I have much to say about last week's episode which I'm way behind on, but let's focus on this week and then I'll get back to last week. The gang is in Latvia. Have this show ever been to Latvia? Hannah definitely looks tired and worn out. Also, near tears as she does her interview. We see the guys walking around. Peter is his sweet self. Their place looks great. There are still guys here whose names I don't remember. Vandalay starts talking and the guys look at him stonefaced. Tyler tries to talk to him but it's a waste of his breath.
A date card arrives and it's a one-on-one for Garrett. V isn't happy but he's confident that Garrett's going home. V creepily says that none of the guys feel as strongly about Hannah as he does. Because he considers her a prize.
Garrett's One-on-One
Garrett wasn't at his best last week when he got into it with V. They walk through a forest in Latvia. We see a couple bungee jumping out of a tram. Naked. Hannah seems legit surprised, which isn't cool. Maybe she's a good actress? I don't think it's fair to put her in that position. Call me a prude but I think it puts both of them in a weird spot. She admits after the break that she knew they were bungee jumping, but she didn't know that Latvians bungee jump naked. The couple gets cut down and introduce themselves. It's....awkward. The couple is very naked and Garrett and Hannah try very hard to not look at them. According to the couple, bungee jumping naked as a couple is some sort of tradition.
Hannah and Garrett disrobe and get into the tram. Hannah seems very nervous, as she should be. Okay, they're not totally naked. Hannah's in her bra, although it's unclear what they're wearing on the bottom. It's blacked out but my guess is they're maybe wearing underwear and the producers just want us to think they're naked? Oh wait, Hannah takes her bra off. They jump and are screaming bloody murder. As I would probably be. I'd be very worried about hitting my head against the other person. Before they jumped, I thought Garrett did a good job of calming Hannah down. They make out in their robes for the rest of the day part of the date.
For the evening port, Hannah's wearing an amazing winter coat. Despite the thrill of today's date, Hannah wants to talk about serious things. Garrett thanks Hannah for being herself today. Um, shouldn't Hannah be the one saying this stuff? He's taking her lines. Garrett asks Hannah about a defining moment for her. Hannah discusses her fear of rejection and being what she thought other people wanted her to be rather than be herself. So Garrett wins points for asking about her, but we still don't know anything about Garrett.
Back at the house, the next date card arrives and it's a group date. It looks like Pilot Pete will finally get his one-on-one.
Back at the date, Garrett shares the traumatic experience of being raised in a football family and realizing he hated football. It's unclear how his family reacted to this and him turning to golf. Wow, Garrett, you've been through so much. Very deep, Garrett, very deep. Garrett goes even deeper and talks about how bungee jumping is like falling in love. Wow, Garrett's showing us so much substance today. No surprise, he gets the rose. I can't wait for him to get back to the guys and tell V he got naked with Hannah.
After she gives him the rose, they dance awkwardly to a solitary cellist that was hired to play in the street. As weird as it is, it's better than going to a concert.
The next day Garrett tells all the guys about his naked bungee jumping. V doesn't believe that Hannah got naked with Garrett. It's super awkward that Garrett had to share that story. I understand that he sort of had to, but it just gives me the heebie-jeebies.
Group Date
Hannah claims to be in a better spot since yesterday's date but she looks...off. Maybe the sun's too bright and she needs sunglasses? It also looks cold. They go to an indoor market and because of all of the bromances, the guys have a great time with each other. Except for V, of course. Sometimes the guys sneak away to spend a few minutes with Hannah. V is clearly the shortest guy in the crew. There's even an arm wrestling competition. These guys seem to enjoy spending time with each other more than Hannah.
The gang is riding a bus or tram of some sort and Hannah starts telling the story of the naked bungee jumping. V asks "is this, like, when you're an official couple"? What a tool. V is very unhappy and judgey. In his interviews, V shares that he thought naked bungey jumping with Garrett was "crossing the line" and to expose her body to anyone who isn't her husband is a slap in the face". Dude, F*** OFF. OMG, this makes me so angry. He obviously thinks that he will end up as her husband. He confirms that she's the one for him and he needs answers. Well then.
For the evening part of the date, Hannah thanks the guys for a great day and V prepares to tell Hannah what a slut she is. But Tyler pulls her aside first and tells her she looked like an angel in last week's white dress and he hopes that she's his angel. Insert eye roll because this guy is so freaking beautiful he can say this crap and get away with it. Her getting mad last week totally turned him on. They make out for a while. This week's dress is a little easier to straddle the guys in.
Next Jed plays a song he wrote for her on the piano. Of course he does. And of course the song is terrible. Thankfully he doesn't sing. V tells the other guys how blown away he was by the naked bungee jumping. Tyler tells him to chill out. V is confident that his slut shaming Hannah will get him the group date rose. I can't wait to see this.
