The Bachelor: Week 3

The claws are already coming out this season so let's not waste any time.  We see the woman recovering from the previous night's cocktail party.  Krystal and Bibiana are sitting right next to each other, which is probably not awkward at all.

First Group Date
Chris walks in and tells the women there are three dates this week--two group dates and a one-on-one date.  Bibiana and Krystal are going to be on the group date together.  The ladies get in their athletic gear again and head out.  It's time for GLOB (terrible): Gorgeous Ladies of "The Bachelor" Wrestling.  As Chris announces Arie it's clear he doesn't know how to pronounce Arie's last name.  The women don't look very excited to be there but they will be performing in front of a live audience that evening.  They are going to be trained by some of the original GLOW women.  The GLOW women give the women a hard time.  Bibiana and Tia start crying.  Bekah the nanny is getting into it and is annoyed that Bibiana and Tia are crying and not into it. 

The women get to go backstage to create their personas.  As they go into the live audience, Chris has been practicing saying Arie's last name and does a better job this time.  Arie finds out he'll be wrestling tonight too and gets to wrestle none other than Kenny King from Rachel's season.  Kenny kicks Arie's ass but Kenny ends up letting him win.  Next the women face off against each other.  Marikh and Lauren B. have a weirdly sexual match.  Other than that, it's lame but Tia and Briana decide that it was more fun than they thought.

It's time for post-wrestling drinks and of course Krystal steals away Arie with her Marilyn Monroe voice.  Briana is of course annoyed.  Krystal seems to have forgotten her pants because whatever she's wearing is way too short to be a dress.  Arie is clearly into Krystal and she asks him how she should act on these dates.  He tells her to be herself, which she interprets as "keep doing what you're doing."  Another blond ends up interrupting them but that interaction must have been pretty dull because then Briana is with Arie.  Dissing Krystal to Arie is a dangerous move but let's see how she proceeds.  It starts out well enough because he tells her how great she did but then she starts bitching about Krystal.  He doesn't really respond at all.

Krystal walks back to the women and talks in her breathy voice about how important it is for all of the women to get time with Arie.  There's a collective eye roll amongst the other women.

Tia and Arie have their first make-out sesh.  Tia is smitten.

Back at the house, the next date card arrives.  Chelsea is sure she's going to get it but it goes to Lauren S. 

Next up is Bekah and Arie.  Bekah says her longest relationship was two and a half to three years, which is long when you consider she's only 23.  And she said she was in love but then she said she got over it in a week.  As with Krystal, she's pretty convinced she's getting the rose.  Krystal is, like, so nervous about who is getting the rose.  Arie comes in to give out the rose.  Krystal has her plastic smile on but Arie gives the rose to Bekah.  Krystal's smile stays clenched in place and she's determined to up her game.

Hanging out by the pool
Krystal confides in Marekh that other women hate her and her friends don't introduce her to their boyfriends but she can't help how beautiful she is, you know?  Krystal says she knows her and Arie are going to be together and it's just a matter of time until everyone is gone.  Marekh nods sagely.

Lauren's One-on-One
Lauren packs her bag because I guess that's what you do before you head out on the date.  The fact that they showed this doesn't bode well for Lauren.  Lauren gets a ride to the airport and they are flying (via private plane, of course) to wine country.  What's the over/under that it's the Firestone winery? 

On paper Lauren is what Arie is looking for in a wife.  They end up at Hall winery (perhaps Firestone wanted too much money?).  They have a fascinating conversation about going to bed earlier than they used to.  Perhaps we'll see Arie wear some of his cardigans on one of these dates. As we transition to the evening portion of the date, Lauren seems to think the date is going really well but her gut is telling her something else.  This is painful to watch.  She rambles on about her last relationship but then he moved to Dallas and I sort of got lost after that.  Then she went on a tangent about her parents.  She loves the word 'amazing'.  She does have enough self-awareness to realize that she is rambling and sounds like a crazy woman.

