First Episode Thoughts
Anyway, this is an unprecedented season and one we've waited what feels like forever for. Especially after Peter's cluster of a season when we've needed a palate cleanser. I don't like to get too invested in anyone in the first episode, and we've all heard the "rumors" about Clare leaving early. From what I can see, production has fully embraced this and decides to f*** with all of us if the coming attractions are any indication. I'm fine with it though because it looks sooooo good. Regardless, I have a few thoughts on the first episode:
- There is no way that is Clare's house. Why would she have a house that large? Also, I haven't been to Sacramento in a long time, but the architecture in Sacramento never looked like that (read: this is way too nice of a house for Sacramento. It reminds me of the Oakland Hills/Piedmont area). The sleuths on Reddit also had the same thought and apparently there ARE wealthy people in Sacramento and this is a house in the fancy area of Sac (yes, that's what us NorCal people call Sacramento). Apparently Clare does live in this neighborhood though so clearly she's done quite well for herself these last few years. Thank you, Reddit.
- I'm super bummed to hear that Clare's mom has Alzheimer's.
- Bennett: Dude is clearly loaded but also clearly has zero friends if he has to constantly brag about going to Harvard. Also, major Patrick Bateman vibes.
- Dale: This is the guy that Clare supposedly runs off in the sunset with and I'd run off in the sunset with him too. You can see her heart eyes when she meets him. Clare, you don't need to play games but make him chase you a wee bit.
- Eazy: I hope he stays a long time because I adore him. Obviously Clare won't pick up but maybe Tayshia will like him.
- You can almost see the casting team checking off boxes on how many men of color they added to the cast. And clearly they're probably pretty proud of themselves and have assured themselves they've addressed the diversity issue.
- Kenny: Gives me Hannah's Garrett vibes (but if we get to know him more he might give off Becca's Garrett vibes).
- Fart ring box guy: Really? No wonder he's still single. Yes, there are some women out there that would find that funny, but Clare would not be in that group. Know your audience, dude.
- Ed: I hate to say this, but he is easily the least good looking guy in the bunch. There's something off about him.
- Page: He was the chef and was eliminated but his moustache gave off "Hitler Youth" vibes.
We'll see what happens to the castoffs after Clare leaves. Will all of the castoffs get a reset?
Episode 2
Let me tell you the moment that I decided to blog--it was during the evening portion of this episode's first group date when Clare cut off her time with Bennett and went back out to the guys to tell them off for not being enthusiastic enough for her. Yikes. The day portion of the date was extremely weird in that the guys had to profess their love for Clare using all of the different love languages. One, I hope she gave those presents back to the guys and for the record, they didn't show all of the love languages. Then when Clare joined them for the evening portion of the date, it was definitely super awkward.
I love that Clare told them off because it was so entertaining yet cringey. I didn't see it as a women's empowerment move at all, but I still loved it. It was like she was a school teacher scolding her students. She also seemingly abandons wherever Bennett was sitting and runs off with Dale. It's also super weird that as she's lecturing them, the camera keeps shifting to Dale. So in other words, she was really yelling at Dale because HE should have known that he should have immediately grabbed her.
How long do you think Bennett stayed in that room waiting for Clare to come back? Yosef is definitely being setup to be the villain and I'm okay with that because he seems like a tool. He's the single dad of a daughter and is playing the "I'm a good guy because I have a daughter" card. News flash: there are plenty of DBs that are dads to daughters.
After her and Dale make out for a bit, the producers pull her aside to tell her she needs to spend time with some of the other guys. We next see her with Jay (I think? I had to look him up. It might also be Zac) and I think he's the straitjacket guy. Clare gives yet another speech about empowerment and Jay opens his mouth to share his sob story. What do you think it is? Here are some potential options (I think this is going to be my new game for the season):
- Dead mom
- Divorced parents
- I was going to say he had a friend overdose, but if it's Zac then it's clearly his own addiction.
- Brother with special needs
And...go! Clare confirms it's not only Zac but it's Zac C., so there are clearly other Zacs/Zachs. And there's no sob story. I forgot that's usually reserved for the dinner portion of the one-on-ones. Sorry guys, I'm still shaking off the cobwebs here.
I don't know Clare's love language but she it's clear she needs a lot of affirmation. Riley and Clare very awkwardly slow dance. Like, forget high school freshmen awkward, more like sixth grader's first dance awkward. Speaking of awkward, there is something so awkward when Clare hugs these guys. I can't figure it out. Clare tells the guys that they redeemed themselves after she ripped them a new one and gives the rose to Yosef. Kidding! Of course she didn't give it to Yosef. I initially thought she'd give it to Dale but Clare summons her drop of self-control and gives it to Riley, who looks adorable when he hears his name. So apparently the sixth grade dance move worked. You know who else is adorable? Jordan C. Yosef creeps me out so much. What's the over/under that Bennet's glasses are fake? Before we head to commercial, we see Yosef saying he wasn't thrilled about Clare's behavior and he'll address it with her if he needs to. Remember readers--he has a daughter so he knows women and how they should act.
