- Jenna: I've already forgotten what she did.
- Jubilee: Does a cartwheel. Sigh.
- Caroline: She gives the most half-hearted wave. It's a quarter-hearted wave. And I think it's funny. Right?
We rewatch Chris' bird calls. He's pretty good at them but I'm a terrible judge. Wells is forced to interact with Yuki again. What's the over/under that he threatened to quit over the addition of Yuki? Wells explains the Chris/Tia/Krystal love triangle to her.
Colton is gossiping with everyone about Chris. Bibi is psyched. As I said last week, Tia says those words that every guy wants to hear: "We need to talk." Not to be confused with the four-word sentence that also goes over well: "The test is positive." Chris is not excited as Tia drags him away from his bro Jordan.
Tia Confronts Chris
Tia confronts Chris and he doesn't deny anything. He says he meant every word he said to Tia and if he'd gotten asked on a date he would have turned it down. He assures Tia that just because he "had a moment" with Krystal, that doesn't change his feelings for anyone else. Not just Tia, anyone. He doesn't understand why Tia's freaking out. The woman legit looks like she wants to turn to the camera and say, "I'm not wrong here, am I? It's him, right?" Yes, it's him, Tia. You're not crazy. He says she's not making any sense. What a tool.
Not one to stay out of the drama, Krystal invites herself to the conversation. This should be interesting. Chris tells Krystal that Tia's being confusing. He turns things around on Tia and said that her talking to Colton is confusing. Krystal doesn't say a word, just watches. But she says in her interview that she's confused by her role in the Tia/Colton/Krystal/Goose love square. She claims she doesn't want to be a part of this. Both Tia and Krystal remove themselves from the triangle. Goose says he already left the triangle so there. Then Krystal says she's relieved Tia's out of the picture because she had such a spark with Chris. Seriously? So wait, Krystal's all in with Goose again? But then she asks him if he's okay and his response is "I'm okay, I just need a drink." So Krystal's mad now. She's back to her Arie breathy voice. She's talking to Angela and I don't think Angela cares. Then she's "caught" "crying. Even my daughters can fake cry better than Krystal.
She cries just loudly enough for Jordan to find her. He tells her not to cry and comforts her. When are these two going to get together, because this is a match made in heaven. All of the women from Arie's season seem to have made their peace with Krystal. Now Krystal and Bibi are talking and Bibi is suddenly the zen advice columnist. What is happening?
Krystal's having some introspection time and says she's going to burn some sage and "crystal herself", whatever that means. I'd probably just take a long hot shower with lots of body scrub to get rid of all of the Chris cooties myself, but that's just me. I'm assuming that Krystal's angling for screen time here because she seems her regular insincere self.
Post-break I was hoping that we'd get to move on to some other people in this show, but it seems we've transitioned from the Tia/Colton show to the Tia/Chris show. Tia tells Caroline about the mindf*** of a conversation she had with Chris and Jordan counsels Chris and provides some basic common sense advice to him. Chris seems genuinely puzzled that he did anything wrong.
Now that Tia has seen Chris' true colors, she is fixated back on what a "good guy" Colton is. Caroline eggs this on by commenting on the "great energy" between the two of them. Well done, Caroline. Tia's back in a tizzy about wanting to date Colton again. She's ready to declare her love for Colton. Again.
Thankfully, Jacqueline walks in. It's unclear if she's done with her PhD. She's not sure if she'll find love here but she'd be psyched if she did. Fair enough. She does what I think a normal woman would do and pulls her friends aside to get the lay of the land (take a note, CAROLINE). Kendall and Jenna tell Jacqueline to pursue Colton. They assure her that Tia and Colton aren't dating. Jacqueline pulls Colton aside while Tia's talking to Colton. Tia starts sobbing. And sobbing. And sobbing.
Jacqueline asks Colton on the date and he turns her down. UGH, Colton. Perhaps this means less Tia screen time now. Jacqueline plays it off cool but she's certainly deflated. Most of the women are in disbelief at Colton. Wells tells Colton to talk to Tia. They talk and Colton's a head case. He's thinking about leaving, which I think is a good choice. He hugs her which obviously she doesn't want. I wouldn't want it either. Bibi, the wise sage, comforts Tia.
Annaliese seems to think Kenny and her have a connection and Jacqueline swoops in and "steals" him away. Jacqueline is surprised that she's having a good time. They get real fireworks instead of the weird holograph fireworks that Chris and Tia had. Obviously these real fireworks lead to making out. Kenny is getting some good action on this season.
