Hi guys, sorry for the delayed overview. I haven't been motivated to watch BIP this week. I can't believe I'm typing this, but I think I have Bachelor fatigue. I know! I can't believe it either. But such is life sometimes. It's certainly hard to expect you guys to read my overview if I can't watch.
Derek is trying to move on from Demi and Kristian by getting buried alive in sand by Clay and Nicole. But now that Demi's moved on, Tayshia has her sights set on Derek. It's unclear what Tayshia and JPJ's status is. Tayshia pulls JPJ aside to chat. JPJ clearly has no game and Tayshia basically tells him he should keep dating other people. JPJ seems disappointed by this.
Tahzjuan arrives
Tazhjuan arrives on the beach and it's clear nobody has any idea who she is. Even the women from Colton's season seem perplexed. Tahzjuan proudly announces she's going to be a bull in a china shop and nobody is off limits. She pulls JPJ aside first. The convo is awkward and Tahzjuan seems to be melting before our very eyes from the heat, which she complains about excessively. JPJ grudgingly agrees to go on the date when asked, but first we watch him shave his chest. Ick.
The date is...painful. It's certainly the worse one I remember from recent history. These two have zero chemistry. He's clearly fishing around on what her ethnicity is. He asks her the origin of her name and it was essentially made up by her parents. The food arrives and she tells him he can't actually eat the food. As a dude, JPJ is genuinely baffled by this proclamation. She says she's trying to help him. JPJ obviously doesn't care. She is repulsed. It's pretty rich that somebody who is brand new is telling JPJ how to act on TV. Needless to say, JPJ almost vomits again. Bizarrely, JPJ thinks the date's going really well. For the record, the food didn't look good.
Back at the beach, three of the women form Colton's season talk about how bad of a kisser Colton is. Tayshia continues to pine for Derek.
Back at the date, T and JPJ are now dancing while a band plays. They decide to ditch the band and jump into a dark river. I'm not a ran of rivers and I'd be freaked out to go into a river at night. But that's just me. T and JPJ start making out. I can't read these two at all. They gush about each other. I'm befuddled.
Caelynn, Dean, and Dean's mustache
Caelynn has moved on quickly and Dean makes her the happiest she's ever been. Of course he does. Demi, ever the busy body, warns Caelynn against Dean.
After the break we find out that Clay and Nicole finally sealed the deal (they had SEX!). That's something I didn't need to know.
Anyway, Caelynn knows she has to have her come to Jesus chat with Dean and ask him where his head is at. He gives her an incredibly vague answer that he's enjoying spending time with her but he sucks at dating. He enjoys being homeless and he doesn't like talking about his emotions and he wouldn't date himself because he knows he sucks as a boyfriend. He seems to find this conversation hilarious and Caelynn pretends to hold it together.
A new "love triangle"
Tahzjuan tells the gang about how well things are going with JPJ. Next up, Haley arrives. Turns out her twin sister has a boyfriend so Haley's a third wheel now. Haley immediately grabs JPJ to get the lowdown and he looks at Haley blankly. Even Haley, who is no rocket scientist herself, seems confused by JPJ's lack of gossip. Tahzjuan starts melting down. Haley eventually asks JPJ out and Tahzjuan continues her downward spiral. Sydney looks uncomfortable as she attempts to make T feel better. It's drama but it's weird drama because T is definitely odd. She is pulled aside by production because she's "dehydrated". There's a part of me that feels bad that T is getting shunned by the others but she is definitely an oddball and doesn't fit in with the rest. Which isn't a bad thing, but doesn't always make good Paradise TV. You're not supposed to be "different". Too bad Cam is gone because they might have been a good match.
JPJ and Haley get back from their date and Tahzjuan starts grilling them. It's weird. Haley looks uncomfortable. JPJ isn't suave enough to tell T it's none of her business. T starts crying and Haley leaves. JPJ stammers an explanation to T and justifies that he went on one date with both of them and he's here to have fun. Turns out it was a toast of sorts.
Tayshia starts trying to get with Derek but he starts crying as he's talking about breaking up with Demi. He tells Tayshia he likes her but he's thinking of leaving Paradise. Tayshia tries to be cool with this and play the supportive friend.
