Becca's Season: Episode 6

Hi all.  Yes, still here.  We're still cutting down dead weight in time for BIP casting.  I'm really hoping BIP is going to be good this year.  Unfortunately for the women, the pickings seem slim, but hopefully it will still be entertaining.  Let's be honest, the pickings are kind of slim for the guys too.

You might remember that the gang is heading to Virginia this week.  Becca's interviews and voice overs seem forced and unenthusiastic.  I'm sure Virginia is lovely, but it's Virginia.  It's unclear what kind of deal Virginia made with the Bachelor to get their fine state featured.

Oh, Chris Harrison. We haven't seen you lately.  I almost forgot you were the "host".  Becca and Chris sit down for tea and Becca admits that she's started wedding planning. UGH, Leo hopes Virginia can birth his relationship with Becca.  EWWWW.  Back at the house, Lincoln likes to wrestle with the guys.  I hate Jason's hair.  Chris (not Harrison) reminds us how bad last week was for him.  We remember, Chris.  The first date card of the week arrives and Jason's hair gets his first one-on-one.  Chris is down for a two-on-one and somehow him and Lincoln begin bickering.  Jason can't get out of there fast enough.  Chris makes it about him again and accuses Lincoln of body shaming him.  Because the guys are contractually obligated to do whatever the producers ask them to do seem to be in a pretty small suite and can't go anywhere, the other guys have to sit there and watch this weird conversation.

Jason's One-on-One
Becca and Jason cavort around Richmond.  They end up at an Unhappy Hour and it's definitely not Jason's jam.  It's clear he doesn't like "weird" or "unique" people. He looks uncomfortable but for some bizarre reason starts "dancing" with a performance artist.

Back at the house Leo and Colton gossip about Chris.  Who knew Leo would be the sage voice of wisdom on this season?  Back at the date, Becca has one last surprise for Jason and it's meeting his friends.  One of his friends gets right to it and asks Jason if Becca's the one and his response is essentially, "she checks all the boxes of what you're supposed to want" but doesn't actually say "yes". Becca tries to pump his friends for information and they don't give up much.

At dinner Jason shares that up until now he's runaway from serious discussions but he doesn't feel that way with her.  Of course not.  One of his friend's names is Hawk?  Another sign that she should cut Jason and his greasy hair loose.  He shares a bizarre story about visiting his grandma with his dad.  It doesn't reveal anything about him at all.

Back at the house the next date card arrives and it's a group date card. Chris is happy to redeem himself.  Back at the date Jason obviously gets the rose.

Group Date
We already know from the coming attractions that Chris continues his downward spiral. Becca and the guys are greeted by George Washington and Abraham Lincoln.  Of course Lincoln tries on Abe's hat.  Chris tells us that Lincoln is dead to him.  The guys are campaigning for Becca.  Chris and Abe are the moderators for this debate/whatever we're calling it.  I guess Fred Willard was busy.  It must be an election year for the Virginia Governor because he's there to ask the first question.  It's pretty vanilla until Lincoln gets a question and gets right into it.  Interestingly enough, Chris Z(? I can't remember his last name but it's not Chris H.) perhaps unintentionally provides some foreshadowing of what a scumbag Lincoln really is.  Obviously Becca is not happy about this back and forth between Lincoln and Chris.  Becca is again super annoyed, especially when Chris drops an f-bomb.  Blake tries to be the peacekeeper but he shouldn't waste his breath.  Chris H. cuts the debate short.  Needless to say, Becca is frustrated AGAIN.  Unlike Chris, Connor's hair is quite impressive.

We come back for the evening portion of the date.  Becca tells the guys to knock it off and Chris still doesn't get it.  Lincoln pulls Becca aside first.  Chris doesn't think he did anything wrong today.  Lincoln doesn't claim responsibility for his role in today's shenanigans and says he feels threatened, which is total BS.  Chris interrupts Lincoln and Becca and Becca confronts Chris about how some of the guys don't feel comfortable around him.  Chris is uncomfortable that people have said that, Becca's uncomfortable and Chris reiterates that it's not about her, he's the most uncomfortable.  Chris is hurt by Becca's questions.  Nothing is resolved, Garrett interrupts them and thankfully ends the conversation.  Becca tells Garrett she wants some time by herself.

While Becca composes herself, Lincoln and Chris are going at it again.  Chris asks Connor if he felt threatened by Chris and Connor says no.  Then it emerges that Lincoln was the one stirring the pot.  Most guys are rolling their eyes.  Garrett comes back and tells Chris he doesn't know what was said,  but whatever it was, Becca can't deal with any of them right now.  I'm concerned that Garrett is the current voice of reason.

Since Jason and Leo are the only ones at the house right now, Jason reads the date card to Leo telling him he has the next one-on-one.  But let's get back to the group date.  Connor again forgot to button his shirt.  Becca finally comes in to get Garrett back.  Garrett reads his closing statement to Becca since he didn't get a chance to say it earlier in the day.  She spends time with Colton and Wills tells her he's falling in love with her. He's quite the low talker.  It's finally time to give the date rose and Becca gives it to Colton of all people.  Garrett and Wills are annoyed.  Blake didn't get much screen time at all during this date.

Leo's One-on-One
Becca is again too exhausted and distracted to focus on her date with Leo today.  They go on a plane ride and Becca ignores Leo.  Did you know she's frustrated?  At this point the word frustrated has had significantly more screen time than Chris Harrison.  Leo's very patient with her and is probably the most mature guy in the house.  He might also be the oldest, which is sad because he's only what, 31?  Becca shakes off her frustration and they get their hair in their respective buns and go oyster shucking.  Leo and his hair have grown on me but I just don't sense an attraction between them.

Anyway, as they transition into the evening portion of the date, we finally find out more about Leo.  Becca apologizes that Leo saw her at her worst and if that's her worst then I'm an unstable bitch who should be institutionalized on what I'd consider to be a good day.  At the risk of sounding defensive, I generally blame my children for this, so there's that.  Like Chris, Leo has daddy issues.  Apparently Leo was a pretty good baseball player (we know from this season's casting that Becca likes the athletes), but not good enough to play professionally and he thinks he failed his father. It's unclear if Leo's dad made him feel like a failure or if this is in his head.

Since the date is going well (read: boring), let's go back  to the drama at the house.  Chris is a loose cannon who could blow any moment.  We see Chris writing god knows what.  Foreboding music plays.

Back at the date, Leo obviously gets the rose.  Let's enjoy the time we have left with Leo because I doubt he'll make it to Hometowns, although with Colton heading to Paradise, I'm hoping he does.  WHAT IS IT WITH BACHELOR AND COUNTRY ACTS?  Are the Bachelor producers that other genres sing about love and they also have up-and-coming acts that would love the exposure?  I don't see Leo as a country guy, but maybe he just can't dance well.  He gets mobbed by the crowd.

Leo makes it back to the house and Chris isn't happy.  In fact, he storms out of the room.  Apparently he's going to hunt down Becca.  Or wander the streets of Richmond.  If I was Becca I'd be uncomfortable with some of these guys coming to my room.  Rather than try and get Becca to understand that he's not a monster, he wants her to know that Lincoln eats a dozen eggs a day and she doesn't want to get involved with somebody like that.

Becca looks very nervous when he shows up.  She's thankful that there are cameras there to collect evidence if needed. She compliments him on his coat and it IS a nice coat, but he's worn it several times already.  Also, I assume that they gave Becca a few minutes to get ready again because I guarantee I'd already be in PJs, regardless of whether I needed to do more interviews.  At a minimum, my slippers would be on.

Chris gives his speech and Becca's not having any of it.  Chris doesn't take any responsibility for creating any drama and instead refers to it as "adversity".  I'm not sure why she's even giving him the time of day and doesn't just send him home.  Okay, she finally sends him home.  He doesn't want her to walk him out.  She insists so she can make sure that he actually leaves.  He's pissed and being his usually bitchy baby self.  He's going to be a nightmare on BIP.

Cocktail Party Rose Ceremony
The guys head to the cocktail party to be greeted by Chris.  No surprise, Becca knows who she wants to keep and who she needs to send home.  Wills and Blake are both panicking, which is silly because at this point I think it's Blake's proposal to lose and I think Wills has a good chance of going to Hometowns (over Leo).  Thankfully Lincoln is finally gone.  Connor and his hairless chest can go back to his bros.  First Paradise though, where I'm sure he'll be able to connect with one of vanilla women that show up. Connor says it hurts but he holds it together.  Interestingly enough we don't see Lincoln's response.  I wonder if they cut it out?

