Hello dear readers! If I haven't thanked you lately for reading my blog...well, thank you! In the event that you missed it, and I doubt you did, my favorite (and maybe yours) Rachel was announced as the next Bachelorette, which is funny because she's still on Nick's season. Which suggests to me that even the producers of Nick's season are over him and would just like to move on. Now that we know that Rachel doesn't get the final rose (or does she and she tells Nick to f*** off?), I think I'm going all in on Corinne. But enough of my introspection, let's see what Nick and the women are up to in St. Thomas!
The episode opens with Rachel, Raven and Kristine sitting on the couch. Kristine doesn't seem that interested in the conversation probably because she's a super tough chick from Russia and thinks Nick's crying over stupid things. She was kicked out of the house at 6! 6! Or so she says. Presumably she's had a LOT of therapy for that.
Chris meets Nick on the beach. Like Kristine, Chris could not seem any less interested in this conversation either. I think he wants to say, "Get over yourself. You're in control, you make the decisions. What are you going on about?" Chris also looks like he needs sunglasses.
Nick joins the women in their suite. He seems to be seeking the women's sympathy for his struggle but I'm not entirely sure what his issue is. How is the rug getting pulled from him? He let those women go, they didn't leave on their own. Am I missing something here? Is Nick just being a drama queen? The women seem to be watching him like, "are you effing kidding me?" And then he does a 180 and says how excited he is to have the women here that are in the room. Optimism returns and the women are relieved that they don't have to go back to their real lives just yet. Nick decides to cancel the cocktail reception and rose ceremony and start over on a new island, Bimini to be exact. Which I've never heard of but looks lovely.
The gang arrives in Bimini. The island is gorgeous. A date card arrives and Corinne is claiming to be nervous. Vanessa gets the one-one-one and Rachel is not impressed. While Nick clearly loves to get mounted by Corinne, I think he's a little afraid of her and that's why he doesn't want to give her the one-on-one. Or he can't bear the idea of spending all that time having to speak.
Vanessa's Date: I'm disappointed that Vanessa is so into Nick. She seems to have her act together. They hang out on the yacht, it's boring.
Back at the house: Corinne and Rachel are talking and Corinne talks how how there's not much depth to Vanessa, which is pretty awesome coming from Corinne, who has even LESS depth than Vanessa. Although I agree with her--where's the story??? Where's the pain, how has she suffered?
Back on the yacht: Nick and Vanessa finally stop talking and go snorkeling. Vanessa's in love but I just don't see it. How long do we have to wait until Corinne's platinum vagine? I know, it won't be until the very end and even then will we really know if they seal the deal?
Back at the house: I can't wait until Corinne takes Nick home. She better make hometowns. A date card arrives and Corinne, Kristina and Raven are selected for the next group date.
Vanessa and Nick: Sadly this lame date continues. Wake me up when this is over. Vanessa wants an easy relationship. I'm not sure how this lines up with Nick's need for rawness in his relationship. I'll give Vanessa credit, she's good with the sultry look and the wind/fans are blowing her hair just so. She proclaims her love for Nick. Nick over talks how he can't say "I love you" back to Vanessa, which I think is making her feel worse. It is awkward but I'm not sure what she was expecting. Has she never seen this show? Anyway, she's bummed out, which is normal.
Group date: Kristina, Raven and Corinne get ready for their date. Raven tells us that there's only one rose this week and it's on this date. Good to know. Let the games begin. Corinne immediately gets down to her bikini and Kristine is ready to go toe-to-toe with her. Nick applies sunscreen all over Kristina which is odd. Nick tells them that they'll be swimming with sharks which worries the women but obviously they're all safe. I mean really. Still, Nick swears he'll protect them. They spot sharks while snorkeling and Kristina freaks out. Nick goes back up on the boat with Kristina and leaves Corinne and Raven to defend themselves from the sharks. Corinne is feeling insecure which is a weird look on her.
Is it me or are there a LOT of commercials for this episode? Were they having trouble getting interesting footage?
The sun has set and the evening portion of the date commences. Corinne's makeup looks weird. Or she's stoned. Nick takes Kristina off right away. Nick talks about his emotions again. Corinne and Raven are sitting through awkward silences and conversation. Raven's next with Nick. Who the f*** is madly in love after 20+ years? Give. me. a. break. Raven was in law school?
Back at the house: Danielle gets the next date card. She's very excited.
Back at the group date: Corinne shares her angst about her lack of a one-on-one. Did she just tell the women that they could go home? Or was that part of her interview? I get confused sometimes when they overlay the talking. Anyways, Nick didn't really say anything that would have appeased me, but it didn't take much to appease Corinne. Still, I'd be surprised if she got the rose. Wow, Raven got the rose! I didn't see that coming, I thought Kristina would get it. Nick whisks Raven away to a random concert on the beach with yet another singer/band that I've never heard of in my life.
At the house: Please remember that Corinne and Kristina are the same age. Corinne needs to speak in the third person for the rest of this show.
Danielle's date: She still reminds me so much of Whitney from Chris' season. Anyway, they randomly bike around the island and then totally hijack some local boys' basketball game. Danielle is clearly smitten but their conversation is painful to watch, which Nick acknowledges.
Back at the house: Rachel gets the last date card. Corinne is clearly annoyed by Rachel's happiness.
Back at the date: zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz. Whitney bares her soul and Nick...gives her the boot. She's crushed. She gets to say goodbye to the other women which is odd.
Platinum Vagine: It's time for the seduction! At this point I could see this going other way but I'm leaning towards them doing the deed. Nick loves Corinne's whipped creamed boobs and she's bragged about her sexual skills. He can't resist her mounting, although he hasn't seemed as into her lately. But I think his penis will override his brain tonight. I don't know how comfortable a platinum vagine is. Wait, stop the record. He had sex with Kaitlin but he's telling her they're supposed to wait? This doesn't bode well for Corinne. I'm very impressed he was able to control himself. How can she walk in those shoes? They look uncomfortable. Corinne is concerned and I'm concerned for Corinne too. Corinne, I'm not ready for you to go home either.
The next day: Corinne's still reeling from getting rejected. Rachel's very excited to go on her one-on-one. Even if we know that Rachel doesn't make it to the end, I can't WAIT for Rachel's parents to meet Nick. The date wasn't very long or eventful but seemed to go well. I don't have a good feeling about Corinne getting a rose tonight. Thankfully we only have about 11 minutes left in this never ending episode.
Chris/Nick meet up: Chris and Nick have another talk and Chris still looks annoyed with Nick. He definitely doesn't seem to have the same rapport with Nick that he's had with other bachelors. Perhaps it's because Chris doesn't like douche bags.
With Corinne's freaking out I can't help but think she's going to stay because they're making such a big deal out of it. Nick is going to let a woman go home before the rose ceremony, which I think is a good move. But is he letting one go or two? If he's letting two go then where does that put the poor woman who won't get a rose at the ceremony?
Nick heads to the house and looks for Kristina. Kristina knows this isn't good. Corinne continues to make it about her. Kristina does deserve someone better. Do somebody pack Kristina's bags for her? Or do they get the parting interview in the car and then back up so she can get her stuff? Also, has Corinne been holding her purse for her interviews? What does she need a purse for? They don't go anywhere.
Anyway that's the end. I guess there's still one more woman to get let go so it looks like Kristine's the lucky one that got cut. Less humiliating for her than the one that isn't going to get the rose.
Not that I'm very timely about these posts, but I'll be on vacation next week without a computer, so next week's post probably won't happen until next Saturday. Enjoy!
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