Becca's Season: Men Tell All

Ah the Tell All episodes.  An episode that has so much potential and yet seems to end in disappointment.  Chris H. assures us it's going to be good but I'm skeptical.  Miraculously, Lincoln doesn't seem to be there.  I'd love to see Chris address the Lincoln situation, but I doubt he will.

First, though, a BIP preview.  We see Colton sobbing.  We see Kevin sobbing!  Everybody's sobbing.  Ooh, and New Zealand Jordan's there.  Can we go straight to Paradise please?

We're at least ten minutes in and we're introduced to the guys that they forced to show up.  I don't remember half of these guys.  Jean-Blanc gets a surprisingly warm reception.  Connor looks so douchy.  Dude--button your f***ing shirt.  Or if you insist on this look then own it and stop waxing /shaving your chest.  Of course, even Chris and Jordan get warm receptions too.  Still no mention of Lincoln.

The first montage shows Jean Blanc getting kicked out, Jordan and Colton going at it, Chris' douchiness and other "confrontations".   Chris seems more stable now that he's off the show, but Connor's not buying it.  But I'm not buying Connor's douchiness so there.  Jean Blanc is called out by Chris and before he can even talk, Colton goes at him.  It's funny that Colton's calling out JB for his disingenuousness (is that a word?) since Colton's arguably cooked up this relationship with Tia, although that might be more Tia than Colton.  But then JB gets a dig into Colton's virginity.  Jason is ultimately the one that puts JB in his place.  Next Colton and Jordan have an inane interaction.  Leo finally shuts down Jordan.  We're forced to listen to David and Jordan bicker along with some Jordan and Colton bickering.

Two guys that were eliminated the first night speak up.  I vaguely remember them but not as well as we all remember Joe.  One is wearing high waders.  His pants are ridiculous and it's entirely appropriate for Jordan to call him out on it.  Also, nobody knows his name.

Despite the fact that he's pretty much dominated this episode, Jordan is the first guy in the "hot seat".  We see a montage of his time on the show.  In hindsight he was pretty entertaining.  He was annoying and he's a clown for sure, but it's funny to see how the guys react to him.  Of course he wore the gold lame underwear. I for one am curious to see if he has any game at all on BIP.  My guess is "no".

Next up is Joe the Grocer, who infamously was sent home on the first night but seems to have recovered well enough.  His name is even being thrown around to be the next Bachelor and how often does THAT happen?  Fortunately we'll see Joe in Paradise.

Wills and his amazing wardrobe are up next.  The world needs a black Bachelor but I'm not sure Wills is it.  I think he's too chill.  However, Wills is going to be on Paradise too so it will be nice to see more of Wills. 

Ugh, Colton's up next.  What a clown.  I loved rewatching that moment where Colton reveals he's a "virgin" and she says, "really?"  He throws Tia under the bus, which is douchey but those two deserve each other.  Colton starts crying crocodile (alligator?) tears talking about how hard his life was because he held onto his virginity and the questions of his manhood hurt his feelings.  WHAT BS.  Hopefully the Bachelor producers aren't buying this crap and think he's a good choice for the Bachelor. 

Jason's up next on the couch.  It looks like Jason's cut his hair a little, but he's still heavily invested in the product.  As with the others, he's forced to relive his time on the show.  Obviously Jason keeps his head held high and he talks about his brother and his husband and how cool they are.  He has to be the first choice for the Bachelor at this point.

Is it time for the bloopers yet?  With about 17 minutes left, Becca finally makes her appearance.  Jason asks Becca for feedback on what he could do differently.  Spoken like a true business person.  And he wants to stay friends.  I'm melting.  Colton forces himself into the conversation. Becca defends Tia's self-absorption actions and claims they're still Instagram friends.  Becca also assures Colton that it wasn't his virginity or his relationship with Tia that got him cut.  Everybody talks about how great Becca is and then Jean-Blanc raises his hand and invites himself to the couch.

The guys roll their eyes at each other.  While on the couch, JB backpedals and says he wasn't trying to backpedal when he was backpedaling, it was more of a pride thing.  Well done, JB, you got your additional five minutes of screen time.  He gives her the perfume AGAIN.  The guys are shaking with laughter. 

All in all this has been a pretty forgettable MTA.  No focus on Crazy Chris, obviously no mention of Lincoln.  After the Final Rose will be tough to watch.  It will be interesting to see if Blake can pull himself together to show up for that because I have a feeling he'll still be in a very, very bad place.  Remember early on when the producers made the past Bachelorettes give Becca advice and they all commented that they ended up with the guys they gave their First Impression Rose too?  And I was convinced it was a ploy?  I don't think it was a ploy.  I'm Team Blake, although I think I'm actually more not Team Garrett.  Blake is so intense and needy, it's exhausting. But he's better than Garrett.  But I need to prepare myself emotionally that she picks Garrett. What does she do when she finds out that he's a homophobe?  Can she educate him? 

As things wrap up, Jordan apologizes for not being more vulnerable, Becca's chastised for not keeping Joe on longer and finally it comes to Crazy Chris.  Chris gives a seemingly genuine apology to Becca. He brings the choir back out and they sing an apology song.  It's pretty funny.  Unclear if Chris wrote it himself.

Finally we get to the bloopers.  There were some cute moments. 

This is it, folks.  Three hours tomorrow night.  I know I've been lax this season on my posts.  Some of it was within my control, some of it wasn't.  Thanks as always for reading and see you Tuesday!