Next Week
Finally we get to see these guys without their shirts on because they're going to the Bahamas!  The remaining men continue to melt down. The drama queens are gone, although Colton still needs to reveal his "secret".  We see a clip of Garrett talking about skeletons in the closet.   Will Garrett's skeletons be revealed?  We can only wait and see.

At the end of the episode, Becca gets some wise words of wisdom from Abe and G-Dub.  G-Dub in particular comments on how hot the guys are.  Interesting, Georgie, very interesting.

Becca's Season: Episode 5

Hi folks.  I'm still behind, as you can tell.  There were a few reasons for that, but mostly because I wasn't terribly interested in watching.  But it's a hot day outside and I need a break, so here I am.

If you recall, the gang is heading to Utah from Las Vegas.  We see a rather awkward series of Becca shots with a voiceover of her sharing her trust issues.  But it gets even more forced when it transitions to the guys.  Jason is wearing a long necklace of some kind.  Chris thinks Vegas is hte place where he can really shine.  I'm not sure Vegas is hte place you want to be to share your "best side".

Colton's One-on-one
Colton gets this week's first date.   Colton again claims to not have a lot of experience with relationships.  Becca and Colton will be riding camels to get over the "humps" of past relationships. Get it?  Humps?  Camels?  Sigh. Colton is not having a lot of fun riding his camel.  And they come upon a hot tub.  In the middle of hte desert.  Why have a hot tub in the mountains when you can have one in the desert?

Back at the house Jordan and David continue their awkward banter.  Back on the date, Becca likes Colton despite being his second choice for the Bachelorette.

After the commercial break, Colton begins discussing his relationship with Aly Raisman (presumably).  He said he told her he loved her very quickly and she didn't reciprocate.  Probably because she was dealing with her own crap and saw you as a waste of time.  He claims that his lack of relationship experience isn't a bad thing.  I'd agree, the virginity thing is bigger.  Because nobody believes you're a virgin.  However, it kills Becca that Colton equates pain with love.  Becca--whatever he says, he's full of it.

Back at the house, a group date card arrives and it's revealed that David and Jordan are on the ever popular two-on-one.

I'm not sure if Colton could come off as more scripted and wooden, but Becca falls for it and gives him the rose anyway.  Instead of watching a musical act, they go off for a tour of the Vegas strip in a double decker bus.  In his interview, Colton says woodenly that he's falling in love with Becca.

Group Date
Before we can watch the two-on-one, we need to sit through the group date.  The guys roll up to a palatial estate that turns out to belong to Wayne Newton.  Ever the consummate showman, Wayne rides in on a horse.  Wow, Wayne, you need to fire your plastic surgeon.  Wayne is clearly a narcissist because before they begin the date, he asks them if he can show them around his "cabin".  Wayne sings what might be his only hit, "Danke Schoen" to the guys.  I can't fault any of the guys for the looks on their faces.  Horror comes to mind.  Then his equally well-preserved wife comes in and he sings it to her.

The guys disperse to "write" Becca a song.  Chris is feeling good because he already had this date with Richard Marx. Boy do I miss Richard right now.  Yes, Richard did look miserable, but at least you could see his facial expressions.  Wayne and Becca go from guy to guy and we're forced to listen to their terrible songs and voices.  Wayne tells the guys that they'll be singing their songs live on the stage that night.  I'll spare you the details but let's just say it was terrible.  Chris thinks he killed it but I'm not sure.

As they transition into the evening portion of the date, Chris is confident the date rose is his.  He might have to get through Garrett first.  Garrett and Becca make out and then burst into giggles for some unknown reason.

Back at the house, the official date card for the two-on-one card shows up.  Colton is forced to sit and hang out with David and Jordan.

Back at the date we see the usual preening.  Blake reminds Becca about how Jean Blanc faked his feelings last week and insists he's really falling in love with her. She swoons.  Blake and Becca make out for awhile outside and finally come back inside.  Chris, who has been intentionally waiting to be the last one, loses out.  No surprise, Blake gets the rose.  Chris is befuddled and somehow turns it back on Becca and is now convinced he's going home. Dick move, dude.  He gets mopey and says he might just leave tonight.   That would show her.  What a primadonna.

Two-on-one
It's finally two-on-one time.  It's clear that David and Jordan are going to self-sabotage this date by
bickering and ignoring Becca.  Jordan continues to open his mouth and random words come out  that he thinks form sentences, but don't.  Becca greets the guys and she doesn't seem very happy to see either one.

Becca says that the two-on-ones get a bad rap but she just wants them to have fun.  Becca is either going for the bedhead look or didn't bother to put much effort into her hair for this date. Becca tells the guysto enjoy the silence and David keeps talking.  Becca pulls David aside first and David plays the "Jordan's not here for the right reasons" card.  This is never a good card to play.  Also, you're 12 years old and a "VC".  Don't spend your time talking about the other guy--ignore the other guy. Talk about the two of you.

Next Jordan and Becca have their time and Becca confronts Jordan about some of the things that David said about him.  Obviously he denies everything that David said.  Jordan then claims that his father has supported his mom through her mental health issues for the past 27 years and essentially that's his example of loyalty. He grew up so poor that at times there was no electricity.  Sure dude.

Jordan of course loses his s*** and confronts David.  Jordan claims that being him is his biggest power and David lacks charisma, passion and personality.  David stays calm and amused by Jordan's temper tantrum.  Becca sits the two of them down and says she's frustrated.  She asks the guys to explain themselves and David starts talking only to be interrupted by Jordan, who continues his hissy fit.  Becca goes off again on the two of them and walks off.  David and Jordan continue to bicker.  Becca comes back and reiterates for the nth time how frustrated she is and gives David the heave ho. But she's not ready to give Jordan the rose just yet as they continue to the evening portion of the date.  Nevertheless, Jordan is smug and confident that the rose is his.  The guys at the house watch the producers take away David's suitcase.

As Jordan and Becca transition into the evening portion of the date, Jordan and Becca embark on what seems to be a truly awkward first date.  Jordan asks Becca what a typical weekend is like and she describes her generic weekend.  Jordan then talks about working out and putting time into his appearance.  They then talk about Zoolander and Jordan confirms the movie's accuracy.  We see Jordan's range with his facial expressions.  He wishes he had his portfolio with him so she can see his range.  Becca is not impressed.

Back at the house the guys aren't thrilled that Jordan is staying for now.  Chris again makes it about him and that Becca needs to step it up and show him why he should stay.  Dude, that's not the point of this particular show.  Get over yourself.

Back at the date, Jordan makes an awkward transition to maul Becca.  Thankfully we don't see the closeup.  This guy seriously has no game at all. Both Becca and I thought he was going to pull out his gold lame underwear.  Jordan is thrilled at how the date is going and clearly can't read body language.  Thankfully she doesn't give Jordan the rose.  He is clearly blindsided and embarrassed. For better or worse, Jordan is heading to Paradise.  Perhaps him and Krystal will hit things off?

Jordan is genuinely befuddled at what she didn't see in him and is clearly sad that he'll be waking up alone tomorrow.  AGAIN.  Oh Jordan.  The guys are PSYCHED when somebody comes by to pick up Jordan's bag.

Cocktail Party
Dearest readers, if you thought this episode was close to finishing, we still have 25 minutes to go.  Good Lord.  Chris continues to whine, the guys continue to roll their eyes.  Becca reminds the guys that while this week was better, it was still frustrating, so stop frustrating her. She then pulls Chris aside.  Apparently she heard about his bitching about how he didn't get enough attention this week.  He starts things off by telling her she owes him.  She reminds him that this is her show and she doesn't owe anyone anything--it's up to him to use this time wisely.  He assures her he wants to be there but he's still being a little bitch.  He clearly makes her feel defensive, which isn't cool. Becca continues to lecture Chris and the conversation is awkward. She leaves the conversation pissed.  Chris seems to know that he f***ed up.  The other guys are too nervous to approach Becca because they can tell she's pissed.  He goes back to talk to the guys and starts crying.  He's clearly feeling rejected like he felt rejected by his dad.  Garrett and John discuss how emotionally unstable Chris is.

Because he didn't make things bad enough the first time, Chris walks over to Wills and Becca.  Wills is rocking an amazing suit.  Chris asks if he can interrupt and Becca basically says "No" and Chris essentially ignores her and insists on speaking with her.  He then defers to Wills to ask to speak to Becca.   Dude, she said no.  He then tells Becca that they need to be on the same page and she needs to understand where he's coming from.  Wills gives him exactly two minutes and interrupts his speech.  Wills doesn't back down. It's awesome.  Chris looks like he wants to hit Wills.  Wills stands his ground and Becca tells Chris that she'll come find him later.  Dude is lucky if he makes it another night.  Obviously Chris whines to the guys.  Why is Lincoln wearing a tux?

