New intros: I haven't commented on this in a while because it's been terrible. Chris and Wells are still the only ones that understand the goal, but Haley's is kind of cute because she acts like her twin's there but she isn't. Because thus far they've been a package deal. Get it?
Post Ceremony
Despite the fact that Dean has told Caelynn that he's living in a trailer and isn't adult enough for a relationship, Caelynn feels great about where they are. Post ceremony, Dean pulls Caelynn aside and she starts to get nervous. He basically tells her that he didn't expect to like her as much as he does, which is the strangest compliment. He tells her he won't be able to give her what she wants at the end of Paradise, which is, what? A boyfriend? A proposal? Dean says he thinks he should leave, which is incredibly self-aware and I'm impressed for some reason. Maybe I've just set the bar so low for Dean, but I think he's grown up some. He certainly couldn't handle this during the Kristina/what's her name situation a few seasons ago. He breaks up with Caelynn and as they're walking back she realizes that EVERYONE is watching them. Dean leaves. She tries to avoid the crowd but the women swarm on her to comfort her as she starts sobbing. Caelynn says she thought Dean was her "forever". Okay, she IS delusional, although apparently they got back together briefly post Paradise, so clearly their story isn't over yet.
A New Day
We see the various couples canoodling as we come back from break. Caelynn is still crying. Meanwhile JPJ is beginning his own downward spiral of "losing" Tayshia. He seems broken hearted which is weird. He goes to the beach to SOB. Blake finds him and looks uncomfortable but goes to awkwardly comfort him. Blake asks him why he's crying. Apparently JPJ has been looking for a wife since he was 18. Tayshia checks all the boxes for him and she's slipping away. Dude, she's not into you. Blake looks extremely uncomfortable, it's fantastic. JPJ is a very loud nose blower. Then he blows a snot rocket. Ew.
Tayshia finds a white box and the gang is summoned. Turns out it's an invite to Goose and Krystal's wedding. Oh Goose and Krystal. Everyone's excited. Well, JPJ looks confused, Demi doesn't seem to know who Goose and Krystal are, so she doesn't seem that excited. Clay isn't that happy because he somehow knows that Angela is going to be a bridesmaid in her wedding. Who knew they were such good friends? Maybe it's an IG thing?
Krystal and Goose's Wedding
We are forced to watch Krystal and Goose prep for their wedding. The attendees seem to be Bachelor people only, so maybe this is their Bachelor wedding and they'll do another ceremony with their actual family and friends? Because there are a LOT of people here that HATED Krystal--Tia, Becca (although did we hear much from Becca on Krystal?), Kendall, etc. etc. What do I know? Maybe the potential of more spon con as a group allows these people to see past their own issues.
Then we see the current Bachelor cast arrive and mingle. Nicole acknowledges that neither her nor Clay are excited about this wedding. Caelynn's still near tears. As she tells her story to Tia, Connor walks in with maybe Chase(?) and another guy I don't recognize (and they never bother to introduce). Caelynn perks up and just like that, is over Dean. Good Lord this woman is a drama queen.
JPJ starts bad mouthing Derek and says he won't allow Derek to steal Tayshia away, implying that Tayshia is a piece of property and can't make decisions for herself. Dude--STFU. He decides he needs to talk about this with Tayshia as they're waiting for the wedding start. She tells him now is not the time, as she should.
Da Wedding
Chris walks down the aisle. Angela walks down the aisle and she has a big smile knowing that she's passing Clay. Clay looks uncomfortable. Another no-name artist sings as everyone walks down the aisle. We don't see any other attendants walk down the aisle, just Angela.
Every time I've seen pictures of Krystal in her wedding getup, I haven't recognized her. I don't know what she did to her makeup but it's changed her face. She basks in the attention. The Goose's eyes fill with tears. Apparently we're going to be forced to watch this whole ceremony but it would be really nice if they could move this along. They perform a smudge pot cleansing, which seems to be a fancy word for a sage cleansing, and the audience is smirking. Even Goose looks confused. It's lame, Krystal pretends to get choked up.
Reception
Post ceremony, JPJ pulls Derek aside to confront him and begins with Derek's podcast and how Derek gets laid a lot. They get into it. Again, I understand the need for drama, but don't bring this up at a wedding. Tayshia starts crying when she finds them arguing. Even though JPJ went up to Derek, JPJ tells Derek to get out of his sight. Demi seems like a different person when she's not "on" and now that she's in a relationship, she doesn't seem on anymore. Or Kristian isn't happy and just wants to go home.
Krystal and Goose make a speech about finding love in Paradise blah blah blah. Some of the current cast is invited to an "after party", but it's weird because the only couple invited to the after party is Dylan and Hannah. If anything, it looks like most of the couples were split up. Obviously those that weren't invited feel like crap. It's weird to be openly not invited to a party, even if you didn't want to go anyway and could care less about Krystal and Goose.
Chase seems to be trying to make a move on Angela and feeds her cake. Clay stands around awkwardly. The whole editing of the party is strange. The castoffs go back to their hotel and
Blake feels bad that he's alone at the wedding even though it's his fault he's alone. Many of the women point this out to him. Chase makes a crack about Stagecoach which Blake is not amused by. Blake tells anyone who will listen that the first days of Paradise were literally the worst of his life. AGAIN, this is a guy that survived a school shooting and found out his mom was boning his coach. Seriously? Kristina tries to put her claws in Connor but Caelynn manages to swoop him up.
Clay and Angela are finally forced to interact. The conversation is weird and it's hard to tell what's really going on but it's clear that things are unresolved. Angela basically calls him out on saying he told her he needed to be alone when he's now with Nicole. He blames the end of his football career as to why he decided to move on. Meanwhile, Tayshia is seemingly eavesdropping. She is just a master manipulator, isn't she?
Back at the beach, Dylan asks JPJ if the two of them can actually have a conversation rather than JPJ just talk at him. JPJ ignores him and continues his monologue. I don't know if anything coming out of JPJ's' mouth is true but he's the one that looks bad right now. Derek remains calm, cool and collected and claims that he didn't know that JPJ liked Tayshia.
The Next Day
Finally it's the next day. Caelynn's still not 100% over Dean even though it's now been a day since their breakup. I mean, come on, Caelynn. But guess what? Connor's here! I know there are people that don't like how Kristina played Blake at the last rose ceremony, but I LOVED it. And you know full well Kristina's making a play for Connor, so it's going to be fun to watch. Unfortunately Connor asks out Caelynn. SNORE. Nobody seems to like conniving Kristina, so most of the women cheer for her. Or maybe they're from Caelynn's season and side with her. Or maybe they just want Caelynn to go away so they don't have to listen to her mope.
Connor and Caelynn's Date
It looks hot and they're both sweating in their bathing suits.
Meanwhile, Tayshia stirs the pot and tells Nicole about Clay talking to Angela and apparently Clay didn't introduce Nicole as his girlfriend at the wedding. Good Lord. Clay tells Nicole that him and Angela spoke and it was hard but Nicole shouldn't be worried. Nicole is of course worried.
Tayshia says if she was Nicole she'd be worried in Angela showed up and of course, Angela shows up. It's fantastic. But...we'll have to wait until Monday to see what happens.
Rolling Credits
This is fantastic. Despite looking stoned, Demi does an impression of Connor, Kristina and Caelynn and they impose her impressions over the three of them talking and it's amazing.
No comments:
Post a Comment