First Group Date
The gang is joined by Jason Biggs and Jenny Mollen. The theme of today's group date is female anatomy. Tyler C. says that he knows that pregnant women's bellies grow and they get hungrier. Charming. The guys are asked about female anatomy and it's funny but also frightening. Cam in particular seems to be struggling. Next they wear pregnancy bellies and then they have to diaper a baby. John Paul Jones shakes his baby, which is alarming.
Finally the guys get to enjoy the joy of childbirth with a labor simulator. I've never heard of such a thing but boy this would be helpful. Cam is over the top. Tyler C. seems to not understand the exercise. JPJ gives his squinty eyes. He freaks out when it's his turn. The guys are doubled-over laughing at each other. I am loving Hannah's lavender jacket. I really think they could have utilized Jason and Jenny more--We didn't see much of them in the date.
The guys head to the evening portion of the date. Jed pulls her aside first and he's wowed by the lights of the "big city". Out of the all of the guys on this date, she clearly has the strongest connection with him. I see Jed making it far. It's too bad his name is Jed (if I know any Jeds who are readers, then my sincerest apologies). Most of the guys look great but Cam is wearing a hoodie with his jacket. It looks terrible. He complains to the guys about his lack of time. None of the guys are impressed. Mike, who's one of my favorites, tells Hannah about his ex having a miscarriage. Cam comes in to interrupt and it's incredibly awkward. Hannah gives Cam a dirty look and he leaves but he doesn't really leave. Mike tells him to actually leave. It's super creepy. Unfortunately I don't think Mike will be the top 3 but hopefully he'll be in Paradise. Cam is still lurking and Hannah tells him to go away again.
Mike complains about Cam to the guys. Cam tells Hannah how bold he is and that he quit his job to come on the show. Hannah doesn't care. Since he obviously can't read body language, he has no idea how disinterested Hannah is. Next Jonathan interrupts and gets into it with Cam. Jonathan's trying to give Cam a taste of his own medicine but he should have gone high when Cam went low. Hannah looks very uncomfortable. Cam complains to JPJ about how a man of color was intimidating him. The idea that Jonathan is intimidating is a freaking joke. They have a pissing match of sorts.
Back at the house the next date card shows up. I still don't know who most of these guys are. With any luck I won't need to. Connor gets this week's one-on-one. Art Vandalay (Luke P.) is clearly not happy his name wasn't on the card, but he claims to not be concerned.
Back at the date, Tyler lays it on thick about how powerful and bad ass Hannah is and how women "run the world". It's a little much. Hannah's ready to hand out the date rose. Give it to Mike! Yay! She gives the rose to Mike. Cam gives his creepy eyes. Hannah as usual can't get out of there fast enough. Cam complains about not getting the rose and reminds us that he quit his job. Does he realize that most of the guys there also quit their jobs to come on the show?
Connor's Date
After the break, Connor's waiting for Hannah to show up but it turns out she's in the hospital. Wait, what? She's very nonchalant about it but this seems a little alarming if you're already in the hospital for exhaustion after the third week. She sends a note and asks Connor to come to her hotel and keep her company. He picks up some flowers on the way. Does he have to pay for the flowers? I'm guessing no. He shows up at her suite and joins her in bed. He gives her a card but he doesn't want her to read it. She reads it anyway. Or not. If this were real life it could be a really good date. This reminds me of when Ashley and JP had their first one-on-one at her place because she was also tired and worn out (I think). I only know this because I'm watching her season.
Anyhoo, Connor tells his sob story of his mom having a stroke when he was 13 and how it demonstrated the strength of his parents' relationship. He doesn't share how is mom is nowadays. It's unclear how long Connor stayed with Hannah, but she eventually kicks him out. He leaves her a note about her beautiful smile and he writes like a 10 YO. Connor goes back to the house and tells the guys about Hannah. Vandalay again shows his true colors and asks Connor what Hannah was wearing and says he'd refuse to leave if she told him to leave. Dude.
Hannah wakes up from her nap and reads Connor's card. He's left her notes all around the room. Well played dude, well played. Connor is an Investment Analyst and fits the generic stereotype of a bro-y Investment Analyst. But the night is not lost. A random dude comes into the mansion and tells Connor that his date isn't over and to get ready for the evening portion. Connor meets Hannah and she immediately gives him the rose. They seem to skip any dinner and head straight to the awkward musical interlude. Lukas Graham is the musical act. Lukas doesn't look like he wants to be there. Conner seems really tall. Even in her tall and uncomfortable looking heels, he still towers over her.
Hannah's getting better at gazing in the distance while she does her voice overs. She offhandedly says that Tyler G is gone but no mention of why. What the heck happened there? She's ready to refocus and regroup and have a good time. Art Vandalay is excited to see his girlfriend. Garrett is ready to humiliate himself if it means hanging out with Hannah. That's the spirit Garrett!
Second Group Date
They are at a photo session with a fellow named Franco. Franco is the creative director for today's shoot and he's straight out of Zoolander. It's fantastic. The guys are told they're getting matched up with other models. This is obviously a setup. Hahahaha, they're modeling with ANIMALS not women. There are dogs, snakes, pigs, and a pony just to name a few. This is apparently a spon con for The Life of Pets 2. Pilot Pete just rocketed up ten spots in my book--he has a Tibetan Terrier at home and I covet those dogs. For some reason I keep calling Peter "Cam".
