Bachelor in Paradise: Week 4, Day 2

BIP's been a bit of a bust, eh?  Maybe it's the cast, maybe it's the shutdown, but things never seemed to gel this season.  I suspect it's the latter more than the former.  In good news, at least we don't have to deal with a Corinne or DeMario interview this week.  Also, the twins arrive to liven things up a bit.

I don't think there are any additions to the intro this week because neither of last week's newcomers made it past the rose ceremony.  They are not worth naming.  There's more crab footage though.  Also, I hope Wells bring his puppets back this week because he was strangely absent in yesterday's episode.

Dom seems to think there's a lot of potential for love but I disagree.  I'm intrigued by Daniel and Lacey so I'd like to see a little more of that, especially because everyone keeps talking about what weirdos they are.  Dom foreshadows things by saying that it would take a lot to shake things up.  Jaimi arrives and gets a date card.  What is Raven's bathing suit?  Wait, Jonathan's divorced?  Jaimi plays for both teams and pulls aside Christen.  The guys are praying that Jaimi asks a woman out because they think that would be totally hot.  Jaimi sees everyone as fair game and decides to ask Diggy to with her on her date.  He enthusiastically says yes and Dom's annoyed.  Still, it's kind of payback for her since Dom went out with Fred right after she went out with Diggy.  

Jaimi and Diggy

Jaimi considers her sexuality fluid rather than labeling herself as bisexual. Spoken like a true Millennial.  And eyes rolled by a true Gen-Xer.  Diggy seems to be charming Jaimi and back at the beach Dom is concerned.

Back at the Beach

D-Lo is thrilled that Kristina is gone and thinks that hers and Dean's relationship can finally move forward.  Sigh.  Lo and behold, in walk the twins.  Haley's interested in Derek and Emily's interested in Dean.  Sorry, D-Lo, it was good while it lasted because we all know that Dean won't be able to resist a twin.  Derek, on the other hand, can hold off Haley.  Chris gives the twins one date card but it's a double-date.  Chris seems to genuinely like the twins, probably because he's disappointed by this season too.  The women seem genuinely excited to see the twins, as well as Dean.  Well, let's be honest, of course all of the guys are happy to see the twins.  

The twins pull Amanda aside to get the lay of the land.  Amanda encourages them to seek out Jonathan and Jack.  The twins do a little bit where they say they don't know what scallops are.  It's very Jessica Simpson-esque.  Ladies, the ditzy blonde schtick is overdone.  Amanda tells Haley that there's no way that Derek will go out with her.  Emily urges Haley to ask him anyway.  Emily isn't swayed by Amanda warning her off of Dean.  Haley decides to change course and ask Jack out.  Jack agrees immediately and tells Haley that Christen gave him her rose but she'll be totally fine with him going out.  Oh dumb serial killer Jack.  Emily pulls Dean aside.  Robby and I are both excited to see how this goes.  Dean gives Emily the lowdown and how he's with D-Lo.  Dean does his nervous giggle thing.  Dean goes on about how going out with Emily would be a disservice to not only D-Lo but Kristina (who is gone because he was a total d-bag).  But again, his lower brain takes over and it's not likely him and D-Lo are committed to each other.  Somehow he musters his will and turns Emily down .  

Amanda suggests that Emily talk to D-Lo and get her permission, which is a terrible idea.  Emily does talk to D-Lo and D-Lo says it's Dean's decision.  Emily pulls Dean aside AGAIN to tell him that D-Lo said it was okay with her if he went out with Emily.  Dean shares his woes of what he's been through.  Our hearts bleed for you, Dean.  Dean turns Emily down AGAIN.  If she'd shown up just a day earlier he totally would have not only gone out with her, who knows where the rest of the night would have taken them.  Next Emily approaches Tickle Fingers and asks him out and he says yes.

Derek tells Taylor that he's falling in love with her and she swoons.  Taylor, all of 23, is happy she's finally getting her happy ending.  Yes, Taylor, you're getting a little long in the tooth so thank goodness.  

