In case you've forgotten, Hannah B. reminds us that her and Caelynn don't get along. Chris walks in and calls Hannah "Caelynn". Burn! Hannah tells Chris and the rest of the women how she didn't appreciate Caelynn talking s*** about her. She then concludes by saying she's tired of talking about it. So then, stop talking about it. I'm sensing that Chris doesn't like Hannah B.
He tells the ladies they're going to Singapore and they get really excited. The other Hannah hasn't gotten much screen time lately, but she reminds us that she probably didn't win the Geography Rodeo and asks where Singapore is. Also, Colton's never left North America before.
Colton in Singapore
We see some shots of Colton wandering around Singapore. They make him buy something at a stand. He looks incredibly uncomfortable doing this. He reminds us how stressful last week was for him and he's hoping that the Caelynn and Hannah drama resolves itself because he has no interest in dealing with it. He seems to think that his problems will be resolved by going to Singapore.
We see a rare moment of the women allowed out of their hotel room as a group. I assume it was the hotel restaurant.
One-on-One Date
Tayshia gets the first date of the week. We haven't seen much of Tayshia. As usual the other women are disappointed that they weren't chosen. Post commercial break we are subjected to another Colton vlog. Who is allowing him to do this? As with his last vlog, there's a lot of editing and it's totally unnecessary. This is what interviews are for.
Tayshia and Colton are inexplicably walking in sneakers on the beach. They go up to the water and seem surprised by something called a wave that softly rolls up and gets their shoes wet. Have they been to a beach before? They see bungee jumping and Colton acts like he's suddenly had the idea to go bungee jumping. Hopefully Colton doesn't pursue acting as a second career.
Apparently Colton is afraid of heights but his fear doesn't feel genuine. For a guy that spent most of Paradise crying, this guy has become so wooden. No wait, he was wooden on Becca's season too. They bungee jump, Tayshia comments that he squealed like a little girl. They end up back on the beach at sunset and make out in the water. I love that Tayshia could obviously pull off a bikini but is in a one-piece.
The couple heads to dinner and Tayshia is nervous because she of course has a secret to share. After a long rambling intro Tayshia admits that she's divorced. Colton has his serious face on. Which means he sort of squints at her but he also sort of looks like has no idea what she's talking about. As it turns out, Colton's from a broken home so he's sympathetic. Tayshia seems very normal. I hope she ends up on Paradise.
The group date card arrives and it's basically everyone except Caelynn. Hannah B. is of course pissed that Caelynn got the second one-on-one date of the week.
Tayshia obviously gets the rose. We see that Colton is still drinking white wine. They end the date on a ferris wheel. Exciting, right? I warned you guys.
Group Date
There are thirteen women on this date. Colton isn't sure how he's going to get one-on-one time with all of the women but he's not into "physicality". Does that mean affection? Demi, who always brings her A-game, gets a piggy back ride from Colton throughout the streets of Singapore. Courtney isn't comfortable with being aggressive but is she aware of how this show works? Next they end up getting some leech therapy. The whole thing has a racist tone. Singapore is an amazing international metropolis and they end up at leech therapy?
Back at the hotel, Tayshia and Caelynn have an awkward conversation about how glad they are they're not on the group date. Hannah's starting to meltdown and I love it. A fortune teller tells Colton and Cassie that they were siblings in a past life. Well if that isn't sexy I don't know what is. Colton keeps bringing it up throughout the rest of the date. Hannah continues to grit her teeth and not get in her head.
Next the gang eats adventurous food (see previous comments about racist tone). It goes about as well as you'd think. Again, I'm sure there was better street food there. Or how about you go to a restaurant? Colton, who is making his first trip off of our continent, lectures the women about how he wants somebody adventurous.
During the evening portion of the date, Hannah B. pulls him away first. Like Colton, Courtney hopes that the Hannah/Caelynn saga has resolved itself, but Sydney points out that it hasn't. Let's see how Hannah and Colton's time is going, shall we? Colton tells Hannah that as long as he doesn't have to deal with it, he's fine that her and Caelynn don't get along. Hannah loves this answer and they make up.
Next up is Cassie and they again discuss their sibling status. Colton is apparently super into past lives and is totally into sticking his tongue down his sister's throat. It's weird. I think Cassie is going to last a while, maybe all the way to hometowns, but I don't think she'll crack the top three. Although that being said, I'm not sure who will be the third. My guess is Caelynn and Bobble Head Hannah will be the top two. Courtney complains that she hasn't gotten any time with Colton and she's trying to be respectful. Demi calls her lazy. Ha!
Demi, unlike Courtney, makes sure that she gets her time with Colton. I think Colton is terrified of Demi. Demi tells Colton about her mom and the whole jail sitch and how she loves her mom unconditionally. That's lovely. Colton assures Demi he doesn't judge her (he is obviously judging her) and praises her for making lemonade out her mom's lemon/prison situation. How special of her.