Wills rejoins the guys and Chris gives him the death stare.  Wills calls him out and is unimpressed with Chris' lame explanation. Chris senses that nobody is taking his side and they all start talking over each other.  Wills walks away as they're all talking. Connor forgot to button half his shirt. Hey Connor, the 70s called--they want their look back. And you need some chest hair to pull this look off.

Becca comes in and pulls Chris aside.  He claims he's legitimately falling in love with her. Becca's not buying it but doesn't kick him out yet.  He apologizes for his bitchy behavior but Becca seems tired of the whole conversation.  Chris is,like, so ready to prove himself.  Thankfully Chris H. comes in to put us out of our misery.

Rose Ceremony
In case you're counting (and I am), there are now eight minutes left.  Garrett's talking shit about Chris. Chris continues complaining but looks very worried.  Lincoln by some small miracle squeaks through another week.  Thankfully his air time has decreased. It's down to the final rose and it goes to Chris.  We say goodbye to John, who I can't believe made it as far as he did anyway.  John's loaded and I'm sure will have no problem finding a gold-digger woman that will make him happy.  Oy, he sheds a few tears.

Becca,who's clearly drained by this evening, unenthusiastically shares that they're heading to Virginia.  Clearly they're working on a low budget this season.  Wasn't Lauren from Virginia?  Perhaps that's why she's unenthusiastic.  Perhaps the producers are also taping something with Lauren and are looking to make the most of the state.

Rest assured, there is plenty of drama to come on this season.  I'm worried about Becca.  Her heart doesn't seem to be into this journey.   She's continually frustrated and doesn't seem very happy. 

Becca's Season: Episode 4

As I wait for Hulu to run through its many commercials, I admittedly  haven't been that excited to watch this week's episode.  Do you remember a simpler time, when Lincoln's worst offense was that he was a rumored floor pooper?   (A rumor, by the way, that is not a rumor but apparently true based on my sources.  Yes, dear readers, I have SOURCES now.  Well, source. Alas it's only a Lincoln source.)  Remember when he wasn't a convicted sexual assualter?  Remember when Garrett's f***ed-up Instagram likes was the worst offense?  Let's be clear, Jordan's strip down was creepy, but it gets creepier over time as I mull it over more.

So admittedly, I've lost a little enthusiasm this week.  The episode begins right where things left off last week--at the Cocktail Party.  Blake and Becca begin planning how many children they want and their names, so it appears that Blake pretty much has this in the bag at this point. Can we just move on to BIP and pray that this season isn't also ruined by sexual assault?  Is that too much to ask?

Cocktail Party (Still)
The guys are talking about David and Lincoln wants him gone, but not as a result of an injury.  Jordan takes credit for David's injury because seemingly Jordan thinks that God does things for him. David has left the hospital (possibly AMA but probably not) and he doesn't look THAT bad.  Jordan's pissed because he comes back right when Jordan was talking to Becca.  To make matters worse, Becca's happy to see David and pulls him aside immediately to talk to him.

Rose Ceremony
I'm over Jordan's self-absorption.  Becca gives David a rose so he can go to bed. Finally the Rose Ceremony starts.  Obviously Jordan will get a rose because him and David need to be on the two-on-one together. Nick shows up in a track suit and he looks super sleazy.  Bizarrely, he gets a rose. Thankfully Leo is sticking around for another week.  The last rose goes to Jean Blanc.  Ryan/Banjo guy and Mike/ESPN guy, we hardly knew thee.   Seriously, neither one of you got any screen time.

Becca tells the guys it's time to pack up because they're heading to Utah.

Garret's One-on-One
Garrett gets this week's first date and Becca still seems rather smitten with him.  I always wonder if the producers give them spending money on these dates or if they're expected to bring their own money.

Back at the house, Lincoln gets more unwarranted screen time because he thinks the earth is flat.  Please stop talking.  After the break, John is forced to awkwardly listen to Jean Blanc discuss what a great connection he has with Becca.  John, who by some miracle hasn't been sent home yet, thinks Jean needs to chill the f*** out.

Back at the date, Becca continues to gush about Garrett.  They go up a ski lift without wearing skis.  I was nervous about how they would dismount the lift, but since there's nobody at the mountain, somebody seems to stop the lift.  As it turns out, they're going bobsledding.  Of course they're being taught by two former Olympians.  Silver medalists, as a matter of fact.  Admittedly, the professional bobsledders don't seem very enthusiastic about being on the show, but since they won their medals 12+ years ago, they're women, and bobsledding doesn't seem to result in lucrative endorsements, here they are.  As it turns out, the two women are married. Garrett pretends to be cool with this but there's a split second where his face is a little grossed out.  You saw it, right?

It's the evening part of the date and Garrett would need to do something epicly terrible to not get the rose.  Becca tells Garrett that he reminds her of her dad.  Whoa, Garrett drops the bombshell that he was previously married.  I didn't see that coming.  He was married for two whole months!  Of course, Becca internally freaks out about this.  What if he feels like he's forced to propose before he's ready and then changes his mind?  Because I'm not sure if you're aware, but that's happened to her before.

Back at the house, the group date card arrives and Wills, who has gotten pretty minimal screen time, gets the other one-on-one for the week.

Back at the date, Becca asks Garrett why his marriage broke up.  He says she was emotionally abusive and he ignored the red flags. He says nobody in his "bloodline" had ever been divorced before. Bloodline?  Anyway, he assures her he's all in. Becca thanks him for sharing his dirty laundry on national TV.  Obviously he gets the rose and they transition to the awkward unknown country musical act. 

Group Date
Becca's on a massive group date with 13 guys. John's in it to get the rose and prove his manliness in other ways since he's obviously going to suck at a lumberjack competition (which sounded more judgey than it came out).  As is the theme this week, they're being taught some lumberjack skills by some professional lumberjacks that are also together IRL.  This is a hetero relationship.  I would have loved two guys but I'm not sure the Bachelor producers are ready for that. 

Most of the guys are doing really well.  Even Jordan and John are able to split a piece of wood.  However, Jean Blanc, Lincoln and Chris struggle. I was a little surprised that Chris struggled.

Next up is ax throwing, log throwing.  The log throwing is pretty tough but again John prevails.  The guys are split into teams.  Leo is ready for the boys and men to separated. As am I, Leo, as am I. Flannel shirts are involved.  It's a race to the finish in a pole climbing race between Jon and Blake.  John wins and Becca gives him a Golden Axe.  It's not a rose, but it might give him an edge.

For the evening portion, most of the guys ignored her request that they keep their flannel on. Becca is again in red.  Jason pulls her aside first.  I might like this guy more if his hair wasn't so greasy.  He plays the "I'm embracing my emotions" card which Becca eats up.

Becca asks Colton if he's ever been in love.  He says yes--once.   And you know her--it's Tia.  Colton quickly changes the subject and feeds her some random garbage.  Ugh, Jordan's up next and he's wearing his gold lame shorts.  It's super creepy.  Colton and Chris are ready to confront Jordan. Dude, why do you care what Jordan does?  Let him wear his gold lame (it's not lame, I can't get the accent over the "e", although they are lame).  If Becca wants to keep him, that's her choice.  No doubt Colton will mansplain to her that Jordan's not there for the right reasons.

Jean Blanc is up next.   Jean "created" a perfume for her.  I assume this isn't a real perfume he created.  Their conversation gets super weird.  Becca's not feeling JB (as I've now decided to refer to him).  Leo interrupts them and he's wearing an awesome jacket but we don't see their interaction.  JB feels unfulfilled by how his time with Becca went and goes in for round two.  Jean Blanc puts himself out there and says he's falling for Becca.  Becca calls him out on his BS and says that it's too early for him to be saying stuff like that.  She also says she doesn't feel the same way.  He backtracks and asks if they should take a step back but she passes on that too and kicks him out. 

Because he doesn't think he's made enough of an ass of himself, as they're walking out, he asks about the perfume, which Becca's confused about (as am I).  He continues to try and persuade Becca and then tells her that he told her that he doesn't feel that strongly about her, he just told her what she wanted to hear.  It's super awkward and I'm disappointed she didn't lay into him more for saying what she wanted to hear, but perhaps she really didn't care that much anyway.

But as Becca joins the remaining guys, she's clearly pissed and shares what JB said and tells them that if anyone else wants to pull the same shit they can just go home.  She says she's not giving out a rose tonight and syas she'll see them at the rose ceremony. 

