This is the week before hometowns so stuff's getting real. I have this song in my head as I watch the guys pallin' around:
Matt the genius talks about the importance of this week's one-on-one date. Then Rachel walks in and blows their mind with this week's setup: Three one-on-ones and one group date that is a three-on-one. There will be no rose ceremony this week. Duh duh duh. Matt is freaked out, as he should be. Bryan gets the first one-on-one which is boring because I think he's going to win this thing. Bryan is told to get ready and he interprets that to mean to put on a suit. No tie, though. How did he know what to change into? Oooh, Adam doesn't like Bryan.
Bryan's date
Rachel and Bryan start the date off in a Bentley. Apparently she's going to get him a watch. And he pulls a Corinne and practically mounts her on the bench. The poor sales guys avert their eyes and look at the bizarre art on the wall, which is probably very expensive and shows my lack of taste in art. Bry--she could potentially buy this watch with her money but I'm sure that the Bachelor is covering the expense or it's free advertising for Breitling watches (which aren't cheap by the way). No surprise, Bryan shoves his tongue down Rachel's throat.
Back at the House
Adam and Matt discuss their strategies for how they've made it this far. Adam hits the nail on the
head when he points out they haven't had one-on-ones. I'm doubtful they would have made it past a one-on-one. Meanwhile, Peter's annoyed that he's getting Bryan's sloppy seconds and Dean says that Bryan has had 18 years to sweet talk women. Dean, on the other hand, has had about two.
Bryan's date
Bryan and Rachel talk about how amazing their relationship is in a "no, you're great," "No, YOU'RE great!", "You're even greater!" kind of way. They make out more.
Back at the House
Dean gets the second one-on-one date. Adam is befuddled. Oooh, I forgot that Dean's family fell apart after his mom died and he's worried about bringing her into that. Sounds like good TV to me! Dean looks uncomfortable at Adam's awkward comments.
Bryan's date
I continue to be fascinated by the outfit changes. Bryan changes his shirt. Where has he been hiding this shirt? I don't know who poured Rachel's glass of wine but I like him or her because that is a healthy pour. Bryan assures Rach that his family will love her. Bryan shares a bizarre story of taking his last girlfriend to a wedding in Columbia and how she wouldn't compromise with his mom about something. And then his girlfriend broke up with him because of his mom. Which reveals that his mom is a piece of work and Bryan is clearly a momma's boy. This is a huge red flag (for me). No shocker, he gets the rose. Then musicians appear out of nowhere and are probably thankful they can focus on their instruments and not have to watch them make out.
Dean's Date
They start the day off by going to...church. Dean seems nervous. They're at mass but it doesn't seem like a real mass because the mass is about a quarter full. Then they attend a random post-mass gathering where they again force locals to interact with them. Dean is a million miles away worrying about his effed-up family.
Back at the House
Peter and Eric psychoanalyze young Dean.
Dean's Date
This date isn't going well. Rachel's getting annoyed with his inability to have a serious conversation.
Back at the House Again
Because the date is so boring, they keep sharing footage of the guys sitting around. Now all of the guys are psychoanalyzing Dean. Then there's a knock at the door and another date card. Despite Adam insisting it has to be him getting the final one-on-one date, it's Peter, obviously. She clearly chose the top three guys. Eric isn't enthusiastic about being on the group date but he has the best chance out of the remaining three since it's a miracle that Matt and Adam are even still on the show.
Back at Dean's Date
Rachel's disappointed at how her date with Dean as gone. Dean MUST make it to hometowns so we can see just how dysfunctional his family is. In usual Rachel fashion, she calls Dean out on his behavior at dinner. He giggles, which is super annoying. Dean talks about being crushed if he doesn't make it to the end. Dean, get ready to be crushed because I'll be shocked if you make it to the end. Finally Dean comes clean about why he was acting so weird throughout the day. Ooh, Dean's dad is "eccentric", whatever that means. Dean gets the rose and it better be the train wreck that he's claiming it will be. Sadly I doubt it's going to be that bad. But he's still way too young.