As the twins wait for their dates to finish getting ready, Jack is having second thoughts about saying yes to Emily.  Haley, meanwhile, tells Jonathan to not even think about tickling her. Jack can't think for himself so he starts asking other people's opinions on whether he should go out or not.  His friends tell him to just go on the date.  Jack doesn't listen and thinks him and Christen have something real that he wants to pursue.  The twins don't react well to this.  The twins flip everyone off and walk off.  Jonathan's pissed.  Jack pulls Christen aside to win points and the twins start throwing scallops.  Oh twins, not cool.  

Jack Stone feels great about where he is with Christen and sees himself falling in love and marrying her.  Oy, Lord help us all.  D-Lo feels great about where things are with Dean.   I'm not holding my breath on this one.  We know that Robby's a tool and bails on Amanda as soon as he realizes that he doesn't want to be a step dad.  

Chris comes down and I thought he called Robby and Amanda over but it seems he called the whole gang over to tell them that today was their last day in Paradise.  

Next week looks like it might be the best week because it's the finale and the post-finale.  In the credits we're reminded again what idiots the twins are.

There's only so much I can do with this material dear readers!  I'm trying the very best I can.

Bachelor in Paradise: Week 4, Day 1

As we wait for the long description of what's happening this week, there are two bits of news to comment on.  The first is the least surprising breakup of the year--Nick and Vanessa.  Admittedly, they lasted longer than I expected, but this could be a sign of a delayed announcement.  The BIG news is who will be the next Bachelor--Arie Luyendyk.  I wasn't watching the series yet so I know nothing about him.  Based on looks alone, he seems kind of creepy.

Speaking of creepy, Jonathan's addition to the intro is as creepy as you'd expect.  Anyway, as the producers continue to desperately come up with footage, we see that BIP is winding down.  Sure, Adam and Raven are making out as are Amanda and Robby, but they don't feel like real couples.  The only true couple to emerge so far is Taylor and Derek.  Robby talks to Dean and the boys about how he had to deal with Kristina last night while Derek and D-Lo made out in the pool.  Kristina is moping.  Dean admits he's thinking with his dick and not his brain.  Raven and Jasmine give Dean a hard time.

Dean finally gets the balls to talk to Kristina.  They have a super awkward conversation and Dean asks Kristina why she wasn't speaking to him and she says far more nicely than she should, "I'd like to hear from you why you think I wasn't speaking to you."  He stammers for a bit and won't look her in the eye.  He tries to defend himself and it's pathetic.  He whines about how he can't choose.  She sort of lays into him as much as somebody with her low self-esteem can.  Kristina starts crying and Dean just sits there.  He stammers out another lame response and she walks off.

Paradise seems a bit of a bust for the most part.  The gang is hanging out by the pool.  Jasmine is talking to two bartenders that aren't Wells.  Jasmine is soon after lunging at Jonathan.

Jack Stone has his serial killer eyes on Christen.  Ugh, but before that can happen, idiot Blake arrives.  Blake gets a date card and Chris tells him he needs to make a decision quickly.  The gang is less than enthusiastic at Blake's arrival and he's sweating profusely so everyone's ambivalent and grossed out.  We're forced to view a flashback of him and Whaboom.  He asks to see "the bros from his season".  He's interested in D-Lo and Kristina.  Blake thinks he might find the love of his life.  He pulls Raven aside and she couldn't sit further away from him.  He keeps asking everyone if they know who he is and how he's the guy that hated Whaboom.  He claims he's over it.  He asks D-Lo if she'd go out with him if he asked her and she says no.  Not even Christen's interested.  Kristina wants to throw the guy a bone.  He keeps talking about Lucas and he tells Kristina that she may or may not be his first choice.  What?  Dude, Kristina might have self-esteem issues but even she knows she's WAY out of your league.  Blake doesn't just want "an easy rose" (what?) but he decides to pull Kristina aside and ask her out.  She turns him down and says she needs "to work on herself."  It's super awkward and he gives her a side hug.

