The guys
Chris leaves the first date card and it's a group date. It's unclear what the actual date is, but first the guys change into tuxedos. Does anybody else think that Lincoln's odd? Not pooping on the floor odd, but there's something odd about him. Perhaps it's the language barrier? (That's a joke, because he's English. And we speak American here. And hopefully you're catching on to my humor. I've already said too much.)
Anyway, the guys strip down and Becca pretends not to look. I'd pretend too. Jordan finally gets a chance to tell Becca he's a model. Jordan is confident he has this date locked down. Rachel and Bryan join the gang on the date. Pre-break, Rachel explains the guys are doing an obstacle course race. Sweet! Bryan doesn't speak.
Post-break, Bryan helps explain the course. Chris R. says there are a lot of good athletes in the group, but the smartest guy might win. The fact that you say that shows how dim you are, Chris. It's unclear to me how smarts will win a race. But perhaps you'll be right, Chris. Jordan volunteers to explain each of the events in the course. Thanks, dude.
Lincoln cheats, so he gets ahead after the ice bath. David almost catches up, but Lincoln is the winner. Wow, I got two sentences out of that whole competition. We head into the evening portion of the date. There seems to be a fan that keeps Becca's hair blowing. Lincoln reminds everyone every five seconds or so that he won and got to marry Becca. Lincoln--you're not really married. Can somebody explain this to him?
The guys immediately start ripping on Lincoln. Lincoln rambles on about how Becca brings out the best in him and goes on and on and on. Becca gives Lincoln their "wedding photo". He sticks his tongue down her throat as a thanks. Lincoln goes back to the guys and brags about the picture. There's a collective eye roll.
Back at the house, the next date card arrives. Blake gets the first one-on-one. He's psyched, the rest of the guys are not.
Back at the date, we see a montage of Becca getting to know the guys. Lincoln is acting super creepy and talking to the picture. Connor and Lincoln start to get into it. Connor takes the picture and tosses it on the ground. Connor then takes the picture again and throws it off of the balcony, getting glass in the pool. That's uncalled for.
Jordan is giddy about the drama. Lincoln calls the guys classless and says his heart is broken. Jean Blanc kind of reminds me of Eric. Jean Blanc may not have had any screen time with us, but seems to be making an impression on Becca. He also seems like a better kisser than Lincoln.
Connor thinks he spoke for all the guys when he threw the picture off of the balcony, but it appears he didn't, as some of them now talk behind Connor's back about how that was uncalled for (even though they laughed at the time). Next thing we know, Lincoln is lurking on the stairs to catch Becca and tell her he needs a new picture because Connor threw it in the pool. Beccaaaaaa, Connor's being a bully! Lincoln plays dumb with Becca about why Connor might have done that to him and appears near tears. Becca's super annoyed she needs to deal with this drama. Becca pulls Connor aside and Connor tells Becca that Lincoln isn't genuine. Becca is unimpressed with Connor's explanation and doesn't send him home yet but tells him he's on her s*** list for the time being.
It's finally date rose time and I'm concerned it's going to Lincoln but perhaps she'll give it to Jean Blanc. Phew, it goes to Jean Blanc. Lincoln is sure he would have received the rose if it wasn't for Connor.
In the morning, Lincoln is in tears as he tells the other guys at the house about losing his precious picture. What a fucking drama queen. He's for real crying. Behind his back the guys are laughing about it. Even Jordan calls Lincoln a clown and is starting to doubt if Lincoln's accent is real. There's a problem if Jordan is the voice of reason compared to Lincoln.
Blake's Date
I mentioned this last week and I just can't get past what Blake said about couples being independent from each other. Also, he has an odd shaped head. Becca's nervous about her first one-on-one date since the Arie break-up. Chris H. planned the date, not Becca. Chris greets the couple while holding a sledgehammer. Chris reminds Becca that she's dealing with heartbreak and needs to get her aggressions out. Totally normal to get your anger out from your broken engagement on a date with a new guy.
This is f***ed up, even for the Bachelor producers. There's a racing car, multiple monitors that show Arie proposing, even the couch they sat on when Arie broke up with Becca. Becca and Blake get to destroy them. Seriously? Come on, guys. And then Lil' Jon shows up. Blake calls him "Little John". Lil' Jon cheers them on as they trash the car and everything else. It's unclear if Lil John knew what he had signed up for. My guess is no, or he was paid so much he didn't care. Who knows, though, he could be a Bachelor fan.
After smashing everything, Becca finally has closure and is ready to move on with Blake. Blake seems psyched for Becca to get this out of her system, but it's so weird. At dinner, Blake assures Becca he had a good time. I'm not buying it. Becca talks Blake through the whole Bachelor process. Blake and Becca talk about how similar they are and he shares a breakup story about how he fell in love and was dumped.
Back at the House
Back at the house, another group date card shows up. There are two guys that won't be getting a date at all this week. They are not happy.