Did I say I wasn't give a blow-by-blow play? Clearly I'm incapable of that. There's just so much happening!
Jason's One-on-One
Jason gets the first one-on-one of the season, and while he's super excited, he shouldn't be because this is typically the kiss of death. Still, Clare writes him a letter telling him he needs to "go deep" and directs him to write a letter to his younger self. Here's how I think the letter will go:
Dear younger Jason,You're a football player, so you'll be catered to as most male athletes are (except for cross country runners, but obviously you're not one of those losers). You can pretty much do whatever you want because being a white male athlete, you're on the right side of double standards. Your dating life will be full of empty but super hot girls (and dude, some will say that they're "women, not girls" whatevs). Peace out bro!XO,Present Jason
Despite his letter to his future self, Jason actually seems nice and normal. Clare starts to talk about serious stuff and Jason looks clearly uncomfortable. I wonder if Clare gets a bonus every time she mentions she was on Juan Pablo's season? Because I don't see her agreeing to contractually commit to mentioning it x times during each episode, but I could see her negotiating for a bonus every time she brings it up.
So this is probably one of the most intense dates I can recall seeing on this show. I don't know if this was Clare's idea and it's super odd for a first date but I kind of like it too? Okay letter time. This is where the sob story will come in. Here are my guesses:
- His dad was like Andrew Clark's dad (if you don't know this reference, google Andrew Clark).
- His parents are divorced.
- His parents were intellectuals and never understood how to support his athletic achievements.
- He didn't make the football team the first time he tried out.
- He has a learning disorder and people made fun of him so he became a bully.
He obviously gets the rose and they celebrate by throwing the dress Clare wore in the Juan Pablo finale. BTW, did you know Clare was on Juan Pablo's season? Jason does seem like a good guy and perhaps Tayshia will really like him.
Second Group Date
The guys play dodgeball. Who do you think will get super agro and hit Clare in the head? Obviously this is one of the dates where the guys are split into two teams and the winning team gets to stay and the losing team gets to go home. If you've ever watched this show before, you know this always results in drama. Clare suggests strip dodgeball. Wait, what?
Let's enter double-standard corner. The guys do not look thrilled at the idea of strip dodgeball and I don't blame them. Obviously if a Bachelor did this, him and the show would get crucified. But Clare can do it to the guys? This is incredibly uncomfortable and the guys clearly don't feel comfortable speaking up. So maybe this is intended as a lesson? As in, "it's not fun to be objectified, is it?"
In seasons past, Fred Willard would have done the play-by-play but sadly, Fred Willard has gone to the Big Dog Show in the sky. Clare takes his spot, which basically means Chris does the play-by-play on his own. Do you think Chris re-negotiated his contract since he is has to be on screen for the most time he's been on in years? The Blue team quickly goes down to their thongs and it is not attractive. The Red team dominates. Once the game finishes, some of the guys on the blue team take off their thongs. This is bizarre. To make matters worse, Clare asks to hug some of the naked guys before they do the walk of shame back to the other part of the La Quinta compound.
Blake M., who was part of the Blue Team, is pissed he gave up his dignity for nothing and fumes. He decides to crash the cocktail party and gives off stalker vibes, but that's not the worst part of this date. The worst part is the incredibly awkward interaction with Brandon(?) who tells Clare she's beautiful but can't name any other qualities he likes about her. She walks him out right there and then. Damn she is ruthless but I loved this because he honestly seemed like a tool. That being said, in his defense, I doubt many of the guys can articulate a non-verbal quality about her, but at least their quick-witted enough to come up with one when prompted. I can't imagine how awkward that walk out was. Chasen bizarrely gets the rose because he was "vulnerable" and shared he was bullied when he was little because he was short. Which I laughed at when he revealed it, but for some reason Clare was moved by it because Eazy should have definitely gotten the rose, but again, with any luck Tayshia will fall in love with Eazy, because Clare doesn't deserve Eazy.
Back at the house, Yosef thinks he's the Bachelor and is concerned about Clare and her behavior. He clearly thinks she needs to be sent home tonight. Dude, just leave.
Next week...
I figure we have two weeks top left with Clare. Next week is a showdown with Yosef and I figure we won't get an episode on Election Night (when perhaps we will need it most of all). So they'll draw it out until the next week and then debut Tayshia.
What do you guys think? Do you love Clare or are you counting down the moments until Tayshia? Or both? Are you glad I'm back? (Please say yes...).
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