Chris talks about how icky and stressful the production shut down was and how BIP is about fun...and love...and mahwage. But the ickiness tainted that. Darn you, ickiness! Thankfully, the BIP cast and crew were able to sweep things under the rug with no clear discussion of what happened and moved on. Because it's good television and no "misconduct" was found, Chris and ABC are taking us back to the start of production.
Intro
The intro is one of the best things about this show. My guess (hope?) is the producers give the cast freedom to do what they want here, so I love seeing who takes it seriously and who is goofy. In the past, it has seemed that most of the women do something cutesy but not funny and many of the guys are more goofy than serious. Here is my ranking of this week's cast:
- Dean: lame
- Raven: lame
- Vinny: chuckle. As an aside, I'm really glad that Vinny's back and I hope he doesn't get screwed over this year.
- Amanda: Oh Amanda. You're getting chased by a giant slide of pizza, a reference to your psycho ex Josh. My guess is you didn't think of this on your own and the producers suggested this to you.
- Robby: awesome
- Diggy: weird and lame
- Matt: ?
- Kristina: "All-American" with her American Flag bikini and hamburger. Get it? Because she's Russian? And she wants to suggest that she eats and doesn't have an eating disorder? We're in agreement that most of these woman have eating disorders, right?
- Ben Z: another ?
- Iggy: taking it way too seriously with his dance and wink. LAME.
- Jasmine: sort of a chuckle choking the cameraman but I think she could have done better.
- Danielle M: giving CPR. Lame
- Derek: Clearly copying someone from a previous season but I can't remember who. Or he's trying to be sexy and instead coming off as a total douche.
- Taylor: cleverish with the Emotional Intelligence book.
- DeMario: Lame
- Nick: Funny...because he showed up as St. Nick on JoJo's (Kaitlin's?) season.
- Jack Stone: Jack Stone may have a sense of humor.
- Alexis: We know. You love dolphins even though that is clearly a shark costume.
- Corinne: Totally weird because clearly DeMario had completed his intro before leaving but you hadn't.
- Alex: OMG you're a douche.
- Lacey: More creepy than funny but good effort.
- Chris: Awesome, of course.
Raven's up first. She's excited but nervous. Raven wants to leave the island as an engaged woman. She looks like she's wearing slippers but I think they're Birkenstocks? Whatever the shoes are, they look weird with her outfit. Dean arrives, then Kristina, then Danielle M, then Ben. Ben's into Raven but she doesn't seem to be into it. He's going on and on about his dogs. Oh god, Iggy. Iggy runs across the beach to pick up Dean. Jasmine shows up next. Jack Stone clarifies that he's not a serial killer. Alexis shows up in her Shark costume. Of course. Jack Stone redeems himself a bit with a pun about Alexis' porpoise for being on the show. There is already talk of DeMario and the women already there aren't looking forward to his arrival. Chris talks to DeMario a bit and asks him if that woman who showed up was his girlfriend. He said no but said it was likely he lead her on and let her think she was his girlfriend. Perhaps by telling her that she was his girlfriend? DeMario's ready for the hostility but thinks he's going to charm them.
DeMario shows up and his bros are happy to see him but the women notsomuch. Raven is especially not impressed. Neither is Jasmine, mainly because of his whistle though. DeMario pulls Raven aside and thinks he won her over. To her credit, Raven still called him out and wasn't impressed. Derek shows up next to minimal fanfare and Alex the short Marine shows up next. I don't recall that Derek and Alex had any issues. Alex is a little awkward. Finally Corinne shows up. Corinne's changed and says someone's going to need to work for her.
Iggy's excited to see Corinne because Corinne's the life of the party and Iggy seems to think that he's the life of the party too. If DeMario says he's looking for the next Mrs. Jackson again I'll scream.
Dean pulls Kristina aside and bonds with her over their effed up families. How sweet. I forgot that Kristina is a dental hygienist so she's very impressed by his teeth. Next to arrive is Lacey, who we're reminded is camel girl. Thankfully Vinny shows up. Then Diggy. Wow, Corinne is really short, isn't she?
Corinne's from New Jersey??? ...and then she leaps into DeMario's arms. She might already be wasted though. Ohhh...Matt showed up in a penguin suit during Rachel's season, which I don't remember at all. Alex turns his nose up at the penguin costume and Matt disses Nick at his half-assed Santa. Nick goes straight for Jasmine.
Amanda's back...again. Amanda fell for the Josh Murray craziness despite warnings from her friends. Luckily for her we know that DeMario is gone soon so she won't be wooed by him. Corinne's BFF Taylor shows up next. Does Taylor have a long scar down her back?
Taylor's hesitant to run into Corinne. While Taylor was pretty insufferable in her own right, I wouldn't want to run into Corine again either.
It's super creepy how Chris keeps talking about the shut down production. We know, Chris--you told us. Derek's not into a bromance, he wants a romance.