Brand New Day/Wells' Date
Becca shares that she's emotionally exhausted.  The guys discuss how wrong what JB did was.  Wills is scared to death about facing Becca for his date.  He says he's ready for the challenge but I don't think he is.  Becca's clearly off today.  This should be a fantastic date.  Becca tells Wills that she's not going to focus on last night meaning she's really going to focus on last night.

They go snowmobiling and what's the over/under that they'll run into a hot tub?  Not literally, although that would be entertaining.  Sadly, no hot tub is involved, but there is a fire and champagne. Shockingly, Becca talks about last night but Wills does seem to get Becca out of her head.  According to her he lifts her spirits. But he's not off the hook yet. For the evening portion, she's ready to ask Wills the tough questions.   Wills shares that he's been in Becca's situation. He was ready to go all in with somebody who wanted a hall pass.  Hahahaha, I'm sorry, I had to laugh that somebody actually attempted to cash in on that, especially when a hall pass is typically reserved for a CELEBRITY.  Or so I thought.

Wills seems to touch on all of Becca's insecurities in the sense that he has the same ones as her.  Whether it's genuine or not is hard to tell, but he seems genuine. While I'm not sensing a strong attraction between the two, but Wills gets the rose.  Wills looks stoned to me all the time.  His eyes are always half open.  I like it when I see the whites of his eyes (that sounded racist but it's not meant that way) and he's growing on me.  More so than the likes of Blake, Colton and Garrett.  Thankfully there is not an awkward musical act.

Cocktail Party?
Going into the cocktail party, Nick, who I can't believe has lasted this long, is bitter that JB's antics cut off his potential time with Becca the other night.  The guys are all sitting on the couch either being forced to reiterate things they've already said off camera (best case) or just having to make small talk with all 15 guys smooshed together on couches  (worst case).  Chris walks in and tells the guys there's no cocktail party tonight.   Instead, they're heading straight to the rose ceremony. 

Rose Ceremony
Colton seems to feel good but knows other guys feel nervous.  Becca looks extra decked out tonight.  Becca gets into her speech and I'm impressed by the amount of pocket squares so many of the guys have.  The rose ceremony begins and Leo gets the first rose this week.  Didn't see that coming.  We're forced to listen to Lincoln go on.  His accent seems to evolve.  Connor's nervous but gets a rose.  Sadly Lincoln makes it through another week.  The scene continues to be set for the Jordan/David two-on-one.  Jordan squeaks by with the final rose, eliminating Nick (again, I can't believe he lasted as long as he did) and Christon. Christon was adorable but was possibly there for self-promotion.  He's not overly upset.  Nick is more disappointed and blames himself for not putting himself out there more. 

Becca tells the remaining guys that they're going from Mormon country to the City of Sin.  Jordan compares himself to a sponge but it doesn't make any sense, but he's ready to move on from his status of Captain Underpants.  Until next week, all.  And by next week, I mean the episode that aired yesterday.

Do I need a new guilty pleasure? I'm not sure.  I'm not loving any of the guys (except maybe Leo).   But who are we kidding?  I'll suck it up for yet another week.

Becca's season: Episode 3

As this week's episode opens, David tells us what a great time him and the other guys are having and how they all get along except for Jordan.  David's confident that once Becca spends more time with Jordan, she'll be allowed to cut him once the producers give her the okay.  Colton's starting to worry about whether his time is running short in the house since it seems he was hoping that Tia was going to be the next Bachelorette and he's not sure he can convince Becca that he's happy it's her.

Chris strolls into the house and gives his weekly lecture to the guys. There will be three dates this week--two group dates and one one-on-one.  Colton claims to be excited to go on this group date but that will likely fade as soon as he finds out he's going to run into Tia.

We see Becca puttering around her suite/tiny apartment and what do you know?  Some of her "friends" from Arie's season show up.  Out of the five women, I have to give Carolyn serious props for continuing to hang on to Becca's coattails for as long as she has.  How early did she go out on Arie's season?  And she's managed to hang on for dear life since.  If she doesn't show up in Paradise, I'll be shocked.  Bekah still has her ridiculous earrings.  Becca brings up Colton to Tia.  I'm still unclear if these two actually dated or not.  It's super awkward for Becca and Tia to discuss this in front of the other women so Becca says she'll talk to Tia privately later.

Becca greets the guys outside and tells them they'll be pampering Becca and her friends for the date.  The guys don't seem very excited about this date.  Colton just about pees his pants when he sees Tia.  Jason and Colton are forced to discuss the Tia/Colton/Becca love triangle as filler.  Colton tries to pretend he's fine with everything.  Jason is gleeful that this might get Colton kicked off.

The guys give the women manis and pedis, and then the women paint the guys' nails, and then some of the guys start paying attention to some of the other women, which is awkward. And yet, it's a no-win situation, because they need to be somewhat friendly to the friends.  Just maybe not, "let me give you a massage" level of friendly.  I suspect this wasn't the original date plan because hanging out in a hotel spa for the day is a little random.

Becca and Tia finally sit down to hash things out.  Tia thinks that Colton applied because he thought Tia was going to be the Bachelorette but assures Becca that her and Colton just made out.  Becca's more confused than ever.  Colton's virginity isn't discussed.  We don't get to see any discussion amongst Becca and the alums of who they did or didn't like. 

Jean Blanc makes his pitch for the rose.  Jordan is of course confident he's going to get the date rose.  Becca seems pretty smitten with Jason and tells him that he makes her nervous.  Apparently Jordan was bragging about Tinder to the guys about how many matches he had on Tinder.  I realize you were hoping the guys would be impressed by your humble bragging, but they're not.  He insists that his swipe percentage is 100%.  Sure buddy.

David talks to Becca next and throws Jordan under the bus as he plays the "not here for the right reasons" card.  Becca doesn't seem very impressed by this strategy.  She ends up giving Jordan a high-five for all of his Tinder matches.  Ouch.  Jordan 1 David 0.

Post break, Jordan and David continue their pissing match.  Jordan walks off and David tries to lighten the mood with the guys that are left, but they refuse to engage and all you can hear are crickets playing and David attempting to save face.

We finally see some good Becca/Jordan one-on-one time.  He kvetches about how it's soooo hard being a model and finding someone to share his life with.  Becca asks what he's like in a relationship and rather than saying things like, "oh, it's a partnership" or "I'm the sensitive one", he says he does all of the cooking and cleaning.  He tells Becca he was in his element at the spa day but dating her in general is his element.

Jordan goes back to the group and David starts in on him again.  The other guys laugh at both of them. Jordan tells David to shut up. The other guys are laughing so hard they have to cover their faces as the two of them argue.  Wills (or is it Wells?) hides his face in his jacket and Jason buries his face in a pillow. David asks Jordan what face he's using right now--his pensive face? Clint Eastwood?  Jordan is offended and reminds David he's a Wilhelmina model. Attached to his face is professionality.  Jason and Wells continue to giggle.

Back at the house, another date card arrives and Chris R. gets the one-on-one card. Garrett is disappointed because he was hoping he'd get it.

Back at the date, Becca and Colton finally chat.  And by "chatting" I mean that Becca asks Colton if he felt anything when he saw Tia. No shocker, he says he didn't feel anything and his feelings for Becca are extremely strong.  Since this is what Becca wants to hear, she eats this up, whether it's true or not. It seems that he's getting the date rose.  GRRR.  They make out some more as the guys sit awkwardly on the couch in disbelief.  Jordan blames David for everything.  Jordan also doesn't seem to understand what karma means.

Chris' Date
Becca and Chris head out for their date and they head to Columbia Records.  They stumble into a room where Richard Marx is playing the piano.  OMG, if he sings at the evening portion of the date, I will squeal.  I'm a little surprised that Chris and Becca know who he is.  Were they even alive when he was super famous?  Richard looks extremely uncomfortable.  Or maybe he's just unfriendly.  He plays "Right Here Waiting".  Seriously, I think Richard might be a d-bag.  Or he doesn't smile.  At all.  Richard--it's weird when guys dye their hair.  Just go with the silver fox look, dude.

Anyhoo, today Richard is paying off some gambling debts being forced to helping Chris and Becca to write a love song.  Chris doesn't look happy about this.  Richard tells Chris he needs to be vulnerable.  I'm not sure what Becca's wearing but I think the stylist took the "rocker chick" look a little too far.  Chris doesn't want to let his walls down.  As Richard unconvincingly tells Becca she's doing a good job, we find out that Chris has daddy issues.  Oh boy.  He was rejected by his father and now he's worried Becca's going to reject him too.  Lordy this guy is needy.  Who says women are the only ones that can be damaged?