Demi's back! Like we don't know what pets do when we're not around, Hannah wants to know what the guys say when she's not around. Brilliant! I love that Demi's back. No word on where Katie is. The makeup artist and animal handler are actresses and they're going to flirt up a storm. The makeup artist hits on Grant and he doesn't bite. Vandalay talks about the importing/exporting business to the makeup artist. Kidding! Obviously he doesn't talk about his job because importer/exporter is a made up job. He does gush about Hannah though. Unfortunately none of the guys revealed themselves to be total scumbags. Some of the guys take their clothes off to pose with the animals, which is strange. Hannah and Peter start making out in their photo shot. Vandalay is not happy and is inexplicably dressed like Olivia Newton John. Matteo(?) gets kicked off his photo shoot by Vandalay and then Vandalay proceeds to push ups with Hannah standing on his back. What a tool. The guys do a collective eye roll. He offers to walk Hannah back to her changing room several times and she tells him no. Several times.
For the evening portion of the date, Hannah pulls Vandalay aside first. Hannah's starting to get annoyed by him. She is definitely seeing the red flags in his behavior. He puts the other guys down, which doesn't go over well. She tells him that she thinks he thinks he already has already "won" and his overconfidence is annoying. He interrupts her and she tells him to shut up. She tells him that he needs to respect her other relationships and his cockiness is a turn off. He looks miffed for sure. Vandalay rejoins the other guys and they ask him what's wrong. He's pretty honest with them about what she said which is surprising. In his interview he is befuddled by why she thinks that way. He says he's going to ignore what she said. UGH. He interrupts Hannah and Matteo (I have no idea if it's Matteo but it's a name I remember so any guy whose name I don't know I'm calling Matteo) and she tells Vandalay to go away. He barely suppresses his 'roid rage and slinks away. Hannah's talking to another felow and Vandalay interrupts AGAIN. He again is sent away. The guys are gleeful that he's self-imploding. Peter is now trying to cut in line and Vandalay is having none of it.
I think either Garrett or Pete have a good chance of getting the rose tonight. Vandalay corners her AGAIN and she tells him to cool it. She goes right to Pete after that. Vandalay whines to the guys about leaving the show. Despite his lines to her that he was falling in love with her he tells the guys he's not. Pete's mom was Miss Illinois. Peter is growing on me for sure. I wasn't sure about him initially but he seems very sweet. He's giddy. My guess is he's locked in the rose but we'll see. Hannah picks up the rose, but before she gives it to someone, she asks Vandalay if she can talk to him. The guys think that she's going to give him the rose but there's no way that she does that. She tells him to slow his roll and knock off his behavior. She gives the rose to Peter obvs. He is beaming. Hannah as usual bails quickly afterward.
It's a Tailgate!
The guys are hanging at the house being all bro-y and Top Gun-y and Chris comes in to tell them that there won't be a cocktail party that night but they are going to tailgate this afternoon. So it is a cocktail party, just more chill. Cam throws in his ABC line for the umpteenth time. Cam announces to the guys that he has something very serious to discuss with Hannah and he wants to talk her to right away and he might get sent home so he's loved getting to know everyone. It is incredibly odd and awkward and the looks are a mix of quizzical, bored, or blank. Mike tells him he's full of it and the other guys snicker.
She says she wants an easy stress-free day with no drama. Cam of course pulls her aside. Cam tells Hannah that he almost had his leg amputated. But right before surgery his grandma died. And THEN he had a 10-month old puppy that he had to give away. He's obviously not an amputee so what happened?
Next Mike pulls Hannah aside and he asks her how she managed mansion life and she says that Colton did a really good job of weeding people out who weren't there for the right reasons. She's joking, right? There were multiple women who told Colton as they were leaving (on their own) that said there were women there for the wrong reasons and he'd just stare blankly at them. Mike throws Cam under the bus, which is a bit unfair in that Mike says Cam was going for the pity rose but in Cam's defense, we didn't actually hear him say that.
Hannah pulls Cam aside and she's pissed. He feigns disbelief that Mike would say words like "pity rose" about him. Cam admits he was writing goodbye letters to the guys, which is odd. Cam interrupts Hannah and she cuts him off. It's finally time to go and Hannah makes a jab at Cam on her way out by saying she doesn't give out pity roses. As much as I'd love to see Vandalay go home tonight I doubt it will happen. The guys can't agree what Hannah meant by her comments about the pity rose. My guess is Cam gets the last rose tonight.
Rose Ceremony
I have to say I'm not loving Hannah's dress tonight. I don't like the necklace either. Maybe it's more the necklace with the tassel that's throwing me off more than the dress. Anyhoo, I keep thinking Tyler is older than he actually is. I think Dylan is the one I keep mixing up with Matteo. Dustin makes it another week despite getting zero screen time. Was he even on a date this week? Vandalay gets his rose about mid-way. JPJ and his squinty looks are growing on me despite the fact that he doesn't say much. He doesn't need to--he just needs to squint. Kevin's still there and he also didn't get any screen time. I think I keep mixing up Devin for Matteo too. Where is Matteo??? There is a guy there named Matteo, right? It's time for the last rose and it's down to four guys. Kevin gets the final rose, sending home Cam, Jonathan and Matteo? Nope, it's Joe(?). Joe, we hardly knew ye. Joe and Jonathan keep it classy. Cam makes the snide, "I hope you find what you're looking for" comment and of course starts crying in his final interview
Questions to Ponder
I enjoyed asking my somehow rhetorical questions that I answered anyway. So here goes:
- Who's your early favorite? I think I'm all in on Pilot Pete.
- How many more weeks do you think Vandalay have? Some of the podcasts that I listen to think he's making it to the end, but based on Hannah's reaction to this week's creepiness, he's not going too soon but I think he'll be gone by Hometowns.
- Who do you have your eye on for Paradise? I can't wait for JPJ to get there.
See you next week! And by next week I mean later today since I'm so behind on posting this!
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