Becca's Season: Men Tell All

Ah the Tell All episodes.  An episode that has so much potential and yet seems to end in disappointment.  Chris H. assures us it's going to be good but I'm skeptical.  Miraculously, Lincoln doesn't seem to be there.  I'd love to see Chris address the Lincoln situation, but I doubt he will.

First, though, a BIP preview.  We see Colton sobbing.  We see Kevin sobbing!  Everybody's sobbing.  Ooh, and New Zealand Jordan's there.  Can we go straight to Paradise please?

We're at least ten minutes in and we're introduced to the guys that they forced to show up.  I don't remember half of these guys.  Jean-Blanc gets a surprisingly warm reception.  Connor looks so douchy.  Dude--button your f***ing shirt.  Or if you insist on this look then own it and stop waxing /shaving your chest.  Of course, even Chris and Jordan get warm receptions too.  Still no mention of Lincoln.

The first montage shows Jean Blanc getting kicked out, Jordan and Colton going at it, Chris' douchiness and other "confrontations".   Chris seems more stable now that he's off the show, but Connor's not buying it.  But I'm not buying Connor's douchiness so there.  Jean Blanc is called out by Chris and before he can even talk, Colton goes at him.  It's funny that Colton's calling out JB for his disingenuousness (is that a word?) since Colton's arguably cooked up this relationship with Tia, although that might be more Tia than Colton.  But then JB gets a dig into Colton's virginity.  Jason is ultimately the one that puts JB in his place.  Next Colton and Jordan have an inane interaction.  Leo finally shuts down Jordan.  We're forced to listen to David and Jordan bicker along with some Jordan and Colton bickering.

Two guys that were eliminated the first night speak up.  I vaguely remember them but not as well as we all remember Joe.  One is wearing high waders.  His pants are ridiculous and it's entirely appropriate for Jordan to call him out on it.  Also, nobody knows his name.

Despite the fact that he's pretty much dominated this episode, Jordan is the first guy in the "hot seat".  We see a montage of his time on the show.  In hindsight he was pretty entertaining.  He was annoying and he's a clown for sure, but it's funny to see how the guys react to him.  Of course he wore the gold lame underwear. I for one am curious to see if he has any game at all on BIP.  My guess is "no".

Next up is Joe the Grocer, who infamously was sent home on the first night but seems to have recovered well enough.  His name is even being thrown around to be the next Bachelor and how often does THAT happen?  Fortunately we'll see Joe in Paradise.

Wills and his amazing wardrobe are up next.  The world needs a black Bachelor but I'm not sure Wills is it.  I think he's too chill.  However, Wills is going to be on Paradise too so it will be nice to see more of Wills. 

Ugh, Colton's up next.  What a clown.  I loved rewatching that moment where Colton reveals he's a "virgin" and she says, "really?"  He throws Tia under the bus, which is douchey but those two deserve each other.  Colton starts crying crocodile (alligator?) tears talking about how hard his life was because he held onto his virginity and the questions of his manhood hurt his feelings.  WHAT BS.  Hopefully the Bachelor producers aren't buying this crap and think he's a good choice for the Bachelor. 

Jason's up next on the couch.  It looks like Jason's cut his hair a little, but he's still heavily invested in the product.  As with the others, he's forced to relive his time on the show.  Obviously Jason keeps his head held high and he talks about his brother and his husband and how cool they are.  He has to be the first choice for the Bachelor at this point.

Is it time for the bloopers yet?  With about 17 minutes left, Becca finally makes her appearance.  Jason asks Becca for feedback on what he could do differently.  Spoken like a true business person.  And he wants to stay friends.  I'm melting.  Colton forces himself into the conversation. Becca defends Tia's self-absorption actions and claims they're still Instagram friends.  Becca also assures Colton that it wasn't his virginity or his relationship with Tia that got him cut.  Everybody talks about how great Becca is and then Jean-Blanc raises his hand and invites himself to the couch.

The guys roll their eyes at each other.  While on the couch, JB backpedals and says he wasn't trying to backpedal when he was backpedaling, it was more of a pride thing.  Well done, JB, you got your additional five minutes of screen time.  He gives her the perfume AGAIN.  The guys are shaking with laughter. 

All in all this has been a pretty forgettable MTA.  No focus on Crazy Chris, obviously no mention of Lincoln.  After the Final Rose will be tough to watch.  It will be interesting to see if Blake can pull himself together to show up for that because I have a feeling he'll still be in a very, very bad place.  Remember early on when the producers made the past Bachelorettes give Becca advice and they all commented that they ended up with the guys they gave their First Impression Rose too?  And I was convinced it was a ploy?  I don't think it was a ploy.  I'm Team Blake, although I think I'm actually more not Team Garrett.  Blake is so intense and needy, it's exhausting. But he's better than Garrett.  But I need to prepare myself emotionally that she picks Garrett. What does she do when she finds out that he's a homophobe?  Can she educate him? 

As things wrap up, Jordan apologizes for not being more vulnerable, Becca's chastised for not keeping Joe on longer and finally it comes to Crazy Chris.  Chris gives a seemingly genuine apology to Becca. He brings the choir back out and they sing an apology song.  It's pretty funny.  Unclear if Chris wrote it himself.

Finally we get to the bloopers.  There were some cute moments. 

This is it, folks.  Three hours tomorrow night.  I know I've been lax this season on my posts.  Some of it was within my control, some of it wasn't.  Thanks as always for reading and see you Tuesday!

Becca's Season: Episode 9

We're down to three and it's Fantasy Suite week in beautiful Thailand.  I'm getting nervous that this is Jason's last week.  What does she see in Garrett?  Out of all of the guys, this must be a place where Garrett's uncomfortable.  There's a lot of filler this week as we see Becca wandering around Thailand talking about the guys.

Blake's Date
One thing that frustrates me about this week (or any week, really) is you don't know if the order they show the dates is the actual order the dates happened.  In order to build up the sexual tension, the producers send Blake and Becca up a sacred trail where they're not allowed to touch each other.  They reach the top of the trail and hang out with some monks.  The monks remind themselves in Thai that while they might have sold their souls to allow cameras at the monastery, they were paid quite a bit of money from the production company, which will help with future renovations.  The monk shares common sense wisdom and Blake is wildly impressed with their words.

Blake is back on his insecurity downward spiral about whether she acts this way with the other guys.  As they head into the dinner part of the date, they talk about how great they are together but they're both waiting for the other shoe to fall.  Blake and Becca talk and talk and talk and honestly, I wasn't listening because I was looking at Jason's Instagram account.  Blake tells her he's "looking for a reason to stay and not a reason to go".  They open up the Fantasy Suite card from Chris and obviously Blake's all in.  After getting that s***y yurt with Arie, Becca more than deserves the suite that she stays in with Blake.

The next morning, Blake's clearly uncomfortable that she could potentially be waking up the next day with a different guy.  Fair enough.  I wish that Becca hadn't gotten up to do her makeup and put her eyelashes on.  Blake's mind is racing and he tears up.  Blake exhausts me. 

Jason's Date
Next up is Jason and him and Becca wander around whatever Thai city they're in.  They eat crickets.  Jason gushes but Becca doesn't seem into it.  She's not touching him at all.  Perhaps she thinks she's still on a spiritual trail?  Out of nowhere she suddenly walks off the date and starts talking to one of  the producers.  Poor Jason is left there alone to sit awkwardly.  We don't see the rest of the day portion of the date because after the break they've transitioned to the evening portion.

