For once very little time is wasted as we jump right back into the end of last week's episode. Nick's ex Andi shows up at his room. I hope Andi's not gunning for an acting career, because she needs a lot more work on not sounding so rehearsed. Nick too, but whatevs.
He pours them both some whiskey. Things cut away to Vanessa's arrival to the rose ceremony. You might remember that the producers made us think that Vanessa was the one going to Nick's room when obviously she wasn't. Vanessa doesn't feel special, which is appropriate because she's just one of four for Nick. And out of the four remaining, she seems to be the most emotionally vested. Vanessa--you're too good for Nick. Consider yourself lucky if you get cut.
The four women look freezing and awkward as they wait for Nick. It looks like they're going to have to wait awhile because Nick is too busy kicking back with Andi. I wonder how much they paid Andi to do this. Is she promoting a new book? She urges Nick to have sex with all three of them, which is an icky conversation. Obviously, everybody knows that they have sex in the fantasy suite, but it is kind of gross to think of him banging three different girls three days in a row. And you know full well that Vanessa would freak out if that happened. I don't think she could deal. But Nick is saying he might not have sex with any of them. Nick--you are so full of s***. Andi and Nick have a weird conversation where they finally resolve everything and "sorrys" are said all around. Andi wants to make sure that their relationship doesn't hold him back in finding love again. When Andi first showed up I wondered if she was going to ask Nick what he thought about them going another round. The whole interaction felt fake and forced and yet another way for the producers to kill time because there isn't enough interesting footage of Nick with the women who are actually on the show. All in all, this is feeling more and more like Chris Soules' season, except that Nick isn't nearly as hot as Chris. But I wasn't as wild about the final two women on Chris' season either. Whitney and Becca. I can't remember what I did yesterday but I can rattle off Bachelor and Bachelorette finalists. I think we can all agree my brain is being used to its full capacity.
Rose ceremony: All the women are freaking out about getting a rose and saying how devastated they would be if they didn't get one. Nick finally shows up and gives his usual speech. Raven and Rachel quickly get the first two roses and the final rose goes to Vanessa.
I have to admit, I heard Corinne didn't get the rose, but even if I didn't, I would have guessed that Corinne went home. Out of all of the women, she was the most shallow and least mature. Which I don't entirely blame her for--she's 24 and has obviously lived a very sheltered and privileged life.
Corinne starts sobbing and Nick accompanies her for the awkward walkout. Corinne, you are going to have an amazing time on BIP if you don't end up getting your own freaking reality show. Please please please promise you're going to be on BIP. Please. It's sad and weird to see Corinne so upset, like she's genuinely upset about not getting chosen. Oh Corinne, I could write a completely separate post on the reasons why you can't have a "normal relationship", but at the end of the day, once you grow up and maybe get a sense of what real people live like, you can realize that you're wasting your time on the wrong guys. I guarantee it. Probably because real guys who would treat you better couldn't stand to be with you for very long. She seems to realize the wrong guy part and has her own girl power moment. And then she goes to sleep.
As we head into the commercial break, we find out they're going to Finland and it looks f***ing freezing. What happened to the tropical locales? There was nowhere warm to go? Really? It looks miserable. Oh, and Raven's never had an orgasm. Can't wait to find out more about that.
Nick talks about breaking up with Corinne and he says it was difficult and sad but he doesn't really seem that broken up about it. Blah blah blah he goes on and on about his relationships with the three remaining women.
Fantasy Suite, Round 1, thy name is Raven: Raven's the first one up for the Fantasy Suites. That means she doesn't have to think about him having sex with Vanessa or Rachel before her. Nick whisks her away in a helicopter. Raven has certainly grown on me over this season. They play darts with some locals and argue the benefits of steaming vs. ironing. Raven looks adorable in that hat and she would be my second choice for the Bachelorette. Is it just me? Do you guys like her too? Are my standards plummeting? They talk about how nervous they are. Raven's ex was a loser who didn't know how to give her an orgasm, so at the very least maybe Raven will finally check that off her list. And didn't her ex cheat on her?
It's clear at this point that we're only getting through Raven's date tonight. Is this the first time they've so blatantly talked about sex in the fantasy suite? I don't remember it being so out there before, which is refreshing and yet weird at the same time, mainly because we all know he's going to also have sex with Rachel and Vanessa (although I'm not sure about Rachel putting out). How long was Raven with her one and only boyfriend? And she's really only had sex with him? And never told him she loved him? The whole thing sounds like a colossal waste of time.
Before professing her love, Raven rambles on and on and finally tells Nick she loves him. He's touched by her love and boy it will be sad if he doesn't pick her. But hopefully at the very least she'll get an orgasm, which is a pretty good consolation prize. Because even if Nick is a lousy lay, it sounds like she's only had lousy lays. All he has to do is give her the "big O" (am I getting weird now in trying to mix up references to orgasms?) and she'll be in good shape. After accepting the key to the fantasy suite, Raven shares her lack of orgasm experience. So now she's told him she loves him and the pressure's on for him to make her orgasm. I hate that turtleneck sweater on him.
Next week: A THREE-HOUR BACHELOR EVENT! I was wondering how they were going to move things along. The first two hours will be Vanessa and Rachel's dates where he presumably eliminates Rachel. And then it's Women Tell-All. They spend more time building up the Women Tell All portion than they do the final two Fantasy Suite dates.
The very end is a "Nick as Rocky" montage that I couldn't tell if Nick was in on the joke or part of the joke. We're getting close to the end dear readers! See you next week!
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