tia.  I'm still unclear if these two actually dated or not.  It's super awkward for Becca and Tia to discuss this in front of the other women so Becca says she'll talk to Tia privately later.

Becca greets the guys outside and tells them they'll be pampering Becca and her friends for the date.  The guys don't seem very excited about this date.  Colton just about pees his pants when he sees Tia.  Jason and Colton are forced to discuss the Tia/Colton/Becca love triangle as filler.  Colton tries to pretend he's fine with everything.  Jason is gleeful that this might get Colton kicked off.

The guys give the women manis and pedis, and then the women paint the guys' nails, and then some of the guys start paying attention to some of the other women, which is awkward. And yet, it's a no-win situation, because they need to be somewhat friendly to the friends.  Just maybe not, "let me give you a massage" level of friendly.  I suspect this wasn't the original date plan because hanging out in a hotel spa for the day is a little random.

Becca and Tia finally sit down to hash things out.  Tia thinks that Colton applied because he thought Tia was going to be the Bachelorette but assures Becca that her and Colton just made out.  Becca's more confused than ever.  Colton's virginity isn't discussed.  We don't get to see any discussion amongst Becca and the alums of who they did or didn't like. 

Jean Blanc makes his pitch for the rose.  Jordan is of course confident he's going to get the date rose.  Becca seems pretty smitten with Jason and tells him that he makes her nervous.  Apparently Jordan was bragging about Tinder to the guys about how many matches he had on Tinder.  I realize you were hoping the guys would be impressed by your humble bragging, but they're not.  He insists that his swipe percentage is 100%.  Sure buddy.

David talks to Becca next and throws Jordan under the bus as he plays the "not here for the right reasons" card.  Becca doesn't seem very impressed by this strategy.  She ends up giving Jordan a high-five for all of his Tinder matches.  Ouch.  Jordan 1 David 0.

Post break, Jordan and David continue their pissing match.  Jordan walks off and David tries to lighten the mood with the guys that are left, but they refuse to engage and all you can hear are crickets playing and David attempting to save face.

We finally see some good Becca/Jordan one-on-one time.  He kvetches about how it's soooo hard being a model and finding someone to share his life with.  Becca asks what he's like in a relationship and rather than saying things like, "oh, it's a partnership" or "I'm the sensitive one", he says he does all of the cooking and cleaning.  He tells Becca he was in his element at the spa day but dating her in general is his element.

Jordan goes back to the group and David starts in on him again.  The other guys laugh at both of them. Jordan tells David to shut up. The other guys are laughing so hard they have to cover their faces as the two of them argue.  Wills (or is it Wells?) hides his face in his jacket and Jason buries his face in a pillow. David asks Jordan what face he's using right now--his pensive face? Clint Eastwood?  Jordan is offended and reminds David he's a Wilhelmina model. Attached to his face is professionality.  Jason and Wells continue to giggle.

Back at the house, another date card arrives and Chris R. gets the one-on-one card. Garrett is disappointed because he was hoping he'd get it.

Back at the date, Becca and Colton finally chat.  And by "chatting" I mean that Becca asks Colton if he felt anything when he saw Tia. No shocker, he says he didn't feel anything and his feelings for Becca are extremely strong.  Since this is what Becca wants to hear, she eats this up, whether it's true or not. It seems that he's getting the date rose.  GRRR.  They make out some more as the guys sit awkwardly on the couch in disbelief.  Jordan blames David for everything.  Jordan also doesn't seem to understand what karma means.

Chris' Date
Becca and Chris head out for their date and they head to Columbia Records.  They stumble into a room where Richard Marx is playing the piano.  OMG, if he sings at the evening portion of the date, I will squeal.  I'm a little surprised that Chris and Becca know who he is.  Were they even alive when he was super famous?  Richard looks extremely uncomfortable.  Or maybe he's just unfriendly.  He plays "Right Here Waiting".  Seriously, I think Richard might be a d-bag.  Or he doesn't smile.  At all.  Richard--it's weird when guys dye their hair.  Just go with the silver fox look, dude.