Whatever happened the rest of the day, Becca seems to have recovered and Jason seemingly doesn't think that there's anything amiss.  They talk about Hometowns, which I find strange because what did they talk about during the day if they're just now talking about Hometowns?  Jason gushes and Becca is stone faced.  You can tell the breakup is going to happen and I'm cringing.  Becca needs to just cut Jason off and help him save some face here.  Jason asks Becca where her head is at and she starts talking and then WALKS OFF again.  Poor Jason and his hair are left sitting there.  Just let him go.  If Jason were to get a hair cut I'd be all in on making him the next Bachelor.  Are there really any other contenders at this point?  I'm sure once Colton uses Tia to get more Insta followers he'll consider himself a contender, but he's not a real contender.  Let me rephrase--please tell me he's not a real contender.  I'd be game for Ben, Round 2, but I think at the end of the day I'm holding out hope that Peter will eventually become the Bachelor.  And while I typed this whole thing out, alas, Jason is still sitting there. Alone.  Again.  As they head to the commercial break.  Again.

Jason is still sitting there alone and Becca finally comes back.  She assures him she's okay but it's super awkward.  He's understandably nervous.  She talks about how difficult this has been and finally breaks up with him.  He looks so sad.  He tries to argue with her a little, or at least persuade her that he's still DTF even if she's not 100% sure.  But he's a total class act about it.  I'm not usually a fan of the term "class act" but in this case I use it.  Jason is the Jared of this season--just awesome.  Despite his over gelled hair.

Jason drives away and Becca starts sobbing in her room.  She feels terrible that she couldn't articulate why she sent him home.  The next day, Becca's still crying about sending him home.  We see her "napping" on the couch, staring out of the window.

Garrett's Date
Garrett.  Ugh.  Here we go. I'm disappointed to see how happy Becca is to see him.  They go bamboo rafting.  Garrett seems nervous, what with few to none white people in sight.  As it happens, their romantic bamboo ride is broken up by a national Thai holiday and it's party central.  Becca says she's "having the best time with Garrett" but it doesn't seem like she is.  Apparently Garrett has a tattoo on his foot.  Or a very large bruise.  Perhaps it's a Jesus tattoo?  That's not fair--not all homophobes and racists are Jesus freaks too.

They head into the evening portion of the date and I'm not seeing any luxurious rooms around.  They talk a little bit about their fears and what their future would like.  Garrett's more than ready to leave Reno but isn't quite ready to move to Becca.  More somewhere in the middle.  What a jerk.  Whatever city in Minnesota Becca lives in, despite it's sub freezing temperatures in the winter, it's 1000 times better than Reno.  Garrett finally tells her that he loves her and is hoping that she's the last woman he ever has to say that too.  How romantic.  No surprise, their forego their individual rooms.  To stay in a tent.  Why do they keep subjecting Becca to the tents?

The next morning, I'm concerned at how well things seem to have gone.  Jason, not one to take no for an answer, is back to try and persuade Becca to let him stay.  Jason, don't do this.  They start talking in Becca's room and it seems he's looking for closure more than anything else.  He gives her his scrapbook from their time together.  I'm sure Blake/Garrett will love having that around, proudly displayed on their coffee table.

Rose Ceremony?
As we head into the rose ceremony (do we really need to do this?), Becca says she's in love with both Garrett and Blake.  Chris greets Blake and Blake says he's ready to propose to Becca.  It's painful to watch Blake.  Garrett's obviously more self-assured than Blake.  Becca rolls up in a boat and thankfully they don't show her getting out of the boat, because I can speak for myself when I say that I don't think there's a way to get out of that boat gracefully.  And even if Becca is more graceful than me, which wouldn't be hard to do, I'm pretty sure Becca couldn't either.

Blake and Garrett are waiting for Becca and not speaking to each other.  They both seem a little confused as to where Jason is,but not overly concerned.  The guys see that Becca has arrived and Garrett asks Blake where he thinks Jason is and it's clear that Blake could not care less.  Becca tells Chris that she's in love with both of them but isn't going to tell them until she decides who she's going to pick.  Since, you know, that Arie did that to her and it sucked.  Also, it was arguably what ended Ben and Lauren's relationship, although the latter could have been due to Lauren's debilitating lack of self-esteem and her obvious eating disorder.  Becca gives Garrett the first rose and you can see that it makes Blake super tense.

Sometimes I wonder if I would like Garrett more if I didn't know about Garrett's questionable Instagram.  He's certainly more easy going.  There's an anxiousness and tenseness to Blake that makes ME anxious.  I'm still holding out hope that she picks Blake but I have a sense of foreboding that she doesn't.  As always, when it's down to the final two, the toast is awkward.  She asks the two of them if they're nervous meeting her family and Blake starts to nod but then Garrett says, "of course not" and Blake mutters, "yeah, of course not." 

When I first wrote this, I thought the finale looked pretty amazing, but the closer we get the less I want to see it because I'm pretty sure she picks Garrett.  But next we have to get through "Men Tell All", which admittedly, I have a hard time getting through for some reason.  Probably because you think it's going to be great and it inevitably sucks.  Just a few more weeks and it's BIP time! 

Becca's Season: Episode 8

This is always one of my favorite weeks--Hometowns week! I love to see the family dynamics and odd posturing. What families are loaded?  What families are super weird?  Let's begin, shall we?

Garrett's Hometown
First we head to Manteca, CA to meet Garrett's family.  Is Garrett's family a bunch of gun-toting homophobes? Let's find out.  Garrett begins by taking Becca on a tractor to do some work. Way to woo her, Garrett.  They talk about putting their future kids to work on the tractor.  Garrett would have been a good match for Chris Soules.  Next they plant a rosebush.  In Garrett's defense, if you can't tell, Manteca is pretty much in the middle of nowhere. There isn't much out in Central California. But dude, meet her somewhere else. I'm not entirely sure where, but be creative.

Garrett and Becca talk again about his abusive ex.  He tells Becca that if his family doesn't like her they'll tell him, even though they were too afraid to say anything about his ex.

As they head to the house, we get the usual BS from the family about how they're going to grill her. I sincerely hope they do.  Garrett and Becca finally walk in and his family is very excited to see him.  His grandparents look a little out of place but the family is super tight-knit.  He announces he's falling in love during his toast and eyebrows are definitely raised.  His big sister quickly pulls him away. He gushes about Becca and his sister is not convinced. She starts crying and is protective of him because she doesn't want him to get abused again.

The cameras transition to Becca talking with Garrett's dad.  They really portray Garrett's ex to be a monster.  What I find a little odd about this whole thing is that Garrett has never claimed any responsibility for the part he played in the demise of the marriage. I'm not saying he deserved the  abuse, but I think portraying the ex as the sole reason for the divorce is an oversimplification. His dad says he's worried about Garrett getting his heart broken again blah blah blah.  His mom pulls Becca aside next.  Mom brings up the divorce again and the night that he moved out of his house.  They make it seem like Garrett was in a deep depression.  Becca says all of the right things to mom and wins her over.

Mom pulls aside Garrett on how he's going to feel if Becca doesn't pick her and he assures her he'll survive.  Mom is appeased. She just wants him to be happy.  She's cool either way. Garrett inherited his goofball tendencies from his dad.  He thinks it was an amazing day. Becca feels good about the day too.  She wants to marry into a nice family, not a family of jerks.  How odd. Because I wish I'd married into a family of jerks.

Jason's Hometown
Next we head to Buffalo.  It's freezing because isn't Buffalo always freezing?  Compared to Manteca, Buffalo feels very urban.  Jason takes her to a bar famous for its wings.  They are in a buffalo wings eating contest.  It's...odd.  Next he takes her ice skating. He may or may not have rented out the rink for the afternoon.  He calls her a hockey mom.  A cool hockey mom, but sheesh.  He's a good hockey player, which is hot.  It's too bad his hair is so greasy.  Jason's brother is gay.  It's nice to see a dude not freaked out by this (unlike another guy whose name rhymes with "parrot").  They make out on top of the Zamboni.

Jason and Becca head to his house.  It's a totally normal house. What's unclear to me is whether this is a normal house with Newton pricing or Upton pricing.  Haven't heard of Upton?  Enough said. His brother, who's older, looks about 12.  This is one of the most normal and least tense interactions we've seen in awhile.  Jason's dad pulls him aside and talks about how happy Jason looks but of course he doesn't want Jason to get hurt.  I can't believe Jason and his hair are growing on me, but he is.