I was under the impression they were going to be writing the song together, but Chris seems to have different ideas.  Becca finds him in the hallway to see what this problem is and remind him they're on a date. She assures him she won't judge him.  This makes Chris feel better so the drama is averted.  They're both forced to read their terrible lines and Richard grimaces throughout as he wonders how he made so many bad decisions that led him to this point.

Becca loves Chris' lines and Richard reminds him that chick dig crap like that.  Is Chris wearing bronzer?  Because in his interviews it looks like it's smeared.  Richard "plays" their "song".  I'm still holding out hope that he's going to emerge again during tonight's concert and play their song.  Wouldn't that be amazing?

Back at the House
Leo finally gets some screen time this week and I love him more and more.  There's no way he's lasting much longer but he's the most interesting one here.  Have you checked out his IMDB page?  He's been in porn!  Maybe not Mr. Right, but certainly Mr. Right Now.  What was I talking about?  Oh, the next group date card arrives and it's clearly going to be a football date.

Before we head back to Becca and Chris' date, we're forced to listen to Jordan talking more.  Colton gives an idiotic speech and Jordan and David go at it again.  I was entertained by Jordan initially but he's quickly getting old.

Chris' Date
It's dinner/drinking time for Chris and Becca.  I'm not a huge fan of Chris because he likes to stir the pot.  Also, he's boring.  Becca asks Chris what his deal was and why he was so closed off during the date.  Chris talks about feeling vulnerable and his fear of rejection and his daddy issues. Chris shares how he wrote his dad a letter a few years  ago and never heard back.  No surprise, he gets the rose.

Chris is going on and on and on and you hear a piano playing, Right Here Waiting, and sure enough, they go through a door and lo and behold, it's Richard Marx! Singing Right Here Waiting!  Just like  I was hoping!  Richard doesn't really seem to sing the whole song, just odd snippets that are on repeat.  But whatevs.  He still looks bitter.

Next thing we know, we're back at the house and David's being taken out by paramedics. Lincoln is melodramatically saying he doesn't know if David's going to make it and pleads with us for him not to die. Lincoln--zip it.  After the break, the guys are sitting around talking and we still don't know what happened.  We see Chris at Becca's door and I hope we're finally getting to the bottom of this.

Becca's nervous at Chris' arrival.  Chris tells Becca that David's in intensive care with a busted nose and face.  She asks who attacked him and it turns out that David fell out of bed. This is clearly a conversation that her and Chris had to film a few times and still Becca can't get through it without laughing.  Even Chris is having a hard time keeping a straight face.  Becca asks to see him but there's no time in today's production schedule so she calls him instead.  It turns out he's "not used to small beds" so he fell out of it.  Translation--he was hammered and fell out of bed. Fortunately, Jordan put up bed rails for him so it won't happen again.

Jordan sees David's injury as karma.  Lincoln says he thinks Jordan did it and in his interview, Jordan says he wouldn't hurt a fly and winks.  The wink was lame at best and creepy at worst.

Second Group Date
We finally get back to the point of this show--finding the love of Becca's life in 8-10 weeks.  The guys are joined by some vets from a women's football league and the guys look a little scared. Clay's ready to shine on this date.  They do some box jumps.  It's pretty awesome.  But I love stuff like that. Obviously they're playing a real game.  John, who by some miracle, continues to fly under the radar, gets 10 seconds of screen time.

Keyshawn Johnson joins Chris for the game play-by-play.  Clay, to no surprise, is pretty good but the white team dominates.  Lincoln continues to run his mouth.  Keyshawn struggles to add color commentary.  Chris just giggles. The blue team comes from behind.  With 30 seconds left, Clay ties up the game and...hurts himself.  For the second day in a row, a contestant is carted off in an ambulance, although this feels pretty melodramatic.

It's the evening portion of the date and once again Becca is in metallics. And possibly velour.  Metallic velour?  That's bold.  It also looks like a bathrobe. There's a lot going on with this dress/bathrobe/whatever. Alas, Clay is still at the hospital so he probably won't be getting the rose tonight.  Garrett pulls a page out of Clay's book and tries football moves on Becca in an attempt to kiss her.  She finally ends up kissing him since he doesn't seem to have any game.

Blake is starting to self-destruct and confides in Becca about how hard the process is. Blake calls Becca his girlfriend and she swoons. My money's on Blake as the front runner right now.  But don't count Clay out just yet because he shows up at the date.  Blake isn't happy to see him.  Correction--none of the guys are happy to see him.  I've said it before and I'll say it again--Clay seems like a nice guy but he's not the life of the party.

It's rose time and Becca gives the rose to Clay. Blake and Garrett aren't happy and wonder what could have been if Clay hadn't shown up.

Cocktail Party
I wasn't sure the cocktail party was going to happen in this episode because there are only 10 minutes left.  I doubt we're going to see the rose ceremony, although I did see a headline that somebody leaves.  So maybe that's why there isn't a rose ceremony.  Or maybe they're worried about the ratings so they're trying to pull people into next week's episode.

In addition to midriffs and metallics, the third theme that Becca's stylist is focusing on this season is red.  It seems like Clay might be the one leaving because he needs an operation on his wrist and the bills don't pay themselves.

Clay finds Becca and tells her he's leaving.  Apparently he has to give the rose back to Becca.  As I suspected, we run out of time before the rose ceremony.  But next week promises more drama, which is great!

Becca's Season: Episode 2

This week kicks off with Becca going on her first post-Arie date.   If we created a drinking game where you had to drink every time somebody mentioned Arie, well, we'd be passed out by the end of the episode.  Let's get to know these clowns, shall we?

The guys are forced to gush about Becca, and Blake points out that one of them might be getting married.  Apparently he's not including himself, but Blake is the "independence guy".  Chris comes in and asks the guys how they're feeling.  As much as I want to dislike Richie Rich/Chicken Guy David, thus far he's not coming off as nearly as big of a tool as I was expecting.  The season is young though.  Chris gives the guys the stern talk that Becca's not here to mess around.

Chris leaves the first date card and it's a group date.  It's unclear what the actual date is, but first the guys change into tuxedos.  Does anybody else think that Lincoln's odd?  Not pooping on the floor odd, but there's something odd about him.  Perhaps it's the language barrier?  (That's a joke, because he's English.   And we speak American here.  And hopefully you're catching on to my humor. I've already said too much.)

Anyway, the guys strip down and Becca pretends not to look.  I'd pretend too.  Jordan finally gets a chance to tell Becca he's a model.  Jordan is confident he has this date locked down. Rachel and Bryan join the gang on the date.  Pre-break, Rachel explains the guys are doing an obstacle course race.  Sweet!  Bryan doesn't speak.

Post-break, Bryan helps explain the course.  Chris R. says there are a lot of good athletes in the group, but the smartest guy might win.  The fact that you say that shows how dim you are, Chris.  It's unclear to me how smarts will win a race.  But perhaps you'll be right, Chris.  Jordan volunteers to explain each of the events in the course.   Thanks, dude.

Lincoln cheats, so he gets ahead after the ice bath.  David almost catches up, but Lincoln is the winner.  Wow, I got two sentences out of that whole competition. We head into the evening portion of the date.  There seems to be a fan that keeps Becca's hair blowing.  Lincoln reminds everyone every five seconds or so that he won and got to marry Becca.  Lincoln--you're not really married.  Can somebody explain this to him?

The guys immediately start ripping on Lincoln.  Lincoln rambles on about how Becca brings out the best in him and goes on and on and on.  Becca gives Lincoln their "wedding photo".  He sticks his tongue down her throat as a thanks.  Lincoln goes back to the guys and brags about the picture.  There's a collective eye roll.

Back at the house, the next date card arrives.  Blake gets the first one-on-one.  He's psyched, the rest of the guys are not.

Back at the date, we see a montage of Becca getting to know the guys. Lincoln is acting super creepy and talking to the picture.  Connor and Lincoln start to get into it. Connor takes the picture and tosses it on the ground. Connor then takes the picture again and throws it off of the balcony, getting glass in the pool.  That's uncalled for.

Jordan is giddy about the drama.  Lincoln calls the guys classless and says his heart is broken.  Jean Blanc kind of reminds me of Eric.  Jean Blanc may not have had any screen time with us, but seems to be making an impression on Becca.  He also seems like a better kisser than Lincoln.

