Feeling the Loss of Derek
Everybody's moping about Derek leaving. Here's another reason why Clay is a doofus--his misuse of the word "literally". Blake is seemingly unaware that Derek left. Derek's departure sends Blake into another introspective spiral. He talks about burning bridges and inexplicably uses air quotes for "burning bridges", as if he doesn't quite understand what he did wrong.
Old Man Chris tries to share some wisdom on young JPJ. It's unclear if it made an impact. JPJ is still delusional enough to think that he has a chance with Tayshia, which shows how clueless he is.
Chris and Katie get freaky
We watch Chis tell Katie he wants to bone her. It's awkward to watch. Katie's not convinced that Chris is husband material but he's good enough for now. Meanwhile, we see Demi and Kristian's first interaction in a while.
Ever the wordsmith, JPJ tells Tayshia he wants to "touch base" with her today after Derek's departure. She tells him she didn't like his behavior and he said what she had with Derek was her business, despite the fact that he told Derek that he knew what was best for Tayshia. Anyway, Tayshia says she felt like JPJ was giving her an ultimatum and he seems surprised. The more I see of JPJ, the less I like him. Tayshia puts him in his place but it's unclear if it gets through. She's clearly much more mature than him. He's a lovely boy toy but not much more than that. In her interviews, Tayshia keeps talking about a future with JPJ but I don't know where it's coming from. Then he runs into the ocean and catches a fish.
Clay is a Tool
Clay's having a hard time seeing his ex flirt with Mike. Chase shows up to Paradise and is here to meet Angela. He has no interest in talking to anyone else and asks Angela out on the date. Clay is clearly unhappy. Nicole continues to say mean things about Angela, which isn't nice. Then he rand Tayshia make fun of Angela, which isn't cool at all.Clay meanwhile, watches Angela and Chase's every move.
Caelynn reminds us that she's blissfully in love with Connor. Dean who? Blake, ever the narcissist, continues to whine about his time on Paradise. Then Clay talks about Angela. Again. Clay keeps saying that Angela chose to come to Paradise. Was Clay kidnapped? He can't focus on Nicole, but that says more about him than about Angela. Dude, get over it. There are several other people in Paradise that have to hang around their exes and they seem to be doing okay. Clay makes Caelynn seem like the sane one on the beach. Mike attempts to counsel Clay but it's like counseling a rock.
Blake has an epiphany
Did you know that Blake is miserable? Because you might have forgotten. He wants someone gorgeous, funny, and smart and sexy. That's it? Oh, and someone that fits into his life. But then he decides that his dream girl's been under his nose the whole time--Kristina! This is such BS.
Blake pulls Kristina from a life changing conversation that she's having with somebody at the bar. Blake shares his revelation. Kristina, to her credit, seems skeptical and suspicious. As she should. She says she wants to talk tomorrow when she can make sure that he's sober and she's had time to think.
Cocktail Party
Suddenly it's cocktail party time. It's unclear when the above conversation happened and the timing of the Cocktail Party. Did Kristina and Blake talk yet? Is it the same night? I'm so confused. Farmer Boy (Matt Donald) makes an inane speech and his voice cracks AGAIN, this time as Chris H. walks in and Chris teases him about puberty and it's actually quite funny. Farmer doesn't look very happy. Chris tells the gang that those who aren't in a relationship are running out of time. Nicole looks like the cat that ate the canary as she cuddles with Clay.
Sidney is frustrated that Farmer boy hasn't made a move on her yet. She hints about this with him at the cocktail party. Dude is clueless. This is awkward to watch. Many people try and coach him. He is sweating his ass off. Even Chris H. talks to him and tells him he needs to s*** or get off the pot. JPJ rubs the sweat off Farmer's body. JPJ announces that Farmer boy has the best body in Paradise. Farmer finally kisses Sidney. Hooray for Sid! The whole gang starts chanting.
Chris asks Katie to be his girlfriend. I wonder how long these two last after Paradise.
Clay pulls Angela aside and they decide to talk things out. They talk about working out. She tells him that his actions and his words didn't line up. He blames Angela for wanting to be a wife and mother and he wanted more for himself. Angela calls him out for making assumptions about her. Nicole keeps talking about Angela being evil and plotting. Angela tells Clay that she doesn't want drama and wants to co-exist. As "evil" as she is, I think she does a better job of handling the conversation.
Rose Ceremony
It's finally Rose Ceremony time. Only one guy is going home tonight. I have no idea who some of these women are giving their rose to. Nicole has done something weird with her makeup and it looks off. Dylan's ready to marry Hannah G. someday. Chris hints that he's in love with Katie. Haley gives her rose to Luke. Where did that come from? It seems that Mike might be leaving. Tayshia inexplicably gives her rose to JPJ. Kristina of course gives her rose to Blake, sending Mike home. This bums me out.
Mike, I hope this means you're still in the running for The Bachelor. I liked Peter, but he's not going to be a great Bachelor. We need to get away from the vanilla beans we've had the last several years. Mike denies he's been in any conversations about being the Bachelor, which is disappointing.
Blake tells Kristina that he has passion and emotion for her. Blake foreshadows that if anybody came down the steps nobody would date that person, which means he'll clearly want to date that person. In comes Bri, who was also inexplicably at the wedding. This woman was cut pretty early on from Colton's season. Bri reads her date card and asks Blake to go talk. Kristina seems nervous. Bri and Blake talk about what a great time they had at the wedding. Kristina starts to get upset as Bri and Blake continue to talk, even though to be clear, nothing has happened.
Kristina starts melting down. He comes back from his chat with Bri and pulls Kristina aside. He eventually tells Kristina that he's not going on the date with Bri, although it took him a long time to reveal that.
Out of nowhere, Bri asks Matt on the date. Syd hopes that their date sucks, as she should. Blake keeps talking about his connection with Bri at the wedding but reminds himself that he wants to go all in with Kristina.
Despite not wanting to kiss Sydney too early, Matt wastes no time making out with Bri, who is plastic looking, despite being incredibly young. We don't see much of their date other than them making out on the beach. My guess is it's because she couldn't move her face so you couldn't read any facial expressions.
Wrapping Up
- Dylan and Hannah talk about her moving to Cali and how much fun, it will be like, to, like take walks?
- Katie is ready for the rest of her life with Chris, which seems a little premature.
- Connor is definitely bro-ey. He talks about how great looking him and Caelynn both are and why that makes them a great couple. I think he might be serious. He's ready to take Caelynn to the boom boom room tonight. I guess it's their turn. I hope they change the sheets.
Dean Arrives
So for some reason everything I wrote about this disappeared. To summarize, Dean appears on the beach and tries to win back Caelynn. He's shaved off his mustache (thank goodness) and tells Caelynn about all of the soul searching he did. The best moment is when everyone, including Connor, is sitting on the day bed talking about Dean and Caelynn vs.Connor and Caelynn and how Dean is probably the best catch. Connor looks at everyone and wants to say, "Uh, guys? I'm still sitting here". But he doesn't.
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