- Leo: My expectations could be plummeting, and it pains me to type this, but Leo's intro is clever-ish.
- Benoit: Much funnier than I was expecting of him. He rips into a croissant with his teeth and gives sexy eyes.
The scene opens with a football game on the beach. Everyone is frolicking and having fun. What could go wrong? Why is David still on this show? Kenny and Annaliese are inexplicably still together. Benoit and Jenna go off to chat. Jordan continues to think that him and Jenna are a thing. The next Rose Ceremony can't come soon enough. It would take quite a bit of craziness from Benoit and/or some crippling low self-esteem from Jenna for Jenna to give Jordan the rose. But with Paradise, you never know what to expect. The guys are douchey and the women have low self-worth. Anything can happen! Jordan watches Benoit and Jenna make out and he doesn't react well. Jenna and Benoit play Frisbee. Jordan's insecurity is in full peacock mode. Jordan thinks he needs to talk to Jenna again.
Krystal/Chris/Any Other Guy that wants to give her attention
Sadly, we transition over to Krystal and Chris. They're so creepy. Krystal's facial expression is..."cat that ate the canary"-ish. She clearly loves attention. Chris thinks him and Krystal are the strongest couple on Paradise. Doesn't Chris know that's the statement of death? In walks Connor. His shirt is buttoned up more than normal. He's eager to meet Krystal and as much as I don't like Connor, I like Chris even less and he deserves to have somebody pull something douchey on him like he did to Tia. Connor walks in and Krystal starts beaming. It turns out Krystal came to Paradise to meet Connor. Hasn't she said that about multiple men on this show?
Connor reads his date card and he doesn't know what to do and Krystal says there aren't any rules in Paradise. They saunter off on the beach for a meet and greet. Chris is worried. Connor and Krystal sit on a day bed and get to know each other. The other guys ask Chris how he feels and he pretends to be cool.
Krystal's does her pose thing, this time with her chest out. She tells Connor that he's the one she's been waiting for. He eats this up. She also tells Connor that she's smitten with Chris so if he wants to ask somebody else she'd be okay with that. Connor loses interest(?) and decides to explore his options. Krystal pulls Chris aside and feeds him BS about how Connor was interested in her, but she feels connected to Chris. She obviously loves the power she holds over Chris. Chris is relieved. I can't wait for Connor to come back and ask Krystal out and have them run off into the sunset.
Chris wants to go down and hang out and Krystal says she wants to talk to Eric first. This is odd but Chris pretends to not care. Obviously Connor comes back asks Krystal on the date and she does her lame giggly thing and says she'll be thinking about Chris the whole time but agrees to go. Of course. Krystal pulls aside Chris and tells him that Connor asked her out and she wanted to see if it was okay with Chris if she went out with Connor. She's desperate for male attention wants to be respectful to everybody. Because clearly she doesn't want to "offend" Connor. That would be terrible. Chris isn't happy.
Krystal and Connor's Date
Krystal gets gussied up for her "pity" date. Chris assures Leo and Kendall that he's fine with the whole thing. Krystal essentially wears a bikini top. How kind of her, seeing how she's throwing Connor a date bone. Connor and Krystal are doing a bizarre ritual that involves them getting buried alive. He has removed his shirt to display his obviously shaved/waxed chest. The whole thing is odd.
Chris continues to assure anyone that will listen that he's fine. But if she "switches" when she gets back, he's going home. Connor starts howling on the beach. Krystal obviously loves it. They've bonded over this iditioc ritual. They don't waste any time making out in the ocean. Connor implies that his motivations are about getting her rose this week. Interesting.
Meanwhile, Jordan pulls Jenna aside and attempts to genuinely share his feelings. Jenna's unenthusiastic face is pretty priceless, but she's somehow persuaded. So she's back with Jordan now? I'm confused and disappointed. They make out and Jordan's head is in a good place. Jenna pulls Benoit aside and tells him she's confused. And she's not going to make out with anyone elses until she decides. But first she makes out with Benoit again. Jordan sees them kissing and is legit confused. Jordan is "crying" in his interview and tells Benoit he wants to talk to him. Benoit isn't interested in talking to Jordan. As you can imagine, it doesn't go well but Jordan obviously thinks he really told Benoit off.