Connor thinks he spoke for all the guys when he threw the picture off of the balcony, but it appears he didn't, as some of them now talk behind Connor's back about how that was uncalled for (even though they laughed at the time).  Next thing we know, Lincoln is lurking on the stairs to catch Becca and tell her he needs a new picture because Connor threw it in the pool.  Beccaaaaaa, Connor's being a bully!  Lincoln plays dumb with Becca about why Connor might have done that to him and appears near tears.  Becca's super annoyed she needs to deal with this drama.  Becca pulls Connor aside and Connor tells Becca that Lincoln isn't genuine.  Becca is unimpressed with Connor's explanation and doesn't send him home yet but tells him he's on her s*** list for the time being.

It's finally date rose time and I'm concerned it's going to Lincoln but perhaps she'll give it to Jean Blanc. Phew, it goes to Jean Blanc. Lincoln is sure he would have received the rose if it wasn't for Connor.

In the morning, Lincoln is in tears as he tells the other guys at the house about losing his precious picture.  What a fucking drama queen.  He's for real crying.  Behind his back the guys are laughing about it.  Even Jordan calls Lincoln a clown and is starting to doubt if Lincoln's accent is real.  There's a problem if Jordan is the voice of reason compared to Lincoln.

Blake's Date
I mentioned this last week and I just can't get past what Blake said about couples being independent from each other.  Also, he has an odd shaped head.  Becca's nervous about her first one-on-one date since the Arie break-up.  Chris H. planned the date, not Becca.  Chris greets the couple while holding a sledgehammer.  Chris reminds Becca that she's dealing with heartbreak and needs to get her aggressions out.  Totally normal to get your anger out from your broken engagement on a date with a new guy.

This is f***ed up, even for the Bachelor producers.  There's a racing car, multiple monitors that show Arie proposing, even the couch they sat on when Arie broke up with Becca.  Becca and Blake get to destroy them. Seriously?  Come on, guys.  And then Lil' Jon shows up.  Blake calls him "Little John".  Lil' Jon cheers them on as they trash the car and everything else.  It's unclear if Lil John knew what he had signed up for.  My guess is no, or he was paid so much he didn't care.  Who knows, though, he could be a Bachelor fan.

After smashing everything, Becca finally has closure and is ready to move on with Blake.  Blake seems psyched for Becca to get this out of her system, but it's so weird.  At dinner, Blake assures Becca he had a good time.  I'm not buying it. Becca talks Blake through the whole Bachelor process.  Blake and Becca talk about how similar they are and he shares a breakup story about how he fell in love and was dumped.

Back at the House
Back at the house, another group date card shows up.  There are two guys that won't be getting a date at all this week. They are not happy.

Back with Blake
Blake and Becca continue to gush about how they're, like, so similar!  And they have sooooo much in common!  Obviously he gets the rose.  It's unclear if Blake's philosophy on couple independence has come up yet.  I thought they were going to transition to the musical act portion of the date, but they end up making out outside the restaurant instead.  At this point Blake is certainly one of the front runners.

Second Group Date
We are reminded of many guys that I've forgotten about since last week.  The guys are playing dodgeball for the first part of the date.  Some of the producers' kids put the guys through the paces.  The little girl in particular is a beast.  It's awesome.

The guys are playing for Becca's heart in front of a crowd (no surprise there).  Joining Chris Harrison for the play-by-play is once again Fred Willard.  I continue to worry about Fred's health.  He still doesn't look good, but maybe he's just getting old.  The green team takes the first game.  Leo in particular seems to be shining.  Leo wins for the pink team for the second game. Leo makes a good effort but ultimately the green team wins. Will the green team get more time with Becca?  Will Becca pull an Arie and include everyone?  It appears she doesn't need to make that decision because everyone's invited to the after party.

At the evening party, Becca pulls aside each of the guys to get to know them separately/make out with them.  Colton needs to share a "big secret".  I thought it was his virginity (which I'm not buying), but apparently it's that he dated Tia.  Didn't he also date Aly Raisman?  For a virgin, this guy sure gets around.

Colton makes small talk with Becca about what a great time he had playing dodgeball and tries to smoothly segue to talking about Tia, but the segue isn't smooth at all.  It seems he spent a weekend with Tia before the show (and he's still going to claim he's a virgin???).  Becca seems pretty closed off during this conversation and is not thrilled about this admission.  She tells Colton she needs some time to think about this.  Is he here for the right reasons???

It's time for Becca to give out the rose and she gives it to Wills.  I didn't see that coming.  Despite that, Becca's starting to feel frustrated.  Hon, you're in week two.  It's going to be okay.  Don't get worked up about the drama.

Cocktail Party
I love the color of Becca's dress but I'm not sure I like the sparkliness.  It looks like it would be itchy and heavy.  Clay pulls aside Becca first and they do a super awkward touchdown dance which is a poorly veiled attempt at getting a kiss from Becca.  It's unclear if Clay is dumb or has no personality.  I suspect the former but it might be both.  John writes her a poem.  Connor tries to redeem himself by giving Becca a picture of himself and has her throw another frame in the pool.  Hopefully that one didn't have any glass in it.

Jordan, who was ripping on every guy's outfit during last week's episode, apparently forgot to get into his suit for this week's party.  It seems that was intentional because he strips down.  According to Jordan, "nothing attracts a woman more than, like, being comfortable next to a sexy man."  Are we sure Jordan isn't the virgin?  As Jordan prepares to head down in his underwear, he knows there will be a target on his back.  What he doesn't realize is it will be because everyone knows he's a potential sexual predator, rather than the stud he imagines himself to be.

Jordan struts on out to Becca and no surprise, Jordan is a legend in his own mind.  The rest of the guys snicker as he walks past them.  He interrupts Becca's talk with David.  Jordan talks about how wild he is.  Even Becca's snickering at this point.  He clarifies that his hair will always be in place, but he does like to have fun.  David tells the other guys how disappointed he is by Jordan's stunt.  Jordan wants a little Jordan to hang out with. Maybe he'll call him Jordy.

David decides to confront Jordan.  It's unclear to me why David is so annoyed by this.  Up until now, David seemed pretty laid back. I was starting to like him even though he's a trust fund baby.  David asks Jordan if he's more than a model.  Jordan seems confused by this question and asks David if he's more than a human being.  Chris is hanging out in the middle and if he was brighter, he might be entertained by this conversation, but he just looks uncomfortable.  Jordan claims stripping down to his underwear is not an attempt to get attention.  Jason's apparently hanging out during this conversation too and also seems mildly confused by the whole thing.  Jordan says that if he were to take an IQ test, he would score higher than the average male model. He's smart enough to know that he probably wouldn't score higher than David though. 

Before Becca can have her rose ceremony, she needs to talk to Colton about his relationship with Tia.  Okay, Becca--they spent a weekend together.  They didn't have a relationship, they had a fling.  Colton assures Becca he's here for the right reasons but she doesn't seem convinced. 

Rose Ceremony
Becca's ready for her second rose ceremony.  If we're supposed to read into the order of the rose handouts, then I'm surprised at who is getting the first roses.  Connor gets the rose ahead of Lincoln.  David's nervous about getting a rose ahead of Jordan.  As the rose ceremony continues, we are forced to listen to Jordan continue to talk.  Jordan gets a rose after David gets his rose.  The other guys aren't impressed.  Lincoln makes it through by the skin of his teeth and Colton obviously gets the final rose. Three guys are eliminated.  I know none of their names.  Oh, Alex is one of them and he cries.  Oh boy. This is sad.  Pull it together, Alex.  Your special lady is out there.

All in all, this was an exhausting episode.  Time will tell if these boys' drama will be more trouble than it's worth.  Until next week!  Tia and Colton are finally reunited.

Becca's Season: Episode 1

Hello dear readers!  When we last left things this day seemed very far away, but alas it's here.  I have no doubt that we'll (and Becca) be forced to relive the Arie breakup quite a bit in this episode if not the entire season. And sure enough, the opening scenes are just that--Becca looking at Polaroids, the proposal, the infamous breakup.

We transition to winter.  How symbolic.  We see happy pictures of Becca's family before her dad died.  I have no recollection of Becca's sister from Hometowns.  I just double-checked and she didn't seem to be there.  Is it me or is that totally weird?  Oh, now we see her.  Holy crap.  That seems pretty shitty that the producers couldn't help the sister out with some hair and makeup.  No wonder the sister wasn't around, she clearly hates Becca.  I probably would too if I looked like the sister and my sister was Becca.  I'm sorry, I know it's mean to say catty things like that but did you see her? 

There's the additional weird filler of Becca in Minnesota getting the key to the city or state or some such nonsense.  And...of course the photo shoot.  And...of course of course of course, the pre-meeting with alums.