Back at the house, the doorbell rings with the next date card and Lacey reads off the names.  The women suspect it's something to do with dogs and in addition to her bumper car trauma, it turns out that Annaliese also had a traumatic dog experience. 

I love that Lauren knows this date isn't going well.  Arie picks up the rose and begins his speech and it's clear that he's holding the rose but not giving it to her.  She takes the news pretty well.  I have a feeling we'll see her on BIP or Winter Games.  I told you showing the luggage was a bad sign.

Back at the house the women see one of the crew take away Lauren's luggage and some of them start bawling.  Would it kill Bekah to wear a freaking shirt?  Who sits around in their sports bra or whatever she's wearing?  Krystal pretends to be shocked but is beaming.  Krystal starts talking and the women roll their eyes.  Caroline walks away because she knows that Krystal is full of shit. 

Group date
It's a new day and Arie has to shake off dumping Lauren and focus on the group date.  It kills me that Arie's dog is so cute.  Why can't he have a lame dog?  Chelsea of course hugs him right away.  Let's see if Annaliese can block out her dog trauma and get through the date without crying.  It turns out they'll be putting on a dog show.  OMG, they do another re-enactment.  With the bumper car flashback, the faces were blurred but this time they don't blur out the face of a little girl with her pacifier.  Her grandparents old dog attacked her.  She almost lost her eye. 

Back at the house Tia and Briana are at the house and Briana begins praying.  Unironically?  And Tia goes along with it.  Maybe they were joking.  I'm not sure.

The women get all dressed up for the dog show.  Fred Willard is there!  But he looks like he's aged 50 years in the past few years.  I hope he's okay.  He has a field day with the women.  Thank god he's funny enough to do this on his own because Chris isn't funny at all.  Chelsea is terrible.  Apparently Annaliese gets the role of dog poop picker upper.  The show is terrible, kids are crying and finally we're put out of our misery.

The evening portion of the evening starts and the claws come out.  Arie ends up pulling Chelsea aside first.  The word for this week's episode is 'amazing'.  Chelsea doesn't just like herself, she adores the person she's become.  Annaliese is feeling insecure.  Arie thinks he dated people post-Emily who weren't ready for marriage intentionally since he was on the Bachelorette.  What amazing introspection, Arie.  Arie's making out with most of the ladies tonight. I hope he wiped the lipstick off after he made out with Jenna and her burgundy lips.  Annaliese and Arie have a very awkward and stilted conversation.  He seems relieved that Chelsea walks in.  The other Becca/Bekah make out for awhile and she feels better about where she stands with him.  It's time to hand out the roses and Chelsea gets the rose.  Becca/Bekah claims that she's not worried.  Annaliese is worried she's going home but is going to try for another awkward conversation at the cocktail party.

Cocktail Party
The women are freaking out as they wait for Arie to show up for the cocktail party.  Arie pulls Seinne aside first. Did Bibiana take out her extensions?  Her hair looks shorter.  She has prepared a cabana for him but Lauren B and Arie think its' for them.  Bibiana walks in on them making out and Arie asks her for five more minutes.  Arie basically spends the whole night out there with a lot of other women that aren't Bibiana. 

Annaliese gets ready to pounce.  Arie set up hale bales and moonshine for Tia.  Annaliese is ready to throw her Hail Mary and he turns her down when she asks him if he wants to kiss her.  Ouch.  Then he continues making out with the rest of the women.  Annaliese has another freak out and decides to try one more time and Arie finally tells her it's not going to happen.  She has her "I'm not going to find love and I'm going to die alone" moment.  Her departure shakes the women and what it means for them.

Rose Ceremony
Despite Annaliese's departure, the drama isn't done for the night because we still have to get through the Rose Ceremony.  Krystal puts on her plastic smile and prepares for her name to get called.  Watching this show makes me relieved that I didn't name one of my daughters  Lauren.  Not that I don't like the name--I love it, it was on my baby name list!--but dang there are a lot of Laurens on this show. 