Before he can get rejected again, Fred shows up.  Fred was also kind of annoying but that could partly be attributed to how the Bachelor producers chose to portray him.  Regardless of my opinion, the guys are a lot more excited to see him than they were to see Blake.  As for the women, Dom in particular seems happy to see Fred.  Fred also has a date card and it seems Fred and Blake are going on a double date.  Apparently Fred is much better looking in person, because the women are drooling.  Or compared to Blake he's amazing.  Whatever happened with Diggy and Dom?  They seemed to have an amazing date but they haven't really seemed together since.  Anyway, Fred asks Dom out and Diggy pretends not to care.

Meanwhile, Blake pulls aside Christen next.  Serial killer Jack Stone claims he isn't intimidated by Blake because Blake might be creepy, but he's no match for a serial killer.   Blake asks Christen out and she asks him why he asked her and he says she's the only one who really gave him the time of day.  Christen caves and agrees to go out, but it seems she wants to go because she's avoiding...something that isn't clear to me.  I'm assuming Jack.  Jack goes from nonchalance to Dexter in about 30 seconds.  Then he seems to knee-cap Robby?  That was weird.  Even Robby seems so taken aback that he doesn't have it in him (or is perhaps too scared to) confront Jack.

Jack obsesses and works out with his manly purple bands.  Christen's spreading rumors that Jack is a bad kisser.  The women decide to have an intervention and find out for themselves if Jack is a bad kisser.  Jack looks very uncomfortable.  Jasmine finally goes in and she, D-Lo, and Raven all make out with him and confirm that he's a good kisser, so apparently the issue is Christen.

Double-Date
Blake, Christen, Dom and Fred are on a speedboat.  Dom says it's the best date ever but Christen is about to puke.  I don't think I'd enjoy this either.  But I wouldn't wear my false eyelashes and I always wear smudge proof mascara.  Always.  But wait, the date's not over.  Next they go zip lining and then they go on the blob.  Christen's having contact issues.  Blake is annoyed that Christen's not having a good time while Dom and Fred are enjoying the blob.

Back at the House
Diggy and Jonathan are both trying to figure out who their back-up roses are because apparently Jonathan is interested in Christen.  WHY ARE SO MANY GUYS INTERESTED IN CHRISTEN?  Granted, they're all odd but still.  Chris shows up and the crew is nervous because Chris never arrives randomly without bad news.  Chris announces that the Rose Ceremony will be tonight.  Daniel grabs the date card and it's for Robby.  Robby immediately asks Amanda on the date and Jack goes to his dark place again.

Robby and Amanda
Robby claims he's good with taking baby steps with Amanda, which is a load of crap.  Robby says he's never dated a woman with kids but he's "all about family".  Robby claims he's falling in love with Amanda in a way that "blows his mind."  Insert eye roll.  He's a smooth talker and Amanda seems to be falling for it.  He's going on and on and yet based on this interview, it was all talk.  Clearly he's as much of a man-child as Dean, but much smoother.

Cocktail Party
The guys are sweating.  Even Adam's impressed with Christen's ability to attract guys right now.  Chris gives the gang his lecture about being here for the right reasons.  Ben takes a shot (it looks girly) and decides to leave Paradise.  What is wrong with Ben that he didn't connect with anyone?  Was it the constant dog talk?  He seems normal, he's good looking, I don't get it.  It must be the dog.  I mean, he obviously wasn't very bright, but most of the women aren't very bright either, so that seems like it would be a good match.

Diggy wants to be here and Fred's cock blocking him from Dom.  He steals Dom away from Fred.  He plays a game with Dom that involves a series of questions and for the last one he asks her "hug or kiss" and she says "hug".  He's disappointed.  But then she says she wants to ask him questions and things seem to go better.  Diggy hopes that he's getting her rose.  Apparently she just wanted a little attention.

Raven and Christen are hanging out with Wells and Raven calls Christen "Scallops" and the record stops.  Christen never knew that was her nickname and Wells explains the whole story and Christen is more confused than anything else and thinks it's sexual but it's not.  And then she proceeds to tell everyone that she just found out.  Daniel has a field day with her asking her about seafood and giving her nicknames.