In this case the alums are Rachel, JoJo and Kaitlyn.  All lovely women.  They are contractually obligated to assure her that this process works.  At least on the Bachelorette side. And by "working", all three are still with their chosen suitors.  No actual weddings, but let's stay focused, shall we? Kaitlyn looks unenthusiastic at best, miserable at worst.  They are forced to toast to, "Let's do the damn thing."  Oy.

The Men
Finally we begin to meet some of the guys.  First up is Clay.  When I passed judgment reviewed the men last week, Clay seemed nice enough.  He's a football player so of course we see him doing football drills.  He says he doesn't fit the stereotype of most football players.  I'm unclear on what that stereotype is unless he's referring to Ballers.  But he doesn't seem so bad so until further notice I like him.

1. Garrett:  God this guy is annoying.  I know he loves Chris Farley and I was willing to withhold judgment last week, but now I'm passing judgment. 
2. Jordan:  Jordan is a model and "his brand is the pensive gentlemen".  Direct quote, people.  Direct quote.  If you think modeling is easy, Jordan assures us it isn't.  It's more than being "ridiculously good looking".  Again, direct quote.  Here I thought being unemployed and living in a basement with my family while our house is under construction was taxing and stressful.  Nope.  I should be more grateful.  Now I know it could be worse--I could be modeling. Thanks for putting that into perspective for me.
3. Lincoln: Lincoln has an English accent so he could speak absolute gibberish and it would be okay.  It sounds English but perhaps it isn't?  It sure as hell isn't American.  But he came to the States from Nigeria?   Am I having a stroke or are we not getting the full story here?  Is that a Nigerian accent?
4. Joe:  Joe's the grocery store owner.  They force him to go through the produce section and pretend to throw out produce that's gone bad. He's clearly insecure and terrified of dying alone.
5. Jean Blanc: This is the cologne guy.  Jean likes to judge people because you can tell a lot about someone by their watch and their tie. Well Jean, maybe not everyone is loaded like you.  Did you ever think of that?  Yes, I'm ornery today.  Ew, he wants to blow her nose away.  Poor choice of words.
6. Colton: Red flags right away in that he's wearing an overly large cross.  So potential Jesus Freak.  One thing I didn't mention in last week's judgment session is he dated Aly Raisman. He brags about how he was born to play football and then mutters something about a career-ending injury so he no longer plays football. And for the record, Ben would probably disagree that a dog can't be the love of your life.

Becca's Arrival at the Mansion
Becca arrives at the mansion and has the obligatory conversation with Chris where he asks her if she's afraid she's going to screwed over yet again.  Becca attempts to change the slogan to "let's get this ball rolling."  And the first limo pulls up.

The Guys
I feel like I need to be drinking for this but it's 10 am on a Wednesday and I don't have mimosa or Bloody Mary fixings. 

1. Colton: Colton's the first one out of the gate and even though he's wearing cuff links, he forgot his tie. He did bring some sort of popper-thingie.  Yes, that's the technical term.
2. Grant: Grant's the electrician. Grant brings up Becca getting dumped and then suggests they not talk about that.  I wouldn't have opened with that myself but he obviously won't be the only one.
3. Clay: Oh Clay.  So corny, he seems very nervous.  I want to like this guy, even if he might not be the brightest bulb.  I should have used that joke for the electrician.
4. Jean Blanc: He makes her say, "Let's do the damn thing" in French. Also, for some reason, even though we've already seen this guy, I keep thinking, "who's this guy?"  Not in a "oh he's hot" kind of way, but in a "who's this guy" kind of way.  Is he a two-face?
5. Connor: He's the second guy to mention Arie and to make matters worse reminds her by getting down on one knee.  He also wearing bracelets. Cut him.  Tonight.
6. Joe: Joe doesn't make an impression.  He totally choked.
7. John: John is as awkward as you'd expect from his picture.
8. Leo: Leo arrives in his man bun but shakes it out.  Despite my disappointment about Leo, Becca's sister desperately could use some tips.  I know, I know, I'm a bitch.
9. Jordan:  Jordan has to stay if only because he's entertaining.  It's super weird how he goes from buttoning his jacket to being "on".  Did you catch that?  The other guys start snickering immediately when they see him.
10. Rickey: Rickey's intro doesn't even get any screen time so he's probably gone tonight.
11. Alex: Again, not a lot of screen time.
12. Nick: Nick is wearing a racing suit.   Again, guys.  This is why you're single.  Don't bring up the ex.  As I compare these guys to what I wrote last week, it seems my initial gut reaction was dead on.  You're welcome.  Leo just went  up a few points in my book because he totally gets it.
13. Mike: Another douche. Brings a cutout of Arie.
14. Garrett: drives up in a mini van filled with kids stuff.  He doesn't share his Chris Farley impression.
15. Blake: You might remember Blake from the After the Final Rose special. If you do, you have a better memory than me.  He sidles up on a bull. Sorry, ox. This is the guy that still wants his independence.  
16. Lincoln: He brings her cake.  I confirmed he did grow up in UK even though his bio said he went to Boston.  I think we all know that is NOT a Boston accent.
17. Darius: Another one with little to no screen time for his introduction.
18. Banjo guy: for a guy that was on the live show with a banjo, he doesn't make much of an entrance here.
19. Christon: He's super hot but then I'm reminded he's the dunker.
20. Wills: Meh. I don't know why, this guy just doesn't do it for me.
21. Jason: He still looks like a db.
22. Kamil: Total tool.  First he has her come to him and says you need to meet people halfway.   THEN he says it should be more like 60/40.  And he's the 60.  Jackass.  Becca seems to think so too.
23. Jake: Dude forgot his socks and Becca knows him.  He seems to be as annoying as he looks.  
24. Trent: NOOOOO. If only because he's one of those people that still uses literally incorrectly.  
25. I need to pause here and say I LOVE JORDAN.  Keep talking. 
26. David: This is the guy that came in the chicken suit?  The rich 25 YO who's a "venture capitalist"?  And if you listen to the Bachelor Party podcast, then you know it was the other Bekah that was "Beh-kaw".   Jordan is beside himself.
27. Chris: Chris brings a gospel choir to impress Becca's uncle.  I don't think Becca's uncle's church has gospel music.  He leaves Becca with the choir, which is odd.

I seem to have missed a few because I think Chris said there were 28, and including my comments on Jordan, I only have 26.  Chris reminds Becca about the First Impression Rose and sends her into the house.

Let the Games Begin

Connor's the first guy to steal Becca away.  Jordan's impressed with Connor's moves. Clay's up next and they play with...clay.  They make clay figures of each other.  Did you know Christon is a dunker?  Because I'm not sure if you know that.  Then the rest of the guys come out and show off their peacock feathers and their basketball moves.   They don't show it, but I'm sure Christon is annoyed by this. 

Next up is a montage of sorts as Becca gets to know the various guys.  Becca seems to be falling for all of Blake's lines.  Becca so far thinks that all of the guys are here for the right reasons.  Unfortunately, she might be wrong.  Chris (the contestant, not the host) is already stirring the pot and tells the guys that he's friends with one of Chase's exes and she told Chris that Chase just wants to hang out with his boys and revamp his marketing company.  Like, WTF, right?!  He asks the other guys if they think he should talk to Chase.  Because they love drama as much as the next guy, they encourage Chris to talk to Chase.  And hope he does it in a place where they can spy on the conversation.

After the break Chris pulls Connor aside.  Connor's about a foot taller than Chris. Shockingly, Connor dismisses his ex as crazy and assures Chris he's here for the right reasons.  He seems to start to say something like, "women are bat shit crazy bitches", but he catches himself in time.  It's unclear if Chris is appeased by this conversation.

Chase thinks the best way to deal with this is to tell Becca before Chris can.  His explanation makes no sense--he says he doesn't know what the text said but he's not that guy she described in the text.  You can tell Becca's inner voice is saying, "danger, danger, Will Robinson".  Then he gets up and suddenly leaves.  To talk to Chris.  Dude, you're handling this all wrong.  Then he brings Chris back. To help explain.  As you can imagine, this backfires.  Poorly played, Chase.  It only gets more awkward from there.  Miraculously she doesn't show Chase the door then and there.

Next Becca grabs Jake.  I thought he was a stalker but according to Becca, while she recognized him, he's never expressed any interest in her. He doesn't even seem to remember when they first met. She's ready to send him home but before she does that, Jake insists there are some things he needs to say.  He essentially blames her for having a different viewpoint of him but assures her he's had, and again, I quote, "a very transformative year" and he's a "new Jake".  She's not persuaded.  I could be reading too much into it but it almost seems like he's there for the other guys.  But maybe that's me?  In his exit interview, Jake tries to play it off cool.  Maybe he's a new Jake because he's going to try and be hetero?  I must know more.