V finally gets his time with Hannah. He has the creepiest looks--they're cold and mean. He says he has something to get off his chest and she's not going to like it. Hannah's fine with this because for the first time, even if he's getting weirdly possessive, at least he's showing "emotion". He tells her he wasn't happy with her naked bungee jumping and instead of telling him to go eff himself, she says it wasn't sexual. He then responds that she's going to meet his family soon and it felt like a slap in the face. But then he says he's going to support her no matter what she does. Even if she makes a "boneheaded mistake", he'll fix
It's hard to get a read on Hannah from this. She looks pissed but she's not saying anything. Hannah thankfully gives the rose to Tyler and not V. Honestly, she could have given it to anyone. Even Dustin. V shakes off not getting the rose and has his sights set on getting the final rose.
Peter's One-on-One
Tyler's growing on me because he's too beautiful to take seriously but I adore Peter It's unfortunate that I don't think he's going to win. Latvians seem to have a lot of sex. Perhaps it's because there's nothing else to do there. Peter and Hannah are going to into a sauna together (I think) but before they get thrown into the heat, the sauna hostess begins singing in Latvian and Hannah's face of trying not to laugh is priceless. At the risk of seeming disrespectful, I'd be trying not to laugh too. The singing took both of us aback. The sauna owners clearly take this sauna business very seriously. The hostess pauses in her singing and they thank her and she continues singing. And that's when I burst out laughing.
They make some sort of herb concoction and are told to disrobe. You'd think that they'd get some privacy but the sauna owners sit in the sauna with them. They are told to "make a wish" for the day. Sage is involved, the whole thing is bizarre. Finally the owners leave and Hannah and Peter lay down in the sauna and get it on.
Thankfully they stop filming the make out sesh and without any transition at all, Peter and Hannah are suddenly in an outdoor hot tub. I think this is the first hot tub of the season. It's about freaking time! Peter assures her that he hasn't been involved in the drama with V and he declares his devotion to her. She says she wants to know more about him and rather than sharing anything about himself, Peter responds by saying he wants to know more about her.
At dinner, Hannah stays true to her word and asks Peter how his pilot career has hurt his dating life. She asks about his past relationships and he vaguely says it didn't work out. He doesn't really answer the question about his career but he admits his ex broke his heart and he's built up walls, but he has fallen for Hannah very hard and it's scary but beautiful yadda yadda yadda. Peter starts speaking in Spanish. HE SPEAKS SPANISH??? I think Pete is the closest thing we've had to Ben (the Bachelor) in a really long time. Pete, I'm falling for you too.
While I do adore Peter, the more of him we see, the more I'm concerned that he's not very bright. Also, Hannah and Peter obviously have a physical connection, but I just don't sense it goes beyond that. Still, I'm perhaps (overly) impressed with the Spanish speaking Peter. Hannah, who has gotten so very little from most of the guys, seems appeased by this side of Peter. Obvs, Pete gets the rose. There's more making out.
Group Therapy
The guys are sitting around talking when Pete comes back from his date. Pete starts talking about the date and Jed gets up to put his coat on with no explanation. He goes to serenade Hannah and I throw up in my mouth a little. After the events of his ex-girlfriend sharing that he was going on the show for his career (which we knew) and he'd let her know when he was back (but ghosted her instead), Jed is only one notch above V at this point. It's ironic that one of the lines in his song is, "I'll never tell a lie". Hannah of course loves it and invites him up to her room. Unfortunately he continues to play his guitar until Hannah finally takes the guitar from him so she can straddle him. This woman loves to straddle, doesn't she?
Back at the house, Garrett talks to V AGAIN, this time about bringing up Garrett's date with Hannah (I'm not sure if that sentence made any sense). This conversation is BS and a waste of time. Garrett tells V the date wasn't his business and to "stay in his lane" and V of course justifies his behavior by saying he is staying in his lane, but he gets upset when he's driving and looks over and sees tomfoolery in Garrett's lane. V claims he never told Hannah what she could or couldn't do with her body but he doesn't mention that he disapproved of what she did. He then essentially says Hannah is both of their girlfriends, and it's V's business what she does. Because she is her property. Garrett asks V why it's his business what Garrett and Hannah talk about. He doesn't answer the question and asks Garrett to promise him that he won't bring this conversation up with Hannah. Garrett, to his credit, doesn't play into any of this and is very calm. V is clearly getting flustered and tells Garrett to leave and Garrett leaves with a chillingly calm and sinister, "Sweet dreams, V." It is f***ing fantastic.
Hannah and Vandalay
After the break, the guys are sitting around again and forced to interact with V. Hannah comes in wearing her amazing pink coat and pulls V out to talk to him. Thankfully, she was clearly rubbed the wrong way by his comments about her naked bungee jumping. V is of course totally oblivious to why this is wrong.