Jason's mom pulls Becca aside and it's a perfectly lovely albeit somewhat phony conversation.  Jason's mom is very put together.  Perhaps a bit Botoxed?  She asks Becca if she's found her guy yet and Becca says there's still a long way to go but she's hopeful.  B--you don't have that  much further to go.  You have two weeks. I think this is called "avoiding the question".

Anyway, mom talks to Jason next and says she couldn't get any scoop on whether he's going to win. Jason seems disappointed but then dismisses her and says what they have is real.  Mom is definitely not convinced.

Next Jason talks to his brother and his husband.  His brother gushes and Jason gushes.  His brother asks Jason if he's told Becca his feelings and if he hasn't, he needs to do it already.  When they leave, Jason basically gives Becca the exact same speech he'd said to his brother.  She swoons.

Blake's Hometown
Becca needs to find guys that live in warmer places.  She heads to Colorado where it's snowing. Granted, it's Colorado, so it will be beautiful again soon.  Becca has admitted she's in love with Blake too, which she hasn't said about anyone else. It's hard to tell if this means that Blake has this in the bag or if this is merely editing.  Or will Blake get cold feet and bail? More importantly, what is Blake's mom like?  Does she still have to wear her scarlet A?

Blake kicks things off by taking her to his old high school.  RUN AWAY.  If you're in your 20s and taking your potential wife to your high school, that's weird. Especially when you consider that his mom hooked up with his English teacher, I wouldn't think high school would have the best memories. As it turns out, Blake is in his school's hall of fame and he definitely looks better now than he did in high school, so at least he has that going for him. Apparently his mom worked at the high school, which provides a peek at how his mom ended up hooking up with his basketball coach.  The Track and Field coach and Football coaches are hanging out. There is no sign of the Basketball Coach.  Apparently Blake has more secrets to reveal.  Do tell, Blake.

It's not salacious, it's sad.  It seems there was a shooting at his high school and surviving that gave him a new leash on life. Again--why are you showing her your high school when it's clearly given you PTSD?  But wait, he still has one more surprise for her.  A montage of his high school sport conquests?  Nope, it's a Betty Who concert. Who?  I know!  The guy dancing with Betty looks like Chris, doesn't he? The former contestant, not Harrison.  Becca seems to know who the singer is and is THRILLED.  She's having the best day ever and the day's not over yet.

It's time to meet  the family.  It's unclear who everyone is but I think both his mom and dad are there as well as their significant others.  It's the mom's husband/partner THE basketball coach?  His mom says this is the happiest she's ever seen him.  Blake had a terrible breakup which I honestly don't recall ever seeing him talk about.  Anyway, he's over it and he's going to propose. His dad(?) talks to him next and tells him to be careful because he's going to be crushed.  Blake isn't too worried though but his dad says they're not living in reality so what does real life look like and it might be good if they did have a fight.  Blake claims he thought he was happy in his last relationship but he wasn't.

Blake's mom talks to Becca next to assess Becca's intentions.  Becca gives her scripted response.  Then mom asks Becca if she's ready to get engaged again and Becca says "yes for the right person".  His mom is super protective and doesn't want Becca to hurt her little boy.  We don't see any other family interactions but Becca is clearly smitten.

Colton's Hometown
It turns out Colton's from Colorado too so she visits him next.  Becca's concerned about Colton's lying about his virginity.  I was really hoping he wasn't going to bring up his foundation but it seems like he is because he wants to take Becca to a children's hospital.  Talk about a buzz kill.  You only do something like this if you want to show what a good person you are and it's obviously disingenuous.  I thought he was going to bring the kids his vests but he brings them stuffed animals.  The little girl is really cute and finally there's the mention of his foundation.  However, Becca seems to eat it up.

They leave the hospital and as it turns out, Colton's never brought a girl home EVER.  She tells him she's nervous about his lack of relationship experience and whether he's going to  be ready at the end of this journey.  Also, being the first girl he brings home puts a lot of pressure on her.  She's ready to get to the bottom of this with his family.

As they approach Colton's family mansion, he tells her that she'll be meeting EIGHTEEN people.  Holy hell, Colton.  Colton's obviously a momma's boy.  He has a "coach/player" relationship with his dad.  Huh.

Colton's dad pulls him aside to talk, well, like a coach and player.  Colton brings up Tia to his dad and how he told Becca all about her.  His dad asks Colton if she's talked to HIM about Arie and if she's really ready for an engagement.  His dad's pretty tough on Colton.  It's very Andrew Clark-ish (Breakfast Club, in case you don't get the reference).

Next up is Colton's dad and Becca.  He asks Becca first about how she feels about Colton and Tia.  Then he asks Becca about her breakup with Arie and if she's talked about that with Colton and she says "no".  How much is she supposed to talk about Arie with these guys?  While he likes how she refers to finding "her person", he says if she doesn't intend on picking Colton she should cut him.

We see Colton and his mom talking, and it's clear he has a better relationship with her.  He tells her that he told Becca he was a virgin and her reaction is "why are you telling me this?"  He says he told Becca about his virginity because he didn't want to make it to Fantasy Suites without her knowing.  He thinks Becca loves him which shows how clueless he is.  He's going to tell Becca he's in love and he's in it to win it.

Mom and Becca talk next and Becca expresses her concern about his lack of dating experience and whether his mom thinks he's ready for this.  His mom has seen the light and tells her "yes".  Also, she's still in shock that her son had that super awkward sex talk with her.  It's getting time to go and Colton tells Becca how great he feels about how today went and that he's in love with her.  She says his words make her feel special but it's a vastly different reaction than her and Blake.  Still, she says she's falling for Colton but I'm not buying it.

Pre-Rose Ceremony
Well, we're through all the dates but we still have 20 minutes to go, so something happens.  Oh that's right, we still haven't seen the Becca/Tia conversation. Becca claims she can see a future with all four of them.  Becca's friends from her season show up.  Sienne, Caroline, Bekah, Tia, and Kendall (it took me a few minutes to remember her name) are there.  The girls swoon while Becca talks about her dates, except for Tia, whose face is making all sorts of contortions while she listens.  Tia interrupts Becca and asks if she can talk to her privately.  The other women sit there awkwardly.

Out on the balcony, Tia tells Becca that she still has feelings.  Becca's not happy about this.  Tia--this isn't about you.  Get over yourself.  Caroline tells the other women what's happening.  It's unclear what Tia expects Becca to do with this information, but this is super shady.  Becca's annoyed.  I think this is more about the fact that Tia wanted to be the Bachelorette and Becca stole it from her.

Rose Ceremony
It's finally Rose Ceremony time. Maybe.  Becca's in a sexy long black dress.  Jason arrives first and has his check in with Chris. And by "check-in", Chris walks him to the ceremony room.  Same with Blake.  And Garrett.  Then Colton arrives.  In the voiceover, he mixes up his metaphors and says he's a mixed bag of emotions.  Chris greets him and is puzzled by why Colton is speaking to him about fantasy suites.  He asks Chris what the expectations are of going into the Fantasy Suite.  Chris says, "why don't we get through this rose ceremony and then we can worry about that"?  Just kidding!  He actually says, "obviously you're expected to put out."  Sorry, one last time.  He says, "I don't give a s***, talk to Becca about it."  And then rolls his eyes when Colton walks away.

Finally Becca arrives.  Chris greets her and doesn't bring up Colton's virginity.  Becca feels bad that she's saying good-bye to Colton tonight.  It's clear that's what's happening here, right?  Becca gives her speech and says this was the hardest decision she's had to make yet.  Jason starts to look really worried.  Garrett looks likes he's spacing out.  Blake obviously gets the first rose.  I think Garrett gets the second rose.  Nooooo, it's Jason.  So obviously Garrett will get the last rose.  This gives me hope that Garrett will get sent home next week if he's the third choice.  See Colton?  Don't put the cart before the horse there, buddy.  Your virginity is safe and sound.