Random Updates
I love it when I watch Hulu and I don't have any ads. Kenny and Annaliese seem to be in a good place. Or not? Kenny decides to leave Paradise for his daughter's dance recital. Which is fine but dude, you knew this recital was coming. If you didn't think you'd still be on Paradise at this point then why did you come on the show? Also, I'm assuming that's his ball-less way of breaking up with Annaliese? Because he could have said, "come with me" or "I'll call you" but he didn't, so I'm confused. Did I miss something? Astrid and I both feel bad for Annaliese because as much as she's an odd duck, she can't catch a break.
In case you're wondering, Chris is still fine. He told Krysrtal he'd see her when she got back if he was still up and obviously he decided to wait up for her. Krystal and Connor get back from their date and Chris seems to be the only one up. They see Chris and turn around to "get some water". Chris sees this BS and insists on talking to Krystal. Connor joins them for the chat and Chris tells him to get lost.
Chris tells Krystal he's disappointed she went on the date and asks if she still likes him. She says they should chat in the morning because she wants to make out with Connor more "go to bed".
Brand New Day
Out of nowhere John friend-zones Jubilee so she she's left. Wait, what? John--I'm not surprised that the women have been interested in you, but this is a questionable play if you want to stay here. Jubilee would have given you her rose. Who's going to give you her rose now? Has this show given you confidence that you can get laid outside of this show?
Annaliese has a pity party for herself after Kenny's departure. You can smell her desperation through the screen. Kamil "60/40" shows up. Apparently the camera doesn't do him justice because the women swoon but I don't get it. He pulls Annaliese aside. Her mood soars and everything is good again, which means it's only going to come crashing again. Then he pulls Krystal aside and you can see the plummet. Kamil pulls aside Chelsea next and she feels bad that Annaliese likes him but she wants to go on a date too. Thankfully for all of us, Kamil picks Annaliese for the date. Chelsea is disappointed.
Annaliese has a pity party for herself after Kenny's departure. You can smell her desperation through the screen. Kamil "60/40" shows up. Apparently the camera doesn't do him justice because the women swoon but I don't get it. He pulls Annaliese aside. Her mood soars and everything is good again, which means it's only going to come crashing again. Then he pulls Krystal aside and you can see the plummet. Kamil pulls aside Chelsea next and she feels bad that Annaliese likes him but she wants to go on a date too. Thankfully for all of us, Kamil picks Annaliese for the date. Chelsea is disappointed.
Kamil and Annaliese's Date
These two crazy kids go dune buggying. Annaliese is driving and I don't perceive her to be the best driver. They go out on a terrifying road/bridge. By some miracle it doesn't fall apart and they make it to the other side.
Chelsea's starting to have a meltdown about what she's doing in Paradise. Kamil and Annaliese bond over traumatic experiences. Kamil doesn't appear to have a personality but the date seems to be going well.
Back at the beach, Astrid and Kevin have a bizarre conversation about their relationship. Kevin wants Astrid to date other men so she can ultimately pick him. Who knew that hot Kevin had so many issues? Astrid is understandably pissed and upset. Kevin goes to check on her. Apparently he's worried about how the real world will affect their relationship because he's 0 for 2 on successful relationships from Bachelor shows. He claims that Ashley broke his heart and Astrid is perfect. No pressure there for Astrid to continue to remain perfect. Kevin goes to therapy twice a week??? Holy crap, he IS damaged. They seemingly talk things through like grownups and have worked through their issues for now. I like these two together but Kevin would be a handful if he's this insecure. Who knew even beautiful men like Kevin can be insecure. #thestruggleisreal
Jenna/Benoit/Jordan
Jenna decides to drink the afternoon away with Benoit. Leo and Annaliese, an odd combination, discuss what a head case Jordan is. Kevin coaches Jordan on approaching Jenna when Benoit leaves her side for a few minutes. Jenna tells Jordan he looks pretty. Jenna and Jordan talk things through again. Jordan tries to assure Jenna he's a real person but she's not convinced. Jenna mocks Jordan but sadly I suspect it's more flirting than actual mocking, which is disappointing. I'm so tired of Jordan speaking. Sadly, Jenna seems to think she has a connection with Jordan. Jenna breaks up with Benoit. There is clearly something off with Benoit. Maybe it's the French Canadian thing. He's disappointed but doesn't behave like an a**hole like most of the other guys would. Benoit can't understand why she chose Jordan. Benoit--you're not the only one, buddy. You're better off. Benoit reveals some of his obvious issues. When is he going to be enough for somebody? Oh sad, French-Canadian Benoit. You Canadian men are so over sensitive.
