Chris strolls into the house and gives his weekly lecture to the guys. There will be three dates this week--two group dates and one one-on-one. Colton claims to be excited to go on this group date but that will likely fade as soon as he finds out he's going to run into Tia.
We see Becca puttering around her suite/tiny apartment and what do you know? Some of her "friends" from Arie's season show up. Out of the five women, I have to give Carolyn serious props for continuing to hang on to Becca's coattails for as long as she has. How early did she go out on Arie's season? And she's managed to hang on for dear life since. If she doesn't show up in Paradise, I'll be shocked. Bekah still has her ridiculous earrings. Becca brings up Colton to Tia. I'm still unclear if these two actually dated or not. It's super awkward for Becca and Tia to discuss this in front of the other women so Becca says she'll talk to Tia privately later.
Becca greets the guys outside and tells them they'll be pampering Becca and her friends for the date. The guys don't seem very excited about this date. Colton just about pees his pants when he sees Tia. Jason and Colton are forced to discuss the Tia/Colton/Becca love triangle as filler. Colton tries to pretend he's fine with everything. Jason is gleeful that this might get Colton kicked off.
The guys give the women manis and pedis, and then the women paint the guys' nails, and then some of the guys start paying attention to some of the other women, which is awkward. And yet, it's a no-win situation, because they need to be somewhat friendly to the friends. Just maybe not, "let me give you a massage" level of friendly. I suspect this wasn't the original date plan because hanging out in a hotel spa for the day is a little random.
Becca and Tia finally sit down to hash things out. Tia thinks that Colton applied because he thought Tia was going to be the Bachelorette but assures Becca that her and Colton just made out. Becca's more confused than ever. Colton's virginity isn't discussed. We don't get to see any discussion amongst Becca and the alums of who they did or didn't like.
Jean Blanc makes his pitch for the rose. Jordan is of course confident he's going to get the date rose. Becca seems pretty smitten with Jason and tells him that he makes her nervous. Apparently Jordan was bragging about Tinder to the guys about how many matches he had on Tinder. I realize you were hoping the guys would be impressed by your humble bragging, but they're not. He insists that his swipe percentage is 100%. Sure buddy.
David talks to Becca next and throws Jordan under the bus as he plays the "not here for the right reasons" card. Becca doesn't seem very impressed by this strategy. She ends up giving Jordan a high-five for all of his Tinder matches. Ouch. Jordan 1 David 0.
Post break, Jordan and David continue their pissing match. Jordan walks off and David tries to lighten the mood with the guys that are left, but they refuse to engage and all you can hear are crickets playing and David attempting to save face.
We finally see some good Becca/Jordan one-on-one time. He kvetches about how it's soooo hard being a model and finding someone to share his life with. Becca asks what he's like in a relationship and rather than saying things like, "oh, it's a partnership" or "I'm the sensitive one", he says he does all of the cooking and cleaning. He tells Becca he was in his element at the spa day but dating her in general is his element.
Jordan goes back to the group and David starts in on him again. The other guys laugh at both of them. Jordan tells David to shut up. The other guys are laughing so hard they have to cover their faces as the two of them argue. Wills (or is it Wells?) hides his face in his jacket and Jason buries his face in a pillow. David asks Jordan what face he's using right now--his pensive face? Clint Eastwood? Jordan is offended and reminds David he's a Wilhelmina model. Attached to his face is professionality. Jason and Wells continue to giggle.
Back at the house, another date card arrives and Chris R. gets the one-on-one card. Garrett is disappointed because he was hoping he'd get it.
Back at the date, Becca and Colton finally chat. And by "chatting" I mean that Becca asks Colton if he felt anything when he saw Tia. No shocker, he says he didn't feel anything and his feelings for Becca are extremely strong. Since this is what Becca wants to hear, she eats this up, whether it's true or not. It seems that he's getting the date rose. GRRR. They make out some more as the guys sit awkwardly on the couch in disbelief. Jordan blames David for everything. Jordan also doesn't seem to understand what karma means.
Chris' Date
Becca and Chris head out for their date and they head to Columbia Records. They stumble into a room where Richard Marx is playing the piano. OMG, if he sings at the evening portion of the date, I will squeal. I'm a little surprised that Chris and Becca know who he is. Were they even alive when he was super famous? Richard looks extremely uncomfortable. Or maybe he's just unfriendly. He plays "Right Here Waiting". Seriously, I think Richard might be a d-bag. Or he doesn't smile. At all. Richard--it's weird when guys dye their hair. Just go with the silver fox look, dude.
Anyhoo, today Richard is p
I was under the impression they were going to be writing the song together, but Chris seems to have different ideas. Becca finds him in the hallway to see what this problem is and remind him they're on a date. She assures him she won't judge him. This makes Chris feel better so the drama is averted. They're both forced to read their terrible lines and Richard grimaces throughout as he wonders how he made so many bad decisions that led him to this point.