Anyhoo, today Richard is paying off some gambling debts being forced to helping Chris and Becca to write a love song.  Chris doesn't look happy about this.  Richard tells Chris he needs to be vulnerable.  I'm not sure what Becca's wearing but I think the stylist took the "rocker chick" look a little too far.  Chris doesn't want to let his walls down.  As Richard unconvincingly tells Becca she's doing a good job, we find out that Chris has daddy issues.  Oh boy.  He was rejected by his father and now he's worried Becca's going to reject him too.  Lordy this guy is needy.  Who says women are the only ones that can be damaged?

I was under the impression they were going to be writing the song together, but Chris seems to have different ideas.  Becca finds him in the hallway to see what this problem is and remind him they're on a date. She assures him she won't judge him.  This makes Chris feel better so the drama is averted.  They're both forced to read their terrible lines and Richard grimaces throughout as he wonders how he made so many bad decisions that led him to this point.

Becca loves Chris' lines and Richard reminds him that chick dig crap like that.  Is Chris wearing bronzer?  Because in his interviews it looks like it's smeared.  Richard "plays" their "song".  I'm still holding out hope that he's going to emerge again during tonight's concert and play their song.  Wouldn't that be amazing?

Back at the House
Leo finally gets some screen time this week and I love him more and more.  There's no way he's lasting much longer but he's the most interesting one here.  Have you checked out his IMDB page?  He's been in porn!  Maybe not Mr. Right, but certainly Mr. Right Now.  What was I talking about?  Oh, the next group date card arrives and it's clearly going to be a football date.

Before we head back to Becca and Chris' date, we're forced to listen to Jordan talking more.  Colton gives an idiotic speech and Jordan and David go at it again.  I was entertained by Jordan initially but he's quickly getting old.

Chris' Date
It's dinner/drinking time for Chris and Becca.  I'm not a huge fan of Chris because he likes to stir the pot.  Also, he's boring.  Becca asks Chris what his deal was and why he was so closed off during the date.  Chris talks about feeling vulnerable and his fear of rejection and his daddy issues. Chris shares how he wrote his dad a letter a few years  ago and never heard back.  No surprise, he gets the rose.

Chris is going on and on and on and you hear a piano playing, Right Here Waiting, and sure enough, they go through a door and lo and behold, it's Richard Marx! Singing Right Here Waiting!  Just like  I was hoping!  Richard doesn't really seem to sing the whole song, just odd snippets that are on repeat.  But whatevs.  He still looks bitter.

Next thing we know, we're back at the house and David's being taken out by paramedics. Lincoln is melodramatically saying he doesn't know if David's going to make it and pleads with us for him not to die. Lincoln--zip it.  After the break, the guys are sitting around talking and we still don't know what happened.  We see Chris at Becca's door and I hope we're finally getting to the bottom of this.

Becca's nervous at Chris' arrival.  Chris tells Becca that David's in intensive care with a busted nose and face.  She asks who attacked him and it turns out that David fell out of bed. This is clearly a conversation that her and Chris had to film a few times and still Becca can't get through it without laughing.  Even Chris is having a hard time keeping a straight face.  Becca asks to see him but there's no time in today's production schedule so she calls him instead.  It turns out he's "not used to small beds" so he fell out of it.  Translation--he was hammered and fell out of bed. Fortunately, Jordan put up bed rails for him so it won't happen again.

Jordan sees David's injury as karma.  Lincoln says he thinks Jordan did it and in his interview, Jordan says he wouldn't hurt a fly and winks.  The wink was lame at best and creepy at worst.

Second Group Date
We finally get back to the point of this show--finding the love of Becca's life in 8-10 weeks.  The guys are joined by some vets from a women's football league and the guys look a little scared. Clay's ready to shine on this date.  They do some box jumps.  It's pretty awesome.  But I love stuff like that. Obviously they're playing a real game.  John, who by some miracle, continues to fly under the radar, gets 10 seconds of screen time.

Keyshawn Johnson joins Chris for the game play-by-play.  Clay, to no surprise, is pretty good but the white team dominates.  Lincoln continues to run his mouth.  Keyshawn struggles to add color commentary.  Chris just giggles. The blue team comes from behind.  With 30 seconds left, Clay ties up the game and...hurts himself.  For the second day in a row, a contestant is carted off in an ambulance, although this feels pretty melodramatic.