Becca walks Colton out and she tells him she feels terrible.  She tells him about the conversation she had with his dad.  He's clearly blindsided.  It's awkward and I wish he'd just get into the SUV and go home.  She rejoins the other guys and tells them how hard that was for her.  The guys could care less. They're going to Thailand next.  Garrett looks super nervous about this.  He doesn't strike me as an adventurous eater.  Or adventurous at all.  Plus he prefers white people over Asians.

As the credits roll, we see Becca talking to somebody in Blake's family and he essentially says that Blake isn't capable of cooking, cleaning, fixing a car, or doing anything helpful.  Noted.

Becca's Season: Episode 7

Dearest readers, my sincere apologies for the delayed posting.  Sadly when it comes down to it, it's such a boring season.  I was thinking about something the other day and Juliet Litman articulated it well on her recent Bachelor Party podcast.  There's no sexual tension on this season.  Remember when Kaitlin and even Rachel rammed their tongues down these guys throats and were dry humping?  This season is so...chaste.  Even last season, Arie didn't ooze sex appeal.

This week we're finally out of the country and in warmer weather.  I'm loving Becca's island clothes and more importantly, I'm loving Wills' animal prints.  Chris Harrison decides to show up briefly and Becca and Chris talk things through.  Becca's ready for no drama this week and in what may or may not be foreshadowing, is nervous about something bad happening.

Colton the "virgin" is nervous about Becca meeting his family.  Do you think Colton puts on the facade of his virginity for his Christian family?  Blake's ready to drop the L word.  Both Becca and the guys' suites look awesome. Becca joins the guys at their place and explains that this week there's no rose ceremony, just three one-on-ones and a group date.  She whisks Colton off first.  Garrett's face is priceless. Blake continues his slow meltdown.  Nobody expected Colton to get the one-on-one but they all agree that he needs to tell Becca in the hopes that it sabotages his chances and sends him home.

Colton's One-on-One
Becca thinks Colton is so freaking hot.  Admittedly he's not really my type but to each her own.  They make out on a beach all day.  Colton's this close to telling her when Action shows up to tell them they need some conch in their life.  So they go diving for conch,which is supposedly an aphrodisiac.  Colton is not on board with this but he chokes it down.  Becca doesn't think her and Colton need any help in that department and she's right--they don't.  Because he's a wee bit young for erectile dysfunction.

Colton woodenly thanks Becca for having a great day and tells Becca he has something to share with her, but the buildup is so bad that Becca is freaked out.  Again, Colton said he was so focused on football that he never had time for a relationship.  Which is fine.  However, I don't buy for a second that it means he didn't have time to get laid.  Not to say that football players are nymphos, but come on, Colton.  How dumb do you think we are?  Not even Becca's buying it with her, "really?" response.  She 100% thinks that he's lying.  She looks kind of pissed and uncomfortable.  Colton's beet red.  Becca is speechless.  As I alluded to in my opening paragraph, Becca doesn't seem to be a very sexual person anyway, so this might not be a deal breaker. After "baring his soul", Becca pulls an Arie and walks out.  The producers take the time to do an interview with Colton, who's understandably nervous. Despite the lack of chemistry, Becca needs somebody that knows what they're doing in bed.  Sorrynotsorry.

Back at the house, Garrett and Blake speculate on sex and how they don't think that Colton will get a rose.  Garrett even says he "wouldn't put a ring on it" until his future fiance put out.

Becca finally comes back and Colton's relieved but nervous and tries to make her feel guilty for her behavior by telling her it was really difficult for him to share his virginity story. However, to make this conversation even odder, he says he's waiting for the right moment (rather than marriage).  Becca brings up Aly again and why the two of them didn't have sex if he loved her.  In other words, WTF?  Colton said he lied in the past because of all of the locker room talk.  She seems to be convinced and Colton obviously gets the rose.  Colton and Becca make out beside an ejaculating randomly spouting fountain and I enjoy the imagery.

Back at the house, the next date card comes and it goes to Garrett.  Blake continues his downward spiral.  Blake--sshhhh, it's going to be okay. Jason's going to get the third one-on-one and you'll go on the group date, but you'll get the rose.  I promise. Let me take a moment to remind everyone that Blake was "Mr. Independence" in his Bachelor bio.  Colton comes back and the guys are not happy to see him. Blake has grown on me over time, but I suspect that's related to the fact that given the options, it's more of a "he's the least offensive one" rather than, "he seems really cool." Leo is obviously the coolest though not relationship material.  Still, it's sad to see Blake spiraling into this self-doubt.  And by sad, I mean, it's refreshing to see the guys having their minds messed with.

Garrett's One-on-One
Ugh, Garrett.  They run to each other across the beach.  They kick things off with a ride on a sea plane. Garrett's glad that Becca took him on this date because he likes fun.  Unlike the other guys, who aren't so keen on fun (insert eye roll).  That water does look amazing.  Garrett and Becca do a PG version of frolicking on a private island.  I'm mean, sure, you have a whole camera crew there but there have been plenty of couples before you that have ignored that.  I sort of feel like this is coming off a little pervy and that's not my intention.  Becca says she's falling for Garrett but she "has more questions".  Of course she does.

Back at the hosue--it's the same scene.  The next date card arrives and I was wrong--Blake finally gets his one-on-one.  Chris, Leo and Wills aren't happy.  Blake is near tears with relief and you can see his mood elevate.  I'm a little surprised about this turn of events, but now it's clear that Jason will get the rose on the three-on-one.

Back at the evening portion of Garrett's date, Garrett says Becca gives really good toasts. What a compliment.  Becca asks who she'd be meeting if he made Hometowns.  His answer is "his family". Becca asks Garrett if his ex was so abusive, why did they get married.  He was scared not to. She's worried that Garrett's going to change his personality to accommodate her.  As annoying as Garrett is, I don't see that happening.  He tells Becca that he's beginning to fall in love with her.  How does he make that distinction?  Needless to say, Becca eats it up. No shocker, he gets the rose.  In what might be the most passionate scene on this show yet, they strip down to new bathing suits and run into the ocean to make out.

Blake's One-on-One
As with Garrett, Blake and Becca run across the beach to each other.  Remember how I complain about every musical act that appears on this show?  I take it all back.  Baja Men, of Who Let the Dogs Out one-hit wonder fame, have a new song.  It's called "Bumpa".  Damn, Blake's a good dancer.  Okay, this song is much better than Who Lets the Dogs Out.

They sneak off to a beach and talk about how lucky they are.  Blake starts talking about how this week has been hard for him and Becca talks about how there are other guys that she has feelings for.  He's not thrilled to hear this but I do think he's still a front runner.

Becca is thrilled that Blake has had a bad week because it demonstrates how strong his feelings are.  They go off to dinner and Becca's ready to get to the bottom of Blake's family and who she'll be meeting next week. Blake's parents divorced when he was 15 because his mom was having an affair with Blake's basketball coach and English teacher. It's unclear if this was one guy or if there were two different guys.  However--holy crap.  So he's like Harvey Specter and has mommy issues.  It sounds like it got worse for him before it got better.  Growing up in a small town, everybody knew everybody's business.  Blake's thrilled that Becca doesn't want that and wants to communicate with her partner.  Again, see snide comments about Garrett liking "fun".  He tells Becca that he's in love with her.  No surprise, Blake gets the rose. As much fun as she has with Garrett, I think Blake is going to win this. She talks about him much differently than the other guys and said she wanted to tell him she loved him too.  Please note that I don't think we ever did find out who we'll be meeting next week.  And yes I mean "we".