Cocktail Party
Katie very dramatically tells us that s*** is getting real as the next rose ceremony approaches. Chris arrives to tell the gang that the men are giving out the roses tonight. How will they handle the Demi/Kristian situation? Demi hasn't really gotten any screen time this episode. Kristian acknowledges that it's weird since the guys are giving out the roses.
Blake and Kaitlyn chat and Blake is very vague about how he's feeling but he assures her that she's getting his rose. Kristina is lurking in the shadows and approaches them. Because he kind of seems to be Kristina's bitch, Blake sends Kaitlyn away. Kristina checks in on how things are with Blake. He doesn't fall for it and asks what she's asking. Kristina claims to be a good friend and says that he shouldn't lead Kaitlyn on if he doesn't intend to pursue her. He doesn't fall for it, or doesn't seem to and her plan to secure his rose seemingly fails. Or does it????
Blake pulls Kaitlyn aside and kind of backtracks on what he said a few minutes ago where he said she had his rose. Well played, Kristina, well played. I am wildly impressed that worked. Blake doesn't want Kaitlyn to like him more than he likes her. What a tool. Him and Kristina deserve each other. Kaitlyn is justifiably and understandably upset. Will Kaitlyn confront Kristina?
Demi and JPJ
Demi is flirting with JPJ and Kristian is getting annoyed. Demi dismisses her concerns because JPJ's currently doing cartwheels on the beach. Demi tells Kristian to look at what an idiot JPJ is and that she has zero to worry about. These two clearly have some trust to rebuild.
Meanwhile T approaches JPJ and they do more cartwheels. Haley interrupts them and he "yos" her. JPJ is overwhelmed but loving the attention he's getting. JPJ is clearly an idiot because he claims that Haley has the "intelligence of a doctor". T goes back up to Haley/JPJ and says that Haley's a pigeon and T and JPJ are seagulls. To Haley's credit, Haley says that pigeons and seagulls are both disgusting. This goes over T's head. I had to shorten her name, it's too hard to type out.
T continues to try and vibe with JPJ but it appears for nought because JPJ wants to stay with Tayshia, who has pretty much told him to look elsewhere. Tayshia tries to casually assess if Dylan's into her and he admits he is. They make out. JPJ realizes this and needs to figure out what he's going to do if his name isn't picked before Derek's at the rose ceremony.
Despite their earlier conversation, Dean and Caelynn seem to be back on solid ground. I can't get around the editing of this season. Turns out it's Caelynn's birthday and Dean gets the rest of the gang to sing her Happy Birthday. She of course loves this even though it took zero effort on Dean's part.
Meanwhile, Katie is panicking because of her previous head games with Chris. Katie essentially begs Chris to give her his rose but he says he needs more time to think. While I can appreciate that she's kicking herself over her head games, Chris seems to be enjoying stringing two women along.
Rose Ceremony
Chris comes by to kick off the Rose Ceremony. Katie continues to cry and blame herself and says it's too late for her to find love. She's what, 26, 27 tops? Puh-lease. We see snippets of various women unsure of what is happening.
Now Chris really kicks off the ceremony and dramatically says he's changing the rules. Blake looks confused. By "changing the rules" he means that he's letting Demi pick first. Derek pretends to look bittersweet as he watches this. That's not really changing the rules, it's getting around your setup that focuses on one gender giving roses to another gender rather than anyone they want.
Are Mike and Sydney really a potential couple? They've gotten zero screen time. The usual suspects pair off and finally we have Blake. Blake gives his rose to Kristina. WTF?!!! She looks like the cat that got the canary. It's pretty awkward as she goes back and stands right next to Kaitlyn. Derek is up next and gives his rose to Tayshia, forcing JPJ to give his rose to somebody else.
JPJ is up next as there are two roses left. He gives his rose to Haley, which isn't a huge surprise. Chris is the last one up and I think he'll give his rose to Jen but who knows. Chris enjoys his power but gives the rose to Katie. She's relieved, Jen's annoyed.
Kaitlyn, Tazhjuan and Jen say their goodbyes. Kaitlyn doesn't seem to say any parting words to Kristina but obviously complains about her in the car. Seriously Kait, you deserve much better. Or maybe you don't but consider it a dodged bullet.
Dean claims that he's starting to catch feelings even though he'd planned to come to Paradise to hang out. Dude seriously? Dean pulls Caelynn away but we don't see the conversation until tomorrow. Ay-yi-yi!
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