It's the evening portion of the date and once again Becca is in metallics. And possibly velour.  Metallic velour?  That's bold.  It also looks like a bathrobe. There's a lot going on with this dress/bathrobe/whatever. Alas, Clay is still at the hospital so he probably won't be getting the rose tonight.  Garrett pulls a page out of Clay's book and tries football moves on Becca in an attempt to kiss her.  She finally ends up kissing him since he doesn't seem to have any game.

Blake is starting to self-destruct and confides in Becca about how hard the process is. Blake calls Becca his girlfriend and she swoons. My money's on Blake as the front runner right now.  But don't count Clay out just yet because he shows up at the date.  Blake isn't happy to see him.  Correction--none of the guys are happy to see him.  I've said it before and I'll say it again--Clay seems like a nice guy but he's not the life of the party.

It's rose time and Becca gives the rose to Clay. Blake and Garrett aren't happy and wonder what could have been if Clay hadn't shown up.

Cocktail Party
I wasn't sure the cocktail party was going to happen in this episode because there are only 10 minutes left.  I doubt we're going to see the rose ceremony, although I did see a headline that somebody leaves.  So maybe that's why there isn't a rose ceremony.  Or maybe they're worried about the ratings so they're trying to pull people into next week's episode.

In addition to midriffs and metallics, the third theme that Becca's stylist is focusing on this season is red.  It seems like Clay might be the one leaving because he needs an operation on his wrist and the bills don't pay themselves.

Clay finds Becca and tells her he's leaving.  Apparently he has to give the rose back to Becca.  As I suspected, we run out of time before the rose ceremony.  But next week promises more drama, which is great!

Becca's Season: Episode 2

This week kicks off with Becca going on her first post-Arie date.   If we created a drinking game where you had to drink every time somebody mentioned Arie, well, we'd be passed out by the end of the episode.  Let's get to know these clowns, shall we?

The guys are forced to gush about Becca, and Blake points out that one of them might be getting married.  Apparently he's not including himself, but Blake is the "independence guy".  Chris comes in and asks the guys how they're feeling.  As much as I want to dislike Richie Rich/Chicken Guy David, thus far he's not coming off as nearly as big of a tool as I was expecting.  The season is young though.  Chris gives the guys the stern talk that Becca's not here to mess around.

Chris leaves the first date card and it's a group date.  It's unclear what the actual date is, but first the guys change into tuxedos.  Does anybody else think that Lincoln's odd?  Not pooping on the floor odd, but there's something odd about him.  Perhaps it's the language barrier?  (That's a joke, because he's English.   And we speak American here.  And hopefully you're catching on to my humor. I've already said too much.)

Anyway, the guys strip down and Becca pretends not to look.  I'd pretend too.  Jordan finally gets a chance to tell Becca he's a model.  Jordan is confident he has this date locked down. Rachel and Bryan join the gang on the date.  Pre-break, Rachel explains the guys are doing an obstacle course race.  Sweet!  Bryan doesn't speak.

Post-break, Bryan helps explain the course.  Chris R. says there are a lot of good athletes in the group, but the smartest guy might win.  The fact that you say that shows how dim you are, Chris.  It's unclear to me how smarts will win a race.  But perhaps you'll be right, Chris.  Jordan volunteers to explain each of the events in the course.   Thanks, dude.

Lincoln cheats, so he gets ahead after the ice bath.  David almost catches up, but Lincoln is the winner.  Wow, I got two sentences out of that whole competition. We head into the evening portion of the date.  There seems to be a fan that keeps Becca's hair blowing.  Lincoln reminds everyone every five seconds or so that he won and got to marry Becca.  Lincoln--you're not really married.  Can somebody explain this to him?

The guys immediately start ripping on Lincoln.  Lincoln rambles on about how Becca brings out the best in him and goes on and on and on.  Becca gives Lincoln their "wedding photo".  He sticks his tongue down her throat as a thanks.  Lincoln goes back to the guys and brags about the picture.  There's a collective eye roll.

Back at the house, the next date card arrives.  Blake gets the first one-on-one.  He's psyched, the rest of the guys are not.