Three-on-One
Before Leo gets ready for his date, he's in man-bun mode.  Wills, Leo and Jason all look solemn on what looks like a gray day.  Jason claims to be psyched for today while Wills and Leo are dreading it.  I think that's valid.  Jason's been a bit of a dark horse.  Wills as always is the best dressed.  It's unfortunate that he underhand serves the volleyball though.

Each of the guys plead their cases.  Jason would be a lot cuter if he cut his hair.  Or take cues from Leo on how to make longer hair look good.  When it's Leo's turn, he says in his interview the other guys can offer her a "nice house" and "an easy lifestyle".  He, on the other hand, can offer her "love".  Sorry, dude, love doesn't pay the bills.  Leo's insecure that he's so different from the other guys.  Leo tells Becca that at this point he's not ready to propose.  Needless to say this isn't the answer that she wants, but it was clear that Leo was never going to make it past today.  I can't believe he made it as far as he did.  Becca decides to send Leo home, which I'm disappointed about because I would have really liked to see Leo's family.

The other guys are psyched that Leo gets sent home.  Leo is left to awkwardly wander the beach and is stranded while Becca leaves with Wills and Jason.  Ouch.

As they head into the evening portion of the date, Becca claims that she's going to have a hard time deciding between Jason and Wills.  Jason's pretty confident and I'm confident for him.  Becca pulls Jason aside and they make out for awhile.  Becca asks if Jason has any reservations about bringing her home and obviously he says "no".  Becca adds pressure by saying that other guys have expressed their feelings more eloquently than him.  Jason gets a little defensive but handles it as well as he could.  Jason is worried by her mind games.

Next up is Wills. As with Jason, they make out for awhile.  Wills tells Becca that she's made him believe in wuv again, and he gets choked up.  It's a very sweet speech and it's going to be that much more painful when he doesn't get the rose.  I'm hopeful for him in BIP, though that generally hasn't gone well for African-Americans who show up--male or female. But maybe this year will be different.

As the evening progresses, it's finally time to give out the rose. Becca needs to decide if she goes for the guy who's expressed his feelings already (Wills) or go for the guy that hasn't (Jason).  Becca makes her speech that this is the biggest decision she's made thus far, blah blah blah.  Obviously she gives the rose to Jason and it hurts to see Wills' reaction.  He's not as douchey as Chris, so he lets Becca walk him out. Becca says that she can't end up with a black guy just doesn't feel the same way about him.  Their talk is awkward and Wills is clearly broken up and disappointed.

Wills claims to be heartbroken but I'm sure he'll find comfort in Paradise.  Jason and Becca make out some more.  Wills jumps out of the car so he can try and cry in private.

Next week looks epic but we know that the producers tend to over dramatize the hometown episodes.  And Tia drops a "bombshell".  Perhaps that will be Colton's oust.

Becca's Season: Episode 6

Hi all.  Yes, still here.  We're still cutting down dead weight in time for BIP casting.  I'm really hoping BIP is going to be good this year.  Unfortunately for the women, the pickings seem slim, but hopefully it will still be entertaining.  Let's be honest, the pickings are kind of slim for the guys too.

You might remember that the gang is heading to Virginia this week.  Becca's interviews and voice overs seem forced and unenthusiastic.  I'm sure Virginia is lovely, but it's Virginia.  It's unclear what kind of deal Virginia made with the Bachelor to get their fine state featured.

Oh, Chris Harrison. We haven't seen you lately.  I almost forgot you were the "host".  Becca and Chris sit down for tea and Becca admits that she's started wedding planning. UGH, Leo hopes Virginia can birth his relationship with Becca.  EWWWW.  Back at the house, Lincoln likes to wrestle with the guys.  I hate Jason's hair.  Chris (not Harrison) reminds us how bad last week was for him.  We remember, Chris.  The first date card of the week arrives and Jason's hair gets his first one-on-one.  Chris is down for a two-on-one and somehow him and Lincoln begin bickering.  Jason can't get out of there fast enough.  Chris makes it about him again and accuses Lincoln of body shaming him.  Because the guys are contractually obligated to do whatever the producers ask them to do seem to be in a pretty small suite and can't go anywhere, the other guys have to sit there and watch this weird conversation.

Jason's One-on-One
Becca and Jason cavort around Richmond.  They end up at an Unhappy Hour and it's definitely not Jason's jam.  It's clear he doesn't like "weird" or "unique" people. He looks uncomfortable but for some bizarre reason starts "dancing" with a performance artist.

Back at the house Leo and Colton gossip about Chris.  Who knew Leo would be the sage voice of wisdom on this season?  Back at the date, Becca has one last surprise for Jason and it's meeting his friends.  One of his friends gets right to it and asks Jason if Becca's the one and his response is essentially, "she checks all the boxes of what you're supposed to want" but doesn't actually say "yes". Becca tries to pump his friends for information and they don't give up much.

At dinner Jason shares that up until now he's runaway from serious discussions but he doesn't feel that way with her.  Of course not.  One of his friend's names is Hawk?  Another sign that she should cut Jason and his greasy hair loose.  He shares a bizarre story about visiting his grandma with his dad.  It doesn't reveal anything about him at all.

Back at the house the next date card arrives and it's a group date card. Chris is happy to redeem himself.  Back at the date Jason obviously gets the rose.

Group Date
We already know from the coming attractions that Chris continues his downward spiral. Becca and the guys are greeted by George Washington and Abraham Lincoln.  Of course Lincoln tries on Abe's hat.  Chris tells us that Lincoln is dead to him.  The guys are campaigning for Becca.  Chris and Abe are the moderators for this debate/whatever we're calling it.  I guess Fred Willard was busy.  It must be an election year for the Virginia Governor because he's there to ask the first question.  It's pretty vanilla until Lincoln gets a question and gets right into it.  Interestingly enough, Chris Z(? I can't remember his last name but it's not Chris H.) perhaps unintentionally provides some foreshadowing of what a scumbag Lincoln really is.  Obviously Becca is not happy about this back and forth between Lincoln and Chris.  Becca is again super annoyed, especially when Chris drops an f-bomb.  Blake tries to be the peacekeeper but he shouldn't waste his breath.  Chris H. cuts the debate short.  Needless to say, Becca is frustrated AGAIN.  Unlike Chris, Connor's hair is quite impressive.

We come back for the evening portion of the date.  Becca tells the guys to knock it off and Chris still doesn't get it.  Lincoln pulls Becca aside first.  Chris doesn't think he did anything wrong today.  Lincoln doesn't claim responsibility for his role in today's shenanigans and says he feels threatened, which is total BS.  Chris interrupts Lincoln and Becca and Becca confronts Chris about how some of the guys don't feel comfortable around him.  Chris is uncomfortable that people have said that, Becca's uncomfortable and Chris reiterates that it's not about her, he's the most uncomfortable.  Chris is hurt by Becca's questions.  Nothing is resolved, Garrett interrupts them and thankfully ends the conversation.  Becca tells Garrett she wants some time by herself.

While Becca composes herself, Lincoln and Chris are going at it again.  Chris asks Connor if he felt threatened by Chris and Connor says no.  Then it emerges that Lincoln was the one stirring the pot.  Most guys are rolling their eyes.  Garrett comes back and tells Chris he doesn't know what was said,  but whatever it was, Becca can't deal with any of them right now.  I'm concerned that Garrett is the current voice of reason.

Since Jason and Leo are the only ones at the house right now, Jason reads the date card to Leo telling him he has the next one-on-one.  But let's get back to the group date.  Connor again forgot to button his shirt.  Becca finally comes in to get Garrett back.  Garrett reads his closing statement to Becca since he didn't get a chance to say it earlier in the day.  She spends time with Colton and Wills tells her he's falling in love with her. He's quite the low talker.  It's finally time to give the date rose and Becca gives it to Colton of all people.  Garrett and Wills are annoyed.  Blake didn't get much screen time at all during this date.

