BIP: Episode 5

There aren't any new intros this week so let's get to it.  Krystal is saging (sage-ing?) the women because of the previous night's drama.  Krystal is ready for fresh men.  Apparently Jenna is over Jordan, thank goodness.  Jordan seems confused and calls their current situation a "speed bump".

Jenna tells Wells and Yuki she's ready to expand her horizons.  Kendall and Joe talk about their relationship, signifying that they're about to have a wrench thrown into their situation.  Sure enough, Leo emerges wearing terrible shoes.  It's disappointing that Leo may be a tool.  The women drool.  Kendall runs over to say hi to Leo and Joe grudgingly says hello too.  All of the guys are sweating bullets.  All of the women bat their eyes and Leo pulls Jenna aside first.

Chris justifies Jordan's behavior by telling him that his previous night's behavior showed that he cared.  Spoken only a like a total DB can.  Similar to, "I wouldn't hit you if you were a better listener."  He pulls aside Krystal next and she's preening like a peacock.  Not one to wait around, Chelsea steals him away from Krystal.  He pulls the "how are you single?" line.  UGH.  Apparently he has a thing for blondes.  He also says to Chelsea, "Don't worry, I think you're beautiful."  Thanks, dude.  He pulls aside Kendall next and she fails to mention Joe.  Joe has seemingly joined the Chris/Jordan tool bunch.  Now that Nick has gone back to his role as token idiot in his village, there's an opening on the doofus panel.  Leo ultimately asks Kendall and she says yes.  Joe who?

Kendall and Leo's Date
Before Kendall heads out, she tells Joe that it would be detrimental to herself to not pursue this.  He says he probably wouldn't go on a date himself, and tells her that he hopes it rains on her date and she has a terrible time.  He's clearly pissed.  She giggles at all of his comments. It's awkward.  It's becoming abundantly clear that there's a reason why Joe is single.

The former bartender whose name I can't remember (Jorge?), has "written" a  romance novel and the two of them are posing for the cover of a romance novel.  I'm guessing the tour business he started isn't going so well.  What we see next is an epic skit with Ben, Arie, Lauren, and Amanda.  Clearly they're in need of filler.  The skit's kind of a diss on Arie and Lauren.  Leo and Kendall do their photo shoot and start making out.

Back at the house, Joe is moping.  Jordan opens his mouth and words come out.  Leo and Kendall hang out post photo shoot, and Leo feeds her all sorts of lines and she seems to be eating it up.  Joe talks to Wells and we are reminded yet again that Joe is a doofus.  Kendall and Leo come back in bathrobes.  Did they shower together?  Kendall talks to Joe and tells him about the date.  It's an awkward conversation.  Joe is clearly incapable of having an adult conversation but Kendall seems to be a free spirit that doesn't want to be tied down.

Jordan's lost his "best hair" prize and the women are all drooling over Leo.  Joe is drinking and talking to Jordan.  Kendall talks to Astrid about how how hot Leo was and how nice it was to hang out with someone that can carry a conversation.  Kendall has decided that Leo's for her while Leo is down to keep trying out other women.  He tells Chelsea that him and Kendall are on the same page and he tells her he wants to make out in the rain with her.  Eric, Joe and Jordan watch them make out and it's weird.

The next morning, Leo and Kendall sneak away to talk and he spouts all sort of crap.  Chris is wearing a black long-sleeved shirt for some reason.  Maybe he's feeling fat today.  Joe is apparently going to up his game.  I assume that translates to making an effort.

Colton and Tia
Meanwhile, Colton gets a date card and obviously picks Tia, although that would have been a mind f*** if he hadn't.  Tia seems to think that she'll come back from this date with a boyfriend/girlfriend label on their relationship.  It's unclear to me why she needs this date for that title.  Jorge is seemingly the "Where's Waldo" of BIP, because he's there again and they're playing musical chairs.  Jorge announces they need one more couple and out of nowhere Raven and Adam appear.  Raven claims that she had her first orgasm in Paradise but I thought it was with Nick in Finland.  Clearly she thought she had an orgasm with Nick but then had a real one with Adam?  I've already written the word orgasm, Adam and Nick together far more times than I care to, so let's move on.

Raven is such a beautiful woman but she shellacs way too much makeup on. Also, her eating disorder seems to have gotten worse.  And what is the appeal with Adam???  In what is clearly a rigged contest, Tia and Colton win the musical chairs contest.

