Wow. What a week. If there was a time that I needed this show as a distraction, it was this week. As usual, I have no idea what to expect in this episode. I'm hoping the tone is more positive than it was last week but we'll see.
The episode opens with some of the guys going on and on about the previous night's lack of a date rose. It's lame and not worth recapping. Then we see Clare playing MASH writing in her journal. Chris arrives on her doorstep for an intervention. I don't remember seeing Chris swear before, and it's not mad swearing, it's "he's looking for honesty from Clare" swearing. I sincerely hope that Clare doesn't get s*** from people about her checking her guys out pre-production because anybody that claims s/he wouldn't do that is a total liar. Clare swears on her father's grave that her and Dale weren't in contact prior to production. Chris' expression is hard to read--it's unclear if he's pissed or happy. He fake wipes a tear away as she gushes about how much she's in love with Dale and guilt trips her with the "congratulations, you've officially blown up the Bachelorette" line. Chris, shut up.
Chris Breaks the News
The guys are all sitting on the couch and I am blown away by the range of wardrobe choices. Boy Band Manager is constantly in the same tank top while Anesthesiologist looks handsome in his crisp white button down. Brendan from Mendon is wearing a mock turtleneck, which seems like an odd choice for Palm Springs IN THE MIDDLE OF THE SUMMER. Though it is a dry heat, so I could see if he's used to humidity, it might feel chilly. Okay, Brendan, I'll give it a pass Dale sits awkwardly on his chair avoiding eye contact with everyone.
Chris walks in and tells the guys there won't be a cocktail OR Rose Ceremony tonight. They are justifiably confused and Chris says he'll see the guys tomorrow and asks to speak to Dale outside, which increases the awkwardness. Chris tells Dale to go get his woman and in his ITMs, Dale looks like the cat that got the canary.
Lady in Red
Clare is wearing her best pushup bra and might be in the dress she was planning on wearing for her final rose. Listen, I love red dresses, but this dress is a LOT. It's a weird look for a dinner date. It looks like it has flowers on it, but they look like sequin-y flowers. It has a very Jessica Rabbit meets Black Swan feel.
Dale arrives and seems nervous. Clare pours her heart out and again, it's a lot. Dale is very hard to read during this, he has more of a poker face than I'll ever have. We hear about how Clare's parents met and it's a weird yet kind of cute story, and Dale's parents met in a similar way. Dale talks about his mom's death and how that changed him. It's a very realistic and open conversation, way more honest than we usually see on this show.
Oh Right, the Other Guys are Still There
I had forgotten about the other guys. It's interesting how production is clearly screwing with them and telling them nothing. Jason is getting on his soapbox about disrespect, Blake's eyes are in full crazy intense mode. There is bizarre night vision footage of Blake and Boy Band talking. Blake refuses to accept that Clare has chosen Dale.
Thankfully we're quickly back to Clare and Dale. Clare pours her heart out and I give her a ton of credit because that took guts. Clare has very strange facial expressions. Dale says he's falling in love with Clare. I don't understand what he sees in her but I'm not the one that has to be with her. She is exhausting, I don't know how he deals with it. She clearly wants to rip his clothes off.
Musical Guest!
Remember when we all swore we weren't going to watch "Listen to Your Heart" but we watched it anyways because it was in the early COVID days? Well, the winners, Chris and Bri, obviously have it written in their contract that they have to appear as musical guests and here they are. I can't believe these two are still together. I'm sure it wasn't that hard to convince them to show up. What else could they have been doing in the summer?
Morning After
So, spoiler alert, Clare and Dale had sex. Dale is seemingly starting to realize what he's done. They both swear up and down they didn't talk beforehand. Dale doesn't seem to realize that production is shutting down. Obviously the guys know that Dale has been gone for 18 hours, though who's counting? Chasen (I have no idea why I remember his name) assures Crazy Eyes Blake and Eazy that Clare isn't that kind of girl to have an overnight date with Dale. It's one thing to have sex with three guys in a row once you've known them two months. Having sex with a guy that you just met two weeks ago is totally different.
Chris visits Clare and she is glowing. Chris' facial expressions are odd. Again, it's hard to read what he's thinking but he clearly doesn't seem convinced that Dale really loves her. Chris knows how to call Dale's bluff though--he's going to tell Dale that the next natural step is to propose. Immediately. Clare is of course on board, even when Chris tells her that Dale is going to propose TONIGHT. Clare's teeth seem to get larger with each episode. She has giant teeth. Not like a horse, I'm not trying to be mean, but she has a lot of big teeth.
Clare goes to break up with the rest of the guys. They assure us they're going to demand answers. Clare stammers out her explanation and the guys are speechless, except for Blake, who knows what she needs and knows that it's not Dale and is generally extremely condescending and I hope Tayshia cuts him quick. Because they're guys, someone (it's unclear to me who because they don't show it, which is super odd, but it might be Boy Band?) asks her to apologize to the group. Clare asks him what she's apologizing for. Good for you, Clare. F*** that guy. Every single lead, whether it's Bachelor or Bachelorette, wastes all of the contestants' time. There's only one "winner". Furthermore, nobody who appears on this show wastes their time when they know that they next path is an appearance on BIP or additional Instagram followers so that's total BS. After leaving Boy Band out to dry, a lot of the guys voice their support for Clare because they're not idiots.
