Jed's Date
The date kicks off at Faneuil Hall. Hannah doesn't know much about Boston. Legal Seafoods didn't want to pay to have their name shown, so their sign is blurred out. Hannah's full of random facts. That she's made up. Next they wander around the Common a bit. Obviously they go to the Cheers bar, yet it's unclear if they even know what the Cheers bar is. It seems really loud in the bar and there clearly wasn't a lot of room and the camera is right in their face. Jed claims that he's never met somebody where everything faded away. There is a random Halo Top guy in the Common handing out ice cream. Of course there is. It would have been better if Nick Viall had handed it out but presumably he wasn't available. They make out on the Common for a while. It's clear that they cleared away the homeless and the rats for that scene.
Next they head to the Auerbach Center and there are two Celtic players there to "host" them. It's Terry Rozier and Jaylen Brown. Admittedly, I am not into the Celtics at all so I have no idea who these two are, but I assume they lost some sort of bet or are being punished for some reason. They play a little two-on-two. Jed's actually pretty good. Hannah's pretty good too. Or I'm just easily impressed by others' basketball abilities. Jaylen
Back at the hotel, the next date card arrives and it's a group date. This means that Model Tyler gets the second one-on-one this week. Luke is disappointed he didn't get the other one-on-one but is ready to "compete".
Back at Jed's date, Jed talks about his musical career (or lack of?). He admits that he came on the show to promote his career and while he "loves love", he wasn't expecting to have feelings for Hannah. Hannah, to her credit, makes an attempt to call him out on this and how he went from coming on the show for his career to getting married. Jed claims that Hannah's all he wants now, because apparently having a career and getting married are an either/or decision. He makes the proclamation that he's starting to fall in love with her and all he needs is Hannah. How convenient! Hannah seems to eat this crap up and gives him the rose. On a side note--where did Jed and Hannah go for this part of the date? I think it was the Carey Mansion. That is based on interweb sleuthing rather than me recognizing it. Thankfully there is no musical act.
Group Date
The guys are at Fort Adams for the group date. I know I've been there but I couldn't tell you why or when. It looks chilly. Hannah's in a hat and warm coat. They'll be playing some rugby today. We know from the teasers that Vandalay loses his s***. Fort Adams is the home of a Rugby team whose name escapes me. Hannah is psyched for this. Not many of these guys look that athletic to me. Some of these guys are getting nailed. No surprise, Vandalay is getting way too into it.
The guys are sucking wind, though in their defense, the game looks intense. It's quite the montage and JPJ seems to have quite a few good plays. Who would have thought? Kevin asks for a medic for his shoulder. He's the one that was driven away in the ambulance in the previews, so it's disappointing we were led to believe that Vandalay did that. But the game isn't over yet and Vandalay can still make an ass of himself. The guys start to comment on how aggressively Vandalay is playing. Vandalay and Luke get into it a bit. And by "get into it" I mean Vandalay BODY SLAMS Luke. Vandalay "apologizes" to Luke but Luke doesn't want to hear it. Vandalay claims he acted in self-defense which is BS.
For the evening portion of the date, it's clear that Vandalay and Luke are going to get into it. Kevin's still in the hospital. Hannah pulls Vandalay aside first again. It's unclear if she's going to talk to him about his actions on the rugby field but he attempts to get ahead of it by throwing Luke under the bus. Hannah seems to accept his explanation but claims to be confused. Next she pulls Luke aside and he gives a very different version of events. She asks him about Vandalay saying that Luke never talks about Hannah in the house and of course Luke assures Hannah that he's here for her. The other guys concur that Luke's version of the story is more true than Vandalay's and we see many of the guys tell Hannah that Luke is a weirdo. She is still not convinced.
Kevin's finally back and he seems stoned on pain meds. The guys confront Vandalay about being a tool. Vandalay claims that Luke attacked him, which is a joke because Luke is clearly not an alpha. This is fantastic. Most of the guys walk off laughing at Vandalay and his version of "events". The rest of the guys are led off so Luke and Vandalay can be left alone to stare each other down.
Garrett gets some time with Hannah and plays the "it's hard for me to be vulnerable card." Luke and Vandalay give each other dirty looks. No wait, Luke is staring at Vandalay, and Vandalay looks a little out of it. Luke asks Vandalay how it feels to know that all of the guys think he's nuts. Luke asks him why Vandalay beat him up. Luke goes off on him and Vandalay responds by saying he'd love to get to know Luke better on a deeper level. Luke is visibly confused by this response and walks off.
