Hello. I don't know about you guys but I'm having a hard time getting into this season. Perhaps it's because they won't stop talking about the shutdown (yet not clearly referencing what really happened. They show people having sex but they can't talk about it?), or maybe it's just taking a while to build some momentum. Maybe this week will be different. Let's begin.
Dominique is the new addition to the intro, and again, like almost everyone else, it's lame. She shimmies and smiles. Yawn. At this point Robby is the only funny one. Oh wait, Sarah's is new too. A little more interesting but still pretty blah.
Perhaps it's boring because we have only seen one rose ceremony. It's still the guys' week. Jasmine and Jack Stone might be having a connection. Jack and Alexis play a game where he's blindfolded and he has to guess what she's feeding him. She tries to feed him a dead crab. That's really gross.
Jasmin mounts Matt and Wells observes on how she's kind of scary. In walks the newest addition to the crew, Christen. She is apparently a virgin, I don't remember that about her. I don't really remember anything about her. The only thing I remember about her was she became buddies with the one that had the one night stand with Nick at Jade's wedding. Jack Stone's really into her immediately. Jasmin tries to stake her territory. Jack Stone tries to make his pitch to Christen. Then Matt interrupts and she is very transparent with her head flipping and posing. Matt implies he's not with Jasmin and is "keeping things open". No surprise, she asks Matt out.
Matt tells Jasmin that Christen asks her out to get permission. Jasmin is pissed and Matt declines to mention that he told Christen he'd be open to keeping his options open. Oh Matt. I realize you're scared of Jasmin but get a pair, okay? Don't put that on Christen. Before they can leave on their date, Jasmin goes to confront Christen. Christen tells Jasmin that Matt was the one that told her he was open to a date. Christen starts crying and playing the victim (lame) and Jasmin isn't blaming Matt at all (also lame).
Christen and Matt
Christen has confirmed that Matt is better looking in person. Bachelor producers are going all in on this date and have given them just enough money to get chocolate bananas. Jasmine continues to whine. Wells is the funniest thing about this show right now with his various impressions.
Alexis is worried about the consequences of Christen and Matt making out on the date. Wells is excited for the atomic bomb of Jasmin, as am I. FINALLY something interesting is about to happen. Jasmin can't stop talking about anything else. Danielle and Dean look uncomfortable as she rants on while eating her lettuce.
Christen and Matt come back from their date and Jasmin immediately mounts him. Christen seems pretty drunk. Christen obviously loves fish based on the scallop story and her ordering shrimp. She gets her shrimpy fingers all over Amanda. Amanda and Sarah are the mean girls laughing at her.
Wells now has puppets. This is only getting better. Christen invites herself into Matt's room. Jasmine visits Matt too (is Christen hiding?). No, it seems she's eating more fish.
Game night
The gang gets together for a game night. Robby has planned a romantic interlude with Amanda with some glow sticks and a hot tub. Robby tries to kiss her again and AGAIN she denies him. Sarah doesn't know where Adam stands with respect to her and Raven. Sarah pulls Adam aside to confront him. Adam looks perplexed. She has an odd smile. Adam hems and haws.
Because she has low self-esteem, Kristina tries to talk to Dean again. Dean continues to be non-committal. Dean doesn't want to give D-Lo his rose but he wants to keep her around and keep his options open.
Derek and Taylor
These two are the only solid couple here. Taylor psychoanalyzes Derek and he says, "f*** you" to her. He says he was being sarcastic. They have a fight but it's more of a discussion.
The Next Day
Taylor talks about last night's fight with Dom. Derek talks to his boys about how she's pissed at him. The guys don't seem very interested. Taylor is more annoyed by his reaction to her reaction than the actual words, which I can appreciate.
Pre-Rose Ceremony
Lord almighty, it's finally time for a rose ceremony. Well, the part before the rose ceremony where those without a rose make their hard pitches to anyone that will listen. Chris gives his spiel. It feels like this show has been on for weeks now but yet we're only at our second rose ceremony. Chris gets cryptic about upcoming changes. It's time to shake things up a bit.