Amanda and Robby get back from their date and are excited to watch the guys begging for roses.  Christen keeps consulting Daniel.  Blake brings Christen scallops but they're not very good.  Blake's ready to go full psycho and they start making out.  Ew.  Jonathan sees what's happening and swoops in.  Jonathan pleads his case to Christen.  Then Jack steals Christen away.  Let's be honest, Blake doesn't have a chance, so it's down to Jack and Jonathan.  Christen seems more into Jack than Jonathan but who can figure out what this woman's going to do?

Kristina and Diggy look miserable at the bar.  D-Lo's fed up with Dean too and asks him if he would accept Kristina's rose tonight.  Turns out he's avoiding D-Lo and gives her the same apology that he's already given to Kristina several times.  Dean claims he's interested in pursing D-Lo and she falls for his teeth and eyes.  Dean then pulls Kristina aside and Kristina *still* has hope(?!).  He finally mans up and tells Kristina he wants to pursue D-Lo.  Kristina lets him have it in her quiet, low-self-esteem Russian way.  Kristina brings up being disrespected again.  Kristina then is talking to Raven and Kristina blames D-Lo and Raven (rightly) tells her this isn't D-Lo's fault.  Raven calls Kristina out on everything that we've all witnessed this entire season but Kristina doesn't want to hear it and lashes out at Raven.

Wells tells Kristina she deserves better than Dean and Kristina's eyes brim with tears.  Finally the Rose Ceremony starts.  Diggy's worried but if only one guy is going home, I think a woman will give her rose to Diggy over Blake.   Lacey gives her rose to Daniel, no surprise.  I don't think Lacey and Daniel have what it takes to have a real relationship.  Is it possible for Daniel to have a relationship? Taylor's next and gives her rose to Derek, again, no shocker.  Amanda gives her rose to Robby.  Robby over talks his connection with Amanda.  Raven gives her rose to Adam.  Again, not a couple I see going long-term.  Dom's up next and she gives her rose to...Diggy.  Jasmine's up next and I think she'll give her rose to Jonathan.  And she does, and wants to "tickle his pickle" soon.  Ahem.  Jack Stone should feel comfortable to put his knives away at this point.  Christen's up next and gives her rose to Jack.  Christen's guard is down and doesn't think Jack's a serial killer but she hasn't been alone with him yet.  Wait until Paradise is over and he has you over to his house.  Kristina's up next and gives a speech about what she wants in her next relationship and she gives her rose to herself and decides to leave.  Dean asks to walk out Kristina.  Tell him to f*** off!  Dean "hates himself".  D-Lo shouldn't give Dean her rose after this.  He comes back and is he crying?  D-Lo is next and because she also has self-esteem issues, gives her rose to Dean.  Sigh.  D-Lo reminds me of someone I used to work with a few jobs ago.  Two of my readers worked with her too and I'd love to hear if she also reminds them of our former co-worker.  She's just kind of...blah.  Does she have a personality?  D-Lo also reminds me of the chick that was third in Ben's season.  Caila?  Kayla?  Thankfully Blake is gone as is Fred.  Jaime and the twins show up tomorrow.

At the end, we see a scene with Daniel and Blake discussing ketogenesis, which sounds like a strange religion.  Daniel asks Blake how that affects his sex life and then asks to see Blake's penis.  Blake is so uncomfortable.  Blake asks Daniel about his penis and Daniel of course offers to show him.  Oh Daniel.  You are so pale and you have an odd face but I do adore you and at this point you are the only interesting thing about Paradise.  This is almost over dear readers and it can't be soon enough.

Bachelor in Paradise, Week 3, Day 2

This week's new additions to the intro are Christen, who is eating shrimp (of course).  It's super weird and then she winks at the camera.  Sigh.  Daniel's intro couldn't be bad if he tried but I liked last year's better.