So apparently there's a celebrity version of Tinder? And shockingly, despite applying, Amanda didn't get in.
Alexis: "Amanda is so pretty, she deserves love and happiness whereas, like, I don't."
Raven: "You don't think you deserve love and happiness?"
Alexis: "I do, but like, she deserves it more."
This, dear readers, is why I love BIP. For these amazing conversations.
You're right, Alexis--if you base how much someone deserves love and happiness on how beautiful someone is, Amanda ranks higher than you. Maybe it's the large hoop earrings and the rest of her New Jersey vibe, but I don't get the appeal of Alexis.
Of course they focus on Corinne and DeMario. Alex is such a db. Corinne jumps into the pool with her clothes. Alex provides the play-by-play.
Chris pulls the gang together but I don't think that Corinne and DeMario are there. Chris gives his welcome speech. Jorge comes out to make an announcement and he wants to pursue his dreams. He wants to start a tour business called "Jorges Tour-ges". Dean clearly doesn't get the play on words. Oh Dean, I love it when we're reminded of how dumb you are. Oh, DeMario is there. Maybe Corinne is napping or I just didn't see her. It's hard at times to get a sense of timing during these all day drinking fests. I digress. Jorge announces that he's found his replacement and it's Wells. It's unclear to me why Wells is doing this besides an insatiable appetite to stay on BIP longer than anyone else. Perhaps we need no other reason? Maybe he gets sloppy seconds? For the first time ever in BIP, women get to hand out the roses first. Hooray for women's empowerment!
Taylor and Derek are hitting it off pretty well. Danielle has her eyes on Dean. The first date card arrives and it goes to Kristina. No surprise, she chooses Dean.
Danielle's already depressed and apparently her and Wells go way back so it seems she's going to whine to him all season at the bar. Everyone is mingling. Lacey and Iggy seem to be making an early connection. As usual, Iggy seems to have no self-awareness so it remains unclear if Lacey is into him too or just wants to be pursued right now.
Kristina and Dean's date
Dean's laying it on thick and his teeth are blindingly white. The date is boring but a love connection seems to have been made.
Jasmine
Nick is hammered and Jasmine is annoyed. Matt takes this opportunity to swoop in and make a move on her. First night in Paradise and Matt's getting way more action than he ever got on Rachel's season.
The Next Day
Lacey has to unexpectedly leave because her grandfather passed away. Iggy's sweating it because he was hoping that he'd get her rose. Robby arrives next and gets a date card. As he interviews the ladies, Corinne's not very impressed and Danielle can't get beyond his hair. Robby offers the date card to Raven and she accepts, to Ben's disappointment. Ben's annoyed because he didn't leave his dog at home for nothing. As Robby gets ready for his date we find out that he's brought a swimsuit for every day. Alrighty then.
Danielle and Jack Stone have a conversation but she can't tell what's going on with him. Robby's totally into Raven. Ben's cooking up a plan to swoop in on Raven when they come back from their date. Raven and Robby have what might be the most elaborate tropical drinks I've ever seen. Has Robby had work done on his face? Because he looks a little weird. DeMario's into Alexis so maybe she looks better in person (it's unclear yet why he abandoned Corinne). Robby and Raven come back from their date. The bros go off to do shots. Robby thought it went really well but thankfully Raven wasn't as impressed. She (appropriately, I might add) doesn't want to date someone prettier than her. And those abs could be annoying. You can't have abs like that and not have an eating disorder/be completely anal about what you eat. I love how Raven is dissing him. I hope Ben feels relieved because despite being a little clueless and talking about his dog too much, I like Ben more than Robby.
Nick seems to think he still has a shot at Jasmine. He pulls her aside but then Iggy hollers about the arrival of a date card. Matt gets the card and no shocker, he chooses Jasmine. It looks like Nick's days are numbered. They head to a drag bar. Matt, to his credit, rolls with it, which I don't think all of the guys would do. THEN they choose him from the audience and make him up to be part of the show. Matt comes out as Virginia and while he can't walk well in the shoes, Jasmine loves it. His dress is beautiful and he's kind of a hot mess but he wins major points for having fun.
Cocktail Party
Diggy hasn't had any air time yet and is making the hard sell to anyone that will listen to him. So is Izzy. Taylor's "feeling feelings" for Derek so he's safe. Robby's still trying to woo Raven and doesn't seem threatened by Ben. Raven tells Ben he's a better kisser than Robby.
All of a sudden, DeMario and Corinne are pulled aside and the remaining cast is confused. Then all of a sudden the cameras are off and the crew disappears. The cameras aren't really off though because the cast is still getting interviewed.
And that's the end. We all know what happens next but I have no doubt they'll have some weird and awkward explanation. It goes without saying it will be super-dramatic.
These first few episodes are a little painful until the couples settle in and the drama starts. Everyone is still on good behavior. I can't wait to see where things are at in a few weeks!
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