The claws are already coming out this season so let's not waste any time. We see the woman recovering from the previous night's cocktail party. Krystal and Bibiana are sitting right next to each other, which is probably not awkward at all.
First Group Date
Chris walks in and tells the women there are three dates this week--two group dates and a one-on-one date. Bibiana and Krystal are going to be on the group date together. The ladies get in their athletic gear again and head out. It's time for GLOB (terrible): Gorgeous Ladies of "The Bachelor" Wrestling. As Chris announces Arie it's clear he doesn't know how to pronounce Arie's last name. The women don't look very excited to be there but they will be performing in front of a live audience that evening. They are going to be trained by some of the original GLOW women. The GLOW women give the women a hard time. Bibiana and Tia start crying. Bekah the nanny is getting into it and is annoyed that Bibiana and Tia are crying and not into it.
The women get to go backstage to create their personas. As they go into the live audience, Chris has been practicing saying Arie's last name and does a better job this time. Arie finds out he'll be wrestling tonight too and gets to wrestle none other than Kenny King from Rachel's season. Kenny kicks Arie's ass but Kenny ends up letting him win. Next the women face off against each other. Marikh and Lauren B. have a weirdly sexual match. Other than that, it's lame but Tia and Briana decide that it was more fun than they thought.
It's time for post-wrestling drinks and of course Krystal steals away Arie with her Marilyn Monroe voice. Briana is of course annoyed. Krystal seems to have forgotten her pants because whatever she's wearing is way too short to be a dress. Arie is clearly into Krystal and she asks him how she should act on these dates. He tells her to be herself, which she interprets as "keep doing what you're doing." Another blond ends up interrupting them but that interaction must have been pretty dull because then Briana is with Arie. Dissing Krystal to Arie is a dangerous move but let's see how she proceeds. It starts out well enough because he tells her how great she did but then she starts bitching about Krystal. He doesn't really respond at all.
Krystal walks back to the women and talks in her breathy voice about how important it is for all of the women to get time with Arie. There's a collective eye roll amongst the other women.
Tia and Arie have their first make-out sesh. Tia is smitten.
Back at the house, the next date card arrives. Chelsea is sure she's going to get it but it goes to Lauren S.
Next up is Bekah and Arie. Bekah says her longest relationship was two and a half to three years, which is long when you consider she's only 23. And she said she was in love but then she said she got over it in a week. As with Krystal, she's pretty convinced she's getting the rose. Krystal is, like, so nervous about who is getting the rose. Arie comes in to give out the rose. Krystal has her plastic smile on but Arie gives the rose to Bekah. Krystal's smile stays clenched in place and she's determined to up her game.
Hanging out by the pool
Krystal confides in Marekh that other women hate her and her friends don't introduce her to their boyfriends but she can't help how beautiful she is, you know? Krystal says she knows her and Arie are going to be together and it's just a matter of time until everyone is gone. Marekh nods sagely.
Lauren's One-on-One
Lauren packs her bag because I guess that's what you do before you head out on the date. The fact that they showed this doesn't bode well for Lauren. Lauren gets a ride to the airport and they are flying (via private plane, of course) to wine country. What's the over/under that it's the Firestone winery?
On paper Lauren is what Arie is looking for in a wife. They end up at Hall winery (perhaps Firestone wanted too much money?). They have a fascinating conversation about going to bed earlier than they used to. Perhaps we'll see Arie wear some of his cardigans on one of these dates. As we transition to the evening portion of the date, Lauren seems to think the date is going really well but her gut is telling her something else. This is painful to watch. She rambles on about her last relationship but then he moved to Dallas and I sort of got lost after that. Then she went on a tangent about her parents. She loves the word 'amazing'. She does have enough self-awareness to realize that she is rambling and sounds like a crazy woman.
Back at the house, the doorbell rings with the next date card and Lacey reads off the names. The women suspect it's something to do with dogs and in addition to her bumper car trauma, it turns out that Annaliese also had a traumatic dog experience.
I love that Lauren knows this date isn't going well. Arie picks up the rose and begins his speech and it's clear that he's holding the rose but not giving it to her. She takes the news pretty well. I have a feeling we'll see her on BIP or Winter Games. I told you showing the luggage was a bad sign.
