Alright Nick, it's been a long week. Not to put too much pressure on you, but this week better be GOOD. I'm crabby and cranky. Last week's coming attractions hinted at a two-on-one date with Corinne and Taylor. Let's get to it, shall we?
Things jump right into Taylor and Corinne's showdown. Is Corinne drunk or is she just dim? I wouldn't have flagged her as the brightest bulb but Taylor's redundant explanation of emotional intelligence is getting a little awkward. And now Corinne's telling Taylor to just tell her that she has a problem with her? Isn't that what Taylor's doing? I'm confused, this is like a Jedi mind trick that Corinne's doing. And now Corinne's turned this back on Taylor and Taylor's totally falling for it. Corinne 1, Taylor 0. To Corinne's credit, I think she's been pretty clear about who she is this entire time. Oh wait, Nick's there? I forgot about him.
Why is it the two youngest ones here cause the most drama? Oh yeah, because they're 12. I'm impressed that Corinne spent that long speaking before sticking her tongue down Nick's throat. You should be worried Taylor--Corinne's a formidable opponent right now.
Rose ceremony: More Corinne/Taylor sniping at each other. Chris seems to like Nick about as much as he liked Juan Pablo, which is not very much. Nick giving his usual lame speech blah blah blah blah blah. Astrid got sent home, which surprised me a bit and Sarah, who I'm surprised lasted as long as she did. Sarah's ugly crying.
Nick gives a heartfelt speech about understanding how difficult this is for him. They're heading to New Orleans. Corinne's playing the victim is annoying. It's better when she talks about her nanny and how reliant she is on her. Taylor's also annoying in her own way so I have little sympathy for her.
Next Stop: New Orleans: The ladies explore the city. We are reminded that there are other women on the show. Like Jaime, who I forget about, who reminds us she's from New Orleans. Chris stops over to drop off a date card. Rachel gets the one-on-one date.
Rachel's Date: This is Rachel's first one-on-one? That surprises me since she's gotten so many roses. No, Nick, don't get an alligator head. Wait, despite Corinne's humping and mounting, his chemistry with Rachel is the best? Let's hope Corinne doesn't find that out. I hate watching people eat.
Rachel and Nick dance in a Second Line that has a half-hearted police escort on a scooter. I'm hoping it's for security for Nick and Rachel and not to monitor the Second Line musicians, but who knows. The women watch from their tiny hotel suite. After dancing in the street, Nick and Rachel go see a band and by some miracle it's not a country band. It's a chick named Lola who seems edgy, although her ballad didn't seem very edgy. But it was upbeat and inspiring so there's that.
They visit where the Mardi Gras floats are and I can't help but think that Corinne would have flashed him for those beads that he gave Rachel. While I love Rachel, she seems surprisingly normal. I like pretending that she's on this show with a worthwhile Bachelor, so it's cute that Nick is thinking of meeting her parents, even though I'm pretending that Nick isn't Nick.
Nick--your current situation with meeting the women's dads is going to be far worse than your past interactions. Let me remind you, Andi and Kaitlyn rejected YOU, you didn't reject them. So I'm pretty sure that both of their dads have gotten over you at this point. I mean, Josh was a tool, but I don't think that Andi's dad was particularly impressed with either one of you. However, I truly hope that you get to meet Rachel's parents because based on her description, with any luck her dad will DESPISE you. I do really like Rachel though. She has a great laugh. And I'm really surprised that an African American woman is actually a front runner. When was the last time that happened?
Back at the house: How small is their freaking hotel suite? It looks tiny. The group date card comes and it's clear that Taylor and Corinne are on the two-on-one. Initially Corinne doesn't want to go on the two-on-one but when she finds out it's with Taylor, she's confident that she's the one that's going to be coming back, and I think she's right--Taylor doesn't have a chance.
Group Date: Are those really Oak trees Josephine (is the Oak in oak trees capitalized)? They kind of look like Willow trees to me. I mean, I'm not an arborist so don't hold me to it. Nick tells the women that they're at a haunted house. Some are excited, some are scared. What's there to be scared about? There's a bar at the haunted house??? I love Louisiana. Did you know they have drive through bars? You can get drinks to go! What a state. The bartender's name is Boo. Sorry, he's the caretaker not the bartender. Well, maybe bartending is part of his job duties. I digress Jasmine, I'm with you sister, this whole thing is BS. Oh Boo, you know you want them to ask what's underneath the sheet. Don't worry Boo, those dolls are super creepy, nobody wants to touch any of them. The kid in that picture looks older than 8. Also, is it me or is it super sad that they're telling a story about a ghost that's 8 years old?