Krystal's name is finally called.  Jenna, who had mounted him earlier in the night when Annaliese was lurking, is relieved to get her rose.  Two women are left and it's down to Marikh and Bibiana.  Bibiana goes home but it's okay because she's already been cast on Winter Games.  Can't wait Bibiana!

Next week the Krystal drama continues and I can't wait!  Annaliese, what are we going to do without hearing your childhood traumas?  The episode ends with another re-enactment of yet another dog trauma.  This time, her landlord's dog, which didn't look people in the eye.  Obviously you can't trust a dog that won't look people in the eye.  Even if it's too little and/or doesn't want to be near weird little girls that will grow up to be on the Bachelor.

The Bachelor: Week 2

Hello, dear readers.  Now that we have the first week out of the way, we can shift our focus to the good stuff.  So far I'm having a hard time liking Arie.  But you know what? At least it's not Nick.  Also, this is a way to bide our time until Bachelor Winter Games.  International Bachelor contestants?  Count me in! I knew Claire wouldn't stay away for long.  What was I talking about?  Oh right, Arie.

We see Arie on his motorcycle while the women pretend to like each other.  Chris shows up and tells the women that Arie's on his way for the first date.  Chris leaves behind the first date card.  Becca K. gets the first date card.  The women come out to see them off, which is a little weird.  Becca and Arie ride off for their first date.

Becca K's Date
Back at the house, Chelsea, someone whose name I don't remember, and Lacey talk about how excited it would have been to be on the date and Lacey is the buzz kill that talks about how dangerous motorcycles are.

Becca and Arie drive up to a random house and inside is a spread with my least favorite food--seafood.  But then Rachel Zoe shows up.  Clearly Arie's going to have Becca model for him, which is creepy.  Rachel is in a dress that my 5 YO would be drooling over.  Becca gets to try on different dresses for their date tonight.  I think my 5 YO would love all of Rachel's collection. But she doesn't have to pick just one dress--she gets to keep them all.  And then she gets a pair of Louboutins.  Ok, apart from having to model for Arie, this is a pretty cool date.  And Arie is opening the second bottle of champagne already.  They talk about how beautiful each other's eyes are.  Which is odd because Arie's eyes are so small and beady, how can you see what color his eyes are?

Up walks a man with a briefcase and he says it's from Neil Lane.  Inside the briefcase are diamonds, diamonds and more diamonds.  Becca's thrilled and they make out for awhile.  Becca arrives home while the rest of the women are sitting around drinking. They freak out when they see Becca and all of her stuff.  Better lock that stuff up, Becca. 

The nighttime part of the date arrives and Becca shows up in her dress.  She doesn't appear to be wearing any of the bling.  Oh wait, I guess Arie had it.  Arie mentions his gray hair again and tells Becca he's happy to share his experiences from the first time on the show, which I find a little odd.  Arie's telling Becca how happy he was when she came out of the car and she got the first date but I'd like to point out that she didn't get the First Impression rose.  We'll see if he gives all the women the same lines.  I do like Becca more than a lot of the women so far but there's still lots of time.

Back at the house, the women talk about who kissed him and whether he really has pillow lips, which we know now from multiple women that he does.  Another date card arrives and it's another one-on-one, this time with Krystal.  Previews suggest that Krystal's claws come out later in the season so I'm curious to see how this goes. The vibe in the room isn't great.

Back at the date, Becca talks about her past relationships and the most significant one which was on and off for seven years.  I wonder if the guy that shows up at the end to steal Becca back is the guy she refers to here.  No surprise, Becca gets the rose.  Becca gets to keep the earrings.  If nothing else, Becca gets a lot of sweet swag to take home.