Jason is more fragile than I ever thought because he said he hit bottom when he gave his last hug to Clare but at least he didn't say, "I literally hit bottom", so there's that. That's what makes you hit bottom? Poor, fragile Jason. We do see that some of the previewed crying was as a result of letting the guys go and not because of Dale.
Blake--f*** that guy too. He seems to think that Clare owes him because he made the choice to research dementia and Alzheimer's. Nobody asked you to do that. He's convinced that she doesn't know what she wants, but he clearly does. What an ass.
Dale Freaks Out
Poor Dale, he has no idea that he's now expected to propose to Clare. Because once you blow up the Bachelorette, you need to put your money where your mouth is and they need to ride off into the sunset together and be deliriously happy for the rest of their lives. Chris arrives to give Dale the good news. Dang, Dale's villa is really nice.
Anyway, Dale shares his feelings with Chris and Chris feigns interest but can't wait to tell him that Clare broke up with all of the other guys and is expecting a proposal. Poor Dale, he looks shook.
Now the guys are laughing at Dale and are relieved at the bullet they've just dodged. Meanwhile, Clare is starting to freak out that Dale might not want to marry her, which is completely normal and I'm relieved that Clare isn't so out of touch that she doesn't realize this. The production crew is perhaps nervous they have pushed things too far and ask Chris to step in AGAIN and feel Clare out. Clare is so pretty without makeup. Chris tries to "reassure" her that of course Dale is going to show up. Of course he is. We see Dale holding the ring and he does not look happy. That kind of stinks that they just give Dale whatever ring that Neil felt like giving him. Of course, I'm sure Neal is pissed that for two seasons now he hasn't gotten any screen time.
The Proposal?
Clare waits for Dale to show up. Chris emerges from the La Quinta Conference Center and forebodingly tells her he needs to tell her something. Ugh, we see Crazy Eyes and Boy Band AGAIN laughing at Dale and playing both sides of how Clare doesn't know what she wants but she obviously expects a proposal. No. Production wants a proposal.
Chris is such an a**hole. Production continues to f*** with Clare and Chris says he came out to tell her that they're all so proud of her. Dude, f*** you. Am I coming across as really angry? I don't need to remind you guys what a rough week it's been. I'm cautiously optimistic, but until I see that ring on Biden's Clare's finger, I'm not going to relax. Even then--what if Biden wins Clare gets engaged and...I can't let my mind go there.
Just like Clare, Dale shows up. I knew production was just screwing with us. He indeed proposes and Clare swoons. She got what she always wanted and I'm super happy for her. He tries to get up without putting the ring on her and she physically pushes him down and makes him put the ring on. She clearly wants to take him straight back to her suite and screw him again. It's clear that he's not as excited as her and I feel bad that there was clearly pressure for him to propose.
Mopey Mopes
Every time I see guys wearing different necklaces throughout this show I think, "they made an effort to pack more than one necklace". Call me old fashioned. I'm wondering if Chasen is going to be a front runner for Tayshia because he seems to be getting a lot of screen time this episode. I don't see the appeal. Chris shows up and apologizes and Blake appreciates his apology. Finally, somebody is willing to apologize. Boy Band throws Clare under the bus again about potentially reaching out to Dale before the show and Chris says it didn't happen. Can I remind everyone that Blake admitted he'd reached out to Clare but there's been no discussion of that?
Chris reminds the guys that this show was about Clare and not them but gives them the good news that their journey is not over but doesn't provide further explanation. While I'm psyched for Tayshia, this would have been a perfectly good time to launch BIP right there and then. Chris tells the guys that they need to evaluate their "feelings" for Clare and whether they can heal in 24 hours or so. My guess is that all of the guys will find the strength to move on. Just a guess though. As it turns out, they have mere hours to decide if they want to stay. Jason is still pissed that he shared so much. Dude, move on. With any luck Crazy Eyes will leave.
No shocker, everyone decides to stay but Blake and Jason are still bitter. Chris shows up and tells the guys the new Bachelorette is arriving and the guys all beam ear to ear. Brenden puts his hands on Anesthesiologist's (I'm going to start calling his Dr. because that's getting tedious to type out) shoulders and Doctor squeezes Brendan's knee. Chris goes to get Tayshia.
Tayshia Arrives
Boy Band is glad for the "clean slate" because obviously Tayshia is purer than Clare and didn't taint herself by cyberstalking the guys. Uh-huh. Tayshia looks amazing. Tayshia is one of the most beautiful women that's ever been on this show. I'm not sure how I feel about the dress but she still looks great in it.
The Drama Continues
Obviously it cuts off right as Tayshia opens the door to go in. Next week is an early ATFR with just Clare and Dale. I'm hoping this is only an hour long. Meanwhile, more drama is promised as Tayshia meets all of the guys. Stay tuned!
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