When we left things just a few minutes ago, we discover that Daniel is the latest addition right before the rose ceremony.  Lacey immediately runs over and jumps on him.  Daniel is totally right in that Paradise isn't the same without him.  He even makes a joke about the border wall.  The cocktail party continues.  Lacey is convinced she will now fall in love now that Daniel is here.  Daniel makes a snide comment about being left with the scraps, which Lacey doesn't appreciate.  Lacey catches on that he's making fun of her.  Daniel then pulls Christen aside next (who I thought had Jack's rose but maybe he's still giving it to Alexis?  Who's getting Ben's rose?  Alexis' name is never mentioned and yet she is still here, although that's also because it's been two weeks(?) since the first rose ceremony.  Please let Daniel make fun of Christen too.  Don't disappoint me, Daniel.  Jasmine interrupts Daniel and Christen and I think Jasmine has the best shot at getting this rose.  Jasmine doesn't think that Daniel gets her but I think the feeling's mutual.  So who knows.  Chris comes back again.  It's finally rose ceremony time.  Jasmine is crying again.

Finally...A Rose Ceremony
We finally have a rose ceremony.  Who knows what's going to happen.  Jasmine goes on about getting screwed, Lacey is despondent and her self-esteem plummets even lower.  D-Lo looks blank as always.

Daniel kicks things off and chooses...Lacey.  Huh, didn't see that one coming.  Jack chooses Christen.  Jasmine can't stop talking about what a little bitch Matt is when in walks...Matt.  The women swoon but Jasmine still looks pissed, as she should.  But she shouldn't be that pissed because she gets to stay because of him.  Derek chooses Taylor (no surprise).  Robby chooses Amanda.  Robby's title is "Social Media Influencer."  Diggy chooses Dominique.  It's nice to finally see an African-American couple.  Adam is next and he chooses Raven.  Raven is so much prettier when she doesn't wear a pound of makeup.  D-Lo, having more self-esteem than Kristina, thinks that Dean needs to deal with his Kristina baggage.  Kristina says she feels great about where her and Dean are but her face says something else.   Dean is next and he chooses Kristina.  Ben gives his rose to D-Lo, assuring us ongoing drama.  Sarah and Alexis are rose less and need to  leave paradise.  Kristina is looking forward to starting fresh with Dean.  Sigh.

There's a bizarre scene with Dean and Kristina that isn't worth repeating.

The next day begins with screaming on the beach.  Crazy Mexican wrestlers are here to wake everyone up and present a date card to Daniel.  Lacey has her sights set on Daniel taking her on his date.  Daniel crushes Lacey by saying he needs to talk to other women before he can make a decision because he's already spoken to Lacey.  Oh Lace.  Daniel pulls aside Jasmine next.  He's not interested in friends, he wants to get laid.  If that's what he's looking for, he probably shouldn't waste his time on Christen.  Daniel's interested in Kristina but she says she's with Dean.  Kristina please give Dean what he deserves and go out with Daniel.  Daniel ends up asking Lacey.  She is thrilled.

Tickle Monster is the next arrival to Paradise.  I wish I could like TM but he's...annoying.  Let's see who he connects with (if anyone). Even Chris tells TM he's creepy.  The ladies don't care--they're drooling.  They're more fixated on his doctor title than the tickle monster title.   Christen doesn't waste any time and her and TM end up kissing.  Jack Stone is in psycho killer mode.  TM asks Christen if she wants to go out on a date.  Jack is hurt.

Daniel and Lacey's date
Based on how Daniel received his date card, the two find out they're wrestling for their date.  There aren't too many people in the audience but Jorge is there.  Daniel and Lacey win.  The whole thing is odd and I've already written too much about it because it's pretty boring.

Back at the House
Dean is acting distant again with Kristina.  Kristina is upset.  Again.  Dean asks Kristina to be patient as he tries to decide who he wants to be with him.  Kristina's pissed again even though Dean's been saying this for some time now, so this shouldn't be a surprise.  Kristina says she's checking out.  It's unclear if that means she's leaving or deciding to keep her options open.