Annaliese, frustrated that she hasn't been able to find love, says it's time to mix it up a bit. Buckle up, folks, we're taking a trip to Crazy Town. Kenny and Jacqueline come back from their date. Annaliese has made Kenny some kind of "dessert" but I'm pretty sure it's just raspberry yogurt. Annaliese goes on and on about how great Kenny is and she enjoys EVERY minute that she spends with him. She says the words "sexual energy" and he's down to "opening the door" for something more than friends. Obviously Annaliese starts planning the wedding.
Remember John and Jubilee and Caroline? You wouldn't know it, but they're still here. Jubilee and John are talking on a bed, and Caroline has Chelsea spy on them for her. That's a good girlfriend. Caroline, not one to be outdone, takes him aside.
For some reason Krystal still wants to spend time with douchey Chris. Kevin wants nothing to do with Krystal and thus he encourages the crazy. Krystal seems to have changed and redone her makeup. How on earth did she do that and how long did it take her? She definitely changed her outfit.
These two deserve each other and I can't keep up with either one of them. Krystal's interest in Chris reveals her crippling lack of self-esteem. Chris is saying that he can see a future with Krystal, when last night he was planning four back-to-back dates. So obviously he's full of it.
For some reason Krystal and Tia are now friends. Or are forced to talk to each other. The timing of this is unclear, perhaps it's before the whole Chris interaction. Bibi and Colton are speaking and Colton looks dazed and out of it. Bibi thinks they have a great story. I'm sorry, what story is that? I really don't think there is a story, because I have yet to hear what their story is. Colton--ignore Bibi. For whatever reason, you're not into Tia and that's okay.
Colton and Tia talk. Again. Colton decides that he's here for Tia after all and he wants to give it a go. Tia is giddy. Huh?
Cocktail Party
Finally it's almost Rose Ceremony time. But first we need to get through the cocktail party. Bibi's nervous and I'm disappointed she hasn't found someone here. Jordan is wearing an amazing outfit. The gang loves it. Chris comes in to tell the crew that four women will be going home tonight.
We see a bit of Astrid's and Kevin's relationship. And by a "bit", about 20 seconds. They seem to enjoy each other's company, so that's cool.
For some bizarre reason Jenna still seems to like Jordan. She asks him to walk with her. Jordan continues to woo Jenna with lines such "you're the most stacked girl here." He wants to prance on the beach with her. Jordan's nervous he's going to fall in love with Jenna. She is not disgusted by any of this.
Caroline had plans to woo John with s'mores but...it's raining. Caroline doesn't like begging for roses but she begs for John's rose. She's feeling confident-ish. Kevin assures her that John, like told him in the hallway, that he likes her a lot. OMG! But before she can be too relieved, she finds out that Jubilee is giving him a massage. John does the "oh, I just ate so I might be a little chubby" and of course isn't. Jubilee's pleasantly surprised that John is so ripped. Did Jubilee ask John to take his shirt off or did he pull the, "Oh, it's a little warm, do you mind if I take my shirt off?" move? Now John is making out with Jubilee. You dirty dog, John. Why is nobody is calling him out? How is he getting away with his Caroline/Jubilee juggling?
Out of seemingly nowhere, Bibi decides to make the moves on Kenny. It's unclear if this is because she's genuinely interested or if she's trying to save herself. Who knows who Kenny's going to pick? It's nice to see the nicer guys like Kenny and John getting some attention. Once Bibi gets her time, Jacqueline attempts to sink her claws in. They seemingly have a connection and even quote Edgar Allen Poe. Jacqueline says now that she's 27 she's past her prime and I can't tell if she's kidding or not.
Next up--Annaliese. Out of all of the women, I think Annaliese has the smallest chance of sticking around, but then she pulls out some kinky wrestling moves. They make out too. I could be wrong. I have no idea where Kenny's head is at. Obviously Annaliese feels very confident, demonstrating that she's not getting a rose.
David, not to be outdone by Jordan, gets Jenna a giant dog stuffed animal. Very close to what Jordan had gotten Annaliese. What did she do with that stuffed animal anyway? Jenna loves it. Jordan stalks up in his outfit, grabs it without talking to them and throws it in the ocean. Again, not cool. That wasn't your dog to throw into the ocean, dude.
Post break--we see Jordan throwing the dog into the ocean again. He doesn't talk to David but Jenna pulls him aside and tries to ask him what that was all about. Annaliese saves the dog. Everyone is laughing at Jordan and he's pissed. Now he's lashing out at everyone. Krystal defends Jordan. Jordan claims that he would have asked David for permission if he'd wanted to give Chelsea a rose, which is total BS.