Back at the date, we see a montage of Becca getting to know the guys. Lincoln is acting super creepy and talking to the picture.  Connor and Lincoln start to get into it. Connor takes the picture and tosses it on the ground. Connor then takes the picture again and throws it off of the balcony, getting glass in the pool.  That's uncalled for.

Jordan is giddy about the drama.  Lincoln calls the guys classless and says his heart is broken.  Jean Blanc kind of reminds me of Eric.  Jean Blanc may not have had any screen time with us, but seems to be making an impression on Becca.  He also seems like a better kisser than Lincoln.

Connor thinks he spoke for all the guys when he threw the picture off of the balcony, but it appears he didn't, as some of them now talk behind Connor's back about how that was uncalled for (even though they laughed at the time).  Next thing we know, Lincoln is lurking on the stairs to catch Becca and tell her he needs a new picture because Connor threw it in the pool.  Beccaaaaaa, Connor's being a bully!  Lincoln plays dumb with Becca about why Connor might have done that to him and appears near tears.  Becca's super annoyed she needs to deal with this drama.  Becca pulls Connor aside and Connor tells Becca that Lincoln isn't genuine.  Becca is unimpressed with Connor's explanation and doesn't send him home yet but tells him he's on her s*** list for the time being.

It's finally date rose time and I'm concerned it's going to Lincoln but perhaps she'll give it to Jean Blanc. Phew, it goes to Jean Blanc. Lincoln is sure he would have received the rose if it wasn't for Connor.

In the morning, Lincoln is in tears as he tells the other guys at the house about losing his precious picture.  What a fucking drama queen.  He's for real crying.  Behind his back the guys are laughing about it.  Even Jordan calls Lincoln a clown and is starting to doubt if Lincoln's accent is real.  There's a problem if Jordan is the voice of reason compared to Lincoln.

Blake's Date
I mentioned this last week and I just can't get past what Blake said about couples being independent from each other.  Also, he has an odd shaped head.  Becca's nervous about her first one-on-one date since the Arie break-up.  Chris H. planned the date, not Becca.  Chris greets the couple while holding a sledgehammer.  Chris reminds Becca that she's dealing with heartbreak and needs to get her aggressions out.  Totally normal to get your anger out from your broken engagement on a date with a new guy.

This is f***ed up, even for the Bachelor producers.  There's a racing car, multiple monitors that show Arie proposing, even the couch they sat on when Arie broke up with Becca.  Becca and Blake get to destroy them. Seriously?  Come on, guys.  And then Lil' Jon shows up.  Blake calls him "Little John".  Lil' Jon cheers them on as they trash the car and everything else.  It's unclear if Lil John knew what he had signed up for.  My guess is no, or he was paid so much he didn't care.  Who knows, though, he could be a Bachelor fan.

After smashing everything, Becca finally has closure and is ready to move on with Blake.  Blake seems psyched for Becca to get this out of her system, but it's so weird.  At dinner, Blake assures Becca he had a good time.  I'm not buying it. Becca talks Blake through the whole Bachelor process.  Blake and Becca talk about how similar they are and he shares a breakup story about how he fell in love and was dumped.

Back at the House
Back at the house, another group date card shows up.  There are two guys that won't be getting a date at all this week. They are not happy.

Back with Blake
Blake and Becca continue to gush about how they're, like, so similar!  And they have sooooo much in common!  Obviously he gets the rose.  It's unclear if Blake's philosophy on couple independence has come up yet.  I thought they were going to transition to the musical act portion of the date, but they end up making out outside the restaurant instead.  At this point Blake is certainly one of the front runners.

Second Group Date
We are reminded of many guys that I've forgotten about since last week.  The guys are playing dodgeball for the first part of the date.  Some of the producers' kids put the guys through the paces.  The little girl in particular is a beast.  It's awesome.

The guys are playing for Becca's heart in front of a crowd (no surprise there).  Joining Chris Harrison for the play-by-play is once again Fred Willard.  I continue to worry about Fred's health.  He still doesn't look good, but maybe he's just getting old.  The green team takes the first game.  Leo in particular seems to be shining.  Leo wins for the pink team for the second game. Leo makes a good effort but ultimately the green team wins. Will the green team get more time with Becca?  Will Becca pull an Arie and include everyone?  It appears she doesn't need to make that decision because everyone's invited to the after party.