Krystal's Date
The women pretend to be happy for Krystal on her date.  They're secretly worried that he's going to take her home to meet the family already.  Krystal is giddy.  They're going to Scottsdale, which is apparently where he lives.  Of course, they're going in a private plane.  Arie gives her the exact same lines he gave Becca about how she made such an impression on her.  Krystal is of course already planning their wedding.  They end up at Arie's high school so he can relive his glory days.  Then they go to his actual house where they look at photo albums and watch home videos.  It's as weird as it sounds.  It sounds like Krystal's dad left early so she potentially has daddy issues.

Next they end up at his parents' house, which is of course a mansion.  He has a lot of brothers and sisters.  No, wait.  Wasn't he holding a baby named Meike in one of the videos?  Is Meike a boy?  I thought it was his little sister.  Wait, Meike is his mom?  I'm so confused.  His mom is pretty plastic looking (sorry, bitchy, I know).  His brother looks 12 and just got married.  Krystal mentions her family issues again in the interview.  As they leave his parents' place, Arie says that his mom loved her, which I couldn't tell because her face didn't move at all.  Krystal's concerned about what he'll think about her hot mess of a family.

Back at the house, the group date card arrives.  Fifteen girls are on the date card. 

Back at the date, Krystal and Arie are back in LA.  Arie tells Krystal that he wants to know more about her.  Krystal says that she didn't feel like her parents loved her.  Oh boy.  She's either full of it or is very damaged.  She took care of her little brother and now he's a drug addict.  Arie assures her that her difficult upbringing doesn't "reflect negatively on her".  Wow, that's reassuring.  Arie assures her that he's still interested in her and she's clearly relieved.  Krystal's story might be sad but I don't believe she's sincere or genuine at all.  However, I don't really care because if it makes the season more interesting, then I'm for it.  I like her as a villain more than Chelsea.  She obviously gets the rose.  They transition to the random musical act of the date.  As usual, I have no idea who this singer is, but he doesn't seem to be a country singer as they generally have. 
 
Group Date
The next morning the women ask Krystal about the date.  She doesn't share a lot of info, which pisses the women off.  The women head off on the group date and they're all in their sports bras and short shorts.  Chelsea plots.  Arie makes a grand entrance and they're going to do demolition derby.  Presumably in automatics (rather than manuals) which is totally lame.  The women get to design their own cars and seem pretty psyched.  Annaliese is the first one to start crying and they haven't even started yet.  Bahahahaha she's having flashbacks to a bumper car incident.  The producers even do a mini-reenactment.  Oh that's priceless.  I love it when they have fun at the expense of these people.  Jenny laughs at her bumper car trauma. 

Arie finds her crying and asks her if she's not comfortable driving.  Annaliese shares her bumper car trauma story with Arie.  Like the rest, he doesn't really know what to say.  Jenny's annoyed and can't wait to ram Annaliese.  This is going to be awesome.

Chris Harrison is doing the play by play with some random driver and Chris gets some digs in at Arie.  Chelsea is overly serious but most of the women aren't taking themselves too seriously.  Annaliese is still crying.  With all of those cars there isn't lot of room in the ring(?).  Apparently Annaliese is totally into it once the action starts.  Bibiana doesn't understand that she's supposed to go backwards, not forward.  Brittany was taking one girl out after another.  The montage is pretty good as Bachelor montages go.  Seine and Tia are the two left standing and ultimately Seinne is the winner. 

Brittany wasn't feeling good so she doesn't make the next round of the date.  I don't remember what Brittany looks like but the rest of the women fake disappointment that she's not there.  Chelsea, no surprise, steals him away first. Chelsea's ready to share why she's so mysterious.  She tells him that she has a son.  Arie pretends to be okay with this.  Apparently before Emily he lived with a woman that had two kids.  Needless to say that didn't work out.  Arie pretends to understand what it's like to be a single mom.  Chelsea is relieved and feels good about getting the rose tonight. 

The women are complaining about Chelsea and she walks in on them.  She calls them out on it and tells them why she stole him away.  The women aren't impressed by her "I gave up so much to be here" act and say they gave up a lot too.  I can't believe I'm typing this, but I'm siding with Chelsea on this.  She's playing the single mom act hard, but leaving your kid behind is bigger than anything else these childless women have left behind. But someone without kids wouldn't get that.  Ugh, I hate that I even typed that entire paragraph.  Let's move on.