Feeling cornered, Jordan then tells Jubilee and Chelsea to shut the f*** up. Krystal is aghast. Kevin tries to calm Jordan down. Jordan storms off. Holy drama queen. Annaliese tries to talk to Jordan but it's a waste of time. Then Annaliese tells Jenna that she needs to talk to Jordan.
Needless to say, Jordan's antics hasn't been well-received. Eric tells him to apologize to the group and he does. Thankfully Chris arrives to announce the start of the rose ceremony.
Rose Ceremony
Can you believe this is only the second rose ceremony? Holy hell. Jordan's up first and he gives his rose to Jenna, no surprise. She doesn't look happy but grudgingly accepts his rosebecause the Producers told her she was contractually obligated to. Of course she does. Could we see a little more interaction with David and Chelsea? Does Chelsea know that David lives with his mom? John gives his rose to Jubilee, a victory for badass/non-vanilla women everywhere. I guess he was too nice to turn Caroline down? All of the crazies want to leave Paradise engaged. They are delusional. It's finally down to Kenny and he chooses...Annaliese! I definitely didn't see that coming. Maybe Annaliese does have a chance at happily ever after. Goodbye Jacqueline, Bibi, Caroline and Nyesha. Was Jacqueline only there for a day? I get a little messed up on the timing because it's hard to tell how much time is passing. The next episode looks pretty epic to let's get right to it.
Krystal's having some introspection time and says she's going to burn some sage and "crystal herself", whatever that means. I'd probably just take a long hot shower with lots of body scrub to get rid of all of the Chris cooties myself, but that's just me. I'm assuming that Krystal's angling for screen time here because she seems her regular insincere self.
Post-break I was hoping that we'd get to move on to some other people in this show, but it seems we've transitioned from the Tia/Colton show to the Tia/Chris show. Tia tells Caroline about the mindf*** of a conversation she had with Chris and Jordan counsels Chris and provides some basic common sense advice to him. Chris seems genuinely puzzled that he did anything wrong.
Now that Tia has seen Chris' true colors, she is fixated back on what a "good guy" Colton is. Caroline eggs this on by commenting on the "great energy" between the two of them. Well done, Caroline. Tia's back in a tizzy about wanting to date Colton again. She's ready to declare her love for Colton. Again.
Thankfully, Jacqueline walks in. It's unclear if she's done with her PhD. She's not sure if she'll find love here but she'd be psyched if she did. Fair enough. She does what I think a normal woman would do and pulls her friends aside to get the lay of the land (take a note, CAROLINE). Kendall and Jenna tell Jacqueline to pursue Colton. They assure her that Tia and Colton aren't dating. Jacqueline pulls Colton aside while Tia's talking to Colton. Tia starts sobbing. And sobbing. And sobbing.
Jacqueline asks Colton on the date and he turns her down. UGH, Colton. Perhaps this means less Tia screen time now. Jacqueline plays it off cool but she's certainly deflated. Most of the women are in disbelief at Colton. Wells tells Colton to talk to Tia. They talk and Colton's a head case. He's thinking about leaving, which I think is a good choice. He hugs her which obviously she doesn't want. I wouldn't want it either. Bibi, the wise sage, comforts Tia.
Annaliese seems to think Kenny and her have a connection and Jacqueline swoops in and "steals" him away. Jacqueline is surprised that she's having a good time. They get real fireworks instead of the weird holograph fireworks that Chris and Tia had. Obviously these real fireworks lead to making out. Kenny is getting some good action on this season.
Annaliese, frustrated that she hasn't been able to find love, says it's time to mix it up a bit. Buckle up, folks, we're taking a trip to Crazy Town. Kenny and Jacqueline come back from their date. Annaliese has made Kenny some kind of "dessert" but I'm pretty sure it's just raspberry yogurt. Annaliese goes on and on about how great Kenny is and she enjoys EVERY minute that she spends with him. She says the words "sexual energy" and he's down to "opening the door" for something more than friends. Obviously Annaliese starts planning the wedding.
Remember John and Jubilee and Caroline? You wouldn't know it, but they're still here. Jubilee and John are talking on a bed, and Caroline has Chelsea spy on them for her. That's a good girlfriend. Caroline, not one to be outdone, takes him aside.
