If you recall, the gang is heading to Utah from Las Vegas. We see a rather awkward series of Becca shots with a voiceover of her sharing her trust issues. But it gets even more forced when it transitions to the guys. Jason is wearing a long necklace of some kind. Chris thinks Vegas is hte place where he can really shine. I'm not sure Vegas is hte place you want to be to share your "best side".
Colton's One-on-one
Colton gets this week's first date. Colton again claims to not have a lot of experience with relationships. Becca and Colton will be riding camels to get over the "humps" of past relationships. Get it? Humps? Camels? Sigh. Colton is not having a lot of fun riding his camel. And they come upon a hot tub. In the middle of hte desert. Why have a hot tub in the mountains when you can have one in the desert?
Back at the house Jordan and David continue their awkward banter. Back on the date, Becca likes Colton despite being his second choice for the Bachelorette.
After the commercial break, Colton begins discussing his relationship with Aly Raisman (presumably). He said he told her he loved her very quickly and she didn't reciprocate. Probably because she was dealing with her own crap and saw you as a waste of time. He claims that his lack of relationship experience isn't a bad thing. I'd agree, the virginity thing is bigger. Because nobody believes you're a virgin. However, it kills Becca that Colton equates pain with love. Becca--whatever he says, he's full of it.
Back at the house, a group date card arrives and it's revealed that David and Jordan are on the ever popular two-on-one.
I'm not sure if Colton could come off as more scripted and wooden, but Becca falls for it and gives him the rose anyway. Instead of watching a musical act, they go off for a tour of the Vegas strip in a double decker bus. In his interview, Colton says woodenly that he's falling in love with Becca.
Group Date
Before we can watch the two-on-one, we need to sit through the group date. The guys roll up to a palatial estate that turns out to belong to Wayne Newton. Ever the consummate showman, Wayne rides in on a horse. Wow, Wayne, you need to fire your plastic surgeon. Wayne is clearly a narcissist because before they begin the date, he asks them if he can show them around his "cabin". Wayne sings what might be his only hit, "Danke Schoen" to the guys. I can't fault any of the guys for the looks on their faces. Horror comes to mind. Then his equally well-preserved wife comes in and he sings it to her.
The guys disperse to "write" Becca a song. Chris is feeling good because he already had this date with Richard Marx. Boy do I miss Richard right now. Yes, Richard did look miserable, but at least you could see his facial expressions. Wayne and Becca go from guy to guy and we're forced to listen to their terrible songs and voices. Wayne tells the guys that they'll be singing their songs live on the stage that night. I'll spare you the details but let's just say it was terrible. Chris thinks he killed it but I'm not sure.
As they transition into the evening portion of the date, Chris is confident the date rose is his. He might have to get through Garrett first. Garrett and Becca make out and then burst into giggles for some unknown reason.
Back at the house, the official date card for the two-on-one card shows up. Colton is forced to sit and hang out with David and Jordan.
Back at the date we see the usual preening. Blake reminds Becca about how Jean Blanc faked his feelings last week and insists he's really falling in love with her. She swoons. Blake and Becca make out for awhile outside and finally come back inside. Chris, who has been intentionally waiting to be the last one, loses out. No surprise, Blake gets the rose. Chris is befuddled and somehow turns it back on Becca and is now convinced he's going home. Dick move, dude. He gets mopey and says he might just leave tonight. That would show her. What a primadonna.
Two-on-one
It's finally two-on-one time. It's clear that David and Jordan are going to self-sabotage this date by
bickering and ignoring Becca. Jordan continues to open his mouth and random words come out that he thinks form sentences, but don't. Becca greets the guys and she doesn't seem very happy to see either one.
Becca says that the two-on-ones get a bad rap but she just wants them to have fun. Becca is either going for the bedhead look or didn't bother to put much effort into her hair for this date. Becca tells the guysto enjoy the silence and David keeps talking. Becca pulls David aside first and David plays the "Jordan's not here for the right reasons" card. This is never a good card to play. Also, you're 12 years old and a "VC". Don't spend your time talking about the other guy--ignore the other guy. Talk about the two of you.
Next Jordan and Becca have their time and Becca confronts Jordan about some of the things that David said about him. Obviously he denies everything that David said. Jordan then claims that his father has supported his mom through her mental health issues for the past 27 years and essentially that's his example of loyalty. He grew up so poor that at times there was no electricity. Sure dude.