Next Arie hangs out with Seinne.  Seinne implies that she went to Yale because she lived in Connecticut, like it's a state school.  Arie may or may not have gone to college.  Bibiana is starting to melt down.  She tells the cameraman to leave her alone.  Arie continues to make out with various women.  Bekah M. finally gets her chance and rams her tongue down Arie's throat. 

It's time to give out the rose and Bibiana may or may not be on the couch.  Arie calls out Chelsea for sharing her story and she gets smug but then he calls out Seinne for being so special and gives her the rose.  Ouch.  Chelsea is pissed.  Arie tells the women what a great time he had and it's super awkward, though he doesn't really seem to notice.

Cocktail Party
Four women didn't get a date at all this week but most of the women are freaking out.  Krystal looks like the cat that swallowed the canary.  One of the random blondes tries to pull Arie aside but to Arie's credit, he pulls Brittany aside first to make sure she's feeling better.  Arie gives her a "most hardcore" certificate.  Bekah M. pulls him aside next.  She has her fake(? it doesn't look real) fur.  He's into Bekah M. and they make out more.

Bibiana's freaking out and even though Krystal already has a rose she pounces and interrupts him talking to one of the Laurens.  The other women are livid.  She's walking around as smug as can be.  Bibiana finally gets a few minutes with him.  While he's talking to Bibiana, Krystal comes back again.  Krystal does her fake doe-eyed act.  Krystal comes back and Bibiana calls her and her fake tone out. 

Rose Ceremony
It's rose ceremony time.  Arie and Chris have an awkward conversation.  Arie comes back out to give his speech and talks about how tough it is to let some women go.  The women are all freaking out.  It's down to the final rose and it goes to Bibiana.  The women who didn't get the rose look stunned.  Jenny is the most pissed and is the last to leave and doesn't say goodbye to Arie.  Arie runs after her.  She seems more disappointed about leaving her friends than leaving Arie and claims this is the first time she's ever gotten dumped.  Well. 

The woman who collects taxidermy (NOT a taxidermist, just a collector), seems to have brought her whole collection and shows him a bat and an otter.  Arie shares that he was a friend that collects DOLL PARTS.  Better check that friend's freezer.

The Bachelor: Week 1

Helllooooo!!!!  After seeming so far away, Arie's season as the next Bachelor is finally here.  I didn't watch Emily's season, so I'm not very familiar with him.  While I'm ambivalent at best, can we agree that at the very least, he's an improvement over Nick?  But then his opening line is, "this is the most important race of my life." Get it?  Because he used to be race car driver?  Sigh. We see an overly slow motion scene of him getting ready for this metaphorical race in a real race car. We're reminded of how Emily broke his heart.  As awkward "After the Final Roses" go, his and Emily's seem pretty up there.  Fortunately, while Arie went through dark days, he's come out the other side and is realizing that everybody else is getting married and since he's now in his 30s he better get on that bandwagon too.

Sean, who shows up to every single one of these premiere episodes, shows up with Catherine since he's one of the few success stories from the Bachelor franchise.  Sean assures us that Arie is ready for this.  Arie has beady eyes.  He does call Sean out on the fact that he is on these first episodes quite a bit.  Arie awkwardly holds Samuel. Of course they throw in the photo shoot montage.