Back at the house the women see one of the crew take away Lauren's luggage and some of them start bawling. Would it kill Bekah to wear a freaking shirt? Who sits around in their sports bra or whatever she's wearing? Krystal pretends to be shocked but is beaming. Krystal starts talking and the women roll their eyes. Caroline walks away because she knows that Krystal is full of shit.
Group date
It's a new day and Arie has to shake off dumping Lauren and focus on the group date. It kills me that Arie's dog is so cute. Why can't he have a lame dog? Chelsea of course hugs him right away. Let's see if Annaliese can block out her dog trauma and get through the date without crying. It turns out they'll be putting on a dog show. OMG, they do another re-enactment. With the bumper car flashback, the faces were blurred but this time they don't blur out the face of a little girl with her pacifier. Her grandparents old dog attacked her. She almost lost her eye.
Back at the house Tia and Briana are at the house and Briana begins praying. Unironically? And Tia goes along with it. Maybe they were joking. I'm not sure.
The women get all dressed up for the dog show. Fred Willard is there! But he looks like he's aged 50 years in the past few years. I hope he's okay. He has a field day with the women. Thank god he's funny enough to do this on his own because Chris isn't funny at all. Chelsea is terrible. Apparently Annaliese gets the role of dog poop picker upper. The show is terrible, kids are crying and finally we're put out of our misery.
The evening portion of the evening starts and the claws come out. Arie ends up pulling Chelsea aside first. The word for this week's episode is 'amazing'. Chelsea doesn't just like herself, she adores the person she's become. Annaliese is feeling insecure. Arie thinks he dated people post-Emily who weren't ready for marriage intentionally since he was on the Bachelorette. What amazing introspection, Arie. Arie's making out with most of the ladies tonight. I hope he wiped the lipstick off after he made out with Jenna and her burgundy lips. Annaliese and Arie have a very awkward and stilted conversation. He seems relieved that Chelsea walks in. The other Becca/Bekah make out for awhile and she feels better about where she stands with him. It's time to hand out the roses and Chelsea gets the rose. Becca/Bekah claims that she's not worried. Annaliese is worried she's going home but is going to try for another awkward conversation at the cocktail party.
Cocktail Party
The women are freaking out as they wait for Arie to show up for the cocktail party. Arie pulls Seinne aside first. Did Bibiana take out her extensions? Her hair looks shorter. She has prepared a cabana for him but Lauren B and Arie think its' for them. Bibiana walks in on them making out and Arie asks her for five more minutes. Arie basically spends the whole night out there with a lot of other women that aren't Bibiana.
Annaliese gets ready to pounce. Arie set up hale bales and moonshine for Tia. Annaliese is ready to throw her Hail Mary and he turns her down when she asks him if he wants to kiss her. Ouch. Then he continues making out with the rest of the women. Annaliese has another freak out and decides to try one more time and Arie finally tells her it's not going to happen. She has her "I'm not going to find love and I'm going to die alone" moment. Her departure shakes the women and what it means for them.
Rose Ceremony
Despite Annaliese's departure, the drama isn't done for the night because we still have to get through the Rose Ceremony. Krystal puts on her plastic smile and prepares for her name to get called. Watching this show makes me relieved that I didn't name one of my daughters Lauren. Not that I don't like the name--I love it, it was on my baby name list!--but dang there are a lot of Laurens on this show.
Krystal's name is finally called. Jenna, who had mounted him earlier in the night when Annaliese was lurking, is relieved to get her rose. Two women are left and it's down to Marikh and Bibiana. Bibiana goes home but it's okay because she's already been cast on Winter Games. Can't wait Bibiana!
Next week the Krystal drama continues and I can't wait! Annaliese, what are we going to do without hearing your childhood traumas? The episode ends with another re-enactment of yet another dog trauma. This time, her landlord's dog, which didn't look people in the eye. Obviously you can't trust a dog that won't look people in the eye. Even if it's too little and/or doesn't want to be near weird little girls that will grow up to be on the Bachelor.
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