They women pull out a Ouija board. OMG May's there! The lights go out! The eyes in the picture move! The lights go out! EEEEEEE! Phew, it's a commercial so we can all recover from that.
Nick asks for two volunteers to go with him and check out May's room. May's doll is gone, which I find far more concerning because that doll is way creepier than a ghost. Some of the women are getting mad at Jasmine because she's not taking this seriously. Hahahaha. Were all the women told to wear white on this date? Because most of them seem to be wearing white.
Back at the hotel: Corinne's having some "me time". She's saying Taylor's more high maintenance than her which I find very confusing. Corinne--you brag about your nanny. How is Taylor more high maintenance than you? Also, she wastes champagne/sparkling wine. Bitch, please. It's not that hard to open up a freaking bottle like that. That might be the most offensive thing she's done thus far. Did Corinne pay for that room service? I didn't know room service gave change. Taylor's meditating and Rachel is MIA.
Back at the date: The women take turns making out with Nick and exploring the house. Jasmine's starting to think that maybe the ghost is real. Oh Jasmine. Nudge me when this date is over because this might be the most boring group date ever.
Back at the hotel: Rachel and Corinne are hanging out. It looks very staged. Corinne hopes that Nick sees her golden heart. Is that supposed to be the same as a heart of gold? Because while I appreciate a more active than passive use of language, I'm not sure they're the same. But more importantly, Corinne can clearly interact with other women in the house. Maybe she's not threatened by Rachel? Rachel, Corinne and Taylor attempt to discuss the upcoming two-on-one. It's very awkward and Rachel can't run to the door fast enough to get the date card and escape the tension.
Back at the group date: zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. What? Oh I'm sorry, fell asleep there for a second. Oh Raven, how are you in love with Nick? Which makes the fact that he gave the rose to Danielle M. a little awkward.
Two-on-one time! This is the moment we've all been waiting for, right? And while we all know that Taylor's the one that's going to get sent home, let's see how this plays out. The date is made even more awkward by the poor guy that has to drive them around in the boat. This is awesome, Corinne is not a fan of the big outdoors. They are greeted by a "voodoo princess". How does one become a voodoo princess? She has the airs of a princess but no voodoo cred as far as I can tell. They start to get their cards read together, which is clearly awkward and the card reader lady seems to finally remember that this is where she's supposed to tell Nick and Corinne to go somewhere so she can do Taylor's cards. Not shockingly, Corinne plays the victim with Nick and Nick seems to eat it up. When it's Corinne's time to have her cards done, she asks for a voodoo doll. That's not weird or creepy at all! Nick talks sternly to Taylor. Taylor tries to calmly defend herself but we all know that Taylor's time is short. Don't worry T-dawg, you're 23. You'll bounce back. Have we seen Taylor cry yet? She doesn't show a lot of emotion.
Yes, Taylor, their relationship will be built off of whipped cream and lies. Nick really likes whipped cream. Nick's conveniently nowhere to be found as Taylor and Corinne lash out at each other again. Hopefully Nick won't leave poor Taylor in the bayou like when Ben left what's-her-name on the beach sobbing. Nick is clearly uncomfortable. Is he going to give the rose to Corinne in front of Taylor? WTF! Nick, pull one of them aside, this is so awkward. At least walk Taylor to the boat. Wait, Nick and Corinne are leaving Taylor in the bayou! That's terrible. Is Nick going to ask Corinne why she has a voodoo doll? It seems that Taylor has to spend the rest of her time on the show with the voodoo people? At least she'll be able to work on her Corinne hexes.
Where does one buy a dress like the one that Corinne has? I'll give Corinne credit, even when I was 24 I don't think I could have pulled that dress off. Or felt comfortable because I would have been worried the whole time that my boobs were going to fall out of it. I suppose she has double-sided tape. Corinne finally has the one-on-one time that she's been wanting. I'm a little surprised she's wearing as much as she is. Corinne, shut up. You bore me as a villain. Can we all agree that Nick doesn't hear a word that comes out of Corinne's mouth? Taylor somehow makes it off the bayou and shows up where Corinne and Nick are having dinner. But of course we have to wait until next week to see what happens. And since I'm writing this so late, by next week I mean tomorrow.
Wait--did Jasmine just say that two people went home on the two-on-one???? Nick looks sad and all the women put on their sad faces except for Jasmine, who seems to think, "Nick, shut the fuck up." Can't wait!
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