Meeting the Women
Arie moves into the mansion and we see Chris, who introduces some of the women that we'll meet this season:

1. Chelsea: Chelsea's a single mom from Portland, Maine.  She's confident that since he was the season where the Bachelorette was a single mom, she has a chance.  
2. Caroline: She's a realtor! Just like Arie (although I don't think that's what Arie calls himself).  She's, like, super successful and has already sold $5 million worth in houses.  Take that bitches! Clearly super insecure.  A random couple with a random baby (or someone from the crew) act as "potential buyers".
3. Maquel:  Yes, Maquel.  Maquel is the ripe old age of 23.  She watched him on Emily's season when she was 12.
4. Nysha:  She is a nurse with a clear eating disorder.  She's painfully thin. Her boobs are clearly fake.
5. Tia:  Tia is the Raven of the season.  She's from Weiner, AK.  Oh, and look--there's Raven!  Turns out Raven got her on the show. I think we're supposed to believe that Raven and Tia are in Raven's "boutique" and that they're "friends".  I'm giving Tia a hard time but sadly, she seems to be the best one so far.
6. Kendall:  Kendall collects taxidermy.  She's not a taxidermist, just a collector of dead animals. Oh and she plays the ukulele.  The producers humiliate her by making her sing a song to her dead seal.
7. Bekah:  Bekah is a nanny who is about to abandon the family of the little boy she cares for.  The family is either thankful that she's finally gone or pissed that they now have to find a new nanny.  She's complex--she's gentle and nurturing but also likes excitement and adrenaline. She looks like a younger Keira Knightley. She's, like, totally ready to fall in love.
8. Marikh: She's a restaurant "owner", which means her mom owns the restaurant.
9. Krystal: the stereotype of a blond fitness coach.  She looks haggard in her interview.  Her brother is homeless.  You can smell the desperation coming off of her. It's sad.

The Arrivals

Settle in because the arrivals are finally starting.  The women are pretending to be friends in the limo. Arie gets out first and meets Chris. Like every Bachelor/Bachelorette before him, he's nervous but excited.  Chris asks him what skeletons he's hiding in his closet that has prevented him from finding someone.  I don't sense that Arie and Chris are going to be bros.  Arie doesn't appreciate that comment and says it's because he's been comparing every women since he was on the Bachelorette to Emily.

1. Caroline the Realtor is the first one out.  She makes a lame joke about being off the market.
2. Chelsea the single mom.  This woman has zero personality.
3. Kendall the taxidermy lover.  
4. Seinne: I don't think we've seen her yet.  She gives him elephant cuff links.
5. Tia: gives him a little wiener and asks if he already has one.  He gives her a look and assures he doesn't have a little wiener and hasn't been presented with a toy wiener either.
6. Bibiana: I want to like her but I'm not sure she's sticking around.
7. Bri: the phoniest one yet.
8. Jenny: blond.
9. Brittane: gives him a bumper sticker.
10. Jacqueline: brunette
11. Krystal: looks like she's about to start crying.  She is like a cult devotee and there's something strong in her Kool-aid.  She is totally ripped though. 
12. Nysha, Valerie, they all blur together.
13. Bekah: shows up in a car. How original.  And she calls Arie old.   The car doesn't go over well among the ladies.

Chelsea keeps assuring us she's not insecure.  This woman is clearly gunning for the "Amanda the Single Mom" title but she's not even CLOSE to achieving this.  Amanda is by no means the sharpest knife in the drawer, but she is so gorgeous the guys drool over her (even if she has terrible taste in men between Josh and Robby) but she seems genuinely interested in being friends with the women, and appears nice and genuine, the women don't get mad at her, or they're relieved that she falls for total weirdos.  You, Chelsea, are no Amanda.  Where was I?  Back to the women.

1. Jenna:  talks way too much with her hands.
2. Jennifer:  Another phony that's in TV.  She's smiling way too much.  
3. More and more and more and more.  
4. Another Lauren.  She's 25 and a Social Media Manager and looks way older than 25.  Also, I'm showing my age that I roll my eyes that people actually have the title, "Social Media Manager."
5. Another Lauren.  This one is old (33!) and painfully thin.  And smells of desperation.   What's that sound?  Oh, it's her biological clock ticking.
6. Some rando asks him to smell her armpits.  My girl Bibiana agrees that is odd.

Ugh, I like this guy less and less.  He doesn't seem very genuine.  

