Becca's Season: Who are the men?

ABC released the pictures of Becca's men. Let's review and make knee-jerk judgments, shall we? It feels cruel to do this for the women in a Bachelor season but perfectly acceptable to do it to the guys. Actually before we do that, can we agree that ABC could have done better than, "Let's do the damn thing?" as this year's theme? I realize Becca said this but my guess is she wants to un-say it since it now follows her everywhere. Now that that's rant over, let's get to it.

1. Tom Brady Alex: Alex is Tom Brady's double and claims to be a "construction manager", whatever that is, but seems to be independently wealthy as he owns a boat and travels to the West to go skiing. Unless construction managers make bank. Alas, I'm not sure how often he actually boats since he takes it to the beach. Last time I checked, you don't see many boats at a beach. Usually they're at docks. So perhaps not the brightest bulb, but at least he's good looking in his picture.
2. Blake: "Blake considers himself a modern romantic who believes that two people need to be independent in order to truly love each other, so he's looking for his equal match." In other words, he still wants his freedom.
3. Chase: Chase's first problem is his name is Chase. He's 27 and an advertising VP. Again, vague job title and if he's really a VP, either he's at one of those places where it's pretty easy to get a VP title (which is possible if he's in advertising), or his parents own the place and he was given this job. Chase has a look about him that suggests, "there for the wrong reasons." 
4. Chris: Chris is only 30 but looks older than that to me. He "comes from a family of successful entrepreneurs that retired in their 40s, and he's determined to do the same!" My guess is you're nowhere close if you listed Sales Trainer as your job! 
5. Christian: Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz 
6. Christon: Christon is a former Harlem Globetrotter but is now a professional dunker. I have no idea what that means. He has pretty eyes but dude, lose the earrings. I didn't realize kids still did that. 
7. Clay: Clay is apparently a pro football player who loves hip-hop AND country music. He's so diverse! He seems nice enough. 
8. Colton: Insufferable. He was named after the Indianapolis Colts (who does that?) and helps children fight cystic fibrosis. Not through medicine, but through his charity. He's 26. If you're running a charity at 26 I suspect you're a trust fund baby. I'm tempted to keep Colton around if only to see his parents and if they're total a-holes. 
9. Connor: Lots of guys with C names. Yet another athlete. Is this Becca's type? "Connor is a risk-taker, whose health and fitness is his #1 priority." Huh? 
10. Darius: Finally, a new letter. Darius seemingly has a real job as a pharma sales rep. I don't know if he used the term "fun-loving" to describe himself but that word needs to be banished.
11. David: David's cute until you read that he's 25 and a venture capitalist. So obviously he's an entitled brat. He loves guac but hates avocado. Ohhhh he's soooo complex! (Note: I like pickles but hate cucumbers, so I get it. If he wasn't 25 and a venture capitalist I might be more charmed.)
12. Garrett: I googled Garrett because I was curious where in CA he was from and found some potential spoilers. He loves Chris Farley, despite the fact that Garrett was 9 when Chris Farley died. Some might snicker but admittedly I loved Chris Farley so I could potentially look past this.
13. Grant: I want to like Grant. He's an electrician (a profession that I'm mulling pushing encouraging my daughters to pursue because by the time they're old enough college will be totally unaffordable). And he's clearly a very successful electrician (or his family is) because Danville is not a cheap town. Please don't be a d-bag.
14. Jake: Jake's eyes are too close together and he has very large teeth. He will clearly ride the fact that he's from Minnesota too, just like Becca. Like, OMG! 
15. Jason: Where do I start with this guy? First there's the overly gelled hair. Next, "A successful banker with a heart of gold." What does that even mean? Also, he belts out Disney tunes? Weird. Stop trying so hard, no one's buying it, dude. 
16. Jean Blanc: Jean Blanc either needs to stand up to the producers or is a complete weirdo, because despite that the fact that he's Haitian, has an MBA and has worked in both engineering and finance, they focus on his extensive cologne collection. Ew. 
17. Joe: I'm intrigued by Joe because he's a grocery store owner. Interesting. I'm going to hope that he didn't write his bio himself with lines like, "Successful in produce, but unsuccessful in love, Joe's ripe and ready to be picked by the Bachelorette." 
18. John: I think we can all agree that John won't last long. 
19. Jordan: John may or may not last long but if there's a God(dess), he'll last longer than this guy. His bio screams insecurity with his mention of his good looks and his 4:24 mile. Uh, well done, dude. Who knew that Crystal River, FL was such a hotbed of male model work? 
20. Kamil: Oh, Kamil. Kamil listed "social media participant" as his claim to fame despite competing with Jordan for modeling work. "Just don't ask Kamil to get his hands too dirty, he has a terrible fear of spiders!" Don't tell him that spiders can show up indoors too. He also appears to be wearing a chambray shirt. 
21. Leo: When I first saw Leo's picture on my phone, I think what I wanted to see was Jason Momoa. Further scrutiny now has me on the fence. I'll withhold further judgment until next week. Generally I don't like long hair like this unless it's Jason Momoa, but it does look healthy, so that's in his favor.
22. Lincoln: Like Jean Blanc, Lincoln also immigrated to Boston when he was little. He's good looking but his bio is terrible. 
23. Mike: I know why I thought Leo looked better initially--because I saw Mike first and was grossed out. As a result, Leo was a definite improvement. No way this guy makes it past week two. I'd even wager he gets cut the first night. He also seemed to name his dog after Tim Riggins, which...I can't say I blame him because Taylor Kitsch is super hot. 
24. Nick: NNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. So many things wrong here but since he seems to enjoy alliteration, we'll go with total tool. 
25. Rickey: Oh Rickey. You seem like a teddy bear. But you want a best friend first and a lover second, which is a little concerning. 
26. Ryan: Ryan's from the Cape but plays in a band with his family. So there's that but he reminds me of Wells and I always thought Wells was adorable. I have a good feeling about Ryan. 
27. Trent: Obviously they culled quite a few guys from their Florida casting call. Trent is also a supposed model who I pray is better looking on TV because he's not doing it for me here. However, to his credit, he's more specific than Jordan about his type of modeling work--catalogs and romance novel covers. 
28. Wills: Last but not least is Wills. At least he has a real career. I don't see Wills standing out much. 

Only one more week to go!!!