Back at the gang, the group is forced to discuss Colton and Tia.  Clearly none of them care about this topic.

Raven and Tia have a heart to heart. Tia thinks Raven's going to be happy for her, but Raven is not impressed with Colton.  Raven calls Colton out for his shady behavior.  Obviously Tia doesn't want to hear any of it but she comes around and agrees that she needs to talk to Colton.  Do Colton and Adam have anything to talk about?  My guess is no.  Raven--eat something!  You look like a bobble head.

Tia and Adam leave and Tia talks to Colton about his intentions AGAIN.  Obviously he assures her that he's the real deal and he asks her to be his girlfriend.  Way to lay down the law, Tia.  How long until this falls apart again?

Benoit's Arrival
Jenna and Jordan seem to be back on speaking terms.  Jenna's ready to see who else comes along and in walks Benoit.  Everyone is happy to see Benoit.  Correction--all the guys that knew Benoit on Winter Games are happy to see him as are all of the women.  The remaining guys...not so much.  Benoit pulls Kevin aside and he gives him the lowdown.  He tells Benoit to go after Krystal, which is surprising since she's bat-s*** crazy.  If a dude tells another dude to go after a woman, I think a natural question is, "If she's so great, why aren't you dating her?"

Benoit definitely seems to have issues of his own but I'd rather see him with someone more normal.  Krystal does that posey thing she does when talking to guys.  He pulls Jenna aside next.  I like those two better, if only to see Jordan lose.  Interestingly she kind of makes it seem that her and Jordan are still a couple but she's open to other things.  Jenna reminds me of an actress but I can't place who it is.  And now I can't focus on the conversation as I think of who it is.  Jordan is clearly insecure about Benoit "stealing" his "girl".  Dude, she's not your property and the more you talk, the more I think you're a tool.  You were initially entertaining but your attempts at being bros with ass hats like Chris is disappointing. Thankfully Benoit asks out Jenna, although it takes him a few minutes to ask her.

Jenna and Benoit's Date
Jenna gets dolled up for her date.  The gang asks her if she's told Jordan about going out with Benoit.  She says she might go and talk to him but then Benoit comes along and they head out.  I'm a little surprised at how much I can't stand Jordan.  Admittedly, this could be projection on my part.  I'm not having the best week and I think I'm projecting my anger and frustration onto Jordan.  I want Jenna and Benoit to have a great connection and for Jenna to get some balls and kick Jordan to the curb.  Get some self-esteem, sweetie.

Benoit needs to keep the glasses because the kid's got some crazy eyes.  He speaks French and
it could be gibberish but Jenna melts.  Jenna and Benoit talk about...Jordan, which is disappointing.  She tells him there isn't much beneath the Jordan surface.  Benoit throws Claire under the bus and says that she didn't think he was deep enough.  Maybe it's because I'm old and tired, or maybe it's because I have kids but why are these Millenials so interested in deep conversations????  It's exhausting to think about.  Anyway, Jenna and Benoit start making out. she gets lipstick all over him and he looks ridiculous.  Jenna does like her dark mouth though. She was a fan of it on Arie's season too.  I didn't realize that Jenna's outfit is a jumpsuit/romper thing.  I thought it was a dress.  Is it only a romper if it's shorts?  I don't know these fashion rules.  Jenna carries Benoit on cobblestones, which is impressive.  Benoit, showing his issues, thinks that Jenna could be "the one".  Dude, you've had one date.  However, if Jenna isn't persuaded to give Benoit her rose this week over Jordan then she deserves Jordan.

I can't believe I'm saying this, but the seemingly constant Jordan screen time is making me wish for the days of Tia and Colton.  Jordan. Is. A. Tool.  Jenna wants honestly, loyalty and commitment in a relationship.  Really?  Because I like liars, disloyalty and a wandering eye myself. They get back from their date and Jordan's the only one around.  Jordan pulls Jenna aside and leaves Benoit there.  Not awkward.  He wrote "Sorry" out on the beach.  It's lame.  He makes his case and Jenna initially doesn't seem swayed.  She tells him that Benoit's way better than him.  She does tell Jordan that they have a good connection but it's different from Benoit.

I know who Jenna reminds me of--Ruth Wilson.  Jenna--Jordan's a clown. You're never going to have a real relationship with him.  He's a narcissist.  He doesn't even look at you when he's talking.  Benoit, obviously has his own issues, but seems better.  We shall see what happens.