Leo's One-on-One
Becca is again too exhausted and distracted to focus on her date with Leo today.  They go on a plane ride and Becca ignores Leo.  Did you know she's frustrated?  At this point the word frustrated has had significantly more screen time than Chris Harrison.  Leo's very patient with her and is probably the most mature guy in the house.  He might also be the oldest, which is sad because he's only what, 31?  Becca shakes off her frustration and they get their hair in their respective buns and go oyster shucking.  Leo and his hair have grown on me but I just don't sense an attraction between them.

Anyway, as they transition into the evening portion of the date, we finally find out more about Leo.  Becca apologizes that Leo saw her at her worst and if that's her worst then I'm an unstable bitch who should be institutionalized on what I'd consider to be a good day.  At the risk of sounding defensive, I generally blame my children for this, so there's that.  Like Chris, Leo has daddy issues.  Apparently Leo was a pretty good baseball player (we know from this season's casting that Becca likes the athletes), but not good enough to play professionally and he thinks he failed his father. It's unclear if Leo's dad made him feel like a failure or if this is in his head.

Since the date is going well (read: boring), let's go back  to the drama at the house.  Chris is a loose cannon who could blow any moment.  We see Chris writing god knows what.  Foreboding music plays.

Back at the date, Leo obviously gets the rose.  Let's enjoy the time we have left with Leo because I doubt he'll make it to Hometowns, although with Colton heading to Paradise, I'm hoping he does.  WHAT IS IT WITH BACHELOR AND COUNTRY ACTS?  Are the Bachelor producers that other genres sing about love and they also have up-and-coming acts that would love the exposure?  I don't see Leo as a country guy, but maybe he just can't dance well.  He gets mobbed by the crowd.

Leo makes it back to the house and Chris isn't happy.  In fact, he storms out of the room.  Apparently he's going to hunt down Becca.  Or wander the streets of Richmond.  If I was Becca I'd be uncomfortable with some of these guys coming to my room.  Rather than try and get Becca to understand that he's not a monster, he wants her to know that Lincoln eats a dozen eggs a day and she doesn't want to get involved with somebody like that.

Becca looks very nervous when he shows up.  She's thankful that there are cameras there to collect evidence if needed. She compliments him on his coat and it IS a nice coat, but he's worn it several times already.  Also, I assume that they gave Becca a few minutes to get ready again because I guarantee I'd already be in PJs, regardless of whether I needed to do more interviews.  At a minimum, my slippers would be on.

Chris gives his speech and Becca's not having any of it.  Chris doesn't take any responsibility for creating any drama and instead refers to it as "adversity".  I'm not sure why she's even giving him the time of day and doesn't just send him home.  Okay, she finally sends him home.  He doesn't want her to walk him out.  She insists so she can make sure that he actually leaves.  He's pissed and being his usually bitchy baby self.  He's going to be a nightmare on BIP.

Cocktail Party Rose Ceremony
The guys head to the cocktail party to be greeted by Chris.  No surprise, Becca knows who she wants to keep and who she needs to send home.  Wills and Blake are both panicking, which is silly because at this point I think it's Blake's proposal to lose and I think Wills has a good chance of going to Hometowns (over Leo).  Thankfully Lincoln is finally gone.  Connor and his hairless chest can go back to his bros.  First Paradise though, where I'm sure he'll be able to connect with one of vanilla women that show up. Connor says it hurts but he holds it together.  Interestingly enough we don't see Lincoln's response.  I wonder if they cut it out?

Next Week
Finally we get to see these guys without their shirts on because they're going to the Bahamas!  The remaining men continue to melt down. The drama queens are gone, although Colton still needs to reveal his "secret".  We see a clip of Garrett talking about skeletons in the closet.   Will Garrett's skeletons be revealed?  We can only wait and see.

At the end of the episode, Becca gets some wise words of wisdom from Abe and G-Dub.  G-Dub in particular comments on how hot the guys are.  Interesting, Georgie, very interesting.

Becca's Season: Episode 5

Hi folks.  I'm still behind, as you can tell.  There were a few reasons for that, but mostly because I wasn't terribly interested in watching.  But it's a hot day outside and I need a break, so here I am.

If you recall, the gang is heading to Utah from Las Vegas.  We see a rather awkward series of Becca shots with a voiceover of her sharing her trust issues.  But it gets even more forced when it transitions to the guys.  Jason is wearing a long necklace of some kind.  Chris thinks Vegas is hte place where he can really shine.  I'm not sure Vegas is hte place you want to be to share your "best side".

Colton's One-on-one
Colton gets this week's first date.   Colton again claims to not have a lot of experience with relationships.  Becca and Colton will be riding camels to get over the "humps" of past relationships. Get it?  Humps?  Camels?  Sigh. Colton is not having a lot of fun riding his camel.  And they come upon a hot tub.  In the middle of hte desert.  Why have a hot tub in the mountains when you can have one in the desert?

Back at the house Jordan and David continue their awkward banter.  Back on the date, Becca likes Colton despite being his second choice for the Bachelorette.

After the commercial break, Colton begins discussing his relationship with Aly Raisman (presumably).  He said he told her he loved her very quickly and she didn't reciprocate.  Probably because she was dealing with her own crap and saw you as a waste of time.  He claims that his lack of relationship experience isn't a bad thing.  I'd agree, the virginity thing is bigger.  Because nobody believes you're a virgin.  However, it kills Becca that Colton equates pain with love.  Becca--whatever he says, he's full of it.

Back at the house, a group date card arrives and it's revealed that David and Jordan are on the ever popular two-on-one.

I'm not sure if Colton could come off as more scripted and wooden, but Becca falls for it and gives him the rose anyway.  Instead of watching a musical act, they go off for a tour of the Vegas strip in a double decker bus.  In his interview, Colton says woodenly that he's falling in love with Becca.

Group Date
Before we can watch the two-on-one, we need to sit through the group date.  The guys roll up to a palatial estate that turns out to belong to Wayne Newton.  Ever the consummate showman, Wayne rides in on a horse.  Wow, Wayne, you need to fire your plastic surgeon.  Wayne is clearly a narcissist because before they begin the date, he asks them if he can show them around his "cabin".  Wayne sings what might be his only hit, "Danke Schoen" to the guys.  I can't fault any of the guys for the looks on their faces.  Horror comes to mind.  Then his equally well-preserved wife comes in and he sings it to her.

The guys disperse to "write" Becca a song.  Chris is feeling good because he already had this date with Richard Marx. Boy do I miss Richard right now.  Yes, Richard did look miserable, but at least you could see his facial expressions.  Wayne and Becca go from guy to guy and we're forced to listen to their terrible songs and voices.  Wayne tells the guys that they'll be singing their songs live on the stage that night.  I'll spare you the details but let's just say it was terrible.  Chris thinks he killed it but I'm not sure.

As they transition into the evening portion of the date, Chris is confident the date rose is his.  He might have to get through Garrett first.  Garrett and Becca make out and then burst into giggles for some unknown reason.

Back at the house, the official date card for the two-on-one card shows up.  Colton is forced to sit and hang out with David and Jordan.

Back at the date we see the usual preening.  Blake reminds Becca about how Jean Blanc faked his feelings last week and insists he's really falling in love with her. She swoons.  Blake and Becca make out for awhile outside and finally come back inside.  Chris, who has been intentionally waiting to be the last one, loses out.  No surprise, Blake gets the rose.  Chris is befuddled and somehow turns it back on Becca and is now convinced he's going home. Dick move, dude.  He gets mopey and says he might just leave tonight.   That would show her.  What a primadonna.

Two-on-one
It's finally two-on-one time.  It's clear that David and Jordan are going to self-sabotage this date by
bickering and ignoring Becca.  Jordan continues to open his mouth and random words come out  that he thinks form sentences, but don't.  Becca greets the guys and she doesn't seem very happy to see either one.