Pilot Pete finally gets his time and calls Hannah a special "girl". He assures Hannah that he'll always be there for her, even when Hannah's not nice and is a total bitch (her words, not his). They make out for awhile. Hannah looks exhausted and can't wait to hand out the rose and get the hell out of there. My guess is the rose is going to Pete again. Oh wait, no I think she's going to give it to Garrett for "opening up". Sure enough, she gives it to Garrett. She gives him a half hearted hug and "leaves", but she doesn't really seem to leave. She's instead sitting in one of the rooms looking introspective. I thought maybe Vandalay was going to interrupt her again but he doesn't. That was a strange edit.
Tyler's One-on-One
It's the final one-on-one for the week, but before Tyler shows up, Hannah is really sad and emotional about how her feelings for Vandalay conflict with the fact that all of the guys hate him. She's not even sure she can have her date with Tyler today, she's so upset. She seems to pull it together a little and Tyler shows up. She cries on Tyler's shoulder. Tyler feigns interest but he clearly doesn't seem that interested. He rubs her back and woodenly tells her "he's here for her". She says she's not in the mood to have fun and he says they'll have fun anyway. Tyler says he wants to be the guy to pick her up and be there for her no matter what. Hannah's tears dry. Suddenly they're on a lobster boat wearing work overalls. They're going lobster harvesting (fishing?). I hope this fisherman was well paid for his day. They pull some lobsters out of their traps. The lobsters already have rubber bands on their claws so these seem to be plants. It's a strange date. They eat lobster on the boat and as somebody who doesn't like seafood, it's unappealing. There are lots of double entendres and Tyler is so full of lines it's unbelievable.
For the evening portion of the date, they talk but it's boring so I space out. Tyler gives a sob story about his "pops" almost dying before he came on the show. Of course he calls his dad "pops". But him and his dad bonded over watching "The Batchelorette" and seeing Hannah (um, he means The Bachelor, right? And Colton's season?) and Pops told Tyler he had to go on the show. What do you know, when Tyler came out of the limo and saw Hannah, he felt something he'd never felt before. You don't say! Hannah buys this crap and of course gives him the rose.
They leave the date and go to the musical portion of the date. It's Jake Owen, somebody I've actually heard of. Jake, being an actual performer, actually seems to be having fun and doesn't stare awkwardly off while they're making out. Because he's an actual musician, the rest of the crowd sings along to the song too.
Cocktail Party
I've done it again--spaced out and have no idea what's going on. Vandalay kicks things off and makes a speech that none of the guys listen to. Connor might be hammered already, he looks slack jawed. Luke is determined to not think anymore about Vandalay. Hannah gives her speech and is looking for realness and clarity. Pilot Pete asks Hannah if she would be his girlfriend. It's supposed to be cute but is weird.
Luke thinks he's going home tonight because of Vandalay's lies. Mike tells Hannah she has the potential to be the fourth queen in his life. Again, it's too bad that Mike will get cut soon but again, I am hopeful he'll find love in Paradise.
Mike confronts Vandalay about his behavior and how Vandalay's the reason that Hannah is unhappy right now. Vandalay says it's Luke's fault, not his. Tyler is sharing the love seat with Vandalay and he's almost falling off of it, that's how hard he's trying to get away from Vandalay. During his interview, a producer must give Vandalay a phone because he pulls up the definition of psychopath and shows it to the camera. He doesn't hold it up long enough for us to read but he assures us he's the complete opposite. Mike and Vandalay continue to argue.
Luke tries to make his case to Hannah but she doesn't seem to be persuaded by his last attempt. He doesn't pull a Cam card and give a sob story. Instead, he confronts Vandalay. Vandalay claims that he's going to make things right and tell Hannah that Luke is there for the right reasons. Nobody thinks he's going to do this, do they? Garrett tells him that he needs to tell Hannah that he lied to her. Vandalay goes to talk to Hannah and obviously does not tell Hannah that Luke is there for the right reasons. Instead, he says that he's more sure than ever that Luke isn't there for the right reasons. Needless to say, Hannah is more confused than ever. She clearly wants to believe Vandalay over Luke but she talks to Luke anyway. It doesn't go well for Luke and my guess is he is going home tonight. I realize the show needs this drama but I'm over this whole thing, as are the other guys. Vandalay tries to twist Luke's words but this backfires because everybody witnessed the conversation. The guys call BS. We see Hannah staring into the fire and it's unclear if she can hear this conversation, but she comes into the room and pulls Vandalay and Luke aside so they can all talk together. If Luke doesn't go home tonight then these two are teeing it up for a two-on-one next week.
The episode ends before things are resolved but I'm pretty sure that Vandalay lives to see another day.
Again, some questions:
- Do you like Tyler C.? To me he's way too pretty. And insincere.
- How long do you think Tyler C. lasts?
- If she gives her final rose to Tyler C. do they actually have a chance in
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