Wednesday, September 18, 2019

BIP Week 7: Episode 2

No sight of the reunion, perhaps next week?  Watching this intro for what might be the last time, there are people here that I'd already forgotten about.  Specifically Bri, that other woman from Colton's season and Luke S.  Has Bri even had an ITM?  We've been promised that Paradise is ending soon.  Oh and Haley is also still there.  JPJ does a sufficient job of summarizing why Kristina and Blake left. Tonight's episode promises to be a doozy, but like Kristina, I'm skeptical and don't want to let my guard down that this will actually be a good episode.

Haley starts asking the couples who's ready to get engaged.  She asks Demi and Demi is vague and tense.  Demi and Kristian aren't in a great place because of Demi's head space.  This has been an interesting relationship to watch.  They started off so happy and they're clearly in a tough spot.  Clearly Demi needs to get to a place where she stops thinking what people think.  Kristian can't do that for her.  What I love most is this is probably the most realistic conversations we've ever seen between two couples on this show.

Meanwhile, JPJ and Tayshia talk about her love of clothes.  I'm so confused why these two are still together because I thought they had broken up.  I know I keep saying that, but I'm still befuddled.  Despite just going on a date, Chris talks about how much he wants a date with Katie so they can keep talking.  AGAIN, what do they do all day?  There is nothing to do but talk.

Clay and Chris make bets on Hannah and Dylan getting engaged at the end.  Since Chris agrees with Clay, there's no actual bet made.

The Couples Go Dating
For the next part of tonight's show, the remaining couples go out on dates to figure things out.  Dylan and Hannah inexplicably get invited to a kids birthday party.  How awkward.  Dylan picks the kids up affectionately.  It's a little odd.  Anyway, they're talking marriage and babies.  No shocker, they declare their love for each other.

Conner mopes and admits that he can't stop thinking of Whitney.  Wait, who?  We see a dopey montage of them hitting it off at Krystal's wedding, and he felt a connection but then that trollop Caelynn seduced him.  He wants Whitney to come down the stairs but it's unclear if that will happen.  If she doesn't show up, he's like, going to leave.  Believe it or not, Whitney is heading to Paradise to meet Connor.  Who knew?  Will Connor still be there when Whitney shows up?  Connor says his goodbyes.  He starts packing.  Connor gets in the car and apparently none of the producers decide to tell him that she's on her way.  It's probably for the best.  Their vans pass each other.  Whitney is excited to surprise him.

Nobody can believe when Whitney actually shows up.  She asks for Connor and when they tell her that he just left she says she's going to leave and try and catch him.  She goes back to the hotel and sees him in his room.  His room is huge.  Connor's so happy to see her. Caelynn who?  These two are perfect for each other in their beauty and dimness.  They will make beautiful, but dumb, babies.  But who needs to be smart when you're that good looking?

Clay and Nicole leave on their date.  They talk about doing the long distance thing.  She hints at whether he'd ever want to live together.  He hems and haws.  Nicole does most of the talking.  She asks him if he's falling in love with her.  He gives a long winded answer and eventually says he's starting to fall in love but he's not in love with her.  He's so unconvincing I don't think he's even falling in love with her but that's just me.  Nicole doesn't want to get engaged to somebody that's unsure of how he feels.  Uh...somebody that isn't in love with you shouldn't propose and based on his answer, I don't see Clay proposing.

JPJ has a denim speedo which he pulls out at Tayshia's request.  It is fantastic.  Tayshia wants to draw JPJ.  Apparently Tayshia is an artist?  Unclear if this is true or not.  She asks him to lay across the bed. Again, I still don't know how or why these two are still together but Tayshia seems into him.  She shows him her artwork and it's terrible but he loves it.

I think this might be my favorite episode because I enjoy watching the couples implode.  Why, yes, I AM heartless.  Cue to Chris and Katie.  Chris, who is so close to redeeming himself after all of his past eff-ups, is in his head and very close to sabotaging things with Katie.  Katie is concerned.  She goes to bed pissed and cries herself to sleep.

Cocktail Party
Clay dully reminds us how important this Cocktail Party and Rose Ceremony is.  Chris walks in and cancels the cocktail party.  He tells the gang to gather their thoughts and meet him in the palapa.  Idiot Farmer Boy is disappointed because he can't choose between Sidney and the Supermodel.  In other words, he can't figure out which brain is going to win.  Sidney--you can do so much better than Farmer Boy.

Chris lays on the pressure and talks about what these roses mean.  They are intended to represent a COMMITMENT and MARRIAGE.  No pressure.  And...go!  Luke, who we've seen zero of this week, gives out the first rose.  Luke, goes for the Hail Mary and tries to give the rose to Bri.  Bri, with her frozen face and ginormous lips, turns him down.  If I cared at all about Luke I'd feel bad for him, but I don't, so I don't.  Still, it's pretty embarrassing.  He's left their with his dick rose in his hand.  Nobody steps up to be sloppy seconds.  Dylan is trying so hard not to laugh he covers his mouth.  Bri does accept Farmer's rose.  I guess this means Sydney is going home.  The rest of the ceremony is uneventful.

Sidney, Haley and the other woman (Rev?) leave.  Syd is super annoyed that Matt went with the supermodel and does the "when will it be my turn".  Oh Syd, he's out there.  Seriously, Farmer's a tool.

New Day
Farmer Boy rationalizes his decision of choosing Bri to Chris, who could care less.  Chris H. walks in and nobody's ever happy to see him.  Chris tells everyone that last night was the last rose ceremony.  From here on out it's time to get very serious and make lifelong commitments to each other.  If you can't commit, you need to leave.

Chris, who's having his own commitment issues, makes fun of Clay.  Instead of talking to their SOs, the men and women go off into their corners.  Farmer Matt thinks that him and Bri are going to be together forever.  He's delusional.   He keeps calling her a supermodel, even to her face.  Dude, STFU.

Farmer boy declares his love and Bri tells him that she doesn't appreciate being chosen for her looks and there's more to her than her frozen face.  Well played, Bri!  You had two seconds of screen time but I love you for that.

Chase and Angela break up, which I feel good about because Chase is a tool.  Angela thankfully doesn't seem that broken up about it.  For some bizarre reason Tayshia still seems into JPJ.  What am I missing here?

Nicole continues to declare her love for Clay and Clay continues to look like a deer in the headlights.  JPJ continues to gush over Tayshia and Tayshia kisses him and then drives a stake in his heart.  But then she runs after him crying.  He leaves anyway.  We see a montage of their relationship as Tayshia sobs in the car.

Kristian and Demi continue to spiral because of Demi's crippling anxiety.  Despite all that, Demi wants to work things out.

Next up is Chris and Katie.  Katie's the only woman of color left, and we see a dark hand getting engaged in upcoming teasers.  Chris talks about his issues and Katie feels blindsided.  She tries to reassure him but ultimately says that he needs to deal with his s***.  She's not asking for an engagement, she just wants to see where things go.  She's confused because then he says he wants to give things a shot.

Chris comes back to see who is left.  There are four couples left.  They are Hannah and Dylan, Demi and Kristian, Nicole and Clay, and Katie and Chris.  If Nicole thinks she's getting engaged she's crazy.

Credits
As the credits role, we see Bri teaching Matt how to model.


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