TM and Christen's date
Jack is annoyed that Christen is going out with TM.  I'm disappointed that TM is interested in Christen.  Jack continues to obsess.  It's sad when the women obsess and creepy when the men obsess.  Fortunately, Wells has puppets to talk this through with us.  Christen is such a phony bitch.  Are they feeding each other scallops?

Back at the House
Lacey is on cloud nine even though it doesn't appear that her and Daniel can hold a non-stilted conversation.  I think he just wants to make out with someone.  As they're making out, Jasmine walks in to pull Daniel aside and have a conversation.  Lacey freaks out.  It's pretty rude of Daniel to walk away from this conversation rather than tell Jasmine to hold up and ask if they can talk later.  But he's Daniel, so what else would you expect?

TM and Christen come back from their date and rather than just join the group like everyone else is, Christen thanks him for a lovely date like he's dropping her off at home.  Jack immediately pulls Christen aside to get the lowdown and tries his hardest to not act like a serial killer.  Christen talks down the date with Jack.  TM doesn't seem worried or threatened at all but does get pissed when Christen and Jack start making out.  Jack and Christen deserve each other more than Christen and TM deserve each other.  What is the appeal with Christen?  TM is pissed but it's unclear if he's pissed at Christen or Jack or both.  Move on, TM.  I really want to like you.

Dean is back to frolicking in the pool with D-Lo.  Kristine still doesn't get it and is (rightly) annoyed that she slept with Dean last night and now he's canoodling with D-Lo.  However, this is not surprising based on how the last few weeks have gone.  Robby tries to get Kristina away from her watching Dean and D-Lo but because she has no self-esteem she can't stop watching.  Ugh, this is painful to watch.

Alas, we'll have to wait to see what happens next because now there's yet another special hour, this time with Corinne.

Special Studio Edition
Wells, Raven, Amanda, and Alexis join Chris and because they are again looking for filler, we see a montage of moments thus far this season.  We revisit Wells and Danielle's kiss.  Raven talks about choosing bros over hos.  Even though Sarah's one of her best friends and liked Adam too, Raven liked Adam too.

Jasmine makes an appearance next to confront Matt.  We see a montage and are reminded of Matt and Jasmine's date as well as Wells' puppet recreation.  Jasmine claims that Matt never gave her any signs that he wasn't interested in her.  Matt clearly has issues with confrontation.  It's less awkward than Rachel and Peter's conversation at her finale but what isn't?

The moment we've been waiting for--Corinne.  Can someone just say what exactly happened?   I can be dense, but I haven't seen anything (through a reliable source) that says what happened.  Did they have sex?  Was it just a drunk hook up?  I'm so confused.   Corinne over drank the first day (no judgment there) and claims she was on medication that she wasn't supposed to drink on (sure you were. Lame, just own the over drinking).  She gives a PSA on understanding your medications.

Here's where Corinne's story doesn't add up.  Does she remember or not?  Because if I didn't remember anything, I'd be at the very least wondering how I got into bed and what had happened.  She's very vague about the next day and interacting with DeMario and everyone else.  She doesn't blame DeMario for whatever he did to her because he would have had no idea she was blacked out at that point.  Fine.

They show Corinne another montage of the media's response.  Corinne's not impressed with DeMario's tears because she wants the attention on her.  Chris doesn't ask her why she said she was a victim.

We sneak peek at the last two weeks.  Dean is still stringing Kristina along.  Jack Stone is making out with everyone.  The twins show up.

Bachelor in Paradise: Week 3, Day 1

Hello.  I don't know about you guys but I'm having a hard time getting into this season.  Perhaps it's because they won't stop talking about the shutdown (yet not clearly referencing what really happened.  They show people having sex but they can't talk about it?), or maybe it's just taking a while to build some momentum.  Maybe this week will be different.  Let's begin.

Dominique is the new addition to the intro, and again, like almost everyone else, it's lame.  She shimmies and smiles.  Yawn.  At this point Robby is the only funny one.  Oh wait, Sarah's is new too.  A little more interesting but still pretty blah.