Courtney is still complaining. For some reason she thought she was going to get a one-on-one this week. Demi tells her to stop complaining and just talk to him. Since she won't, Demi goes to talk to Colton again. All of the women tell Courtney to go and talk to Colton already. Courtney goes to find Colton but runs into Demi instead, who's sitting by herself. This smells like a producer setup to me. "Hey Courtney, I think I saw him in here. Oh, my bad, Colton's nowhere to be found. But why don't you confront Demi? I heard she was talking s*** about you."
Courtney continues to play the victim. Courtney, who is the same age as Demi, asks Demi how old she is and calls her immature. Demi tells her to shut it (as she should). Also, Demi doesn't care that people think she's immature. Demi is 100% correct in this situation--it was up to Courtney to take some control and responsibility. Either get assertive and get time with Colton or don't.
Why do people continue to underestimate Demi? You might think she's white trash and cutthroat but she is clearly not a moron. A moron wouldn't say, "Courtney puts the ass in class." Bahahahaha.
Inexplicably, Demi gets the rose. The women grit their teeth and smile. Tracy is getting less and less time. Colton tells the women they're all a-maze-ing and tells them to have a good night. Courtney runs off crying. No surprise, Demi goes on and on about how glad she is to get the rose.
Caelynn's Date
The women pretend to be excited for Caelynn's date. She gets a card and it says to meet Colton downstairs. Hannah gets weird in her interview. Anyway, Caelynn and Colton are going shopping. I find the shopping dates super weird. Remember when Arie had Becca try on all of those clothes for one of her first dates? It was creepy then and it's still creepy.
The two Hannahs have a staged conversation about Caelynn's date. Bobble Head Hannah doesn't have much going on upstairs, does she? I don't really like most of the dresses that Caelynn tries on, although I do like the green one.
Caelynn comes back from her date with her arms pull of bags. Nicole talks about how weird it was to pretend to enjoy hearing about their date. Some women gush but most are stone faced. Cassie starts crying in her interview and saying how happy she is for Caelynn and then has to compose herself.
Caelynn heads out for the evening portion of her date in what I assume is a dress that she had picked out today but perhaps Colton didn't see? It's unclear. Caelynn has her own secret to share with Colton. Caelynn tells Colton how much she enjoys hanging out with him. She tells Colton a terrible, horrible story about getting drugged and sexually assaulted when she was in college. It's a terrible story and while I haven't been a fan of Caelynn, I am incredibly impressed that she shared her story. I couldn't imagine having to share a story like that on national TV and to a doofus like Colton. She was turned away from a hospital when she wanted to get a rape kit done.
They have a deep serious conversation and Colton basically says that he would have lost his virginity to Aly Raisman but because of her own sexual abuse issues, they never had sex. I'm sure she appreciates you sharing that. This whole thing is far too heavy for the Bachelor. Thankfully they finally move on.
Cocktail Party
Demi gives a pep talk in the beginning of the party to make sure that everyone gets their time. Bobble Head Hannah (BH) pulls Colton aside and they end up in his room. Holy crap, BH. Obviously nothing too sexy happens, but BH feels good that she told him she's nervous about opening up to him.
After sharing her assault with Colton, Caelynn realizes that the feud with Hannah is dumb and pulls her aside to talk to her. The rest of the women are relieved. Hannah says she's glad that Caelynn took the initiative and of course claims she had been planning on pulling Caelynn aside too. They "talk" and Hannah gives a fake apology.
Now that the Caelynn/Hannah feud is resolved, let's focus on Demi and Courtney. Demi's sick of Courtney's behavior and she tells Colton that Courtney's a cancer in the house. As we know, this is a tenuous game to play. But does Demi really have anything to lose? Colton seems less shocked by this than he was by the Caelynn/Hannah feud.
Courtney finally summons the courage to talk to Colton and interrupts Demi and Colton talking. Colton confronts Courtney and she pulls the, "it's not me who's here for the wrong reasons, it's Demi". Colton really has no ability to navigate these crazy women and the drama. Colton's biggest fear is that some of the women might be using him. Oh Colton. Do you think in this day and age any of these women have pure intentions? You gave the first impression rose to a woman who's an Instagram model. I can't believe that's an actual thing.
Courtney leaves Colton and goes to confront Demi. The women are seemingly shocked that Demi would say such a mean thing but Demi stands by what she said. I don't know how you couldn't love Demi. Yes, she's an ageist and immature, but she's the only entertaining part of this season. And she owns what she says. Tracy would have either denied saying that or gotten all passive aggressive, but Demi is clearly tough and unapologetic. Courtney is condescending and eventually the two of them just start talking over each other. Chris eventually walks in and interrupts to tell them it's time for the rose ceremony.
Rose Ceremony
Let's make this short and sweet. Tracy and Courtney are sent home. Demi is tickled when Onyeka gets the last rose. Tracy never had a chance.
Despite the drama, can we agree that this week was a little intense at best and dull at worst? Next week, Elyse does something that she may or may not be ashamed of and Colton gets really mad. Some questions to consider:
- Why do these women like Colton?
- How much longer does Demi last?
- Do you guys think that this is a strangely edited season too?
See you next week!
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