Leo's Meltdown
It's hard to tell the passage of time on this show. You'd think that Leo and Kendall went out on their date days ago but it might have just been yesterday. Colton, Mr. Pot Stirrer, is clearly tempted to tell Kendall about his hookup with Chelsea, but it's Kevin who breaks the news to her. Kendall goes to confront Leo. He tells her when he told her he "hung out" with Chelsea, that making out was implied to go with it. Kendall calls BS on that, as she should. Leo assures her that while he's making out with anyone he can (direct quote: "Kissing is a handshake in Paradise"), Kendall's the only one that he would consider dating outside of Paradise. It's unclear to me how things are left between the two of them but now Leo wants to find out who snitched on him. Not, oh I don't know, how he can try and make Kendall feel secure in their relationship again. Nobody likes a rat.
I'm glad that while the Producers obviously screwed up yet again with finding and casting Leo, they seem to be making up for it with letting Leo show his true colors. If they really thought he was a tool they wouldn't have cast him in the first place, but I guess giving him the rope to hang himself is fine. Leo is obviously a "bros before hos" kind of fella.
Leo's on the war path and wands to find out who tattled on him. The gang looks a little nervous but Kevin hasn't fessed up yet. He rants to Connor and Connor is totally confused about why Leo is talking to him about this. Even though Kevin could take Leo in a fight, Kevin's obviously scared of Leo and he's trying to figure out how to admit that he's the snitch. Kevin decides to man up and admit to Leo that he's the rat. Kevin tells Leo that he thought Kendall already knew, which I think is BS but whatever. Leo claims he was going to tell Kendall that he kissed Chelsea, which is also BS. Colton and Benoit giggle watching Leo and Kevin argue. Things are starting to get heated. Chelsea for some bizarre reason thinks it's her fault. Oh sweetie, really? You're even more damaged than I gave you credit for.
Leo's bitter that Kevin cock-blocked him by telling Kendall the truth about his actions. Wells encourages Leo to have a conversation with Kendall and Leo starts to rationalize his behavior. No surprise there. He lashes out at Kendall and blames her for being mad at him. Leo's true douchey colors are shown and Kendall is calm and rational. Leo gets defensive and butt-hurt and continues to try and blame Kendall even though she didn't do anything wrong. Then he tells Kendall that she's the fake one. Joe finally finds his balls and goes to confront Leo. Or...does he? We'll have to wait until the next episode to find out!
Let's do a quick summary of the couples, shall we?
Let's do a quick summary of the couples, shall we?
- Jordan and Jenna: Deserve each other.
- Astrid and Kevin: A little shaky, if they make it past Paradise she'll have to constantly reassure him of her feelings for him.
- Eric and Angela: Who knows? We never see these two. The only man of color that is ever filmed is Kenny and now that he's gone, Eric has disappeared, which is disappointing.
- Kendall and Joe: Will these two survive Leo? With any luck, no.
- Annaliese and Kamil: I hope she finds love, even if it's with this dud.
- Chris and Krystal: She's constantly preening for male attention so they deserve each other but he's such a DB, even Krystal deserves better.
I'm sure I missed some but I must get to the next episode!
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