Becca loves Chris' lines and Richard reminds him that chick dig crap like that. Is Chris wearing bronzer? Because in his interviews it looks like it's smeared. Richard "plays" their "song". I'm still holding out hope that he's going to emerge again during tonight's concert and play their song. Wouldn't that be amazing?
Back at the House
Leo finally gets some screen time this week and I love him more and more. There's no way he's lasting much longer but he's the most interesting one here. Have you checked out his IMDB page? He's been in porn! Maybe not Mr. Right, but certainly Mr. Right Now. What was I talking about? Oh, the next group date card arrives and it's clearly going to be a football date.
Before we head back to Becca and Chris' date, we're forced to listen to Jordan talking more. Colton gives an idiotic speech and Jordan and David go at it again. I was entertained by Jordan initially but he's quickly getting old.
Chris' Date
It's dinner/drinking time for Chris and Becca. I'm not a huge fan of Chris because he likes to stir the pot. Also, he's boring. Becca asks Chris what his deal was and why he was so closed off during the date. Chris talks about feeling vulnerable and his fear of rejection and his daddy issues. Chris shares how he wrote his dad a letter a few years ago and never heard back. No surprise, he gets the rose.
Chris is going on and on and on and you hear a piano playing, Right Here Waiting, and sure enough, they go through a door and lo and behold, it's Richard Marx! Singing Right Here Waiting! Just like I was hoping! Richard doesn't really seem to sing the whole song, just odd snippets that are on repeat. But whatevs. He still looks bitter.
Next thing we know, we're back at the house and David's being taken out by paramedics. Lincoln is melodramatically saying he doesn't know if David's going to make it and pleads with us for him not to die. Lincoln--zip it. After the break, the guys are sitting around talking and we still don't know what happened. We see Chris at Becca's door and I hope we're finally getting to the bottom of this.
Becca's nervous at Chris' arrival. Chris tells Becca that David's in intensive care with a busted nose and face. She asks who attacked him and it turns out that David fell out of bed. This is clearly a conversation that her and Chris had to film a few times and still Becca can't get through it without laughing. Even Chris is having a hard time keeping a straight face. Becca asks to see him but there's no time in today's production schedule so she calls him instead. It turns out he's "not used to small beds" so he fell out of it. Translation--he was hammered and fell out of bed. Fortunately, Jordan put up bed rails for him so it won't happen again.
Jordan sees David's injury as karma. Lincoln says he thinks Jordan did it and in his interview, Jordan says he wouldn't hurt a fly and winks. The wink was lame at best and creepy at worst.
Second Group Date
We finally get back to the point of this show--finding the love of Becca's life in 8-10 weeks. The guys are joined by some vets from a women's football league and the guys look a little scared. Clay's ready to shine on this date. They do some box jumps. It's pretty awesome. But I love stuff like that. Obviously they're playing a real game. John, who by some miracle, continues to fly under the radar, gets 10 seconds of screen time.
Keyshawn Johnson joins Chris for the game play-by-play. Clay, to no surprise, is pretty good but the white team dominates. Lincoln continues to run his mouth. Keyshawn struggles to add color commentary. Chris just giggles. The blue team comes from behind. With 30 seconds left, Clay ties up the game and...hurts himself. For the second day in a row, a contestant is carted off in an ambulance, although this feels pretty melodramatic.
It's the evening portion of the date and once again Becca is in metallics. And possibly velour. Metallic velour? That's bold. It also looks like a bathrobe. There's a lot going on with this dress/bathrobe/whatever. Alas, Clay is still at the hospital so he probably won't be getting the rose tonight. Garrett pulls a page out of Clay's book and tries football moves on Becca in an attempt to kiss her. She finally ends up kissing him since he doesn't seem to have any game.
Blake is starting to self-destruct and confides in Becca about how hard the process is. Blake calls Becca his girlfriend and she swoons. My money's on Blake as the front runner right now. But don't count Clay out just yet because he shows up at the date. Blake isn't happy to see him. Correction--none of the guys are happy to see him. I've said it before and I'll say it again--Clay seems like a nice guy but he's not the life of the party.
It's rose time and Becca gives the rose to Clay. Blake and Garrett aren't happy and wonder what could have been if Clay hadn't shown up.
Cocktail Party
I wasn't sure the cocktail party was going to happen in this episode because there are only 10 minutes left. I doubt we're going to see the rose ceremony, although I did see a headline that somebody leaves. So maybe that's why there isn't a rose ceremony. Or maybe they're worried about the ratings so they're trying to pull people into next week's episode.
In addition to midriffs and metallics, the third theme that Becca's stylist is focusing on this season is red. It seems like Clay might be the one leaving because he needs an operation on his wrist and the bills don't pay themselves.
Clay finds Becca and tells her he's leaving. Apparently he has to give the rose back to Becca. As I suspected, we run out of time before the rose ceremony. But next week promises more drama, which is great!
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