Jordan of course loses his s*** and confronts David. Jordan claims that being him is his biggest power and David lacks charisma, passion and personality. David stays calm and amused by Jordan's temper tantrum. Becca sits the two of them down and says she's frustrated. She asks the guys to explain themselves and David starts talking only to be interrupted by Jordan, who continues his hissy fit. Becca goes off again on the two of them and walks off. David and Jordan continue to bicker. Becca comes back and reiterates for the nth time how frustrated she is and gives David the heave ho. But she's not ready to give Jordan the rose just yet as they continue to the evening portion of the date. Nevertheless, Jordan is smug and confident that the rose is his. The guys at the house watch the producers take away David's suitcase.
As Jordan and Becca transition into the evening portion of the date, Jordan and Becca embark on what seems to be a truly awkward first date. Jordan asks Becca what a typical weekend is like and she describes her generic weekend. Jordan then talks about working out and putting time into his appearance. They then talk about Zoolander and Jordan confirms the movie's accuracy. We see Jordan's range with his facial expressions. He wishes he had his portfolio with him so she can see his range. Becca is not impressed.
Back at the house the guys aren't thrilled that Jordan is staying for now. Chris again makes it about him and that Becca needs to step it up and show him why he should stay. Dude, that's not the point of this particular show. Get over yourself.
Back at the date, Jordan makes an awkward transition to maul Becca. Thankfully we don't see the closeup. This guy seriously has no game at all. Both Becca and I thought he was going to pull out his gold lame underwear. Jordan is thrilled at how the date is going and clearly can't read body language. Thankfully she doesn't give Jordan the rose. He is clearly blindsided and embarrassed. For better or worse, Jordan is heading to Paradise. Perhaps him and Krystal will hit things off?
Jordan is genuinely befuddled at what she didn't see in him and is clearly sad that he'll be waking up alone tomorrow. AGAIN. Oh Jordan. The guys are PSYCHED when somebody comes by to pick up Jordan's bag.
Cocktail Party
Dearest readers, if you thought this episode was close to finishing, we still have 25 minutes to go. Good Lord. Chris continues to whine, the guys continue to roll their eyes. Becca reminds the guys that while this week was better, it was still frustrating, so stop frustrating her. She then pulls Chris aside. Apparently she heard about his bitching about how he didn't get enough attention this week. He starts things off by telling her she owes him. She reminds him that this is her show and she doesn't owe anyone anything--it's up to him to use this time wisely. He assures her he wants to be there but he's still being a little bitch. He clearly makes her feel defensive, which isn't cool. Becca continues to lecture Chris and the conversation is awkward. She leaves the conversation pissed. Chris seems to know that he f***ed up. The other guys are too nervous to approach Becca because they can tell she's pissed. He goes back to talk to the guys and starts crying. He's clearly feeling rejected like he felt rejected by his dad. Garrett and John discuss how emotionally unstable Chris is.
Because he didn't make things bad enough the first time, Chris walks over to Wills and Becca. Wills is rocking an amazing suit. Chris asks if he can interrupt and Becca basically says "No" and Chris essentially ignores her and insists on speaking with her. He then defers to Wills to ask to speak to Becca. Dude, she said no. He then tells Becca that they need to be on the same page and she needs to understand where he's coming from. Wills gives him exactly two minutes and interrupts his speech. Wills doesn't back down. It's awesome. Chris looks like he wants to hit Wills. Wills stands his ground and Becca tells Chris that she'll come find him later. Dude is lucky if he makes it another night. Obviously Chris whines to the guys. Why is Lincoln wearing a tux?
Wills rejoins the guys and Chris gives him the death stare. Wills calls him out and is unimpressed with Chris' lame explanation. Chris senses that nobody is taking his side and they all start talking over each other. Wills walks away as they're all talking. Connor forgot to button half his shirt. Hey Connor, the 70s called--they want their look back. And you need some chest hair to pull this look off.
Becca comes in and pulls Chris aside. He claims he's legitimately falling in love with her. Becca's not buying it but doesn't kick him out yet. He apologizes for his bitchy behavior but Becca seems tired of the whole conversation. Chris is,like, so ready to prove himself. Thankfully Chris H. comes in to put us out of our misery.
Rose Ceremony
In case you're counting (and I am), there are now eight minutes left. Garrett's talking shit about Chris. Chris continues complaining but looks very worried. Lincoln by some small miracle squeaks through another week. Thankfully his air time has decreased. It's down to the final rose and it goes to Chris. We say goodbye to John, who I can't believe made it as far as he did anyway. John's loaded and I'm sure will have no problem finding a
Becca,who's clearly drained by this evening, unenthusiastically shares that they're heading to Virginia. Clearly they're working on a low budget this season. Wasn't Lauren from Virginia? Perhaps that's why she's unenthusiastic. Perhaps the producers are also taping something with Lauren and are looking to make the most of the state.
Rest assured, there is plenty of drama to come on this season. I'm worried about Becca. Her heart doesn't seem to be into this journey. She's continually frustrated and doesn't seem very happy.
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