Becca says that the two-on-ones get a bad rap but she just wants them to have fun.  Becca is either going for the bedhead look or didn't bother to put much effort into her hair for this date. Becca tells the guysto enjoy the silence and David keeps talking.  Becca pulls David aside first and David plays the "Jordan's not here for the right reasons" card.  This is never a good card to play.  Also, you're 12 years old and a "VC".  Don't spend your time talking about the other guy--ignore the other guy. Talk about the two of you.

Next Jordan and Becca have their time and Becca confronts Jordan about some of the things that David said about him.  Obviously he denies everything that David said.  Jordan then claims that his father has supported his mom through her mental health issues for the past 27 years and essentially that's his example of loyalty. He grew up so poor that at times there was no electricity.  Sure dude.

Jordan of course loses his s*** and confronts David.  Jordan claims that being him is his biggest power and David lacks charisma, passion and personality.  David stays calm and amused by Jordan's temper tantrum.  Becca sits the two of them down and says she's frustrated.  She asks the guys to explain themselves and David starts talking only to be interrupted by Jordan, who continues his hissy fit.  Becca goes off again on the two of them and walks off.  David and Jordan continue to bicker.  Becca comes back and reiterates for the nth time how frustrated she is and gives David the heave ho. But she's not ready to give Jordan the rose just yet as they continue to the evening portion of the date.  Nevertheless, Jordan is smug and confident that the rose is his.  The guys at the house watch the producers take away David's suitcase.

As Jordan and Becca transition into the evening portion of the date, Jordan and Becca embark on what seems to be a truly awkward first date.  Jordan asks Becca what a typical weekend is like and she describes her generic weekend.  Jordan then talks about working out and putting time into his appearance.  They then talk about Zoolander and Jordan confirms the movie's accuracy.  We see Jordan's range with his facial expressions.  He wishes he had his portfolio with him so she can see his range.  Becca is not impressed.

Back at the house the guys aren't thrilled that Jordan is staying for now.  Chris again makes it about him and that Becca needs to step it up and show him why he should stay.  Dude, that's not the point of this particular show.  Get over yourself.

Back at the date, Jordan makes an awkward transition to maul Becca.  Thankfully we don't see the closeup.  This guy seriously has no game at all. Both Becca and I thought he was going to pull out his gold lame underwear.  Jordan is thrilled at how the date is going and clearly can't read body language.  Thankfully she doesn't give Jordan the rose.  He is clearly blindsided and embarrassed. For better or worse, Jordan is heading to Paradise.  Perhaps him and Krystal will hit things off?

Jordan is genuinely befuddled at what she didn't see in him and is clearly sad that he'll be waking up alone tomorrow.  AGAIN.  Oh Jordan.  The guys are PSYCHED when somebody comes by to pick up Jordan's bag.

Cocktail Party
Dearest readers, if you thought this episode was close to finishing, we still have 25 minutes to go.  Good Lord.  Chris continues to whine, the guys continue to roll their eyes.  Becca reminds the guys that while this week was better, it was still frustrating, so stop frustrating her. She then pulls Chris aside.  Apparently she heard about his bitching about how he didn't get enough attention this week.  He starts things off by telling her she owes him.  She reminds him that this is her show and she doesn't owe anyone anything--it's up to him to use this time wisely.  He assures her he wants to be there but he's still being a little bitch.  He clearly makes her feel defensive, which isn't cool. Becca continues to lecture Chris and the conversation is awkward. She leaves the conversation pissed.  Chris seems to know that he f***ed up.  The other guys are too nervous to approach Becca because they can tell she's pissed.  He goes back to talk to the guys and starts crying.  He's clearly feeling rejected like he felt rejected by his dad.  Garrett and John discuss how emotionally unstable Chris is.

Because he didn't make things bad enough the first time, Chris walks over to Wills and Becca.  Wills is rocking an amazing suit.  Chris asks if he can interrupt and Becca basically says "No" and Chris essentially ignores her and insists on speaking with her.  He then defers to Wills to ask to speak to Becca.   Dude, she said no.  He then tells Becca that they need to be on the same page and she needs to understand where he's coming from.  Wills gives him exactly two minutes and interrupts his speech.  Wills doesn't back down. It's awesome.  Chris looks like he wants to hit Wills.  Wills stands his ground and Becca tells Chris that she'll come find him later.  Dude is lucky if he makes it another night.  Obviously Chris whines to the guys.  Why is Lincoln wearing a tux?

Wills rejoins the guys and Chris gives him the death stare.  Wills calls him out and is unimpressed with Chris' lame explanation. Chris senses that nobody is taking his side and they all start talking over each other.  Wills walks away as they're all talking. Connor forgot to button half his shirt. Hey Connor, the 70s called--they want their look back. And you need some chest hair to pull this look off.

Becca comes in and pulls Chris aside.  He claims he's legitimately falling in love with her. Becca's not buying it but doesn't kick him out yet.  He apologizes for his bitchy behavior but Becca seems tired of the whole conversation.  Chris is,like, so ready to prove himself.  Thankfully Chris H. comes in to put us out of our misery.

Rose Ceremony
In case you're counting (and I am), there are now eight minutes left.  Garrett's talking shit about Chris. Chris continues complaining but looks very worried.  Lincoln by some small miracle squeaks through another week.  Thankfully his air time has decreased. It's down to the final rose and it goes to Chris.  We say goodbye to John, who I can't believe made it as far as he did anyway.  John's loaded and I'm sure will have no problem finding a gold-digger woman that will make him happy.  Oy, he sheds a few tears.

Becca,who's clearly drained by this evening, unenthusiastically shares that they're heading to Virginia.  Clearly they're working on a low budget this season.  Wasn't Lauren from Virginia?  Perhaps that's why she's unenthusiastic.  Perhaps the producers are also taping something with Lauren and are looking to make the most of the state.

Rest assured, there is plenty of drama to come on this season.  I'm worried about Becca.  Her heart doesn't seem to be into this journey.   She's continually frustrated and doesn't seem very happy. 

Becca's Season: Episode 4

As I wait for Hulu to run through its many commercials, I admittedly  haven't been that excited to watch this week's episode.  Do you remember a simpler time, when Lincoln's worst offense was that he was a rumored floor pooper?   (A rumor, by the way, that is not a rumor but apparently true based on my sources.  Yes, dear readers, I have SOURCES now.  Well, source. Alas it's only a Lincoln source.)  Remember when he wasn't a convicted sexual assualter?  Remember when Garrett's f***ed-up Instagram likes was the worst offense?  Let's be clear, Jordan's strip down was creepy, but it gets creepier over time as I mull it over more.

So admittedly, I've lost a little enthusiasm this week.  The episode begins right where things left off last week--at the Cocktail Party.  Blake and Becca begin planning how many children they want and their names, so it appears that Blake pretty much has this in the bag at this point. Can we just move on to BIP and pray that this season isn't also ruined by sexual assault?  Is that too much to ask?

Cocktail Party (Still)
The guys are talking about David and Lincoln wants him gone, but not as a result of an injury.  Jordan takes credit for David's injury because seemingly Jordan thinks that God does things for him. David has left the hospital (possibly AMA but probably not) and he doesn't look THAT bad.  Jordan's pissed because he comes back right when Jordan was talking to Becca.  To make matters worse, Becca's happy to see David and pulls him aside immediately to talk to him.

Rose Ceremony
I'm over Jordan's self-absorption.  Becca gives David a rose so he can go to bed. Finally the Rose Ceremony starts.  Obviously Jordan will get a rose because him and David need to be on the two-on-one together. Nick shows up in a track suit and he looks super sleazy.  Bizarrely, he gets a rose. Thankfully Leo is sticking around for another week.  The last rose goes to Jean Blanc.  Ryan/Banjo guy and Mike/ESPN guy, we hardly knew thee.   Seriously, neither one of you got any screen time.

Becca tells the guys it's time to pack up because they're heading to Utah.