Finally, Maquel rolls in a race car and she isn't here to mess around as she flips her hair around after taking off her helmet.  If he falls for that crap then he deserves her.  Chelsea continues her catty comments.

The girls gush over Arie (of course).  Bekah M is annoying already.  Arie and Chris have an awkward conversation and Chris reminds Arie about the first impression rose.

Arie walks into the mansion and gives the typical first night speech.  Chelsea, who handed him a drink when he walks in, is the first one to pull him away.  Arie seems into Chelsea, who is trying to be mysterious.  Maquel, who's pissed that Chelsea stole him, rudely interrupts them.  Chelsea complains to everyone else about this.  Thankfully, the others, including Bekah M., see through this crap.

Back to Arie, when he's asked by someone why he came back to the program says, "back then I was more of a boy and now I'm more of a man."  Sigh.

Brittani the Tech recruiter challenges him to a race and ends up with the first kiss.  She raves about the peck that she gets from him.  Amber reminds me of Becca from Chris and Ben's season.

Back to Chelsea, complaining again about her lack of time. The antics are getting crazier.  Where do these women find the props after they've arrived at the house? Jenna rubs Arie's feet.  Ew.  Arie thinks Jenna is bat shit crazy too but he's totally into that.  Annaliese with the mask finally takes her mask off.  She's not into nicknames, which is tedious with a name that long.  No Anna?  No Liese?  No A?  It's so...formal.  

Chris walks in with the First Impression Rose.  Those who haven't spoken to him yet are starting to freak out.  Chelsea of course, is ready to talk to him for the second time and sticks her tongue down his throat.  Needless to say, the other women are not thrilled when she talks about getting more time with him but surprisingly she doesn't mention that she jumped him.

Arie talks to Bekah on her car.  Young, vibrant Bekah, with her whole life ahead of her, asks Arie to name three things that make him excited to be alive.  Oh Bekah, where did you get that line?  Arie, who is quickly revealing himself to be quite the Rhodes Scholar, states, "excitement".  Which he replaces with adrenaline when she looks at him strangely.  And then she equates race car driving to rock climbing.  And he's clearly still playing the race car driver card even though he supposedly retired.  In addition to getting excited about excitement, Arie also gets excited about pizza. He never lists the third thing that gets him excited, unless it was adrenaline. 

Back at the house, the women are talking about who's going to get the First Impression rose.  Chelsea, of course, is coy and says, "oh I don't know."  Please Arie, don't give it to her. PLEASE.  Arie walks in, takes the rose and leaves the room.  Oy, he gives it to Chelsea.  UGH. 

The other women are of course disappointed.  As am I.  Chelsea may not be the new Amanda but she's certainly the new Olivia.  But while Olivia was also crazy, at least she had personality.  Chelsea has nothing.  The women get ready to line up for the first rose ceremony.

These poor women have now been up all night and the sun is coming up.  I'm disappointed that there at least one of these women didn't get plastered.  Come on, ladies!  Of course all of the women are nervous.  Arie gives his first rose ceremony speech.  Krystal may be the Claire of the season if she doesn't get cut.  My girl Bibiana gets a rose.  She's like a less annoying version of Alexa.  And no, none of these women are their own individuals.  They're all caricatures of previous seasons.   Also, Amber doesn't remind me of Becca, she reminds me of Audrina Partridge.

Maquel gets the final rose and the remaining women are crushed.  Jessica's "that girl" and adds a creepiness level to it since her dead dad had met Arie many years ago and now her dad will never meet her future husband.  Amber's worried her family will be disappointed in her and does the "when will it be my turn" line.  Oh Amber.  Think of it this way--now you don't have to worry about how you were going to fake tan while at the house.

As I watched the coming attractions, they did show good stuff.  The women are catty, it's glorious.  Is everyone there for the right reason???  And alas, I'm sucked in yet again.  With the credits we see Sean AGAIN practicing the rose ceremony with Arie.