For some reason Krystal still wants to spend time with douchey Chris. Kevin wants nothing to do with Krystal and thus he encourages the crazy. Krystal seems to have changed and redone her makeup. How on earth did she do that and how long did it take her? She definitely changed her outfit.
These two deserve each other and I can't keep up with either one of them. Krystal's interest in Chris reveals her crippling lack of self-esteem. Chris is saying that he can see a future with Krystal, when last night he was planning four back-to-back dates. So obviously he's full of it.
For some reason Krystal and Tia are now friends. Or are forced to talk to each other. The timing of this is unclear, perhaps it's before the whole Chris interaction. Bibi and Colton are speaking and Colton looks dazed and out of it. Bibi thinks they have a great story. I'm sorry, what story is that? I really don't think there is a story, because I have yet to hear what their story is. Colton--ignore Bibi. For whatever reason, you're not into Tia and that's okay.
Colton and Tia talk. Again. Colton decides that he's here for Tia after all and he wants to give it a go. Tia is giddy. Huh?
Cocktail Party
Finally it's almost Rose Ceremony time. But first we need to get through the cocktail party. Bibi's nervous and I'm disappointed she hasn't found someone here. Jordan is wearing an amazing outfit. The gang loves it. Chris comes in to tell the crew that four women will be going home tonight.
We see a bit of Astrid's and Kevin's relationship. And by a "bit", about 20 seconds. They seem to enjoy each other's company, so that's cool.
For some bizarre reason Jenna still seems to like Jordan. She asks him to walk with her. Jordan continues to woo Jenna with lines such "you're the most stacked girl here." He wants to prance on the beach with her. Jordan's nervous he's going to fall in love with Jenna. She is not disgusted by any of this.
Caroline had plans to woo John with s'mores but...it's raining. Caroline doesn't like begging for roses but she begs for John's rose. She's feeling confident-ish. Kevin assures her that John, like told him in the hallway, that he likes her a lot. OMG! But before she can be too relieved, she finds out that Jubilee is giving him a massage. John does the "oh, I just ate so I might be a little chubby" and of course isn't. Jubilee's pleasantly surprised that John is so ripped. Did Jubilee ask John to take his shirt off or did he pull the, "Oh, it's a little warm, do you mind if I take my shirt off?" move? Now John is making out with Jubilee. You dirty dog, John. Why is nobody is calling him out? How is he getting away with his Caroline/Jubilee juggling?
Out of seemingly nowhere, Bibi decides to make the moves on Kenny. It's unclear if this is because she's genuinely interested or if she's trying to save herself. Who knows who Kenny's going to pick? It's nice to see the nicer guys like Kenny and John getting some attention. Once Bibi gets her time, Jacqueline attempts to sink her claws in. They seemingly have a connection and even quote Edgar Allen Poe. Jacqueline says now that she's 27 she's past her prime and I can't tell if she's kidding or not.
Next up--Annaliese. Out of all of the women, I think Annaliese has the smallest chance of sticking around, but then she pulls out some kinky wrestling moves. They make out too. I could be wrong. I have no idea where Kenny's head is at. Obviously Annaliese feels very confident, demonstrating that she's not getting a rose.
David, not to be outdone by Jordan, gets Jenna a giant dog stuffed animal. Very close to what Jordan had gotten Annaliese. What did she do with that stuffed animal anyway? Jenna loves it. Jordan stalks up in his outfit, grabs it without talking to them and throws it in the ocean. Again, not cool. That wasn't your dog to throw into the ocean, dude.
Post break--we see Jordan throwing the dog into the ocean again. He doesn't talk to David but Jenna pulls him aside and tries to ask him what that was all about. Annaliese saves the dog. Everyone is laughing at Jordan and he's pissed. Now he's lashing out at everyone. Krystal defends Jordan. Jordan claims that he would have asked David for permission if he'd wanted to give Chelsea a rose, which is total BS.
Feeling cornered, Jordan then tells Jubilee and Chelsea to shut the f*** up. Krystal is aghast. Kevin tries to calm Jordan down. Jordan storms off. Holy drama queen. Annaliese tries to talk to Jordan but it's a waste of time. Then Annaliese tells Jenna that she needs to talk to Jordan.
Needless to say, Jordan's antics hasn't been well-received. Eric tells him to apologize to the group and he does. Thankfully Chris arrives to announce the start of the rose ceremony.
Rose Ceremony
Can you believe this is only the second rose ceremony? Holy hell. Jordan's up first and he gives his rose to Jenna, no surprise. She doesn't look happy but grudgingly accepts his rose
No comments:
Post a Comment