Garret's One-on-One
Garrett gets this week's first date and Becca still seems rather smitten with him.  I always wonder if the producers give them spending money on these dates or if they're expected to bring their own money.

Back at the house, Lincoln gets more unwarranted screen time because he thinks the earth is flat.  Please stop talking.  After the break, John is forced to awkwardly listen to Jean Blanc discuss what a great connection he has with Becca.  John, who by some miracle hasn't been sent home yet, thinks Jean needs to chill the f*** out.

Back at the date, Becca continues to gush about Garrett.  They go up a ski lift without wearing skis.  I was nervous about how they would dismount the lift, but since there's nobody at the mountain, somebody seems to stop the lift.  As it turns out, they're going bobsledding.  Of course they're being taught by two former Olympians.  Silver medalists, as a matter of fact.  Admittedly, the professional bobsledders don't seem very enthusiastic about being on the show, but since they won their medals 12+ years ago, they're women, and bobsledding doesn't seem to result in lucrative endorsements, here they are.  As it turns out, the two women are married. Garrett pretends to be cool with this but there's a split second where his face is a little grossed out.  You saw it, right?

It's the evening part of the date and Garrett would need to do something epicly terrible to not get the rose.  Becca tells Garrett that he reminds her of her dad.  Whoa, Garrett drops the bombshell that he was previously married.  I didn't see that coming.  He was married for two whole months!  Of course, Becca internally freaks out about this.  What if he feels like he's forced to propose before he's ready and then changes his mind?  Because I'm not sure if you're aware, but that's happened to her before.

Back at the house, the group date card arrives and Wills, who has gotten pretty minimal screen time, gets the other one-on-one for the week.

Back at the date, Becca asks Garrett why his marriage broke up.  He says she was emotionally abusive and he ignored the red flags. He says nobody in his "bloodline" had ever been divorced before. Bloodline?  Anyway, he assures her he's all in. Becca thanks him for sharing his dirty laundry on national TV.  Obviously he gets the rose and they transition to the awkward unknown country musical act. 

Group Date
Becca's on a massive group date with 13 guys. John's in it to get the rose and prove his manliness in other ways since he's obviously going to suck at a lumberjack competition (which sounded more judgey than it came out).  As is the theme this week, they're being taught some lumberjack skills by some professional lumberjacks that are also together IRL.  This is a hetero relationship.  I would have loved two guys but I'm not sure the Bachelor producers are ready for that. 

Most of the guys are doing really well.  Even Jordan and John are able to split a piece of wood.  However, Jean Blanc, Lincoln and Chris struggle. I was a little surprised that Chris struggled.

Next up is ax throwing, log throwing.  The log throwing is pretty tough but again John prevails.  The guys are split into teams.  Leo is ready for the boys and men to separated. As am I, Leo, as am I. Flannel shirts are involved.  It's a race to the finish in a pole climbing race between Jon and Blake.  John wins and Becca gives him a Golden Axe.  It's not a rose, but it might give him an edge.

For the evening portion, most of the guys ignored her request that they keep their flannel on. Becca is again in red.  Jason pulls her aside first.  I might like this guy more if his hair wasn't so greasy.  He plays the "I'm embracing my emotions" card which Becca eats up.

Becca asks Colton if he's ever been in love.  He says yes--once.   And you know her--it's Tia.  Colton quickly changes the subject and feeds her some random garbage.  Ugh, Jordan's up next and he's wearing his gold lame shorts.  It's super creepy.  Colton and Chris are ready to confront Jordan. Dude, why do you care what Jordan does?  Let him wear his gold lame (it's not lame, I can't get the accent over the "e", although they are lame).  If Becca wants to keep him, that's her choice.  No doubt Colton will mansplain to her that Jordan's not there for the right reasons.

Jean Blanc is up next.   Jean "created" a perfume for her.  I assume this isn't a real perfume he created.  Their conversation gets super weird.  Becca's not feeling JB (as I've now decided to refer to him).  Leo interrupts them and he's wearing an awesome jacket but we don't see their interaction.  JB feels unfulfilled by how his time with Becca went and goes in for round two.  Jean Blanc puts himself out there and says he's falling for Becca.  Becca calls him out on his BS and says that it's too early for him to be saying stuff like that.  She also says she doesn't feel the same way.  He backtracks and asks if they should take a step back but she passes on that too and kicks him out. 

Because he doesn't think he's made enough of an ass of himself, as they're walking out, he asks about the perfume, which Becca's confused about (as am I).  He continues to try and persuade Becca and then tells her that he told her that he doesn't feel that strongly about her, he just told her what she wanted to hear.  It's super awkward and I'm disappointed she didn't lay into him more for saying what she wanted to hear, but perhaps she really didn't care that much anyway.

But as Becca joins the remaining guys, she's clearly pissed and shares what JB said and tells them that if anyone else wants to pull the same shit they can just go home.  She says she's not giving out a rose tonight and syas she'll see them at the rose ceremony. 

Brand New Day/Wells' Date
Becca shares that she's emotionally exhausted.  The guys discuss how wrong what JB did was.  Wills is scared to death about facing Becca for his date.  He says he's ready for the challenge but I don't think he is.  Becca's clearly off today.  This should be a fantastic date.  Becca tells Wills that she's not going to focus on last night meaning she's really going to focus on last night.

They go snowmobiling and what's the over/under that they'll run into a hot tub?  Not literally, although that would be entertaining.  Sadly, no hot tub is involved, but there is a fire and champagne. Shockingly, Becca talks about last night but Wills does seem to get Becca out of her head.  According to her he lifts her spirits. But he's not off the hook yet. For the evening portion, she's ready to ask Wills the tough questions.   Wills shares that he's been in Becca's situation. He was ready to go all in with somebody who wanted a hall pass.  Hahahaha, I'm sorry, I had to laugh that somebody actually attempted to cash in on that, especially when a hall pass is typically reserved for a CELEBRITY.  Or so I thought.

Wills seems to touch on all of Becca's insecurities in the sense that he has the same ones as her.  Whether it's genuine or not is hard to tell, but he seems genuine. While I'm not sensing a strong attraction between the two, but Wills gets the rose.  Wills looks stoned to me all the time.  His eyes are always half open.  I like it when I see the whites of his eyes (that sounded racist but it's not meant that way) and he's growing on me.  More so than the likes of Blake, Colton and Garrett.  Thankfully there is not an awkward musical act.

Cocktail Party?
Going into the cocktail party, Nick, who I can't believe has lasted this long, is bitter that JB's antics cut off his potential time with Becca the other night.  The guys are all sitting on the couch either being forced to reiterate things they've already said off camera (best case) or just having to make small talk with all 15 guys smooshed together on couches  (worst case).  Chris walks in and tells the guys there's no cocktail party tonight.   Instead, they're heading straight to the rose ceremony. 

Rose Ceremony
Colton seems to feel good but knows other guys feel nervous.  Becca looks extra decked out tonight.  Becca gets into her speech and I'm impressed by the amount of pocket squares so many of the guys have.  The rose ceremony begins and Leo gets the first rose this week.  Didn't see that coming.  We're forced to listen to Lincoln go on.  His accent seems to evolve.  Connor's nervous but gets a rose.  Sadly Lincoln makes it through another week.  The scene continues to be set for the Jordan/David two-on-one.  Jordan squeaks by with the final rose, eliminating Nick (again, I can't believe he lasted as long as he did) and Christon. Christon was adorable but was possibly there for self-promotion.  He's not overly upset.  Nick is more disappointed and blames himself for not putting himself out there more. 

Becca tells the remaining guys that they're going from Mormon country to the City of Sin.  Jordan compares himself to a sponge but it doesn't make any sense, but he's ready to move on from his status of Captain Underpants.  Until next week, all.  And by next week, I mean the episode that aired yesterday.

Do I need a new guilty pleasure? I'm not sure.  I'm not loving any of the guys (except maybe Leo).   But who are we kidding?  I'll suck it up for yet another week.