Perhaps it's boring because we have only seen one rose ceremony.  It's still the guys' week.  Jasmine and Jack Stone might be having a connection.  Jack and Alexis play a game where he's blindfolded and he has to guess what she's feeding him.  She tries to feed him a dead crab.  That's really gross.

Jasmin mounts Matt and Wells observes on how she's kind of scary.  In walks the newest addition to the crew, Christen.  She is apparently a virgin, I don't remember that about her.  I don't really remember anything about her.  The only thing I remember about her was she became buddies with the one that had the one night stand with Nick at Jade's wedding.  Jack Stone's really into her immediately.  Jasmin tries to stake her territory.  Jack Stone tries to make his pitch to Christen.  Then Matt interrupts and she is very transparent with her head flipping and posing.  Matt implies he's not with Jasmin and is "keeping things open".  No surprise, she asks Matt out.

Matt tells Jasmin that Christen asks her out to get permission.  Jasmin is pissed and Matt declines to mention that he told Christen he'd be open to keeping his options open.  Oh Matt.  I realize you're scared of Jasmin but get a pair, okay?  Don't put that on Christen.  Before they can leave on their date, Jasmin goes to confront Christen.  Christen tells Jasmin that Matt was the one that told her he was open to a date.  Christen starts crying and playing the victim (lame) and Jasmin isn't blaming Matt at all (also lame).

Christen and Matt
Christen has confirmed that Matt is better looking in person.  Bachelor producers are going all in on this date and have given them just enough money to get chocolate bananas.  Jasmine continues to whine.  Wells is the funniest thing about this show right now with his various impressions.

Alexis is worried about the consequences of Christen and Matt making out on the date.  Wells is excited for the atomic bomb of Jasmin, as am I.  FINALLY something interesting is about to happen.  Jasmin can't stop talking about anything else.  Danielle and Dean look uncomfortable as she rants on while eating her lettuce.

Christen and Matt come back from their date and Jasmin immediately mounts him.  Christen seems pretty drunk.  Christen obviously loves fish based on the scallop story and her ordering shrimp.  She gets her shrimpy fingers all over Amanda.  Amanda and Sarah are the mean girls laughing at her.

Wells now has puppets.  This is only getting better.  Christen invites herself into Matt's room.  Jasmine visits Matt too (is Christen hiding?).  No, it seems she's eating more fish.

Game night
The gang gets together for a game night.  Robby has planned a romantic interlude with Amanda with some glow sticks and a hot tub.  Robby tries to kiss her again and AGAIN she denies him.  Sarah doesn't know where Adam stands with respect to her and Raven.  Sarah pulls Adam aside to confront him.  Adam looks perplexed.   She has an odd smile.   Adam hems and haws.

Because she has low self-esteem, Kristina tries to talk to Dean again.  Dean continues to be non-committal.  Dean doesn't want to give D-Lo his rose but he wants to keep her around and keep his options open.

Derek and Taylor
These two are the only solid couple here.  Taylor psychoanalyzes Derek and he says, "f*** you" to her.  He says he was being sarcastic.  They have a fight but it's more of a discussion.

The Next Day
Taylor talks about last night's fight with Dom.  Derek talks to his boys about how she's pissed at him.  The guys don't seem very interested.  Taylor is more annoyed by his reaction to her reaction than the actual words, which I can appreciate.

Pre-Rose Ceremony
Lord almighty, it's finally time for a rose ceremony.  Well, the part before the rose ceremony where those without a rose make their hard pitches to anyone that will listen. Chris gives his spiel.  It feels like this show has been on for weeks now but yet we're only at our second rose ceremony.  Chris gets cryptic about upcoming changes.  It's time to shake things up a bit.

Adam/Raven/Sarah Triangle
Raven and Sarah try to stake their territory with Adam, who like Matt, has an inexplicable appeal that isn't coming through on the screen.  Raven pulls Adam aside first.  Adam doesn't want Raven to worry about Sarah, but it's unclear if he's going to say the same thing to Sarah.  For now he appeases Raven.  They frolic on the beach.  Robby urges Sarah to stake her claim.  Sarah makes her pitch.  Adam tells similar things to Sarah but it feels a little different.