Peter's Date
We know this one ends in tears so let's see how we get there. Oh Peter. No one else seems to agree with me, but I think you're still hurt about not getting the rose during the group date when the two of you were making out in the hot tub for hours. The dog sled doesn't look terribly comfortable. Back at the house Eric and Matt have a stilted but seemingly scripted conversation about Peter backing out. Peter talks about having doubts about staying these past few weeks. If Peter does leave, then Bryan has this in the bag, despite being a momma's boy. Peter and Rachel seem to be lost in the Alps with the camera crew but it's okay since it's soooo romantic. Somehow they make it off the mountain. Rachel gets another healthy pour. Peter is drinking rum and coke in a wine glass. Or maybe just Coke.
Unlike Dean, Peter's not afraid to bring Rachel home. Peter talks about breaking up with his last girlfriend and I'm a little afraid he's going to start crying. Holy crap he IS crying. Peter can't go all in, which is ironic since that was Rachel's issue too.
Back at the House
Oh my gosh, enough with going back to the house. Please let Adam go so we don't have to listen to him talking anymore. Adam's going to win this whole thing, isn't he? The producers have been leading us on this whole time and he's going to sweep in and she's going to choose him. The date card arrives with a foreboding message.
Peter's Date
Thankfully Peter claims that he's over his ex despite the tears. Despite an awkward buildup all appears okay as Peter says he's "going in the direction of love" and accepts the rose. But we know that this somehow still goes awry. No, Rachel, your hometown will stay your hometown.
Group Date
By some miracle of higher powers, Adam and Matt are still on this show instead of Alex. While in some ways this is Eric's rose to lose, anything can go. Adam thinks he's still here because he was something to offer. And perhaps he does, but the show producers haven't let us into that. Eric's feeling insecure again. I don't think the irony would be lost on anyone if the first Black Bachelorette lets go of the final Black contestant.
The guys find out they're getting on a boat to France. The water doesn't look pedagogically tranquil. Rachel has very nice things to say about all three guys. Adam gets into the use of her word difficult and how he doesn't like that word and if I were Rachel I would have him leave right ten because he's so annoying. Both Matt and Eric roll their eyes at him. Apparently this is part of a toast he's doing.
Rachel pulls Eric aside first and they have an uplifting talk about life is hard but worth it. I am not uplifted by this conversation. I'm on the fence about Eric but I'm rooting for him over Adam. Matt's turn is next. He gives it his all and then Rachel starts crying about how he reminds her the most of herself and if they had met under different circumstances things would be different blah blah blah and just like that she lets him go. Admittedly I didn't see that coming in that way. Rachel's super torn up. How Adam can get chosen over Eric is beyond me but let's see.
After the break it looks like they're going to have a super awkward dinner together. Eric's dressed way nicer than Adam, no shock. For some reason Rachel sees something in Adam that hasn't come through to me. Let's not forget that even though everyone makes fun of Dean because of his age, Adam is only a year older than him. Yet he seems older than that. Anyway, he goes on and on and Rachel nods like she's listening but she's not really listening, but she doesn't have that look in her face that she's about to dump him so they make out and Adam's still safe.
Back at the House
Even though they're obviously not in a house anymore, I still think they're back at the house. The three guys that have roses talk about how awkward the date must be. Peter's money is on Adam.
Back at the Date
It's Eric's turn now and this will be the first time he's ever brought a girl home in his 29 years. Eric's from Baltimore. Like The Wire Baltimore. If this had been previously revealed I'd forgotten it. Damn. Rachel is understandably concerned that he's never brought a girl home but when he talks about his upbringing I'm less surprised. He obviously didn't have a great or similar upbringing to Rachel, who has clearly grown up in a more comfortable lifestyle so I don't think she should hold that against him. However, I question how comfortable she'd be visiting Baltimore with Eric.
The two guys awkwardly sit at the table not making conversation. At this point I'm guessing Adam gets the rose because he's made it this far, why wouldn't he continue. Rachel gives a long speech and finally gives the rose to Eric. Finally Adam and Matt are gone. Adam continues to think that if she'd kept him for hometowns he would been the last one standing.
Wait--what happened to the Peter drama? Was it "drama"? What about the scene where she's sobbing and he says it's because of him? Did I miss something?
Next week...
Holy crap, Dean wasn't kidding about his dad. And Eric wasn't kidding about growing up in the projects. Bryan makes it through next week (no surprise) and there seems to be drama with him and Rachel's family. Just a few more weeks and it will be BIP time!
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