Back with Blake
Blake and Becca continue to gush about how they're, like, so similar! And they have sooooo much in common! Obviously he gets the rose. It's unclear if Blake's philosophy on couple independence has come up yet. I thought they were going to transition to the musical act portion of the date, but they end up making out outside the restaurant instead. At this point Blake is certainly one of the front runners.
Second Group Date
We are reminded of many guys that I've forgotten about since last week. The guys are playing dodgeball for the first part of the date. Some of the producers' kids put the guys through the paces. The little girl in particular is a beast. It's awesome.
The guys are playing for Becca's heart in front of a crowd (no surprise there). Joining Chris Harrison for the play-by-play is once again Fred Willard. I continue to worry about Fred's health. He still doesn't look good, but maybe he's just getting old. The green team takes the first game. Leo in particular seems to be shining. Leo wins for the pink team for the second game. Leo makes a good effort but ultimately the green team wins. Will the green team get more time with Becca? Will Becca pull an Arie and include everyone? It appears she doesn't need to make that decision because everyone's invited to the after party.
At the evening party, Becca pulls aside each of the guys to get to know them separately/make out with them. Colton needs to share a "big secret". I thought it was his virginity (which I'm not buying), but apparently it's that he dated Tia. Didn't he also date Aly Raisman? For a virgin, this guy sure gets around.
Colton makes small talk with Becca about what a great time he had playing dodgeball and tries to smoothly segue to talking about Tia, but the segue isn't smooth at all. It seems he spent a weekend with Tia before the show (and he's still going to claim he's a virgin???). Becca seems pretty closed off during this conversation and is not thrilled about this admission. She tells Colton she needs some time to think about this. Is he here for the right reasons???
It's time for Becca to give out the rose and she gives it to Wills. I didn't see that coming. Despite that, Becca's starting to feel frustrated. Hon, you're in week two. It's going to be okay. Don't get worked up about the drama.
Cocktail Party
I love the color of Becca's dress but I'm not sure I like the sparkliness. It looks like it would be itchy and heavy. Clay pulls aside Becca first and they do a super awkward touchdown dance which is a poorly veiled attempt at getting a kiss from Becca. It's unclear if Clay is dumb or has no personality. I suspect the former but it might be both. John writes her a poem. Connor tries to redeem himself by giving Becca a picture of himself and has her throw another frame in the pool. Hopefully that one didn't have any glass in it.
Jordan, who was ripping on every guy's outfit during last week's episode, apparently forgot to get into his suit for this week's party. It seems that was intentional because he strips down. According to Jordan, "nothing attracts a woman more than, like, being comfortable next to a sexy man." Are we sure Jordan isn't the virgin? As Jordan prepares to head down in his underwear, he knows there will be a target on his back. What he doesn't realize is it will be because everyone knows he's a potential sexual predator, rather than the stud he imagines himself to be.
Jordan struts on out to Becca and no surprise, Jordan is a legend in his own mind. The rest of the guys snicker as he walks past them. He interrupts Becca's talk with David. Jordan talks about how wild he is. Even Becca's snickering at this point. He clarifies that his hair will always be in place, but he does like to have fun. David tells the other guys how disappointed he is by Jordan's stunt. Jordan wants a little Jordan to hang out with. Maybe he'll call him Jordy.
David decides to confront Jordan. It's unclear to me why David is so annoyed by this. Up until now, David seemed pretty laid back. I was starting to like him even though he's a trust fund baby. David asks Jordan if he's more than a model. Jordan seems confused by this question and asks David if he's more than a human being. Chris is hanging out in the middle and if he was brighter, he might be entertained by this conversation, but he just looks uncomfortable. Jordan claims stripping down to his underwear is not an attempt to get attention. Jason's apparently hanging out during this conversation too and also seems mildly confused by the whole thing. Jordan says that if he were to take an IQ test, he would score higher than the average male model. He's smart enough to know that he probably wouldn't score higher than David though.
Before Becca can have her rose ceremony, she needs to talk to Colton about his relationship with Tia. Okay, Becca--they spent a weekend together. They didn't have a relationship, they had a fling. Colton assures Becca he's here for the right reasons but she doesn't seem convinced.
Rose Ceremony
Becca's ready for her second rose ceremony. If we're supposed to read into the order of the rose handouts, then I'm surprised at who is getting the first roses. Connor gets the rose ahead of Lincoln. David's nervous about getting a rose ahead of Jordan. As the rose ceremony continues, we are forced to listen to Jordan continue to talk. Jordan gets a rose after David gets his rose. The other guys aren't impressed. Lincoln makes it through by the skin of his teeth and Colton obviously gets the final rose. Three guys are eliminated. I know none of their names. Oh, Alex is one of them and he cries. Oh boy. This is sad. Pull it together, Alex. Your special lady is out there.
All in all, this was an exhausting episode. Time will tell if these boys' drama will be more trouble than it's worth. Until next week! Tia and Colton are finally reunited.
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