Adam/Raven/Sarah Triangle
Raven and Sarah try to stake their territory with Adam, who like Matt, has an inexplicable appeal that isn't coming through on the screen. Raven pulls Adam aside first. Adam doesn't want Raven to worry about Sarah, but it's unclear if he's going to say the same thing to Sarah. For now he appeases Raven. They frolic on the beach. Robby urges Sarah to stake her claim. Sarah makes her pitch. Adam tells similar things to Sarah but it feels a little different.
Lacey/Diggy/Dom Triangle
Diggy also has to choose between two women. My money's on Dom here but let's see how the Diggy/Lacey conversation goes. Diggy pulls Lacey aside. Lacey goes off on Diggy on how he ran off on a date with Dom less than an hour after they got back from their date. She wanted him to check in with her and he didn't and he says he didn't think he needed to. Ah, the differences between men and women. Her rant isn't going to earn her a rose and he says that the reason he pulled her aside was to tell her he's giving his rose to Dom. Not a shocker. Oh Lacey. You got played by Diggy last week. He was desperate for a rose and convinced you and you thought it would be reciprocated this week. Is there any woman on this show that has a moderate level of self-esteem?
Dean/Kristina/D-Lo Triangle
Low self-esteem Kristina is still talking to Dean. Dean thinks D-Lo is a "very interesting woman who deserves to stay." From what I can tell, D-Lo is pretty bland. However, Dean doesn't have a responsibility to keep D-Lo there. Kristina is justifiably pissed at Dean. Dean says he considers her emotions before his "pretty much every single time", which is a total load of crap but Kristina swoons. Sigh. Dean says that Kristina is the most fascinating person he's ever met in his life and seems to imply that he's going to keep Kristina around a little while longer.
Dean then pulls D-Lo away and she seems to have a lower BS meter and calls Dean out. Poor Dean, so very confused. I like Dean less and less the more he speaks and I've never been a huge fan of his, what with the teeth and his dimness. What did we see in you Dean? I'm sympathetic to your effed up family, I knew I shouldn't have trusted your blinding teeth. Like Adam, he's vague and seems to make both women think they're safe.
Robby and Amanda
Robby is going all in on Amanda. Kristina, Derek and Diggy are watching the Robby/Amanda show. Robby finally wears her down and she gives him a pity make out session for his efforts.
The Rest
Christen can't leave until we have an understanding of the other puppets Wells has with him. Once that's established, she can go. Christen is into Matt and apparently Christen got some implants recently. Good for her. Taylor pulls Derek aside and I don't know what she says? Because I get distracted by the way she talks? Derek seems to get it and apologizes appropriately. Love is restored and Derek is relieved he'll be getting some tonight.
Matt/Christen/Jasmine
Hahahaha, Christen is now referred to as Scallop Fingers. I only want Christen to stay because of Wells' puppets. Matt pulls Christen aside and they talk about how they're both scared of Jasmine. Christen says some nonsense asking Matt if he's doing the nice guy thing and putting other people's needs first and he looks at her quizzically and says he doesn't like conflict. Christen starts crying again and whining about how hard her time her has been and she's only been there one day. Matt says he's not giving Christen his rose because Jasmine deserves to stay in Paradise. Matt then pulls Jasmine aside and says he's not into anybody including her. Hanging out with these crazy women isn't worth it and he needs to start making money again and he can meet plenty of women back home. Jasmine is upset and knows that Matt doesn't deserve her tears. Christen is upset to hear that Matt is leaving even though he already told her that he wasn't giving her his rose. Taylor counsels Christen. Wells thinks that Matt should have given his rose out and then left. Wells says that Jack Stone is the only one left but what about Ben?
Jack and Jasmine chat and Jack tells Jasmine how special she is. Then Christen goes and talks to Jack and the first words out of her mouth are, "being a virgin has been a smart move for me." She says the guys she's met either haven't been worth giving it up for or were sociopaths. Jack laughs nervously and tries to convince her he's not a sociopath. And then she rams her tongue down his throat. Oh Jack Stone. Christen immediately says that Jack is way better than Matt. Jasmine is pissed she wasted her time on Matt.
Chris comes back and has a surprise. DANIEL'S HERE!!!!! Maybe this is what we've been waiting for to make this interesting. But that's the end of the episode so I'll see you on the next post.
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