It feels like it's been forevah! The BIP drama hasn't helped. In case you forgot, Rachel just showed DeMario the door AGAIN and the cocktail party is in full swing. The men are starting to get real bitchy and jealous. Who do YOU think will start crying first?
Continuation of Last Episode's Cocktail Party
Eric is going off, Lee is giddy about pushing buttons and Iggy is yet again, wearing his consultant hat ("What's your ideal outcome of this situation?"). It's been a few weeks so just when I was starting to remember people's names, I've forgotten them again. Lee is lurking while Rach and Kenny (I think that's his name) are talking about Kenny's life goals beyond wrestling. I really like Rachel's coat AND dress. Some of the other white guys talk about how Lee's a little bitch. Weasel's the word that comes to mind for me. Lee carves the word enchanting into a random piece of wood for Rachel. They don't zoom in on it so we can assume by that and Rachel's fake reaction that it looked effing odd.
Dean gently lays down the "Lee is racist" card, which we knew was coming. Dean says Lee picks fight with the people he doesn't interact with in a "cultural sense". Apparently Lee can see beyond Dean's capped teeth. Perhaps because he's used to other rednecks that also have capped teeth or have terrible dentures?
Rachel is clearly smitten with Bryan but thinks he's too good to be true. He disagrees and actually gives her the line, "when you are weak I'll be strong." Just wait, Rach. Wait for the day when Bryan comes home in a rage because some physician yet again made a snide comment that chiropractors are not real doctors.
Kenny tries to confront Lee but gets nowhere. Rachel's super annoyed by the drama. Lee goes to speak to the male model who is about as engaging as the doll that AJ brought (or was the doll's name AJ? And when will the male model get some actual screen time???)
Rachel's clearly frustrated and even though we haven't seen her directly talking about race with any guys yet, she's feeling the pressure of being the first Black Bachelorette and how she's undoubtedly gotten a hard time from friends and family. Fortunately Chris comes out of wherever he lurks to help move things along. He offers to crack skulls and by cracking skulls I mean tell the guys that the cocktail party is over and looks at them with disappointment because this is all their fault.
On a side note, Alex is wearing yet another sweet suit. I know I've mocked him but I'm starting to love his outfits.
Rose Ceremony
Rachel scolds the guys and the rose ceremony starts. By some miracle the Tickle Monster makes it yet another week. Lee calls Kenny a meathead which is hilarious coming from a racist redneck. Iggy makes it another week too. If I was Rachel I'd probably ask Lee to just stop it with the faces. The final rose goes to Lee (Rachel hasn't even announced it and it's obvious he's staying because again, the Producers told her she had to). Diggy, male model and Bryce, we hardly knew thee. Rachel seems genuinely disappointed that she had to let Diggy go. Diggy cries.
The guys find out they're going to Hilton Head and are as giddy as school girls. The date card shows up and Dean gets the date card. Bryan is not happy.
One-on-One Date
They drive out to an open field and they find out they're riding in a blimp. It's difficult to tell if Rachel is surprised by this or not but I'm guessing no. Dean is freaking the eff out because he's not a fan of heights. Rachel says it's like "riding a bus." A really really high bus. Rach seems annoyed that Dean is not just saying he's afraid of heights but that he's actually afraid of heights. She's already assured him that she will not hold the barf bag for him if he throws up. It all turns out okay because Rachel forces him to sit in the co-pilot seat and he steers for a bit. I think he still looked freaked out but what do I know. They make out for a bit.
The blimp flies by the resort and the guys aren't pleased by the "Rachel and Dean 4ever" sign. The guys are threatened by this but tear him down because he's only 25 and Rachel's not going to want to end up with a guy that's 7 years younger than her.
Back at the house, the second date card of the episode shows up and it's a group date card. Jack Stone (who I still don't understand why he uses his full name) is getting the one-on-one. Lee makes a passive aggressive comment that there's no shame in going home on a one-on-one date. Thanks dude.
Rachel and Dean go to dinner and Dean talks about his upbringing which is a mix of religion and outdoor activities. He then shares the story of his mom dying from breast cancer and as much as I want to be cynical about him, that is a topic that obviously hits home for me, so I can't be cynical. But he's doing an inappropriate laughing thing because he's never told anybody before and he's baring his soul on national TV. Dean obviously got the rose.
They of course transition to the concert part of the night with yet another country artist that I've never heard of. Either the contestants love country or its demographic does. It is, of course, the best date evah.
Group Date
This is a huge group date and Rachel is worried about the boys bringing drama. They're going on a booze cruise. Nothing can go wrong when those two words are in a sentence together. The guys do a dance-off of sorts which is odd and awkward. Josiah is insecure and overcompensating by talking about how sexy he is and showing off. Then they do a push-up contest. Is Rachel drunk already? Why is she doing this? THEN, they start rapping. I guess you need to be creative when you're on a boat all. day. long. If these were the highlights of an hours-long cruise then it must have been a really boring day. Anyway, for the second part of the date they have a spelling bee. Yes, you read that right. And they have roped random spectators into this event. I haven't seen Iggy's face yet but this seems like something he'd be into. Corre1ction, Iggy THINKS he's going to do well, but maybe he won't do THAT well.
There are judges who may or may not be Chris Harrison's kids. The guys are doing better than I would have expected. Thankfully it eventually ends and Josiah wins if anybody still cares.
In what seems like the longest group date in Bachelorette history, Josiah is feeling super cocky and drinking out of his Spelling Bee Trophy. He's super confident about getting the rose. I think he's going to have to get past Peter first though. Iggy starts stirring the pot with Josiah. Then he comes back and tells the guys that he was talking about Josiah. I totally agree with Josiah and Eric in questioning why Iggy's spending more time talking about the guys in the house instead of himself. However, I don't see Iggy bringing steroids to the house. But what the hell do I know? But who has time to worry about Iggy when the other snake in the house, Lee, is getting phony with Rachel and now Rachel doesn't know what to think about anyone. It's sooooo confusing.
Rachel's ready to talk to Kenny to get his side of the Lee/Kenny argument. The conversation doesn't go as well as Kenny hoped it was going to go. Kenny pulls Lee aside for a "chat"...and we have to wait to find out what happens. We DO know that Kenny and Lee end up together on the two-on-one and we know those are epic! Thankfully there TWO shows next week. Which means I need to prioritize my nights better.
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