At the evening party, Becca pulls aside each of the guys to get to know them separately/make out with them.  Colton needs to share a "big secret".  I thought it was his virginity (which I'm not buying), but apparently it's that he dated Tia.  Didn't he also date Aly Raisman?  For a virgin, this guy sure gets around.

Colton makes small talk with Becca about what a great time he had playing dodgeball and tries to smoothly segue to talking about Tia, but the segue isn't smooth at all.  It seems he spent a weekend with Tia before the show (and he's still going to claim he's a virgin???).  Becca seems pretty closed off during this conversation and is not thrilled about this admission.  She tells Colton she needs some time to think about this.  Is he here for the right reasons???

It's time for Becca to give out the rose and she gives it to Wills.  I didn't see that coming.  Despite that, Becca's starting to feel frustrated.  Hon, you're in week two.  It's going to be okay.  Don't get worked up about the drama.

Cocktail Party
I love the color of Becca's dress but I'm not sure I like the sparkliness.  It looks like it would be itchy and heavy.  Clay pulls aside Becca first and they do a super awkward touchdown dance which is a poorly veiled attempt at getting a kiss from Becca.  It's unclear if Clay is dumb or has no personality.  I suspect the former but it might be both.  John writes her a poem.  Connor tries to redeem himself by giving Becca a picture of himself and has her throw another frame in the pool.  Hopefully that one didn't have any glass in it.

Jordan, who was ripping on every guy's outfit during last week's episode, apparently forgot to get into his suit for this week's party.  It seems that was intentional because he strips down.  According to Jordan, "nothing attracts a woman more than, like, being comfortable next to a sexy man."  Are we sure Jordan isn't the virgin?  As Jordan prepares to head down in his underwear, he knows there will be a target on his back.  What he doesn't realize is it will be because everyone knows he's a potential sexual predator, rather than the stud he imagines himself to be.

Jordan struts on out to Becca and no surprise, Jordan is a legend in his own mind.  The rest of the guys snicker as he walks past them.  He interrupts Becca's talk with David.  Jordan talks about how wild he is.  Even Becca's snickering at this point.  He clarifies that his hair will always be in place, but he does like to have fun.  David tells the other guys how disappointed he is by Jordan's stunt.  Jordan wants a little Jordan to hang out with. Maybe he'll call him Jordy.

David decides to confront Jordan.  It's unclear to me why David is so annoyed by this.  Up until now, David seemed pretty laid back. I was starting to like him even though he's a trust fund baby.  David asks Jordan if he's more than a model.  Jordan seems confused by this question and asks David if he's more than a human being.  Chris is hanging out in the middle and if he was brighter, he might be entertained by this conversation, but he just looks uncomfortable.  Jordan claims stripping down to his underwear is not an attempt to get attention.  Jason's apparently hanging out during this conversation too and also seems mildly confused by the whole thing.  Jordan says that if he were to take an IQ test, he would score higher than the average male model. He's smart enough to know that he probably wouldn't score higher than David though. 

Before Becca can have her rose ceremony, she needs to talk to Colton about his relationship with Tia.  Okay, Becca--they spent a weekend together.  They didn't have a relationship, they had a fling.  Colton assures Becca he's here for the right reasons but she doesn't seem convinced. 

Rose Ceremony
Becca's ready for her second rose ceremony.  If we're supposed to read into the order of the rose handouts, then I'm surprised at who is getting the first roses.  Connor gets the rose ahead of Lincoln.  David's nervous about getting a rose ahead of Jordan.  As the rose ceremony continues, we are forced to listen to Jordan continue to talk.  Jordan gets a rose after David gets his rose.  The other guys aren't impressed.  Lincoln makes it through by the skin of his teeth and Colton obviously gets the final rose. Three guys are eliminated.  I know none of their names.  Oh, Alex is one of them and he cries.  Oh boy. This is sad.  Pull it together, Alex.  Your special lady is out there.

All in all, this was an exhausting episode.  Time will tell if these boys' drama will be more trouble than it's worth.  Until next week!  Tia and Colton are finally reunited.