Lacey/Diggy/Dom Triangle
Diggy also has to choose between two women.  My money's on Dom here but let's see how the Diggy/Lacey conversation goes.  Diggy pulls Lacey aside.  Lacey goes off on Diggy on how he ran off on a date with Dom less than an hour after they got back from their date.  She wanted him to check in with her and he didn't and he says he didn't think he needed to.  Ah, the differences between men and women.  Her rant isn't going to earn her a rose and he says that the reason he pulled her aside was to tell her he's giving his rose to Dom.  Not a shocker.  Oh Lacey.  You got played by Diggy last week.  He was desperate for a rose and convinced you and you thought it would be reciprocated this week.  Is there any woman on this show that has a moderate level of self-esteem?

Dean/Kristina/D-Lo Triangle
Low self-esteem Kristina is still talking to Dean.  Dean thinks D-Lo is a "very interesting woman who deserves to stay."  From what I can tell, D-Lo is pretty bland.  However, Dean doesn't have a responsibility to keep D-Lo there.  Kristina is justifiably pissed at Dean.  Dean says he considers her emotions before his "pretty much every single time", which is a total load of crap but Kristina swoons.  Sigh.  Dean says that Kristina is the most fascinating person he's ever met in his life and seems to imply that he's going to keep Kristina around a little while longer.

Dean then pulls D-Lo away and she seems to have a lower BS meter and calls Dean out.  Poor Dean, so very confused.  I like Dean less and less the more he speaks and I've never been a huge fan of his, what with the teeth and his dimness.  What did we see in you Dean?  I'm sympathetic to your effed up family, I knew I shouldn't have trusted your blinding teeth. Like Adam, he's vague and seems to make both women think they're safe.

Robby and Amanda
Robby is going all in on Amanda.  Kristina, Derek  and Diggy are watching the Robby/Amanda show.  Robby finally wears her down and she gives him a pity make out session for his efforts.

The Rest
Christen can't leave until we have an understanding of the other puppets Wells has with him.  Once that's established, she can go.  Christen is into Matt and apparently Christen got some implants recently.  Good for her.  Taylor pulls Derek aside and I don't know what she says?  Because I get distracted by the way she talks?  Derek seems to get it and apologizes appropriately.  Love is restored and Derek is relieved he'll be getting some tonight.

Matt/Christen/Jasmine
Hahahaha, Christen is now referred to as Scallop Fingers.  I only want Christen to stay because of Wells' puppets.  Matt pulls Christen aside and they talk about how they're both scared of Jasmine.  Christen says some nonsense asking Matt if he's doing the nice guy thing and putting other people's needs first and he looks at her quizzically and says he doesn't like conflict.  Christen starts crying again and whining about how hard her time her has been and she's only been there one day.  Matt says he's not giving Christen his rose because Jasmine deserves to stay in Paradise.  Matt then pulls Jasmine aside and says he's not into anybody including her.  Hanging out with these crazy women isn't worth it and he needs to start making money again and he can meet plenty of women back home.  Jasmine is upset and knows that Matt doesn't deserve her tears.  Christen is upset to hear that Matt is leaving even though he already told her that he wasn't giving her his rose.  Taylor counsels Christen.  Wells thinks that Matt should have given his rose out and then left.  Wells says that Jack Stone is the only one left but what about Ben?

Jack and Jasmine chat and Jack tells Jasmine how special she is.  Then Christen goes and talks to Jack and the first words out of her mouth are, "being a virgin has been a smart move for me."  She says the guys she's met either haven't been worth giving it up for or were sociopaths.  Jack laughs nervously and tries to convince her he's not a sociopath.  And then she rams her tongue down his throat.  Oh Jack Stone.  Christen immediately says that Jack is way better than Matt.  Jasmine is pissed she wasted her time on Matt.

Chris comes back and has a surprise.  DANIEL'S HERE!!!!!   Maybe this is what we've been waiting for to make this interesting.  But that's the end of the episode so I'll see you on the next post.