First Impression Rose
With Becca throwing the gauntlet down with her first dismissal, the guys know she's not here to mess around.  Some guys seem to respect this, others seem ready to piss their pants. From there we see another montage of conversations.  The guys look nervously at the First Impression Rose and they all look crestfallen when Becca pulls Garrett aside to give him the rose.  She's already smitten.  She even says that word.  They're giddy.  We'll see if the First Impression Rose streak continues.

Chris walks in and and the energy in the room drops yet again.  Becca gives her scripted first night speech about making tough decisions, thanking the guys for joining her on her journey, yadda yadda yadda.  The guys freak out but sadly there aren't any tears.  Jordan says his going home wouldn't be fair to Becca and I'd add that it wouldn't be fair to us either.

First Rose Ceremony
As we head into the Rose Ceremony while the sun rises, Chris is annoyed that Chase brought him into his drama with Becca even though he's the one that started the drama.  Becca assures the guys that if they don't get the rose, it's not because they're not amazing.  Obviously it is.

Does it really matter who got the rose beyond the first five?  Rickey, who got zero limo-exit time, gets the third rose.  Proving that I still can't figure out this show's editing.  Let's focus on those who didn't.  Multiple guys, specifically Jordan and Leo, are annoyed that the guy in the chicken suit got a rose before them.  Phew, Jordan here's for at least another week.  Jordan will clearly be on the two-on-one.

There's one rose left. Please give it to the grocery guy.  He seems nice enough. Although that accent.  Sadly, it goes to Chris the Pot Stirrer.  Those that didn't receive a rose: grocery guy, electrician, Chase, Kamil, Christian, and Darius. Guys, we hardly knew thee.

Kamil is shattered.  And really, really embarrassed.  Not a little embarrassed, a lot.  Chase will be plotting Chris' demise until he's eliminated in the next few weeks. 

Coming Attractions
It's going to be a great season guys!  Chris continues to stir the pot, Jordan continues to drive everyone nuts, and Lincoln may have a dark side.  Oh, and Colton is a virgin.  Has there been a guy virgin on the show previously?  One doesn't come to mind.  But I told you he was a Jesus freak!  Plus lots more drama. 

And we end things with some more Jordan-isms.  And this day can only be good from here.

Becca's Season: Who are the men?

ABC released the pictures of Becca's men. Let's review and make knee-jerk judgments, shall we? It feels cruel to do this for the women in a Bachelor season but perfectly acceptable to do it to the guys. Actually before we do that, can we agree that ABC could have done better than, "Let's do the damn thing?" as this year's theme? I realize Becca said this but my guess is she wants to un-say it since it now follows her everywhere. Now that that's rant over, let's get to it.

1. Tom Brady Alex: Alex is Tom Brady's double and claims to be a "construction manager", whatever that is, but seems to be independently wealthy as he owns a boat and travels to the West to go skiing. Unless construction managers make bank. Alas, I'm not sure how often he actually boats since he takes it to the beach. Last time I checked, you don't see many boats at a beach. Usually they're at docks. So perhaps not the brightest bulb, but at least he's good looking in his picture.
2. Blake: "Blake considers himself a modern romantic who believes that two people need to be independent in order to truly love each other, so he's looking for his equal match." In other words, he still wants his freedom.
3. Chase: Chase's first problem is his name is Chase. He's 27 and an advertising VP. Again, vague job title and if he's really a VP, either he's at one of those places where it's pretty easy to get a VP title (which is possible if he's in advertising), or his parents own the place and he was given this job. Chase has a look about him that suggests, "there for the wrong reasons." 
4. Chris: Chris is only 30 but looks older than that to me. He "comes from a family of successful entrepreneurs that retired in their 40s, and he's determined to do the same!" My guess is you're nowhere close if you listed Sales Trainer as your job! 
5. Christian: Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz 
6. Christon: Christon is a former Harlem Globetrotter but is now a professional dunker. I have no idea what that means. He has pretty eyes but dude, lose the earrings. I didn't realize kids still did that. 
7. Clay: Clay is apparently a pro football player who loves hip-hop AND country music. He's so diverse! He seems nice enough. 
8. Colton: Insufferable. He was named after the Indianapolis Colts (who does that?) and helps children fight cystic fibrosis. Not through medicine, but through his charity. He's 26. If you're running a charity at 26 I suspect you're a trust fund baby. I'm tempted to keep Colton around if only to see his parents and if they're total a-holes. 
9. Connor: Lots of guys with C names. Yet another athlete. Is this Becca's type? "Connor is a risk-taker, whose health and fitness is his #1 priority." Huh? 
10. Darius: Finally, a new letter. Darius seemingly has a real job as a pharma sales rep. I don't know if he used the term "fun-loving" to describe himself but that word needs to be banished.
11. David: David's cute until you read that he's 25 and a venture capitalist. So obviously he's an entitled brat. He loves guac but hates avocado. Ohhhh he's soooo complex! (Note: I like pickles but hate cucumbers, so I get it. If he wasn't 25 and a venture capitalist I might be more charmed.)
12. Garrett: I googled Garrett because I was curious where in CA he was from and found some potential spoilers. He loves Chris Farley, despite the fact that Garrett was 9 when Chris Farley died. Some might snicker but admittedly I loved Chris Farley so I could potentially look past this.
13. Grant: I want to like Grant. He's an electrician (a profession that I'm mulling pushing encouraging my daughters to pursue because by the time they're old enough college will be totally unaffordable). And he's clearly a very successful electrician (or his family is) because Danville is not a cheap town. Please don't be a d-bag.
14. Jake: Jake's eyes are too close together and he has very large teeth. He will clearly ride the fact that he's from Minnesota too, just like Becca. Like, OMG! 
15. Jason: Where do I start with this guy? First there's the overly gelled hair. Next, "A successful banker with a heart of gold." What does that even mean? Also, he belts out Disney tunes? Weird. Stop trying so hard, no one's buying it, dude. 
16. Jean Blanc: Jean Blanc either needs to stand up to the producers or is a complete weirdo, because despite that the fact that he's Haitian, has an MBA and has worked in both engineering and finance, they focus on his extensive cologne collection. Ew. 
17. Joe: I'm intrigued by Joe because he's a grocery store owner. Interesting. I'm going to hope that he didn't write his bio himself with lines like, "Successful in produce, but unsuccessful in love, Joe's ripe and ready to be picked by the Bachelorette." 
18. John: I think we can all agree that John won't last long. 
19. Jordan: John may or may not last long but if there's a God(dess), he'll last longer than this guy. His bio screams insecurity with his mention of his good looks and his 4:24 mile. Uh, well done, dude. Who knew that Crystal River, FL was such a hotbed of male model work? 
20. Kamil: Oh, Kamil. Kamil listed "social media participant" as his claim to fame despite competing with Jordan for modeling work. "Just don't ask Kamil to get his hands too dirty, he has a terrible fear of spiders!" Don't tell him that spiders can show up indoors too. He also appears to be wearing a chambray shirt. 
21. Leo: When I first saw Leo's picture on my phone, I think what I wanted to see was Jason Momoa. Further scrutiny now has me on the fence. I'll withhold further judgment until next week. Generally I don't like long hair like this unless it's Jason Momoa, but it does look healthy, so that's in his favor.
22. Lincoln: Like Jean Blanc, Lincoln also immigrated to Boston when he was little. He's good looking but his bio is terrible. 
23. Mike: I know why I thought Leo looked better initially--because I saw Mike first and was grossed out. As a result, Leo was a definite improvement. No way this guy makes it past week two. I'd even wager he gets cut the first night. He also seemed to name his dog after Tim Riggins, which...I can't say I blame him because Taylor Kitsch is super hot. 
24. Nick: NNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. So many things wrong here but since he seems to enjoy alliteration, we'll go with total tool. 
25. Rickey: Oh Rickey. You seem like a teddy bear. But you want a best friend first and a lover second, which is a little concerning. 
26. Ryan: Ryan's from the Cape but plays in a band with his family. So there's that but he reminds me of Wells and I always thought Wells was adorable. I have a good feeling about Ryan. 
27. Trent: Obviously they culled quite a few guys from their Florida casting call. Trent is also a supposed model who I pray is better looking on TV because he's not doing it for me here. However, to his credit, he's more specific than Jordan about his type of modeling work--catalogs and romance novel covers. 
28. Wills: Last but not least is Wills. At least he has a real career. I don't see Wills standing out much. 

Only one more week to go!!!