Hannah starts off by thanking V for using his words during the date, but then explains that the words he used were ridiculous. He has his squinty, borderline angry look and it's unclear if he thinks that's his "listening face" or if he's trying to control his rage. Hannah does a good job standing up for herself and calmly explaining to V why what he said was wrong. For the record, she doesn't need to explain herself calmly. I probably would have been far less calm, but she talks to him like she's talking to a five year-old, which is clearly the level she needs to get to to explain things to him. Additionally, V strikes me as the kind of man that tells other women to not get so emotional.
Unfortunately, V completely tries to talk his way out of it and says things like his bone-headed comment didn't specifically refer to the bungee jumping thing, it was hypothetical. There are still words he's saying that place the blame on Hannah. At no point does he say that the things he's saying go both ways. He claims he was totally misunderstood but Hannah calls BS. He continue to talk out of all orifices and goes in a cycle of, "I don't want to say you're twisting my words, but you're twisting my words", to "I don't remember saying that", to, "I was speaking in generalities". All complete and total BS and very abusive. This is hard to watch because it's so disturbing. He thinks their relationship is back on track and she says it's not and he says well at least it's closer and she says, "NO!".
Hannah says she's trying to figure out how she feels and he looks at her blankly. He completely denies saying anything in one sentence and then apologies for saying it in the next sentence. It's all the same crap that we've seen time and time again and it's disturbing to witness. This guy is a total tool who should be kicked off. He asks for forgiveness and he assures her he's going to use better words. Hannah's still not buying this crap, but she can't draw a line in the sand and kick him out. V tells Hannah he's giving her the best he has and he's going to keep trying. She asks him why it's so hard with the two of them. Great question--it shouldn't be this hard. He asks her to please keep fighting for the two of them. Oh, young Hannah. With age comes less tolerance for this BS. When I was 24 I might have kept making excuses for this crap too. Well, probably not, but I certainly wasted my time on dudes that weren't worth my time. Unfortunately we know that she will ultimately let him stay yet another week.
When we come back from the break, the guys are still talking about how stupid V's analogy is about staying in his own lane but looking out his window. V comes back from his talk (this feels staged to me but whatevs) and sits down and says that he knows the guys are going to ask so he'll just get down to it. I'm pretty sure the guys could care less and wouldn't have asked. V says he's not going to talk about what him and Hannah talked about. He then blames Garrett for talking about his date, which Tyler calls him out on and of course V says, "No, I'm thanking him." Oh, thanks for clarifying. V then says he's not blaming anyone but Hannah needs all of them to stay in their own lanes. Well, I'll give him this--he's good at focusing on something and then repeating it over and over and over again. V again says that he doesn't want to talk about what him and Hannah discussed and Garrett tells him that nobody asked him. Tyler gets into it and tells V to stop puffing his chest. It goes on and on. Tyler goes around and around with V because V is incapable of answering any question in a straightforward manner. There's so much to write about and one reason it's taken me so long to get through this episode is I keep pausing it so I can replay what is happening, as well as to rant.
V, backed up against the wall once again, claims he doesn't even want to talk to the guys because he has a lot to think about. Tyler says V is hypocritical because V can parade around in his Speedo but Hannah can't get naked with Garrett and V says that was something private between him and Hannah. Garrett corrects V and says the bungee jumping was actually between Garrett and Hannah.
Garrett is laughing as V is getting more and more agitated. Jed tries to calm everyone down because he's worried that Hannah's going to come in and yell at them again. Instead of Hannah walking through the door, Chris walks through the door all casual like and asks innocently what's going on. Chris tells the guys that there won't be a cocktail party and Hannah's going to the Rose Ceremony. The guys all say it's V's fault and he of course denies this.
Rose Ceremony
Unfortunately it's pretty clear that the last two dudes whose names I don't know are going home. Dustin? And the other guy? The one that's going to be on Paradise. I'll know it when he gives his final interview. Hannah's dress looks amazing. Hannah seems to be in a better place when she gives her speech and says she thinks her husband is in the room and it's time to start making difficult decisions, which unfortunately isn't going to be sending V home. That's what I call an easy decision. Again, V will get the final rose. And he does. And Dustin and the other guy get sent home. Hannah whispers to V that she knows he has goodness inside of him. Dylan, that's his name. Dylan's heading straight to Paradise. I'm not sure about Dustin. Maybe we'll see more of Dylan's personality in Paradise.
Next Week and Credits
The guys are really pissed and I'm worried that Pete leaves. At the end we see the boys dancing and singing together. We finally see Tyler dancing and it's freaking awesome. I don't know how Tyler can dance in those pants because they're skin tight. As we leave, I leave you with some final questions:
- Is V as dumb as I think he is? I think he's too dumb to be clinically diagnosed as a sociopath. Especially because he has not social cues at all, or is upbringing on women is so disturbing that he has no other point of view on respect for women.
- Has V ever told Hannah about his shower with God? Maybe that would help provide her with some perspective.
- How does Tyler get his skin tight pants on???? I'm getting worried about his sperm count.
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